Thought Art

Good. Go all the way. My friend just quit too.

Can we lock this foolishness? I am sorry. I don't see how any of the things you are experiencing is a curse. People forget their keys and generally have poor cognitive behaviour. I don't think curses exist. Why live in a such a way where you give your power away.

@Heart of Space If you forgot your keys normally or you forgot your keys because of a curse how do you know the difference? Can bad things happen to people who are not cursed?

@Heart of Space Interesting. How did you come to find out it was a curse?

So, those things are a curse? Or, something you can work on?

I think there could be some kind of legalization and a license to use certain drugs. Like, in order to take 5meodmt legally or LSD you need to do a mental health check, take a safety course and get certified to use it on your own for personal use. Sort of like getting gun training.

So, what cursed you?

@StarStruck Cool, I have no idea sounds like you both had it??

@markobo Hmmm, I don't know about this. I've experienced similar states through Qigong and energy work. I don't think meditation will get you to a 5meodmt state. Maybe if you did meditation, breathwork, Qigong, Tao Yin and Yoga techniques in just the right mixture over a long period of time completely uninterrupted you could maintain a deep state of some kind. To me meditation is more for mindfulness and mental health than it is for deep awakening. I found my trips increased my appreciation for meditation. But, they are different tools in the tool box. Just cuz I use a hammer doesn't mean I throw away my wrench.

This sort of talk is sort of a "What if"... takes you away from the work of realizing that you are an immortal being right now. But, you are a shape shifter. And, the real answer is also... I don't know. It seems stupid to lock yourself into a finite form forever.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/absolute-presence-immortality Leos blog post above. I have experienced this. This, this was the highlight of my life and it trumped everything I have experienced in the finite domain. It was the most obvious and yet most surprising realization I have ever had. It was for this reason I say my biggest "Thank you" to Leo, to God and to myself. Truly, my true nature is the Greatest Miracle... For eternity. Our true Nature is this Great Miracle. And, the only thing to do in my opinion is to master basking in the Glory of God's love and then translate it into this finite existence. It will take years, I may fail. To me, this is a game an eternal being would play with itself which makes reality make more sense to me. I know I am constructing my own meaning and there is nothing I need to do with my life. But, when you experience this Immortal State of Infinity/ Infinite Love for ever. You say Thank you to God. Then, here in my mundane state going through my day to day with all my challenges... I work to bring just a fraction of that love into the universe. "My mind is open wide and now I am ready to start"

@universe My initial statement from the life purpose course was "To ignite the spirit of humanity to self actualize via music"

So, over the weekend past I felt a lot of fear/ grief/ anger/ disappointment with where I am in life when I think about where I would like to be in my 'ideal fantasy' of my life. I've been studying books on success, but also books on surrender, acceptance and mindfulness. I am learning that, instead of just saying something like... "I want to be successful at X at the expense of everything else"... instead... It's more about letting go of that one thing.. and broadening out to include a more grounded, holistic approach to life. For example, I would like to be a full time musician and Qigong teacher. I would like to teach online and I would like to write music in full time. I would like to master both these fields to spread massive amount of love and health to the world. But, when I grip on to my vision to hard... When I need my progress to go faster.. When I need to have my band all figured out.. need to have x and y and z etc... It's stressful and... frankly I am still in the early process of this. I've been listening to Leos video on "How to fall in love with life" and reading the book "Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabit Zinn" and "Letting Go by David R. Hawkins" and speaking to you folks here on the forum all of which are a big help for this. I am learning it's less about life going in some perfect way... because it likely simply wont and hasn't in the past. There are too many random seeming factors in life, I have many real foundational elements to build in my life etc... So instead of trying to use how David R Hawkins calls it "Force"... trying to force reality to be a certain way... Instead surrender and use power to enjoy life. In the end, however life goes how it goes. You sort of have to steer your ship the best you can. I've noticed I haven't been the best general, the best pilot of my ship. I've lacked wisdom, and even common sense throughout this journey. I think my current path with Accounting has been for my logical part of my mind because Accounting and admin is central to survival as human. Qigong, journaling, tripping, meditation, and reading have been important for me to work on my internal hardware and software. I haven't been so wise in my late teens and 20s. I've tried a lot of things and failed most of them. But, I know I will continue to grow wiser each day. I like Leo's ideas on simply using each day to grow in each of the foundational areas of life. Improving health, improving diet, improving etc... This gives life it's meaning. For example, I enjoyed the challenge of losing my job and trying to find a new one. I just had an interview today and I have two tomorrow. This has been challenging but I know I have grown so much through it. Once I have a job, I will get second so I can pay off my debt. So, for the next few years instead of rushing towards becoming some big success and failing everywhere... I will build a healthy stable foundation. There are many Qigong workshops I will do on the weekends. I will work hard each day to fight down my debt and build a healthy savings and I will plan long term to get the musical gear I need to make my projects and to develop my skills. I will find a way to maintain some sort of music practice and Qigong practice through this period of heavy work load. I will grow, and develop many skills during my day job and I will use my night shift to fight for a future financial freedom. Life is hard, but it is a miracle. I notice I don't always take it for granted. But my four pillars of success for my future success is: 1. Count your blessing with gratitude 2. Proclaim your rarity 3. Go another mile 4. Use wisely your power of choice and do all things with love You are the greatest miracle in the world. -God

I generally only eat plants. But, I’m loosening my vegan grip and being more open. I don’t buy milk or meat. I’ve eaten meat for the first time in the last 5 years this week past. I didn’t miss it, didn’t notice any differences.

