Lento

I don't even know if it was a date, you'll know later why. So, there's this woman, a secretary from the work I left one and a half years ago. Ever since I worked there, I could tell that she'd had a crush on me, and I deserved it because I was the superstar there, I was a super productive workaholic. I didn't really have any feelings towards her at that time. I would treat her with kindness like I would do with any other woman. Anyway, so right after I left that job, she kept contacting me to keep in touch. And then we decided to go every morning and walk together as she was (still is) overweight and I wanted to help her out. We walked for almost a week and she told me all about her past. She's divorced, mother to three girls but has difficulties in being able to contact them, has a painful traumatic past, her husband was physically abusive to her and her children, and she has mother issues (if that's even a thing). However, I stopped talking to her because I sensed that she started making excuses to stop the daily morning walk. I completely cut off texting or calling her, I even deleted her phone number. She contacted me twice after I stopped talking to her and asked me if anything was wrong. I responded kindly with fake answers. And that was that. After that, I went celibate for a year (almost until now), with not really much friends, with the intention of finding "the truth" (done). And the only time she contacted me was the night before Valentine's day (romantic gesture?), she called offering me a new job opportunity elsewhere. I didn't recognise her at first, but then she reminded me and I responded kindly and thanked her and with complete respect, I rejected the job immediately, since I was focused on my goal and I didn't want to distract myself with work or relationships. Anyway, in April this year I started a new job, and she ended up finding out about it from my brother who replaced me there where she works. She (and actually my former boss and colleagues) would always ask my brother about me and send me greetings, and I wouldn't respond. So, as soon as she knew where I work, she came to visit me. She definitely surprised me, but I didn't really care. I told her that I want to be alone and she hoped that I would come back to normal. Days go by and she starts texting me again, and I, as usual, compliment and flirt with her, like I would do with any other woman if she's receptive. When I was working with her, I even created a nickname for her and she liked it only from me. On her birthday, I gave her a bracelet as a gift, but so did the other co-workers (different gifts obviously). She also visited me at work once again last week. Now we're done with the background story, and on to the date: We decided to meet today at sunset at the same park. We walked a little and talked then sat down on a park bench. We talked about how our past year went and etc... and then we walked again to move our location. We went to an isolated part of the park, and I asked her if it's okay, she said of course. We sat down and the dark started crawling. We talked for almost two hours about all kinds of stuff, BUT, and here's the interesting part, she would talk to me about her boobs (she didn't actually use the word boobs) and about her period. She would tell me that she's done so much ultrasound tests because she's afraid of cancer (she doesn't have any), and that her beasts hurt her all the time and that she gets relieved when she wears her bra, and that she didn't use to wear a bra at home, and that she feels relief if they're squeezed, and so on.. And then she would tell me about her ovaries and stuff and pain related to them, and that eversince she got divorced she developed that pain while not getting into any other relationships whatsoever, I interpreted this as a sign for being horny and wanting to have sex. And here goes the mixed signals that she would send. I do some random thing like crossing my legs and she does the same, I do something else and she doesn't. She confused the hell out of me. I even got a boner and adjusted my penis inside my pants while she was talking about her boobs and how big they are (reminder: she's overweight) and how their weight worsen the pain for her. I mean I shouldn't be such a pervert but come on! This is girl to girl stuff. Why is she telling me that? I thought about making a gesture but I didn't find the mood to be appropriate. We have the typical bumping hands gesture (??) so I did this as much as I could so I can show her that I'm interested in her (not love, just sex, I'm not ready for a relationship yet). We talked about non-duality and philosophy, she doesn't know about nonduality but I used a simplified language to explain it to her. She told me that she doesn't want to get married ever again, and I told her that I will eventually have to get married and she didn't seem upset. She told me that she is afraid of the future, since she does not have a stable job and doesn't have a family to support her. But she still would refuse the idea of marriage. We got cold so we walked again, and I walked her home and she said that we should go out more often and then we parted, and story's over. Soooo... Guys: what would you do? Go. Ladies: WTF is going on FFS? Is she messing with my head? Is she in love with me? Does she find the warmth that her mother didn't provide only with me? I don't have a clue what she is up to. But I can simply just ignore all that and continue living my life and I don't have a problem with meeting her in a friendly way. I just want more clarity. Sides notes: I am borderline poor, not Alpha and not Beta. Just a normal dude with a little more than the average consciousness and kind of semi-self-actualized, and with amazing complimenting texting skills as she once told me and as I have been told recently from another girl. I haven't spent a cent on her except for the birthday gift I've given her two years earlier.

I've noticed Leo locking 4 different threads with the justification that the posters aren't completely woke, and therefore their insights are somehow incorrect or misleading. Let's take a closer look; An incorrect insight is literally impossible in Leo's dictionary, because an insight is necessarily true. A misleading insight sounds about right, but that's always the case, from religion to any other school, teacher, or teaching. Even Actualized.org is not an exception. This problem probably stems from the gap in understanding between two people, nothing more. What does Leo mean by "complete awakening"? And if he's already there, then why is he on a pursuit of complete awakening right now?

@Gnosis I already agree with that. It just seems to me like Leo is becoming more attached to one particular view rather than tolerating more views. And it's not just me, many people who seem also loving, caring, and responsible are noticing the same thing. It's fine. You're welcome whenever you feel ready.

@Gnosis Leo should take down all of his previous videos. His awakening was incomplete.

