crimson_chess

Hey Leo! I have a bunch of questions for you: 1. I started watching you relatively early in the development of your channel in around ~5th grade. How do you think your work has an impact on people based on age, especially at the ends of the age spectrum? Do you think there are different things that people of different ages can/should be gleaning from your videos, and are there certain topics that apply more to certain age ranges/demographics? On the same note, is there an 'ideal' age range to apply the concepts in your videos? 2. This is always something I've wondered: Since you made the shift from SD Orange all the way up to SD Turquoise (at least in part, not sure of your current exact stage), do you disagree with any concepts you addressed in previous videos? For you, personally: 3. What is your take on mental health? What is your advice for someone stuck in a bad mental health rut, someone who knows all the theory but can't seem to actualize anything? I know you had a video on depression many years ago when you spoke a lot from the SD Orange perspective that was seen in a negative light for people that had depression, but I'm wondering if your views have changed. 4. If you could have one wish, what would it be? 5. On a scale of 1-10, how good is your life at the moment? 6. Do you have any major regrets in the past year since transitioning in SD stages and going through a lot of inner spiritual work? What are they? 7. Do you have any inner, recurring roadblocks, besides the thyroid problem, that you just can't seem to kick? What are they? How do you want to resolve them? 8. What's something you do on a regular basis that would shock/surprise your viewers? Finally: 8. What's the end goal? What is your vision for the future? Thank you, and congrats on 1M.

Hey all~ There are some questions that have been plaguing me about LP over the past months that I want to ask the forum: If I have a Life Purpose that I find meaningful but have no motivation to achieve, is that 'passion'? Alternatively, if I find a lot of joy in something that I don't really find meaningful, is that 'passion'? I hear a lot of contradicting, generic advice about LP: 'Follow what makes you happy' and 'Follow what you find meaningful/Follow the impact you want to make,' etc. What if these things contradict each other? What if you see more of one quality in one possible LP and more of another quality in another LP?? It sounds like such a silly thing to get hung up over but it's really been an obsessive thought on my mind recently: //// Story: (Joy without Meaning) I grew up in an environment with people that played chess, and I've always enjoyed it a lot. Not just playing it, but studying it, dedicating time to practice tactics/strategies, and I see a lot of beauty in the clash of mental skill/acuity between two players. I find the infinite possibility combined with each player's will to win from their (almost) equal starting positions to be fascinating. A lot of it has just been competition + desire to win, though. I've always been a super competitive spirit, and I went through a phase in my life where I was really committed to getting better. It's more than just a side hobby to me, more than something I just do for fun. I found a lot of excitement in cultivating skill/unique strategies/playstyle. It was something really important to me, and honestly, it still kind of is. I have a lot of detailed, high-quality chess books (yes, a lot of them actually exist) I got from my parents when I was younger, which I used to pore through late at night. I'm competitive in the sense that I could spend hours upon hours reading strategy and practicing tactics, way more than I could do with other forms of work. In other words, life actually feels meaningful/purposeful to me now because I have goals for improvement and such, but I don't feel like there is some greater meaning beyond just playing. I don't really see how I can help people/be a positive force on the world through this, compared to doing something like art. When it comes to competition, my urge to get better and learn more about the craft just wakes me up in the morning. I find the deep strategy to be really fascinating and I follow professional chess leagues from time to time. I'm a pretty decent player, and because of the time I've invested in it, I'm better than almost everyone that I know. Playing chess lights a spark of joy in me. If I were to follow the advice 'Follow your joy,' This is probably what I'd gravitate to the most. // However, my rational mind says this is a pretty stupid idea to pursue. You can't make any money from playing chess unless you're top 1000, or a Grandmaster. Grandmaster rank takes like twenty years to achieve if I were to start working really, really hard today (and I don't have a trainer). My mind also tells me that since this is more competition than creation, it's not a valid life purpose. The only path here for me would probably be to teach chess, which isn't something I really want to dedicate my life to, especially because I don't see that much meaning in it. // (Meaning without Joy) I'm pretty good at drawing/sketching, making characters and such. I've been drawing for like four years+, and I feel like if I wanted to, I could become a professional in the field and just kinda go from there. I'm pretty decent, and if I devoted myself to the craft a lot, this is a path I could see myself going down. I already kind of know a pretty specific niche that I could go into, and it wouldn't be that bad of a life. I think I could express myself pretty well through art. I see meaning in this, but I really don't enjoy it. To be blunt, I hate the process of drawing. Drawing isn't very fun/joyful/anything for me. I just feel so bored when I draw, it feels like a chore, even when I work on my vision. Still, I see how I could create meaningful work that could help people. I see this one as my 'legit' life purpose. I really hate the work, and it's never been much fun. I would like to be a better artist, for whatever reason, and I have ambitions to create something with my art. Yet, it just all-around sucks to draw. My drawings feel not joyful and not very fulfilling either. //// I find myself at this same crossroads again that I've found myself at so many times in the past. 'Do I want to sacrifice my fulfillment or meaning?' is what I often ask myself I usually go in one direction and then, with the chess path, it's like 'I love this, but what am I thinking? this can't work because it's not legit, and I don't know where the meaning is? How will I pay the bills when I'm older? How is this gonna work out?' And then with the drawing path, it's like 'I see meaning, so I just gotta keep grinding although I really hate this.' I won't disclose my age, but I'm still pretty young. So, yes, I still have time, but at the same time, it hurts not knowing. I see Life Purpose as so important and so much other stuff is secondary to this. It's miserable every day just not knowing where to go and what to do. DM me for more info if you're interested. Or we can just talk about this stuff, I don't mind. In short: What if the thing that makes you feel alive is what you don't see meaning in? And what if the thing you see meaning in is a vision that can't even get you out of bed in the morning? Thank you.

