Thought Art

What do you mean? Try to give more detail in your posts so people can engage with them.

Or, just find a different girl.

The king's taken back the throne The useless seed is sown When they say they're cutting off the phone I tell 'em you're not home No place to hide You were fighting as a soldier on their side You're still a soldier in your mind Though nothing's on the line You say it's money that we need As if we're only mouths to feed I know no matter what you say There are some debts you'll never pay Working for the Church while your family dies You take what they give you and you keep it inside Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone" I can taste the fear Lift me up and take me out of here Don't wanna fight, don't wanna die Just wanna hear you cry Who's gonna throw the very first stone? Oh! Who's gonna reset the bone? Walking with your head in a sling Wanna hear the soldier sing: "Been working for the Church while my family dies Your little baby sister's gonna lose her mind Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home" Hear the soldier groan "We'll go at it alone. I can taste your fear It's gonna lift you up and take you out of here And the bone shall never heal I care not if you kneel We can't find you now But they're gonna get the money back somehow And when you finally disappear We'll just say you were never here Working for the church while your life falls apart Singing halleluiah with the fear in your heart Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone" Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone"

@StarStruck okay

I asked ChatGPT to describe Fearful Avoidant attachment style; The Fearful-Avoidant attachment style, also known as Disorganized or Anxious-Avoidant attachment, is a complex and often contradictory attachment pattern. Individuals with this style exhibit a blend of characteristics associated with both Avoidant and Anxious attachment styles. Here are some key features of the Fearful-Avoidant attachment style: 1. **Ambivalence**: People with this attachment style have a deep desire for emotional closeness and intimacy, but they also fear it. They may crave a close relationship but struggle with the vulnerability it entails. 2. **Mixed Signals**: They may send mixed signals in relationships, alternating between seeking closeness and pushing others away. This behavior can be confusing to both themselves and their partners. 3. **Past Trauma**: Often, this attachment style develops as a result of past traumatic experiences or inconsistent caregiving during childhood. They may have experienced both moments of comfort and moments of fear or neglect from their caregivers. 4. **Fear of Rejection**: Fearful-Avoidant individuals are afraid of being rejected or abandoned, which can lead to high levels of anxiety in relationships. 5. **Difficulty Trusting**: Due to past experiences, they may find it challenging to trust others fully. They may anticipate that others will hurt or disappoint them. 6. **Self-Sabotage**: They tend to sabotage their own relationships, often when they become too close or when things start going well. This self-sabotage is a way to protect themselves from potential hurt. 7. **Inner Conflict**: There is often a significant inner conflict between their desire for closeness and their fear of vulnerability. This can lead to emotional turmoil and indecision. 8. **Low Self-Esteem**: They may have low self-esteem and believe that they are unworthy of love or that they will inevitably be rejected. 9. **Inconsistency**: Their behavior can be inconsistent, and they may have difficulty maintaining stable, long-term relationships. 10. **Therapy and Self-Reflection**: Therapy can be particularly beneficial for individuals with a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style to explore and work through the underlying fears and unresolved issues contributing to their attachment patterns. It's important to remember that attachment styles are not fixed, and with self-awareness and therapeutic support, individuals with a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style can develop more secure and fulfilling relationships over time.

I’ve been working on this. I found going tree planting to be so healthy for meeting people. I’ve been in cabins in the woods with a bunch of 20 year olds for the past month. So healthy, very healing and I’ve grown a lot! 30 + people I think. Each day is a lesson. In my city I’ve been going to more social events and believe I’m in the process of building a social circle. I now see it’s value and importance of maintaining, pruning and cultivating my relationship and community.

