Thought Art

Qigong is standing meditation. My opinion is, you can have Qigong type awakenings in the body, nervous system and organs that you can not gain through psychedelics or simply sitting meditation. Also, side note once you are able to sit for 30 minutes to an hour you can also begin doing things like body scans, inner smile etc which is exciting. I think once you are comfortable with sit and do nothing meditation a bunch of new practices are open you to

I've done a few one hour sessions while being guided by a shaman online. I don't think I could do it alone. It can be very challenging. My whole body and hands cramped and everything the first time it was very painful. Be careful though.. A good shamanic breathing session is like a light dose of 5meo ahha After that session I was in a bad way and made some decisions I regret. NEVER MAKE DECISION directly after a trip, or intense spiritual practice/ ceremony. You aren't thinking right, and things might not be as bad or whatever as they seem.

Listen to your body, doing some Qigong could help balance out your system

Yes. But, to get to their level they weren't like trump, overly confident in their ignorance. They were humble and persistant and suffered greatly until they got to the truth. It was only with their realization, I assume the confidence grew. We must be humble at our stage, because we are not them. Leo for example is very confident, but that is only because he was stable and put in the work.

Oh yea, he openly admits it and I've seen him around on the forum for awhile. It's all love though! I've been ungrounded in the past. I mean, at this point I think I am learning to make distinctions between a grounded spiritual practitioner and someone who is playing games and is ungrounded. Honestly, we are in deep waters here. This is life! We have to go through our process. Ideally though, we make it to land sooner than later. A lot of us are young, and to become wise doesn't happen from watching a video even of the highest wisdom. We actually have to go out, try stuff, experience life, and change through trial and error and direct experience. Our programming, mental models, paradigm's addictions, and immaturity survive even the best and deepest video or book. It's a long term project. If we are young we got like 60ish years to grow. Ideally we grow over the next 10 years so we can live successful, beautiful, spiritual and practical lives full of joy, sobriety, clear thinking and understanding. But, the waves are big and our rudder is malfunctioning. But, I am sure we can make it through..

I think they are one in the same

Let's learn from our mistakes or immaturity around psychedelics and become good examples for others. Psychedelics aren't even the point, we are trying to become wise, integrated and spiritually mature human beings. The work we are doing is much bigger than taking some drugs, having fun, playing with spiritual masterbation ideas. For me, it's about evolving. A huge chunk of that is facing yourself, which is very painful but if we don't feel the pain we don't grow. Last night I was craving a joint, but I instead did Qigong, journaled, practiced guitar and read sober. Sobriety, with a well planned trip every 2 weeks, or month is ideal for me given my direct experience and maturing. I now have a system and well thought out protocol to make the most of the trips for my growth. If we are serious about living the good live, we should be so busy learning, reading, meditating, doing yoga/Qigong/ breathwork, contemplating, going to classes, spending time in our area of mastery, taking online courses etc that we only have 1 day a week every two weeks to do a deep trip. Integrate it, contemplate it stay grounded and grow. I used to be in this mad rush to awaken. Now, I realize less is more. Balanced is better. These tools, teachings and space should be aimed toward becoming mature, balanced and functional. Yes, mistakes happen, yes we are immature and young but the sooner we learn the better. We don't wanna end up in some shit situation that we can't come back from. Wherever we are now, how ever we acted in the past. Let's rise together!

Only game in town

As I sit and read about you two talking, imagining you exist. I still can't tell if I understand this line of thought contextually. I felt like I grocked what consciousness is... But the grocking is fleeting. I still don't know how to harness it, or if it is harnessable. but, if I am fooling myself I am good at it. It's like I've been doing it for awhile or something.

I think a combination of too much and not enough is most dangerous

I have that fear too. Read bout it in Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene.

