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@intotheblack I put a hole in my wall when I was young too. Luckily my sis had moved out by this time so I didn’t affect her the way you were affected. Perhaps you have C-PTSD? Or a Personality Disorder? I don’t mean to insult, I just relate to your experience and have had these issues after experiencing childhood trauma. There is a YT channel another forum member recommended which I found helpful called Crappy Childhood Fairy. Sounds ridiculous but give it a try ? I also recommend researching Personality disorders just to see if you experience any of the symptoms. I have had symptoms of these two: Paranoid Personality Disorder Avoidant Personality Disorder If you have any more questions , let me know! I am unfortunately a bit of an expert on this subject having researched so much for myself out of necessity haha. Good luck!

@intotheblack I am trying to overcome these same issues. For a personal example, I was abused and neglected growing up and developed scarcity mindset (leading to frugality) I have symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder & Avoidant Personality Disorder that I’m working on. My mom was alcoholic and feared we wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. She used my college fund to pay the rent. She would also drive me to my dads house under the influence, always speeding. We nearly got into several high speed accidents. I was also scammed and my dad berated me to feel like a complete moron afterword. I was highly dysfunctional. I also had a very frugal uncle which may have influenced me as well, lol. Lastly, I watched a lot of apocalyptic movies and wilderness survival shows growing up. Having scarce resources is a main theme in these genres and planted the seed in me that I might have to ration my resources or whatever in real life. Hope this helps you understand at least one perspective about “hoarding” money

Maybe psychedelics aren’t a great idea with depression and making big life changes right afterword. Maybe do a meditation retreat instead? Enlightenment doesn’t seem like it should be your highest priority right now. I’m in a similar situation and I think enlightenment in the short term will make things harder, given your situation. Have you checked out the life purpose course? I recommend focusing on finding your life purpose, your mental health, and your living situation. Maybe research C-PTSD and personality disorders. I had a bad family situation growing up and had some of these issues along with depression.

It’s likely just a temporary solution which will have side effects just as bad as the panic attacks themselves. I overcame panic attacks with meditation. Don’t fight the panic but be present with it and accept that it’s happening. The more you resist & try to make it go away, the worse you will feel. I suggest watching Leo’s mediation video’s and incorporating the habit into your daily life. I took medication before and it made me feel dispassionate, numb, and screwed up my memory.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I am looking to do research into personality disorders and I'm curious if anyone has come across any good resources about the subject which I can study. One's I am especially interested in are listed below but a resource covering all of them would be great as well. Paranoid Personality Disorder Avoidant Personality Disorder Antisocial Personality Disorder

@Leo Gura How is the carnivore diet going?

Check out Leo's blog video: https://www.actualized.org/insights/requisite-variety-and-creative-laziness Contemplate the topic using a journal. For example, you could ask: In what domain of life have I felt the most passion and excitement? Am I drawing, playing a sport, programming, doing science, writing stories, telling jokes, cooking? Am I indoors or outdoors when I am most productive and creative? (Using a timer, spend at least twenty minutes on each question) (You don't have to use mine, learn to ask good questions and be open to the possibility that you may not have to rely on some outside source to find what you want to know, that you could find the answers within yourself if you really wanted to/believed you could.) Research and create a list of high consciousness values on the internet. Pick 10 of the ones that stick out to you the most. Then contemplate what each one means to you. Why is __________ a top value for me? or What will my life look like if I embodied this value completely? Research the people who have inspired you the most in your life. What were their values and what impact did they have? What qualities about these people do I admire? Researching resources is important, but if you can't think for yourself about what you learn, you are just memorizing. To truly understand a thing, to become conscious of it, you have to investigate for yourself. Whenever you find a resource, don't just take what they say on blind faith, question it.

Just continue the LPC. You are 15 years old. Just let go of the FBA and find what you are truly interested in. I worked in a field that I hated just for the paycheck and it was a huge waste of time and was unfulfilling/demoralizing. Find something that excites you. If you can't see yourself enjoying the work it will take to make a living in a given field/business, you aren't looking in the right place.

House prices have been skyrocketing of late:

Yeah that’s a good one for sure.

To want is to come from a place of not having. Drugs are a crutch. I never became addicted, but I received painkillers for a surgery I had a while back. It felt good for a few hours, but I knew it would never be sustainable. Extend your time horizon and realize that in the long run, drugs will make you less happy. You are stuck here because you are short sighted. I suggest starting a contemplation habit. Ask good questions about your situation, be honest with yourself, and come up with solutions. Learning = Observation.