@Oliver Saavedra Thank you for your response! I think I've pretty much resolved the issue, but thank you still.

@nistake Thank you for your response! After some thought I reached a similar conclusion -- sticking with what I think is meaningful is probably the best approach here.

Hey all, I've taken Leo's LPC some months back and I've been just experimenting with a bunch of projects to find something that clicks for me. I'm pretty decent at drawing because I've spent a lot of time on it, probably around 200-500 hrs total. Not a whole lot of time, but I can draw alright. I thought I wanted to become an animator for a while because I suffer from depressive episodes and some of the animations I've seen have really reeled me out of the depths of hell. I see meaning in the work. The end result of what I will make and roughly how I will benefit the world and help others if I venture down this path is clear enough to me. One big caveat though: the work isn't very enjoyable. This kinda echoes another thread in the LPC/career sub-forum, but the drudgery is really hitting hard. I see this end result I want to reach, but I don't feel like putting my pencil to paper and creating art anymore. This isn't just a one day/one week thing. I've felt this for a while now. Not only that, but animation is unique from regular drawing in that it can take large teams of people to make even a short animation (check out the end credits on [most] high-quality animated movies/shows for reference). This holds true especially in my situation, because I'm really particular about a specific style of animation I want to go for that is pretty labor-intensive. This makes it hard to do short projects, as one second is generally 24 frames.. and.. well, in short, it's a lot of work. I also don't really have a community or art mentor I can receive feedback or much motivation from. I've been trying not to step into a victim mindset, but I really just don't enjoy my work and I don't really have anyone to lean on for art advice. On the other hand, I don't really see anything else I'm super interested in learning.. It feels like it isn't too late to pull back and find a new pursuit/craft for myself, but time is ticking and I'm not very gung ho about anything in particular. I feel like I want to tell a story: I'm not a shabby writer, but not great by any means either.. but I don't like writing because it leaves too much up to the imagination, and stuff like film making just isn't up my alley. I've tried a lot of possible LPs by this point.. but none of them really seem to work. To repeat myself from earlier, the main thing I see that I can really create value in is visual art.. specifically animation. At the same, however, the work isn't very fun. But I feel like the end product of any other field I would go into is.. not meaningful to me.. and I don't know how much fun it would be either. I try to force myself to keep going through rough patches, but that makes me hate my work even more. Accepting the pain of creating.. is still painful to me. Nothing really seems palatable for me right now. In my eyes, my choices are: 1.) settle with drawing/animation and keep grinding out work. 2.) just keep searching for something new.. and invest my time this way without the guarantee I'll ever find something better. It feels like I've already tried almost everything. Sorry to get a little solemn on readers here -- but if you made it this far, I just want to say I'm super grateful for you. Thank you for reading~ If you have any advice, I'm happy to listen and/or discuss!

