Thought Art

So, about 5 years ago I found myself extremely passionate about music. I became basically obsessed with the questions like 1. How do I write really good songs? 2. How do I play shows? 3. How to I get over my stage fright etc. And, I've done a lot of those things. I can write songs, I've played festivals, and I don't normally have stage fright. But, this week for example I tried going out to a few local shows and I found the bands to be really bad/ boring. I also find the music to loud to really socialize well. I used to really enjoy busking at a local famers market, but today I felt like... ashamed of what I was doing. Like a beggar or something. Plus, at this market you can't use sound equipment and people can barely here you. I had a 2 hour block to play, but I talked myself out of it after like 15-20 minutes just packed up my stuff and now I am at the library to do some work on my business, to study and contemplate. After leaving the market I feel sort of a pain in my chest. I feel a bit confused. Should I have stayed and just tried to get into it? But, it didn't feel right. I felt embarrassed to be a busker. I want to be a real musician on a stage ACTUALLY making an impact on the world with my art. Maybe I am maturing and growing out of a childish fantasy? Maybe I am going through sort of a building phase in other areas of my life (finance, foundation etc) and a limbo phase in another (my art/ music). Life without music feels strange. I used to love writing poetry and music and it was an ecstatic experience. But, I am so tired of being poor I am putting all my focus on higher paying accounting jobs and building my business. It's painful and boring. Plus, my tinnitus really confuses me as well. I notice when I get back into song writing mode I think of it more and then I feel afraid of writing or playing. Music on some level is my biggest passion. But, I also find it confusing. I sense making money from it will be a challenge and there is years of foundational work on my personal finance and my Qigong business as well I need to focus on. I have no idea if I can make a sustainable Qigong business and I am working through a marketing course... we will see. I used to love music, the lyrics, the sonics, and the beautiful insights I would discover lyrically and musically. But, all my old songs feel dated now to me personally. I need a new phase of song writing or something. I just don't feel inspired like I used to. I have many courses I want to pay for to help me become a better song writer and producer. But, there is also equipment I want to buy. I am just too fucking broke right now to do anything other than find better paying work and building my business. I will have to contemplate... 1. Have I outgrown music in my life? 2. What can I do to reignite the passion? 3. Do I just need to get my finances and these foundations more fleshed out and then the passion will return? 4. Is it my tinnitus which is causing to much fear for me to pursue this seriously? 5. Have I realized that without the pursuit of pride that music isn't something I am interested in? 6. If I am not smoking weed, do I even enjoy making music? 7. Why was I too embarrassed to busk? Is it pride or a realization I am not going to play for pennies and dime? I will take time later today to contemplate this myself. My dream was to be a successful artist. I think that, my tinnitus and the financial realities have lead to some of my recent suicidal thoughts. Which, luckily I cured with a mushroom trip. For me living a passionate life is important. I don't wanna just survive in my life. I wish there was a way to cure my ringing brain. Music, am I passionate enough about you? God, why you do this.

@OBEler Why not have her check out Kristine Marelle, Holistic Song writing and Michael Walker? Also, should should read and listen to the audiobook "The Addiction Formula" (Applying this will set her apart) And, she should read The Artists way if she hasn't already.

@Realms of Wonder O rly

His eyes are like pure in love to me. He is even smiling! ahaha

@puporing I was thinking the pen would have about 10 break throughs on it. But, I will have to experiment.

Seems I have to try a new type of ROE. Anyone buy the 5MeoDMT vape pens? They seem expensive but. Saved up gonna try it. Are they strong?

@OBEler Also, look... She should take the Life purpose course or something similar. Don't expect it to do all the work for you.

LSD

Try 1g one month. 1.5 another month... Make sure you know the strain. What strain do you have?

Leo posts pictures of his legs World loses mind

You like what you like... Once I said I had a preference for a certain kind of woman and people called me racist. Silly. You like what you like.

Yeah lol I literally read it in his voice I don’t think the Instagram posts are gonna hurt anyone

I felt like it was a duality of love post or something

I think they are fine “no fear”

That time you deconstructed but forgot everyone else was still super constructed lol happens

@thenondualtankie He’s bringing it back

I’ve been learning lately… I don’t give a damn what you think and I no longer listen to calamity howlers

@Jowblob Just let go and enjoy ♾❤️ It’ll be over before you know it and you’ll be back. Maybe take a few tries to get the dosage and technique down

@thenondualtankie He doesn’t post the clips himself I’m pretty sure. The titles will be corrected. Leo’s talked about this cat before. It was like his best friend or something. He is a very introverted guy… Maybe these are weird posts or maybe your just projecting idk I mean, the shit people post on tiktok everyday and yet you all still judge this? So funny. Humans are weird. Fuck my image! Lol Id say, people will judge if he continues. He has to decide if he cares or not.

kinda seems like he is just posting on a personal profile lol He is just chilling I guess? Could be some tripping involved.

@MuadDib Nice, thank you. Have you been using Notion and PPV? Does he have any free templates?

There is no visual effects really. Usually for me it’s just the grand realization of infinity, love, understanding and forgiveness. Usually I just lay there in perfection.

Well, you’ll trip again soon. Give yourself time to integrate and also use that state as a goal worth improving your current daily state. dont rush or go overboard. Take Time and integrate. Respect the substance.

I learned for someone with my body type would need minimum 30mg-35mg for a break through. I admit to being skeptical of boofing but I will do it again.

You can slowly dose the way up. Or, just do a breakthrough while in a safe place like your bed. There’s always pre-launch jitters but Usually it’s a very kind experience if you have proper set and setting.