Thought Art

@blackchair There is some early work to begin laying down

@blackchair No, you can start to learn and study! Always time to work on ourselves imo

De-armouring Mantak Chia Sexual Energy Ista Temple Arts https://ista.life/ Books: The Alchemy of Sexual Energy - Mantak Chia https://www.amazon.ca/Alchemy-Sexual-Energy-Connecting-Universe/dp/1594771391/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=mantak+chia+sexual+energy&qid=1630414473&sr=8-1 Sex Shamans - https://www.amazon.ca/Sex-Shamans-Stories-Sexuality-Awakening/dp/1620559218/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=sexual+shamanism&qid=1630414549&sr=8-5

@somegirl This is research to do. This is a domain of mastery, or skillset that women likely have made a career in teaching others. I think you more or less just keep walking at a fast pace, keep your distance and threaten to call the police, use your other tools..

Be a cold, disgusting, bitch to them. Don't even let them close to you. Give them 0 satisfaction. Call the police. Ensure you are keeping your distance. Spray if necessary, or scream, or use an assault alarm.You are not playing games. Hold your ground and be an unmovable object. You have total power here, you protect yourself, move on. There are courses you can take for self defence and street safety. Also, note that that is the first time it happened so, it is probably wont happen very often. This is a good lesson you should use to grow stronger, not to live in fear. Do not live in fear of these morons.

I think there must be online resources for this. Women have dealt with these morons for centuries. This is a skillset, of both self defense and being able to relax and restore equilibrium after these situations. It sounds like you did the right thing. I hope you can use this situation to becoming wiser on the streets and to stay safe! much love

Recently I've been sharing my internal dialogue with my therapist thinking should would understand why I was doing it, but she was basically like "You may need medication". Maybe she is right, however I think she was projecting onto me. I had an overall very positive and productive week. When I noticed negative thought patterns arise or negative emotions say, about my recent exam failure, instead of getting caught up in them I was noting them, showing them compassion and either writing them down or just sending her a message sharing her the thoughts. I found that having someone to share my thoughts with like a professional was in itself healing. So, just noted the thought and expressed it to her and felt better and moved on. But, she couldn't believe me and was telling me to go get medication. I found this very annoying because I see myself growing every week and see all the books I am reading, yoga, meditation, journaling and talking to her to be really helpful. She thought I was having mood swings because I would share a negative emotion, and a postive emotion in the same sentence. She couldn't grasp that I could feel both positive, and negative about my exam. I studied hard for 2 months, and paid 700 dollars for it and got nothing in return. So, anger and sadness make sense as natural healthy reactions. Maybe I used too strong of language in the texts but, that is how I speak. That, it was very frustrating and triggering limiting beliefs but, I also saw good in it and knew I could use it as a chance for learning. Which was what I was doing by noting my emotions, thoughts, feelings and sharing them with her and then relaxing through meditation, journaling, Qigong and speaking to her. All of this helped immensely. But she was too blind to acknowledge any of this. To me, what was noting a thought, feeling, emotion, or impulse and sharing it with her, noting it instead of getting caught up in it... She saw as mood swings based on text. And nothing I said to her would get through. I have an ADHD diagnoses and feel strong emotions, and that is something I like and enjoy about myself and on't want to numb with medication. I found simply by noting the emotions, feelings, thoughts, sensations and getting them off my chest was therapeutic enough to then be able to refocus and remain positive throughout the week. Are all my fears, anxieties etc gone? No. But, I am making progress. To me that was her job, to listen to my emotions and be professional feedback based on cognitive behavioural therapy. I don't have a chemical imbalance, I have old thought patterns and poor ways of dealing with my emotions that I picked up from my family and society. I don't need medication, I need time, effort, practice and greater self understanding and compassion and self love. But, none of this got through to her. Maybe I am completely deluded but I don't think so. I perceive a lot of growth happening within me. I see my mental health as a long term project and I don't judge any of my thoughts as but, I am noting them, exploring them getting to understand myself and my lack of inner unification. How else am I to become emotionally mature and unified if I don't bring the negative or irrational thoughts to the surface and let them burn in the light of day. Which can only happen through radical self honesty and self observation and I also think being able to share what I know are unhealthy thoughts with others so I can being to rewire and reprogram these aspects of myself. I want a therapist who will push me, listen to me, and ask me questions etc. Not be lazy and recommend a medication when I am overall pretty stable. I think that I just share thoughts that most people would hide in fear of someone saying "take medication". No, I am going to feel my emotions, note my thoughts and continue to get to know myself and my unconscious patterns. I am going to improve my spinal health, breathing patterns, ability to relax my muscles and nervous system, develop my friendlier more compassion inner dialogue and allow my emotions to be heard, seen, and those negative inner voices to be heard and listened to with love and compassion. All my thoughts are sacred. The negative emotions and thoughts are showing me where I need work, or where I am feeling angry about something. I don't want to cover them up, but feel into them and get to know myself. It frustrated me that she wouldn't listen to me, that she projected her own understanding based on text. I should be able to share my existential frustrations or judgments, negative strong emotions, and "pseudo suicidal thoughts" with her without them being considered unstable mood swings. These are thought patterns I picked up from my family as it was common to say things like "Well, I'll just kill myself, I feel so frustrated and full of self doubt". But, it doesn't mean I am actually suicidal. Just, being a drama queen in the moment. I think therapists can be lazy, like what is the fucking point of us talking about cognitive behavioural therapy, which I think is very important, and talking about developing emotional mastery with her and developing more robust, nuanced and a higher AQ response to adversity which I clearly showed myself I can do this week... It just pisses me off how lazy therapists are. I am not unstable chemically..., I just have pain and suffering from life circumstances that I am working through and healing. Now, I am open to the possibility of trying medication. However, to me I want to actually develop emotional mastery through observation, reflection, eating, sleeping, proper posture etc.. feeling into the emotions and working on it day by day, week by week. Which I am doing. I felt annoyed that instead of seeing my progress, she just lazily says meds. I honestly have yet to find a good therapist, and find that they are just someone to talk to. They seem rather dense and lazy so far. Often giving me advice that like my mother would give me. Anyway. I am just sharing that we need to use all the tools at my disposal, given my own intuition. I continue experimenting with new therapists as I think they are an important tool for many of us. Also, sharing my process because I have nothing to hide anymore. I am where I am.