Hey everyone, I've had this problem recently where I'm trying to raise my consciousness through meditation, yoga, life purpose, etc., but whenever I raise my consciousness just a little, I go unconscious again and get kinda depressed. I haven't yet had a "mystical experience" as Leo talks about, but I do know what it's like to be at different states of consciousness, especially from when I was younger. When I get states of higher consciousness I try to hang onto them because I'm always afraid I'll lose them -- when I inevitably do end up losing them I spiral back into a sort of depression where I don't know how to get back.. I often get angry at myself at this stage for wasting too much time on trying to attain higher consciousness and not being productive enough. I've also come to the realization that I can't "induce" or really "remember" these states of consciousness - I know that I've had them, but when I'm in low consciousness, I can't understand them, in a sense, even if I've been there before. That often leaves me unmotivated, especially when I haven't glimpsed the higher consciousness states for a long time I can start to tell myself that inner work isn't worth it, that I'm crazy for pursuing something like this in the first place. Is this circle of consciousness and depression really necessary? Maybe it's because when I experience these states, they're beautiful but simultaneously a little sad and melancholy. This is kind of contradictory to the last sentence, but I know I would be a lot happier if I could sustain these states of consciousness. Is the key to just keep practicing and pushing forward? Or am I doing something wrong? Thanks

@onacloudynight Yes dude! Speaking personally, really high-quality anime actually helps to raise my consciousness almost on command. Check out "Sound! Euphonium" Watching it I get this sort of nostalgic feeling I can't experience by doing anything else. I've actually considered doing manga as a life purpose before, but tbh you'll probably want to do a lot of research into the field before setting it as your life purpose (it's extremely competitive). For example, someone released the work schedule of Eiichiro Oda, the creator of One Piece (who I have a lot of respect for), and on some days he would only get around 3 hrs of sleep. If you're really serious about making it in the field, however, best of luck

Hello everyone, I recently watched one of Leo's videos (I don't remember which one it was), where he talked about "radical honesty" as a way to self-actualize. I think he also had a similar video about self-deception and self-manipulation where he discusses a similar concept. I've been ruminating about being 100% completely honest to yourself and others all the time, and to be honest, it's really difficult to do! In fact, I've been thinking that it's practically impossible to do and simultaneously preserve some of your friendships, and familial and intimate relationships. To give one example: I've been feeling a little down lately, not for any particular reason, but a lot of the time I choose to conceal my emotions instead of displaying them because they are kind of disruptive, in a sense. If I'm having an otherwise positive interaction with a friend, I don't want to suddenly act sad and introverted a lot of the time, even if I feel like doing so, because it sort of messes with the vibe and makes you not fun to hang around with. Even when I don't feel very good, it's often better for me just to allow everything to sort of flow instead of just displaying all of my emotions and having to respond to "What's wrong?" every 10 minutes. I also don't always like to show my emotions all the time because when I do, I often get into a sort of victim mentality and I know I sometimes am guilty of overreacting to my own emotions and almost subconsciously fish for some kind of attention, which I also feel like is a form of dishonesty. Basically showing your heart on your face, at least for me, can be inconvenient during social interactions and lead to even more self-manipulation, at least in my case. I can at least begin to see how radical honesty could work in friendships and familial relationships, but it's really difficult for me to see how radical honesty could work within dating and intimate relationships. It feels like in intimate relationships and dating you have to at least put on some sort of facade to be attractive and successful within the relationship. I don't know - maybe that's just me, but it really does seem like through radical honesty one would lose a lot of friends and/or close ties with others and/or potential partners. Any thoughts? Thanks

@Nahm Thank you for writing such a lengthy response! I'll definitely try using a vision board. Could you explain a little about what "fear of feeling your feelings" is? When you said "Try nothing - actual proper meditation. Not as a task on a checklist, not as a means to and end." -- How do I go about doing this? I feel like it would be hard to do this spontaneously because meditation isn't always the most exciting thing for me. Also, how do I use a vision board without becoming too neurotic? I've tried making something similar in the past - not really a vision board, but I journal, and I write down my goals - something similar to what one might do in the first stage of what Leo suggests doing in "Life Unfolds in Chapters and Phases." I've tried this multiple times but I always end up trying to find the most efficient, best path to the end. It's usually anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months into this new goal where I realize that I absolutely hate the process. I see that I'm doing it, but it's so much easier for me to substitute fun now for fun in the future because then I don't have to worry about making myself happy and fulfilled now - if that makes any sense. Finally - I understand that I need to stop feeling guilty and judgemental and other bad thought patterns, but how do I do that? Will meditation solve those problems? Sorry for asking so many questions. Thank you again.