Can we all just admit how scary this whole thing is? Life is brutal. You make one mistake and everyone hates you and your life is over. All the success you build can be taken away in an instant with one bad decision. I am personally going to study suicide so if the time comes I know how to do it effectively. It's a profound balancing act, and it goes on and on and on and on... A decision you made 20 years ago is still in ways with you today. I get this whole thing is divine, love etc. But, it's also kind of sick and twisted. I want to be successful in my life, but living a life as a failure who everyone hates and demonizes... I won't stick around for that. I understand this response is fear based. I feel a lot of fear if I am honest in my life. If reality is infinity, I still don't feel satisfied with many of Leos explainations of love. I mean, obivously it's love but it's expression seems arbitrary.

I have suicidal thoughts because there are aspects of reality which are super shit, and I am still learning to accept them and course correct. I am eternal, and I don't need to stick around in some shit situation for the rest of my life. Obviously, putting in the work and growing through mistakes, emotional labour etc is ideal compared to suicide. But, If I find myself painted into a corner and there is no getting out of it. I'll take my chances.

Idk what it is. But, I learned a lesson. 8 weeks of hard work only to have to repeat it again in a few months is not something I am interested in doing again. I passed well the entire program, only to have a really bad exam...? I got in my own head failed before even started. Accounting is very technical, which is new for me. I don't normally fail tests, but I did here. Even though I have like an 85 in the course, I fail the entire thing based on an exam? So stupid. I was short like 7 points...? Why can't I just retake the exam? No use fussing. My fires are burning this week. I will not fail again.

I failed by 7 points. I didn't apply my study time properly this week. I got so caught up in studying life purpose material I lost the ball on my school studies. I also let needly distractions take me. ALSO, writing it too late at night when I was already tired and had just written another exam. Back to back exams don't work. I need to plan realistically and space them out next time. I am turning up the motors to succeed in the next courses. I have the time, energy and intelligence to succeed. I fully apply myself, retake aim and put aside my dreams for the sake of being practical and mastering survival. Dreams are for people far more developed, mature, disciplined than myself. I feel a subtle suicidal thought pattern, about how shitty I am and inadequate to life. I will have to pay who knows how much and retain the 13 week program again. FUCK THAT. What the fuck am I doing with my life? There is no reason to fail. I did so well on the EXACT same material a few weeks ago, only to pull blank after blank...? This is a painful lesson. I felt a bit self sabotage during the exam too, wanting to throw in the towel early. I had 15 minute left, and just handed it in.? Why did I do that? Do I get off on my own failure? I feel like I should feel more pain than I do. IDk Anyway, I am already making plans in my head to reflect and review what went wrong with this class. I will adjust, and course correct, say no to everything (like life purpose) for now until pass all my classes until the end of October. That is like 2 months, Lets just focus it out. Failing an exam, there is not reason for it. I want to hate myself and beat myself up. But I am learning that does nothing. Life purpose might be a pipe dream for me. As of right now, I have nothing to share, create, or teach. I only have to learn, integrate and mature. I want to master a basic skillset, get a decent job, and honestly... There is so much I want to do. I just feel frustrated by my lack of strategic planning, execution etc. I don't really care for my current life. I feel very constrained and full of "What could have been" I feel like I have squandered so many opportunities I couldn't see that at the time. Looking back I was giving so much in this life, but I have no reference experiences or the knowledge I have now. It makes me want to kill myself. But, then I realize that killing myself is just my selfish desire to simply have the life I want. There is no proof of what death even is, and if this life is capable of being shitty what makes me thing killing myself would make anything better? I just need to learn, persist, don't be a fucking idiot and get shit done.

They can be very powerful, but I don't read novels often

Something with programming or accounting maybe

I self reflected this morning, and am course correcting so I don't fall into this situation again. I have the capacity to pass all my exams in this program. I note the mistake, I course correct and I keep going. I can retain the course in October or November I think. It's unfortunate, but not awful. Mistakes happen in life. I am just like any body else, average and my success will be what I put into life. I love myself more, I will work harder and more joyfully. This is a technical field I am studying and I am grateful for the progress I made. I also learned and reflected on my values and how I wasn't meeting them, and best practices for studying and exam writing in general. I made many errors that lead to this demise. I have spent too much time complaining about how life is the past 5 years, trying to change the nature of this thing. But, in reality this life is brutal, long, boring and unforgiving. You must just put in the work, and let the way. Reality owes you nothing, you aint special and anything you have that is good is luck * effort and deliberate practice.

