Thought Art

A year is a mysterious thing

@Leo Gura Dangerous pedos should be killed too. Specifically child molesters. Pedos are like born that way or something. differences.

Death penalty, if you believe death is infinite love and a new beginning.. let the life of a murderer go.

Maybe that is the challenge. Like, I am not in the state right now. It's hard to contain and remember it. I've seen beyond.. I've realized "Between the click of the light and the start of the dream" The nothingness that is actually what this is. I am thinking about it right now... But, not when I was in these particular states. Who knows, I have more tripping to do. You would think I would "Know" if I found the truth. But, I don't really know. I don't know my own mind well enough. It seemed like it was true. But, I've been wrong before. I think I am still immature, thinking the Truth is something I can use. Ps... Loving the irony of this thread.

@Moksha I just... I don't know if what I experienced was absolute truth. Also, life is more than some realizations is what I am saying. I am also young. It seemed like it was the truth. I will have deeper awakenings, and I will develop myself more. I realized I was God, that It's just this appearance in a void pretending. That I have no beginning or end. But, I still don't know how to reconcile what I think is the Truth, with relative truth and how little I know about our universe. So, do I really know the truth? I don't know. Clearly, I am the truth. But, how I work I don't know. I also had a trip where I hugged my friend and got into his personal space while on 5meodmt. I think this has left a stain on psychedelics for me until I can reconcile it. The day before he told me we were brothers, and then he just disappeared. He completely changed. After I tripped I thought he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. We were brothers, we were growing together. Leo also said other don't really exist... So I because I had no boundaries in that state I like hugged him, touched his face, was doing Qigong knocking on his back and feeling into his skin deeply. I was also tensing up a lot... thinking about a lot at once... He is very fragile and I think it scared him. He hit me, and I playfully hit him back thinking everything was okay and we were just playing. But, he was upset but it. Maybe other things to. Anyway. That experience really made me doubt the validity of other peoples experiences. I thought he was gaslighting me after the trip. So, then I was like.. Thinking maybe he was having some kind of backlash or flash back or something. He seemed to have a break down after that. I still don't know what to make of it. So, I've had mostly good experiences... one very confusing one. Leo also was mad at me for it. But, It happened to me. I've had total collapses of every distinction into a perfect unity, I've experience infinite love and peace, total perfection. I've forgiven everyone and everything in those states. I've experienced deep existential fear, confusion.. Ego death... Was it God? Was it God? What is God?

Rape and murder have different outcomes. When a murderer is put down, it keeps people safe. However, perhaps a child grows up without a father, and looking for that love he rapes. Who knows...

They are very powerful. I think they actually helped me my pot addiction too. And admittedly I am learning how to use them still. Developing my protocols, mental models of what they are. I just know there is soooooo much spirituality outside of them too. Still learning... I am a seedling. They showed me so much love, beauty, grace and even my current life purpose. But, I had to take action on those insights.

I feel like context is important. If you murder your husband who repeatedly raped and beat you.... then I think you should be rehabilitated and freed if you work on your trauma etc. But, if you like murder people for fun, or murder your wife out of jealousy, or random people. Also, sometimes murders happen because of gang violence which I would imagine is complicated as well. People get drunk downtown and get in fights and by mistake kill each other, get charged for murder A man was driving a big truck in central canada, hit a bus full of a teenage hockey team and killed 16... charged for manslaughter I think... 16 counts. He didn't even mean to. It was his first day on the job and the stop sign was controversial and his training wasn't adequate. Murder is a deep interesting topic.

Talk about spiritual journey...

It's not healthy. I still need to work on my success/ failure cognition. It may be meaningless... But I feel emotions. And I would rather enjoy the experience. If I have to work some shit 9-5 the rest of my life.. Or if I come to some kind of social ruin... There is not point in sticking around. I will see what else is out there. However, I am putting the work in. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. I've suffered enough for an eternity.

Yes, I need to remember that. I suffer because I imagine I should be this perfect, intelligent wise sage. I have aspects of this. But I fail a lot. I just don't know what the failures mean exactly yet. I also haven't had lasting success yet. I am sure it is coming though. @BipolarGrowth This is something to remember as well. I have so many 'rules' I give myself and life as to what is the right thing, or way to be, or how thing should be. Letting go of that and just going with the way is important. I sense I am doing my best.... But also I can do better. I want to break free from wage slavery, to help others heal their posture, trauma... To enliven their Qi and to feel better. To feel safe. I have my own process. I will improve. I must be patient. I can trust my own process.

I use Qigong, then I meditate 20 minutes. Then I lay on an accupressure pad. I think the pad amazing for relaxing. My sleep is the best it's ever been.

