Thought Art

@Hardkill nope, that’s dumb in my opinion

He seems like a good guy. I personally find him boring but may get into him.

@Yimpa A well grounded, mature person who takes care of themselves, their career, and their family is an unsung hero you know. Someone who does the work to develop maturity, integrity and a sober mind. Someone who their family and community can depend on. That’s a valuable thing. Becoming rock solid is a worthy goal. I am not sure if I want a kid. But, if I did I would be the dad I never had. My dad was always drunk and angry about work. He did a lot for us as his job was hard but supported us. he was uneducated and had no real coping strategy other than drinking. But, being scared of Dad everyday definitely fucked up my nervous system and ability to relate with people. Mom and dad always fighting. They also have lines they say over and over again like bad NPCs which is strange. I picked up so much limiting beliefs from them… it’s hard to over come that stuff. Never being hugged growing up. It was all hard. My parents loved me but because of their own upbringings could not show it to us. Me and my sister talk a lot about the traumas we have growing up. I know she still struggles. She’s a social worker/ life coach. But, struggles so the depression and anxiety as well. My parents inability to socialize and trust people shaped my perceptions of things and I’m still working on unlearning their nonsense. But, my parents did a lot for me as well. Supported me in doing sports, fed me, clothed me, got me tutored so I can read because I struggled to learn in elementary school. That tutor and learning phonetics was probably the best thing to happen to me. I had at least grade 12 reading level since grade 5. I ended up looking for love in the wrong places. My attachment style is all fucked up too. But, improving slowly. It’s all gonna take time. Lots of truth facing. The vast majority of people will never be able to have a large impact. But, that shouldn’t disqualify their success, nor the challenges of achieving that. I just need to persist.

@Yimpa I think it’s a common thing. A large foundational part of personal growth is that healing of the scars left by our upbringing. Trauma is a real thing and so, healing it, gaining experience and learning new ways of being and behaving is a process that does often take years. We live in a traumatized society. This actually makes it hard see what real success is as many successful business people are doing it out of some kind a trauma. Also, many people who could have done well otherwise get left behind in the wake of parents who themselves were traumatized. I think, I want a deep meaningful and deeply rooted and balanced form of success. Which, who knows may look mediocre on the outside at the end of the day but if people knew what I went through to get to this place of deep health, and wealth… It’s hard to see how your upbringing affects you holistically as well. To develop a solid character and… to develop a healthy Integrated centre takes time. I may be behind in some ways but… I know my investment will pay off.

My trauma from growing up in a home with alcoholism and mental health issues in my parents I think set me back years as an adult. I’m also not neurotypical and working to mature into my brain is a thing. My parents are not educated. In life you have to work with the cards you are dealt.

I heard he was rehired

My current understanding of crypto is that it’s just Hype. So it’s worthless for the most part aside from bitcoin.