@puporing Yeah, good point. I’m going through interviews right now. Had one this morning I think I did ‘okay’ don’t know if I’ll get the job or not. Going to study and focus for the interview tomorrow.

I took accounting because I thought it was the best general skillset for everything else. Understanding money and business would allow me to build everything else.... this marketing course... though likely may not bring financial return has taught me a lot about online marketing, sales funnels and good or bad financial decisions.

Thank you everyone for talking me through my bs today. I think, first and foremost I need to improve my attitude and character towards life. I feel a bit bitter with God about the Tinnitus and just how hard i fucking worked on my music and how much pain I have experienced over the years. How hopeless it feels now.

@Yarco You make a lot of good points. How will you manage doing all those things? That is impressive. I have a diploma in accounting and payroll I got during Covid. I am interviewing for a job that pays 45k and then wednesday one that pays 50-60k. So, I will do okay. But, I am getting a second job to KILL MY DEBT. I am waging war on my debt because it's 9% over healthy levels accounting to the personal finance books I've been devouring the last 3 days. Plus, I decided I want rid myself of all my debt so my net income is mine. 1 year working two jobs I can kill my high interest debt, the second year it to kill the student loan. The second year I am still contemplating.. 1 year two jobs for sure. 2 Years is a long time.. Then, I will be 28 years old and debt free, 15k saved. I am setting that as my birth date. And the Arcadefire Graph... The early members were quitting the band and stuff because before 2005 they weren't making any money. Organizing people and having them see your vision is hard. Of course Win Butler has been there the longest he is the visionary for the group. The rest, are the talent! lol They played lots of shows for like 4 or 5 years before their sound matured enough to be able to play large shows. That charge doesn't even have all the 'member's because they usually tour with a massive band and back up musicians, Haitian drummers etc. They seem to be a healthy family of people. Husband, wife and brother and friends. They've been around for more than 15 years and played at a high level with a massive group of people. Thats basically unheard of... edit: Sarah Neufield still plays live with them in 2022... I really suck at managing people though. I have to work on that. Not sure if my band it dead or whats going on after this last festival didn't work out. I get annoyed because I know that if I was younger with the knowledge I have now... I could start again without tinnitus and ensure I didn't get it. I could keep my network healthier, I could invest more in developing a healthy character etc. I just wish I had the life purpose course in highschool.

Thank you. This is true. Right now, I am focusing on falling in love with accounting. Money is the real thing I am missing. Once I have money, I can do all the things... courses, coaching, therapy, substances, dating, buy music equipment and travel to gigs... So, I am slaving myself for 2 years to become completely debt free and save 15k. I may do music on weekends. But, likely I'll be preparing for my two jobs. I guess, I am just going through a greiving process. The TInnitus... the money. Eh.

@Ulax No, lately I've been pretty fine. I haven't felt depressed, or really that stressed at all that past month and a half. But, now that I am looking at my life and it's really dawning on me that... God has nothing planned for me. It doesn't care if I live or die, if I succeed for fail. It gave me freedom and a short life span and an aging process. You can't go back. This is it. You didn't invest well in your youth? Too bad. I just, existentially wanted to be an artist. Thats what I like most about reality. So, the thing I find most fascinating feels like it's been ripped from my hands.

@Ulax My mental health is fine. I am just going through grief of realizing my shit my life is now that I can't actualize my life purpose.

What are all are saying is true and my higher self knows this. I just, I hate it.

The best thing to do, is either be humble, surrender to the reality that God is a total fucking d bag and I have to just give up, focus on saving and earning money and my health and life long learning. Id love to be a REAL musician. But, God must hate me or something. Like, I can’t reconcile the love I’ve felt and the infinite potential of God with me? How am I god is this is reality? What kind of God would create this type of reality? Im 26, and according to Leo I’m pretty well doomed to be a wage slave. Why even live at all at this point? Anyway, gotta go take a nap and then prepare for job interviews.

Then who’s whole actualized thing has been a waste of time. The only reason I started any of this was to become a successful musician. Yeah, I want to be a professional. Have a real impact. Yeah, the chances are low. Yeah, I probably won’t make it. And, I don’t expect it to make me happy and solve all me issues. I don’t want to just make music an share it with some friends. I might as wel not bother making it. I want to be a real artist. You don’t get it. It’s not self deception. I’m not asking to be Justin Bieber. But, a professional musician. Having thousands of fans and making my art. It’s not about the people. If you make art YOU NEED TO SELL IT or how are you gonna keep making the art? Your shit accounting job?! Your saying true things. I’m not going to argue with you. I just think God is kind of a d bag. I’d rather not spend a whole life time as some mediocre failure. Just leave me alone.

This is why I have suicidal thoughts Why am I doing any of this work if I’m already basically a doomed wage slave? What’s the point of me living? Even Leo himself has said he would kill himself if he was a wage slave. So, what the hell.