Thought Art

Sounds like a good thing to is to break up. Theres thousands and thousands of beautiful women. You can ask yourself "What am I really holding onto if I don't enjoy the relationship? What are these superficials of her looking like a model worth if I am not happy with her?" 1. What do I want right now? 2. What would I do if I wasn't afraid? I've been in similar situations. Maybe the problem is you are imagining the relationship to last forever instead of enjoying the energetics and polarity between you in the moment and day to day. Don't build yourself a prison or think you are losing something by breaking up. Have you heard of Sofia Sundari? I like her work on relationship coaching and energetics. She talks a lot about how to feel the energy, how to go for what you want, how to come from abundance and how to step into your male energy and own your cock. I would trust want you really want each day. Which, seems to be leaving. If you wanted to be in the relationship, perhaps you wouldn't be thinking these thoughts eh? You must decide. Write about it. Pull off the fucking band aid.

You know what I did? I don't pay for internet. I only have Data on my phone. If I abuse it then...There goes my internet for the month. Then I have to go to library, or cafe to do work. It also means I am reading way more at home, journaling, Qigong etc.

The Tao te Ching seems to have versus on deconstructing your mind to realize the Tao or ultimate truth. A lot of it is about not building a world view but deconstructing it. become the uncarved block of wood

Sounds like you had a good trip. Mushrooms can be very healing. Yet, I worry about you taking such a large dose. What is your experience with shrooms or psychedelics? You took 5 grams of one of the most powerful mushrooms out there. If not the most powerful. I would condemn this practice for most people. Healing, Love and beautiful joy: This is my favourite part about mushrooms and I sense I was underplaying their healing ability in the past. I used to think they were too wacky and unpredictable. I don't think I'll be taking that large of a dose anytime soon. I found 2 grams for me for most shrooms is a good spot. I've heard that strain is very strong and I would be EXTRA careful. I find them very soothing as well. A good sober way of continuing to undo the tension in your neck and shoulders would be Qigong for neck and shoulders. Continue to work on developing a sober high state, and your body awareness. I am glad you had a good trip. But, remember you are playing with dynamite. Always Trip safe. If you take a high dose I don't recommend sitting down near breakables. Anyone reading this who hasn't taken shrooms before. Start with low doses. You are not in a rush. 1-2 grams can be very powerful. The love and warmth of a good trip is amazing. I found my mushroom trip last friday night helped me to lift a low grade anxiety and made me feel more safe and grounded.

I would say keep going. Though I don't know you. I sense we are in this together.

@Ayham Literally realize you know basically nothing. Then, learn from as many teachers, teachings and perspectives as possible. Be well read, meditate, try different spiritual practices, contemplate and think for yourself. Question everything and everyone. Embrace not knowing. If you don't know something. Say, I don't know. Chances are if you are being dogmatic, your feeling competitive, you want to be right and others wrong. Instead, open yourself up to the full possibility of the Tao. Consider, if you like esoteric shit... Reading The 'Tao Te Ching' by Lao Tzu. Or, a book like "There is a way out" or a book like "Pathways to Perfect living" or "The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power" by Vernon Howard.

Another trap is when you deconstruct your mind... when it becomes groundless you end up stepping on false stones.. this could lead to going "fully murphy".

You could waste time listening to this guy or you could go and awaken

Sounds like she is really just using you. A better girl is out there just WAITING to suck on your cock.

some more based on Leo’s “Full Murphy” comment 1. Thinking you are the chosen one or that you are being called to do something for God like win a grand tournament 2. Taking psychedelics and live streaming yourself to friends and family or clients 3. Thinking that taking a psychedelic means a permanent change in “physically reality” and the workings on the world ? 4. Letting your fantasies run your spirituality instead of deconstructing them 5. Abusing psychedelics 6. Not listening to wiser more grounded people telling you that you are ungrounded and unwell 7. Not going slow and building a foundation of habits, epistemology etc 8. Confusing spiritual work with non-stop fun, ecstasy and excitement 9. Trying to make a show of yourself 10. Thinking you are Jesus or that you are here to pull some kind of wild stunts to awaken man kind 11. Thinking you can tell the future of some kind of divine awakening or mass event or divine plan 12. Thinking that being loving means giving always all your money and losing healthy boundaries and security to others (Conor gave his banking information away to the public) 13. Abusing others in the name of your spiritual schemes 14. Losing connection to reality and the social constructions and culture which you are a part of 15. letting your ego and mental health issues run you and destroy your career, reputation, and financial health. 16. Ignoring the warnings that material is “advanced, I mean ADVANCED” 17. thinking you can go from low conscious sex and prank videos to high level spiritual teacher in just a few short weeks, months or days 18. Thinking you are ready to teach when you are very clearly mentally ill 19. As Leo would put it “Making a Mockery of this work” 20. Losing connection to the long term consequences of your actions 21. saying you are following “such and such” teaching, when really you have bastardized it into some sick form of zen devilry … a spiritual person does by not doing. and I think an important one… Yes, even if in your past you have gone “Full Conor Murphy” or even partially “Murphy”… Keep going, work through that shame and embarrassment, learn from your lesson, become a better person, learn from the mistakes, love yourself, forgive yourself, ground yourself, acknowledge your evil, deluded, selfish, self deceptive ways…. Then, Continue to work on yourself and build a life of wisdom, integrity, consciousness and principles. Past mistakes and bad behaviour is no excuse not to work on yourself not love yourself or your path. Others may have gone “Full Murphy” and we’d be naming it after them. So, alchemize this bad thing into a good thing. Sometimes showing the world what not to do, can be good. Unfortunately for Conor is he was famous. Many of us here working through our own deluded bullshit have the luck of being nobodies. Let’s not kick Conor around for too long. We want to see Conor be stable, healthy and successful helping the world in whatever way he chooses. Seems he is moving his brand towards helping people get over social anxiety. And always remember that “I” love you and that “I” want what is best for you and all whom you touch in this life. Forever forgiven, forever loved and forever understood. This love is unconditional. Put human relation is not. Personally, I was a bit ungrounded a year or two ago and found being able to watch Conor go through his shit was helpful in grounding me and what not to do. I followed him very closely and I actually warned the forum that he was. Zen Devil when he was commenting here months before his break downs really took off. It was this that inspired me to… slow down with my life purpose. Study new forums of spiritual practice like Qigong. Learn accounting and marketing, and build my life a better foundation and continue with the readings, the contemplations, the observing, the cleaning out of fantasy and shadow materials, that grounding in wisdom, consciousness and principles. I am not yet wise. But, each day I lay a stone in its name.