@The Redeemer I don’t know the answer to that. But, suspect there is a good book, or section in a book on attachment theory that has tips, tricks and exercises. Could be worth going on amazon and reading the table of contents to find that answer. Or, just google that exact question or ask ChatGPT. I asked ChatGPT “What are the most important principles in effective human relating: The most important principles for success in human relationships include: 1. **Communication**: Effective and open communication is crucial. Listen actively, express yourself clearly, and show empathy toward others' perspectives. 2. **Trust**: Build and maintain trust by being reliable, honest, and consistent in your actions and words. 3. **Respect**: Treat others with respect, valuing their feelings, opinions, and boundaries. Mutual respect is the foundation of healthy relationships. 4. **Empathy**: Try to understand and validate the emotions and experiences of others, which fosters a deeper connection. 5. **Boundaries**: Establish and respect personal boundaries to ensure both individuals' comfort and autonomy. 6. **Conflict Resolution**: Learn how to manage conflicts constructively, seeking solutions rather than escalating disagreements. 7. **Support**: Offer support and be there for others during challenging times. A supportive presence strengthens relationships. 8. **Quality Time**: Spend quality time together, nurturing the connection through shared experiences and activities. 9. **Appreciation**: Express gratitude and appreciation for the people in your life regularly. 10. **Self-Care**: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally, as your well-being influences your ability to maintain healthy relationships. 11. **Forgiveness**: Be willing to forgive and let go of grudges when appropriate, as forgiveness can lead to healing and growth. 12. **Flexibility**: Adapt to change and be open to compromise when necessary. 13. **Equality**: Promote equality and fairness in your relationships, ensuring that power dynamics are balanced. 14. **Authenticity**: Be true to yourself and encourage others to do the same. Authenticity fosters genuine connections. 15. **Patience**: Understand that relationships take time to develop and evolve, and not everything happens instantly. These principles can help you build and maintain fulfilling, positive relationships with friends, family, romantic partners, and colleagues. Remember that successful relationships require ongoing effort and communication from all parties involved.

@The Redeemer I asked chat GPT to list the elements of a healthy attachment style. Here is the output: A healthy attachment style typically includes the following elements: 1. **Secure Base**: Feeling safe and secure in the presence of your caregiver or partner. 2. **Trust**: Believing that your caregiver or partner is dependable and reliable. 3. **Effective Communication**: Open and honest communication with your caregiver or partner. 4. **Emotional Regulation**: The ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy way. 5. **Autonomy**: Feeling comfortable with independence while still seeking and providing support. 6. **Mutual Respect**: Respecting each other's boundaries and autonomy. 7. **Conflict Resolution**: The capacity to resolve conflicts constructively and without fear of abandonment. 8. **Comfort with Intimacy**: A willingness to be vulnerable and emotionally close without fear of rejection. 9. **Consistency**: Expecting consistent care and support from your caregiver or partner. 10. **Empathy and Compassion**: Both partners showing empathy and compassion towards each other's needs and emotions. A healthy attachment style fosters a sense of security and connection in relationships, allowing individuals to thrive both emotionally and socially. Keep in mind that attachment styles can evolve and change over time based on life experiences and personal growth.

@The Redeemer That is a good place to start. It can help by studying the healthier attachment styles and the practices, Techniques and methods of developing a healthy attachment style.

Google some attachment style questionnaires and see what you find.

What about people who are into feeling pain?

@The Redeemer To your opening post: You simply lack the skills and experience of attracting women in a way that comes from real authentic power. Aggression, yelling etc really doesn’t cultivate a rich connection with women, which is what you really want under all that toxic BS.

Hey redeemer, do you know what your attachment style is? I personally like porn… but when I’m with a woman it’s way better and I’m very very content. I love women. But, I can relate to the feelings of anger towards women. I notice it in myself as a covering over things like shame, feeling of powerlessness, or being overwhelmed by their beauty. It’s worth feeling into and contemplating this anger over a long period of time. But, you can work through all that shit and grow into a man who authentically is grounded in his own power and self love. Then, you can authentically love a woman, and women as a whole. It’s one most rewarding things to develop in your life as a man. Get more experience with women. If you love them skillfully, they love you back. It’s design.

So far your approach seems fair if you want to go deeper. If it’s a problem we can just clean it up. —- I agree that as a man it is healthy to have developed sexual abundance. Your ability to get sex is great for life value and being confident in your sexuality, status and energy is both attractive to her and feels good to you in and of itself. Avoid chasing girls and falling into the trap of one-itis. There are many girls, and many of them can seem special, incredible and… you know… in the moment. Doesn’t mean it’s true. Fall in love with WOMEN, not a woman. Then, every girl you see is you’re lover whether you date or have sex with them. You can love women in many ways! Which is definitely a feature to reality. They are you! Go for abundance, go for enjoying the company of women, go for having fun, building connection, getting experience. Women are amazing.