@Sincerity Thanks. It’s my life at the end of the day. It’s been very challenging to say the least. Having all this feeling of ambition but just being weighed down is demoralizing. But, if maturity and mastery pay the dividends I suspect they will as I work through all my setbacks and shortcomings I can become a man people look up to. It’s gonna take time. But, I believe in myself. I don’t know what’s possible. But, at the very least fixing my finances and basic career/ income is definitely fixable. I feel a bit vulnerable. However, I know others here struggle too and by having this conversation I think it will help others as well. I am who I am and I am where I am. I’ve shared a lot here about my feelings of helplessness and depression from this debt I have. But, I’ve grown stronger because of it and it’s maturing me deeply. I am strong, patient and will persist until I succeed. — I am deeply ambitious. I have though been immature, and full of cognitive and character flaws. But, each of my mistakes in my 20s (of which there have been so so soooo many… but at least I have experience). I will keep practicing Qigong as my main spiritual/ physical/ mind body practice and posting free videos each week. People seem to really enjoy them and watch them regularly. I also enjoy making them. I have about 423 subscribers and get about 200 views every 48 hrs which is pretty cool. I’ll build my mastery of Qigong slowly and maturely. I will also teach locally at community and fitness centres for side cash and the joy of teaching. It’s easy to forget that people get a lot of value from my Qigong videos because it doesn’t earn my money yet. I have no online products, or subscriptions yet… but, I plan to in a few years time as I grow the brand slowly. I need patience and to remember that I’ve only been teaching for a couple years. Patience. I have a vision for this. Music? I think if I could do anything I would do this. But, I just don’t believe it’s possible… at least right now it’s worth letting go. Cybersecurity, I am really enjoying the google certificate so far and could really enjoy a career in it. It also pays very well which is of main concern for me. I’m exciting to learn Python and SQL as well. In the end… I have to meet life on its terms. My life will be enriched by growing and overcoming this current chapter in my life with all its challenges. I will continue to see myself grow in maturity, financial health, employable skill, mental health, and spiritual growth. These are worthwhile projects which will bring a lot of joy, and sustained value to my life. I struggled a lot with immaturity, desperation and mental health issues, such as anxiety, impulsiveness, wishful thinking, depression and marijuana addiction throughout my 20s. These things have held me back. It was also hard to navigate because I was exposing myself to so many spiritual/ epistemological schools. But, after having done this I feel very grounded. But, despite my setbacks and failures I’ve continued to invest in my education, learning, self reflection and self correction. I will overcome this challenge. My bookshelf overflows with books, I have lots of resources at my disposal, I have time to get into a rewarding high paying career like cyber security. I don’t know yet, how I provide massive value to escape wage slavery. My path will be my own and I won’t compare myself to anyone else. I share my journey here because, I want to face the truth of where I am. I’m not gonna pretend I’m something I’m not.

I am not right now

Put more effort into your posts. Building resilience can be a worthwhile endeavour. Reality can be challenging and harsh at times. Consider asking chatGPT for book recommendations on building resilience and adversity quotient. See yourself as you are. And, go from there. Do you want to build resilience? You can.

People gotta actually study spiral dynamics instead of making these claims.

@Rishabh R Yeah, I'd say instead of panicking and feeling helpless... Re-evaluate your study habits, ask for more help from peers and teachers, and take proactive steps to improve your grades.

Don't

I want to see looking back 5 years from now that I've had 5 years a solid decision making, execution and results.

I have begun the Google Cybersecurity Certification. So far, I’m enjoying it.

@Rishabh R I don’t know.

@Rishabh R Are you doing your best? Is there ways you can improve your study habits? I think in school you sort of have to do your best and face the truth. When it comes to getting a job I don't think GPA matters at all.

@koops Okay I reviewed his chapter and examples and his are broad as well. I will try out my mission statement as it is for now and continue to make changes to it over time. For me this addresses the things in my life as a whole. A lot of the things are done simply by their interaction with those areas in my life. I don't see where Steven says that in the chapter that you shared. My mission statement is a draft. It'll need to be honed and clarified. It’s not meant to be a life purpose statement which would be more focused.

@Rishabh R I think so. Grades don’t matter that much, and having intégrant work ethic matters Moore over long term. Imo

@koops Thanks I’m still working through the chapter. First time writing it out loosely based on his examples.

@CARDOZZO who is that?

All of us lonely, it ain't a sin To want something better, then the shape your in The rain came at the break of day Your light in the windowpane, said come on in It's a broken heart babe, I know the sound Feels like your hands, are nailed to the ground It'll pass just like everything else You won't let it get to me, the next time around It's a hard earn victory The life that come from you to me Can never be wrong Grown from a moment and a million miles Here lies the stardust and it slowly dies Borrowed from nothing come back half alive And the stars the whisper blessings as you walk by

It’s funny I had been thinking about cyber security career for past few months. Then, at an open mic last night I was chatting to a guy who happened to be a cybersecurity manager here in my city. He mentioned once I had a certificate or two to reach out to him and he’d help me find/ get a job.That was lucky.