I might just print it off and sell it as my own jk jk I like when I read in a Vernon Howard book he said "It's good to see the bad in yourself" another good one is - 1. Being fooled by peoples ‘spiritual’ outward appearance 2. not realizing people are splintered

@universe It's all good. I wasn't saying its the most expensive in Canada or that this year is the most expensive. Just that, a lot of young people find it difficult. It's not just My city but a lot of young people in Canada in general. Rent isn't the only factor. https://globalnews.ca/news/8898654/canadian-cities-unaffordable-young-residents/ The fact that young people have an average deficit, regardless of province is problematic. Which was my point. Which, seems almost unrealistic to me. This is why education and getting a good paying job, planning long term is crucial. But if you haven't done that. You can still figure it out. You just will have to make sacrifices. It's hard too. Like, are that stats correct and up to date? Quotes aren't great info.

@universe Thats fine. https://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/young-halifax-residents-say-they-are-being-priced-out-of-the-city-they-love-1.5917501 Maybe you are rich. But, us with average jobs struggle with the ever increasing rent, food and gas prices, and electricity. Obviously roommates and being extremely stingy makes it livable. Renovictions. Regardless this is not related to thread. I am not really sure I appreciate your responses by the way in this regard. Doubting what I know FROM WHERE I LIVE.

@universe Yeah, I get his position. I am just saying. The statement "You shouldn't have any financial struggles at 29" unfortunately isn't a reality even for people with stable jobs. Also, everyone journey is different. Let him figure out his stuff. When rent, foot, electricity, consume all your income. It's a struggle. This is normal for most people in my city aged 25-35 as it's the most expensive place to live in my country. Not related but an example. Yes, becoming a sage isn't likely his main focus right now. Get the basic down. But don't age guilt yourself or let anyone else. Start where you are.

She's not sexually attracted to you. But, wants sexual gratification. Sort of a 180 from a match Leave

@universe Yet, may people struggle to support themselves

@Asayake Could be? It just doesn't sound like the makings for a healthy relationship.

@acidgoofy Ahaha, really.. my biggest problem is financial struggles from being laid off and how that is affecting my mind. I really don't like insecurity. But, it's my fault for not doing proper financial savings over the years. I was pretty well paycheck to paycheck for as long I can remember. Trying to get out of that.

Sounds like you two aren't a sexual Match. It's really up to you what you do. Idk, if a girl calls my dick small, wont touch it, wont have sex with me, but only wants sexual favours from me. Maybe, theres more going on there. For me sex is important. It honestly sounds like she doesn't respect you as a man. Maybe she is gay? You want a woman who respects you as a man, and a woman who wants you sexually. I wouldn't waste my time.

I met a girl recently who was raised by skinheads after becoming homeless at 13. She seems like one of the most loving and open minded people as I meet her. I wonder what her journey was like. Sounds like she just clung onto them for survival as she had no one else. Often times people are just surviving.

@puporing I now recognize the reality of your experience. I'm sorry I'm not always the best at communicating my ideas. It was not my intent to deny your experience. I will work to improve my ability to communicate my thoughts respectfully

https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/5-MeO-DMT Those are reported symptoms if you look at the physical symptoms reported.

@puporing Understood.

@puporing I understand. I can see how it was triggering in retrospect. My initial interpretation was dismissive of it being a near death experience. It very well could have been. It sounded very similar to my own direct experience when it comes on strong and is very scary and can trigger an anxiety attack because your ego is REALLY dying. I apologize.

I posted this. Then I started reading posts from you saying I was trashing your thread. So, Idk where the drama started but I don't feel like it was me. I posted a matter of fact opinion based on my outsider interpretation and my OWN direct experience. My later posts noted your perspective, and that maybe it was indeed dangerous. But, that took some time for me to understand. I understand that what happened to you was very scary, and you felt threatened by it. It may have been dangerous. I apologize for not validating your experience right away.