I should re-phrase; So, I should just trust that every decision Leo makes is the best decision for me and everyone else on the forum, or say for humanity? Everything I'm saying is an attempt to get this forum to perfection, even though I am grateful that it's already perfect. Freedom is beautiful. Yet, mixed with responsibility and respect for other perspectives it's magnificent.

So, I should trust that every decision Leo takes is the best decision? Assuming that you're speaking for him of course. Sure. I'm sorry.

I would call that state a complete satisfaction of all the senses including the mind, or what we call 'ego-death'. I think awakening is a specific term for the satisfaction of the mind, although not necessarily alone. For example, I might have a moment of complete understanding, yet still desire food or sex. I would still consider that an awakening. In this context, a scientific discovery can be described as an awakening too. @Eph75 I agree with you on everything except on the distraction part. Without a destination, distractions do not exist. Is there a destination? For me, it's up to me whether I want to create a destination or not.

@Enlightenment Is that a quote from Leo? @Bill W I don't think it's arrogant as long as there's a capacity for discussion. And I agree with you on the definition. Yes, although locking multiple threads of debatable quality for multiple users while high on 5-Meo does not give me the impression of much nuance.

Exactly! *the Amazon guy* ?

@mandyjw The fast food analogy does not fit here because we could easily draw scientific data to the table. With awakening, it's very different. If Leo is still seeking awakening, then he's by definition not awake. You can't seek the absolute, because all seeking is in the relative domain (assuming that there's an absolute and a relative). In simpler terms, Leo's personal truths are Leo's personal truths and my personal truths are my personal truths. At least, that's what we used to be told here. @Nahm Okay.

To you, at the moment. Or so you say. Yes. And I'm reacting because history shows that it does not work out. To you, at the moment. Or so you think.

And why is Leo the exception here? I understand that it's his forum, but that sounds hypocritical to me. Just because I own the stage does not give me the right to do magic tricks and then claim that my tricks are highest truth and all other tricks are inferior, or false and shut them down. If this is a free space for sharing information, then all information should be allowed. Sure, Leo is free to change his mind whenever he wants, but then I should get notified that actualized.org has become a religion and that free thinking is not welcome anymore.

@Dand What do you think?

I love this! I'll share it in my thread if that's okay because it fits very well there.

I think it's very important to emphasise here that the relativity is attributed to the person's point of view which is also relative. So, it's only misinformation and unconsciousness from Leo's point of view. From other points of view, it may be the exact opposite. There's a trap here of monopolising God and awakening, and I honestly don't like the sound of it, especially with Leo now pursuing complete awakening, it will make that trap even more tricky.

In my view, there's nothing but awakening. It's not something that I need to "go and awaken to". Awakening is happening all the time. We are never not going deeper. Wouldn't you agree? Okay, but why is that?

To be fair, anything can be addictive.

@SamueLSD That's interesting. Sounds like we live in completely different realities still ?

Ultimately, it's "I" who determines the truthfulness of thoughts. If I think certain thoughts are true and accurate, they become true and accurate. If I think they're false and misleading, they become false and misleading. This process does not occur on the conscious level, but rather on the subconscious level. It's a conditioning that I've been programmed with. So, to let go of certain thoughts, I'd need to bring them up to the conscious level first and then observe them deeply and then they will spontaneously vanish or turn into something useful for me. That's just one method but there's more. I can also remove old conditioning by forgetting it completely; this is what happens when I no longer need certain thoughts, they just fly out of my life; for example, living in solitude will unwire the old conditioning I've had. Another way is to engage in different activities that will change my old conditioning into a new different conditioning; for example, changing my lifestyle, job, friends, etc... will change how I view the world. I don't find this assumption completely true. The way I see it is that the mind works for its own survival, not the biological survival of my body. It even happens to be the case sometimes that the mind may work in harmful ways to my biological survival. The mind does not really care about the body, at least not the ordinary malfunctioning mind. The ordinary mind only cares about protecting and preserving its identity, which is, again, old conditioning, aka a bunch of subconscious thought patterns. By; Examining those thoughts closely and comparing them to other thoughts from other people's experiences. Trial and error. Luck. For me, the bad feeling is a pointer that my thoughts aren't aligned with reality. You see, when the old conditioning stops working, the mind starts seeking another conditioning. The seeking process surely does not feel comfortable psychologically, a rewiring of brain chemistry is occurring, that will create mood swings and so forth. The best way I've found to deal with this is learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. In other words, being adapted to change. I'm learning to accept the fact that change and growth are painful processes. I'm learning to embrace the pain instead of resisting it.

In terms of value, I find anything else other than video games superior. I would rate video games of lower value even than mindlessly surfing the social media. At least with social media, I get to connect with the world around me. Video games have the ability to disconnect the mind from reality straight to completely different realities, which are more likely not useful for survival in the original reality. So, in conclusion, if you're striving to survive, video games aren't your best bet, although you can become a gamer and make living from that.

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, but this quote seems like a reasoning that you'd consider true without an equal and opposite counter reasoning.

There's no difference.

What does a 'neutral consciousness state' even mean?

Just thought I'd add a well-taken-and-edited pic to this 'I just woke up' pics thread. And no, I'm not woke like you ? And this one is for the fans; Enjoy ?

My mind is broken. I can't think. I can't work. I can't study. I can't do anything. I need something to start the fire up; I will start by yoga, stretching, and working out. I need to stay away from the phone too; it's very toxic.