@Jodistrict Namaste

Cuz ur uninspired

I got mine and I am fine. So have millions of people. I can understand people feeling fear simply by osmosis and conflicting information channels. But, I think just get it and stay safe and keep others safe. Getting my second shot here soon.

Sounds like a reasonable goal to me...

Nice self reflection. Being able to recognize envy/ jealousy is important. I was really jealous of my Ex's spiritual and emotional development. She makes a lot of money with her spiritual business... I jealousy can be used constructively if you then, stop being a victim and just go and get what you want instead of feeling conflict with her.

Great book helped me with performing music I am reading Fear by Osho right now and it is great too

Yeah they are just words to you unless you grok it.

Good Description of God This present moment might as well be a DMT trip, it has no ground. This is eternity and heaven right now.

This is a common fear I have as well. I am like "Yeah, but what if I programmed this thing to like, super suck cuz im actually a masochist god?" But then I am like, yeah probably not if I am infinity which is Totally Good and Loving. And Alone. You just don't remember. There isn't a hell that I am sure. Other than what you experience while a human, there is plenty of hell in this experience. When you die, I am pretty sure you return to infinite love because who ever and whatever you identify with, you understand as God while awake after death is a limited finite expression which you imagined in the first place. So, if that is dead you are gone, but as God remain. Which, is like waking up from a dream. The problem is, you think you are alive!

What I mean is, that you are dead. The thing is, you have never done what you didn't want to do. You are actually far bigger than this limited human incarnation. So, Whatever you want is the only thing that exists, and when you are limited you just do that because it's just you. To be human you have to be willing it. Even if the Ego can't change physicality you as God are choosing this. Reality is composed of Nothing. So, when you die if, I am not exactly sure but... You are infinity so you probably just do what you want. Because you only ever do that. Death is something imagined by Mind. Pure Mind Is Emptiness, and Nothing, Purety, Goodness, Love and infinity. It's like a blank canvas that is completely relative and singular and has the ability to desire and choose. Emotions are something the universe has prior to physical matter. It's how it creates physical limitations and Divine Order. It's just this and nothing else. But, I think this realization can only happen with awakenings and I am still integrating tbh. Death, I think, is the experience of reconnecting to your divine source and true nature of being infinitely creative and loving. From this state, you may choose to experience things that seem insane to a human who is so selfish and biased. Because, when you Grok and are infinity the only thing do to is to dream, limit yourself into various experiences and forget, awakening, yada yada or whatever other unimaginable possibilities you can express yourself as. Not the ego, but you as the building blocks of reality. What exists is the perfect object, shape shifter fun thing. You. God.