@Sahil Pandit Thank you so much! I think that I was having a low day and was feeling just a lot worse than I normally do. I'm starting to implement positive thinking and just trying to enjoy life more. I think you're right that if I just keep going things will get better.

Recently I've been feeling lost and deficient in terms of what I am doing and what I should be doing. I feel like I have many deep neuroses inside of me, and whatever I do just isn't seeming to work. Some Context: About two months ago, I started a meditation habit where I meditated for roughly 1 hour a day. Realizing that I could not keep it up, after about 1 month, I gradually moved down to 30 minutes per day. The issue I was having was that I had a clock-in-the-hours sort of mindset where I wanted to just get in the meditation time so that I could say that I completed my meditation session for that day. I became very neurotic in trying to just get through the meditation so that I could do some low consciousness activity. I did, and still do hold that sort of mindset toward practically everything. Around this time I wanted to really make my life better, because I thought my neuroses might have just been an effect of not doing enough, or just not having a good lifestyle. I made myself as efficient as possible, and I generally tried to just grind through my work and things I need to do so that I could do other things, which I always felt guilty for doing because they weren't productive. I was in a constant state of perfectionism, feeling guilty when I didn't do exactly what I had planned to do. Acting spontaneously did and still doesn't work for me, because all I could focus on was the future. In changing my lifestyle, I adopted the habits of productivity, getting up early, NoFap, life purpose, reading, eliminating videogames, journaling and recently exercise. I still faced the same problem of hating these things I felt I needed to do, but I did them anyway, and I grinded through them, because that's what I thought would make me happy. I was kind of doing them for the sake of doing them because that's what I heard would make me happy. I occasionally watched videos on youtube that emphasized the importance of getting things done, or "hustling" through life, and I thought that my problem still was that I never was doing enough. I always felt and still do feel so guilty for not doing enough, or doing what I should be doing. I got everything "together", and I started living a lifestyle of getting things done that many people online, especially some youtubers, seem to idolize. My social life was pretty good, better than it had ever been. I had adopted all of these habits, and from the outside, my life seemed pretty good. On the inside, however, I always feel this neurotic guilt and shame. Despite me thinking my life is getting better, living it is so empty and hollow. I know rationally that doing more and more here is not the answer. Recently I started taking more break time and time to myself, but I don't know.. I still feel guilty for not doing enough. I realized recently that one of the roots of these problems was overthinking and negative thinking. After I did what some people refer to as a sort of "dopamine detox," I felt even worse than before. Feeling numb was a good way to describe it. I felt really no joy to my life. I still don't really feel that much. Last week, I was hanging out with some friends, and I remember just kind of forgetting everything else: all of my problems and neuroses. I didn't overthink, and I had a lot of fun. Yesterday I broke my streak of not playing videogames (by myself), and I remember just my thinking stopping and being able to enjoy the moment. Unfortunately, these moments are very few and hard to come across. I've tried meditation to try and kind of fix this problem, but it doesn't seem to work. Journaling can work for brief periods of time, just to let whatever I'm thinking out, but I always end up being neurotic. Even my life purpose has become kind of neurotic. I kind of enjoyed drawing for a while, but then it went from enjoying drawing to getting better at drawing, to how can I clock in my 10k hours of drawing to become a master. Then I did something similar with chess, which I still really enjoy, but I felt like I can't really turn it into a life purpose, so I turned yet another hobby because I am much more skilled at it, but recently it's been going into a very similar trajectory with my drawing habit. I remember I didn't have these problems when I was just a kid. None of this was an issue. I could just do things.. and it was all magical. My life situation wasn't even that super - I wasn't that disciplined, I didn't have much control over my life, but I always remember enjoying everything. My seemingly good life now in comparison just feels awful. I'm considering breaking all of these habits, except for meditation and journaling and exercising. I've noticed after about 55 days of NoFap now that I've been feeling even more numb than ever. I'm seriously considering breaking that streak, even though it does seem to have a few benefits, but none I've noticed recently. My thought process is that instead of completely ridding myself of bad habits, I might just practice them in moderation.. but I'm not sure if that would even work. The bottom line here is that it feels like I've tried everything, and done the stuff that will supposedly make me happy, but nothing seems to work. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.