Look up Leo's Blog Video Requisite Variety and Creative Laziness. (Page 9) Ask good questions. Contemplate topics with which you struggle or want to improve. Uncover limiting beliefs about a certain domain, and replace those limiting beliefs with better and more accurate ones. Do research on the subject you want to work on for new ideas and to avoid traps. Enjoy the process, find a way to make it fun for you. If this work feels like a chore, try doing it another way. At the same time, there will be emotional labor and ego backlash, so be prepared for it.

What value does a scalpel have to a surgeon? What value does a boat have to a sailor? If you want to create an amazing life, you are going to have to figure out what life is all about. If you are confused and lost about what life is about for you, then you ought to use maps to find your way. A book is a map. Your lack of understanding in any area will severely limit you in that domain. The more you know, the more options you have, the more you can sift through the BS and find what's important to you... Truth, Love, relationships, money, adventure, whatever. If you don't use a map, you will get swept up in the current of life. You will lose direction and purpose. You will just be surviving. A useful metaphor is military campaign. Do you think an army with no leadership or strategy could win a war? Or feed it's troops for that matter? A great general studies the battlefield, studies his enemies, understands his own strengths and weaknesses, and creates a battle plan. Are you a general, creating the circumstances of your life? Or are you a grunt, taking orders and getting shit on by your superiors? If you can't think independently or intelligently, you won't have much choice. You will be rolling around in the mud and getting battered with the rest of the grunts, while the general sits back in his cozy tent drinking his coffee.

I was just scrolling through YouTube and came across this.

Learning from others is knowledge, learning for yourself is wisdom. Reading books & watching videos give you options and pathways which you may not have been able to create or find on your own. The speaker has usually dedicated a large portion of his/her life to learning the lessons of their work. But to make the most of these lessons, we must contemplate their meaning for ourselves. We always value a lesson learned from ourselves over a lesson taught to us by someone else. This is why advice is rarely heeded. We must come up with our own conclusions. Your interests and values are not the same as those of your friends or family or teachers. What is true for another may not be true for you. Their are many levels of truth. Your job, if you desire, is to increase your clarity and perspective to create the best life possible. When learning a new concept, you could ask: "In what ways do I disagree with what's being said, and what would be my alternative way of viewing this situation?" "How is this person deluding himself? How might I be deluding myself in a similar way?" "Do I actually agree/resonate with what's being said here, or am I just blindly following another's ideas?" "In what ways I can integrate this lesson in my daily life?"

I didn't realize but someone already posted this video, my bad. YT algorithm comes in waves.

I recommend the following video: https://www.actualized.org/articles/a-rant-against-culture

I recommend watching the following videos from Leo: https://www.actualized.org/insights/requisite-variety-and-creative-laziness Also, the Life Purpose Course is pure gold. It will help you figure out which path to pursue and much, much more.

The Life Purpose Course will help you to identify your values and your "why." I wouldn't put it off any longer. It is very comprehensive and will help you to get on track. It will help you avoid avoid years working towards dead ends and falling into traps. I found my purpose through the course and I would not be anywhere close to where I am now with my creating my career without it. It's well worth the money. I have been contemplating limiting beliefs and strategies for my business recently and would be happy to work with you on them. Just message me. Bonne chance

@StarStruck Check out the video Life is a Maze. You are chasing cheese when you "should" be trying to escape the maze.

From my experience, people see you the way you see yourself. If you believe you are weird, you will behave weirdly, which will cause others to see you as weird and treat you as such, which will in turn reinforce your belief about it. Find what beliefs/paradigms you hold onto which make you feel you don't belong and journal/contemplate on them. Ask yourself if you are coming from a place of lack or from a place of abundance in your relationships. I have found that the more you need/want something, the more you will repel it. Try to detach from being liked and instead focus on being content with yourself as you are, even if that means having no/few friends. Love yourself, and you will make it easy for others to love you.

This is interesting. I feel like using just a commonplace book or journal has been limiting because I can't see the big picture in one succinct image the way you can with these mind maps. I have also been working on the topics you listed in your post. I'm down to collaborate.

@Leo Gura What are the most profound questions I can contemplate, questions which cut right to the core of what Being and Reality and Self really is? My current ideas: Who am I? What is Reality? Why does Reality exist? Who can I trust? Myself?

@datamonster I was an HVAC installer, CAD Drafter, and an electrical planner.