Paradox

I like that. Reminds me of Do You by Russel Simmons. He said something along those lines. I didn't quit, but I felt like it. But, hey. As long as I am trying I will succeed and fail... They both in the end are success. Just like love and fear and Love. I have a habit of talking myself into failure with these negative cognitive distortions induced by fear, self doubt and self pity. It's something to notice. I sense I did pretty well once I got to writing my exams today. Had I been less distraught last night, I'd likely passed both my exams today. Also, as I grow as a mature adult and student... I will simply improve as I go about life. It's the fear that is a problem. I guess I always have that choice. Love or Fear. I will choose Love for now on. And love myself when I fall into fear. And on we go until I reach the promised land. However, I may not even need the payroll certification, but it would be nice to have. I pass some of the modules for it. Just need to retake two within the next 2 years. Thanks everyone for your kindness. It nice to not feel alone and to have your words of wisdom for support. Much love. One Love.

I just failed an exam I worked my ass off for. Of course, there are questions on the final exam which were not in any of the review materials, and questions never asked to me before on the thing. I don't understand why facilitators do that. I hate failing exams... Admittedly it's an accounting program which I don't consider a strength or passion. But, I really worked hard for it. I had to work a week ago, and it set me back. How can I reframe, I have 2 more tomorrow which I don't feel well prepared for because I had to work, and study for the other exam. I sense further failure is imminent. How am I supposed to do anything great in life if I can't even pass a simple accounting exam? When these things happen I think I should just kill myself and save the planet the embarrassment of having my dumb ass around. Obviously that is neurotic. I think I can do a retake. It's just, I have really high expectations of myself. I guess I am seeing through all this I am not as smart as I think I am or something. Reality is harsh, feedback is painful but important. I am a fool, and idiot and I don't know what I am doing in life. I have strengths of course, but still. Man, How could I fail? I did so well throughout the whole course, had a 90% on the midterm and I failed the final. I hate it when they give you review materials that don't actually match what is on the final. Plus, admittedly, I could not for the life of me remember some of the financial ratios. I have no problem doing them but I couldn't remember the 8 ratios on the exam. It was annoying. Like I said in other posts. I am not ready for run a business for the next 5-10 years. So much foundation to build. Lots of failures ahead of me. If things don't look like I can really be successful eventually, I will just kill myself. I am not sticking around living the life of some idiot who could have, but failed because he was too lazy and stupid.

Leo needs to add an emoji with huge dilated pupils ahhah

Me as well. Hey, everyone. Just remember that what we are doing is Love. Whatever tools, methods, percentages work for you maximizing of love. I love you. Am I am just learning to love.. so.. Let's be patient with one another and remember we are all pilgrims on this path.

Passed this one with an 82%... I am learning that if I worried less this weekend I would have likely passed the other one which I failed by 3 points. Will take this lesson of neurotism, self doubt, lack of self compassion and improve. Looks like I am getting my diploma... I feel blessed.

Yes. They are great teachers. But, there is a life context as well people need to show up to them, there is a bigger picture involved in all this. They can also de-stabalize and confuse you. But they say what cannot be told... That is for sure. They are very important.

Yeah, I think we are understanding the conversation differently. And I am likely wrong and missing things here when it comes to truth. I am treating this as part of my process. Truth doesn't trump being a good person, I don't think that is even possible. I think Truth is unbiased... But, being a good person is relative also. But, yea I think being a good person with a good heart is the most important thing in life. I still don't have a pure heart. It's something I am working on.

Yeah, because God is a difficult thing to pin down. I've known I was God. But that doesn't mean I understand it or fully Grok it. If I had had the support and mentors since 4th grade when I was having mystical experiences things might be different. You know of the ox hearding principles right? I maybe saw the tail in grade 4 and now I am re-exploring things now. Also, I am not in the best state at the moment. So I will return tomorrow or in a few days I need to focus on myself and get through some work here. I am just sharing that: This work is really complex, contains a lot of facets. As we go about using various tools for spiritual and personal growth we need to be honest about how important they are. I am an advocate for mental heal, psychedelics, relaxation love etc, But, I just know too much to think that psychedelics are the best tool. It's relative. Different psychedelics have different affects, and after you awaken there is still of a low of spiritual labour involved. I guess, I am saying again... Keep your eye on the big picture. The territory is massive.

They are really great. But, they can't be the only thing you do. They bolster, feed and lubricate everything else. They will show you Love, forgiveness, insights into reality to never saw. I am still learning about them. This is just a thread I am making to counter my normal thoughts about them. I am developing my own unique understanding of all these tools. I advocate for proper use of these tools for enlightenment and spiritual growth. But, they also have dangers and require a lot of other tools and things to be in place for us to get the most out of them imo. That really goes for any spiritual tool. Life is about balancing many things in the end.

You can be a good person. Doesn't mean you know what is True. Also, let's not be rude. I am not pointing fingers at anyone here directly. IF anything I am pointing at myself as well.

Damn, I admittedly will die knowing I didn't at all times. I am finding my weakness and short comings difficult to accept. I need to develop my self compassion and my work ethic.