Your mind is tricking you. You can be skinny and be attractive. But, also working through your stuff and learning to love women in a mature way will go far. What you need is more conscious and self love. The more you love women, and the more you love yourself you’ll have better results. It can take time to work through that. Building some muscle can help, purifying your mind and heart can help, loving and respecting yourself, others and women can help as well. Put in some healthy effort to improve your looks. I think that is actually healthy. I know when I feel relaxed, funny, sexy and flirtatious women respond very well to that. The energy and framing you go into situations is very important. Don’t assume one women’s preferences are that of all women. They can vary greatly. Be mindful of all the bullshit from social media telling you “what’s attractive”. Simply socialize more. Get direct experience. Do some practices and keep working through your bullshit. On the other side of bullshit… is so much love you wouldn’t believe. Take building your self esteem, self image, self love very seriously. Also, go about working through all the bullshit ideas fed to you on social media via direct experience.

Read books about the lives if these people and how they become they way they are. Contemplate it. Trip once or twice. Feel. Contemplate.

Can be a useful video to watch. Contemplate change, and go through it consciously.

I’ve been sleeping with a girl for the past week. Though I did enjoy the first one because we have good chemistry, I notice the more we do it the better it gets.

I’m starting to feel a bit pessimistic about being successful. I’m 27, have debts from being scammed, and student loan debts. I don’t have a great paying job or a job I love. I feel like I don’t have the time to master anything. I’m gonna spend all day working for some asshole. Is my life worth living now? I should have invested my teens and 20s into escaping wage slavery. Now I’m wondering if it’s possible. But, back then I had no idea it was a thing. I e been dealing with suicidal thoughts creeping in more and more. I try to be positive and proactive. I want to build a good life. But, my debts, rent, food, bills, and my age are locking me in to a mediocre grind. I won’t do that for 40 more years and then die. I either find a way to run my own business or die. I’m afraid of dying and don’t want to make things worse or hurt my family. But, I have little interest in just living for the sake of it. I want to enjoy my existence. Not be a slave to survive my whole life.

Hmm, the mind is a labyrinth

It’s definitely true, but there is also the ability to love the other which I really struggle with.

I deeply want a girlfriend and a healthy conscious relationship. In a few years I’m sure I’ll make posts about what a healthy relationship I now have how great my business is going how well my finances are how deep my awakening is how much love I experience How great my Qigong and music is

I’m more focused right now I’m seeing reality clearly. I am focused on creating an optimistic mindset despite this set back. I am focusing on rest when not at work, and meditating each day. This is helping. I am for sure also experiencing a deep longing for love, connection, intimacy but also not rushing into things so needy like I’ve done in the past. I’m experiencing a lot, and working to observe it objectively. Working on self love and self care. Surely, there is a lot of work to be done to get my life where it needs to be. My life has many many many failures. But, also many small successes. I want to learn how to love more fully and without fear, pain, defensiveness, etc. I’d like to heal my anxious avoidant tendencies. It’s extremely painful and frustrating because I’d like to be in a stable long term relationship with a woman I love. I suspect it will be worth it but will take time, and many failures to realize. I’ll have to work some jobs I don’t like over the coming years to survive and pay down debts. I have free time at times which I will use to keep growing my Qigong knowledge, and all the systems I need in place in order to build my online business; email list, courses, workshops, membership site, etc I really don’t know what the future holds but I do suspect I can become wise, mature, and relatively successful in my relationships, finances and business. I will work to overcome learned helplessness, depression, anxiety, and etc I’ll learn to love. I’ll spend more time around women, especially the beautiful ones with great personalities. The ones I want deep down. The ones who trigger my anxious avoidant tendencies. I need more experience to heal these scars. Tree planting, as I am right now, I met a girl who triggered my feels. I like her, and have strong feelings so, due to my attachment style I stopped looking at her and talking to her when possible. I’m fact I feel angry at her for my feelings toward her. This, is not a love I feel for her. But an infatuated anxiety of an immature mind.

@Nilsi Hey, what would a good search term be for me to start looking for these types of jobs? What is the potential earnings?