Whatever you want There is no 'physical' just the sensations and appearance. So, it's just a dream. You can't die as consciousness. It's just nothing, as something forever now doing something relative absolutely.

Qigong and laying down and just relaxing all the muscles

Cognitive behavioural therapy and maybe sex counciling

I am in the process of building myself and my future. I am learning more about myself, cleaning up my shadow, becoming more responsible and grounded everyday. I often find myself fighting reality, wanting it to be different. I sometimes develop a deep anger at the way reality is designed. But, I also realize that had I seen reality more clearly since my youth and had the principles I am now aware of my life would be way better right now. That being said, I am putting in the work to set up a decent life and I have learned and uncovered a lot over the past 5 years, despite my many, many many failures and attempts at projects. I of course had many successes as well But, I also sense that because my main dream of being a musician just doesn't seem realistic anymore, I feel like dying. Everything else, though interesting feels like settling. I like my long term vision for though art, and I am making a lot of progress. But, existentially I wanted to make music for a living. But, I am so stupid and impulsive, and I lack strategy in my life I feel I have missed the boat. I am growing everyday, and I love my practices of studying, Qigong, journaling, meditation and reading self help books. I know if I keep doing this for the next 10-20 years I will have a great life built up. But, the fear of me putting all this work in and having things taken away from me, like they have in the past makes me feel scared, and I would rather just be nothing than face this fear anymore. Obviously addressing this fear is of utmost importance of my spiritual and personal development. But, I am just being open that I think about killing myself probably multiple times a week. I want life to be something that it isn't and until I accept that its this grindy, repetitive and scary thing where if you make a mistake you are fucked, idk. I don't trust God or reality given all the experiences I have had. It seems like life is so beautiful, but also so painful. I have discovered greater relaxation over the past months, and I am seeing my maturity, groundedness and mental health improve greatly. Yet, I am still wondering if it is worth it? When I see my failure to be the man I want to be, the partner, the student, the leader, the artist, the business person, the spiritual person I want to be... I feel a shame or disapointment in myself. I don't fully love or trust myself and I hate it. I obvisouly love myself and am fighting for a better future. I just need to hold on to brighter days. I mean, these days aren't so bad. But, I am just so scared of the future. I am scared of being delluded, being an asshole, harming others or disappointing people. I am scared of working a shitting 9-5, or being homeless, I am scared of being famous and successful. I would like to restart. I don't want to identify as being spiritual, good, moral, and expert etc. Because I am learning these types of people don't really exist and so much of what I thought people were or reality is, was illusion or cultural programming. I need to see myself as I am, but I feel like I am complex and have many aspects and layers to myself. Who am I to want to teach or lead others? Maybe in 5 years. I mean, I can still teach Qigong and share in my life experience with others. But, I am very imperfect. I am sure I wont commit suicide unless life gets really really bad. And, I think suicidal thoughts are me just wanting to really reconnect with source and transcend all this human painful behaviour. There is a lot of beauty in life and it is a miracle, and I enjoy my spiritual progress. Last night during Qigong I had a deep awakening in my heart for the first time. I know Qigong will continue to deepen as I practice and I am excited to share it with others. But, I am if anything a wounded healer who is on my path. I want life to be a beautiful joyful, safe experience where I spend time doing what I enjoy with people I love. Anything less than that is a waste of time. I am scared I am unlovable, or that I do not deserve love. I feel like the me that isn't held back by fears is powerful, energetic, smart, loving, creative, and inspiring because I've embodied this many times over the past year. But, I also have trauma, toxic shame, fears etc... And my psyche is still weak and lacks perspective and nuance. I run so many horror films in my mind about how the future will be. I am working to reprogram my mind. I want to be healthy, happy and developed and share that with others. To share in the journey of growing with others. But, I also would like to take a long rest. Seeing the brutal nature, the dysfunction of society and all the hypocrisy makes me want to die. I just want to sing, do yoga, Qigong, contemplate, read self help and share my journey and music and tools with others and find a way to monetize it. But, I need to be a person of integrity, honesty and maturity to make that a reality and I think that might take a few years. It only takes one mistake to lose everything in certain contexts... So brutal is God

There is a good book called "Healing the shame that Binds you" Toxic shame is probably my biggest internal obstacle I am working on!

@Nahm Thank you for taking that time to reflect upon my thoughts. I will let go of this judgement and embrace the beauty of being.