I think the biggest problem was I was tired, and basically instead of just doing the exam I talked myself out of it. I passed another exam literally 30 minutes before on the exact same subject. (we had to write two exams for to governing bodies on the same subject) Failing by 7 points, was my sleepiness and frustration. And yes, not preparing as strongly as I know I can do going forward. Fuck this shit

I found he comes around really well later in the video. I suppose, the video will be ready when you are. There's lots of other areas to work on! Personally, I like these videos I find them humbling. I sense being humbled is an acquired taste.

Wow can relate You can't save a depressed, suicidal or needy ass man. He will only turn on you when you don't give him the love he can't fully accept or give himself.

My mind always finds something to worry about or cling to. I refuse to live the rest of my life afraid of what anyone thinks of me. I want to live a good life. I've shown I have courage, but also a lot of fear and cowardice. I won't die a fucking coward. I might not make it as a musician... Reality seems to be kicking me in the ass... But, I will find some way of being successful and enjoying my life. I sometimes think about killing myself because reality is just too scary, to complex and the life I want seems too far away.. lost the the sea of missed opportunity due to my own stupidity. It's times like this I feel anger with God for giving my passion and dreams, but also mental health problems and parents who weren't able to raise me to be strong. I am 25, I am sort of young... but only 5 years of middle aged. Once I am middle age, I sometimes wonder if life is worth living.. I had so many set backs due to my own shit psyche and immaturity... working that this is very painful. I am grateful for the skills and habits I have to relaxing myself. I am the only person who can make myself brave, strong, etc... In the end I am just cosmic dust anyway. I am so tired of being scared of humiliation, or to say something that is wrong, or offensive, or crazy, or stupid. I am tired of ruminating on past mistakes, future consequences and worst case scenerios. I notice this often, and am taking more and more steps to clean up my mind. But, I just simply don't know what the future holds and I dislike that. I am learning everyday to relax, deeper and deeper. Yet, fear remains, uncertainty remains, long days, nights and weeks remain. It's hard as fuck being a human. Especially one with a big dream. I want to live in heaven, and I guess it's worth the ultimate price. But, then again maybe doing nothing and just relaxing as much as possible in my free time is the closest thing to heaven I can get. I think I am learning so much... I don't want to share it with you though. Because, honestly I am still scared of people. Scared of failure and success. There is no guarantees. That being said, I also need a long term vision. I hate living in fear, self pity, guilt, shame, seeing some successful guy failing or being caught in a scandal and then imagining myself going through that again and again and how awful it would be. I am working to reprogram my mind. But, my survival instinct is strong. Humanity, I don't trust you at all. Ultimately, a clear mind and free time would be the greatest success I can get. I would use to become a fountain of love. But, I would love to make my music a reality. It's all my heart desires, but I don't know if it's possible. Maybe not in this life. I still don't fully appreciate God being infinite and yet having to deal with the shit it dreamt up for me to deal with. Hopefully, death is amazing.. Life is great, but it's scary as fuck. Nothing seems like it's going to change that anytime soon. I guess I will have to just do it scared. Will I fail at life? I don't know. Life doesn't seem to care what happens to me. It seems I have infinite time to play around though.. So I might as well. But for now, I am poor, limited, weak, immature, unwise and scared. Growing... but scared. I don't want to work a 9-5 for many years. If that seems like it's all I am left to do, I will kill myself. I refuse to be a slave to something that is some BS job for the rest of my life. It's not worth being alive if that is the case. But, being a success also seems terrifying. I seem to be left to only options that are terrifying. Why would a loving God create this? I can see the love often, but sometimes I wonder.

I wish I could be permanently enlightened. Maybe it'll happen if I persist. Not gonna lie, nothing wrong with wanting something you have to work for it. Nothing will make you happy in life but your own nature...

You gotta change your own life not your number of 'year's