Nightwise

It would probably do me good to elaborate on this but right now I don't have the energy for that, so maybe i'll come back to it later to edit it more once I do

Maybe men and women can be friends up until a certain point. If there is polarity (which there almost inevitably always is), either these two persons should see each other very infrequently in person (not more than a couple of times per year, I'd say), if it all. Or these people agree (preferably from the very beginning) upon having certain set roles in their relationship to one another. For instance, a client and a therapist of the opposite sex may experience polarized attraction towards one another, but they agree upon not acting upon that because otherwise the professional relationship would get really weird and skewed. If they can manage, at least. I have a female 'friend' in my friends' group whom I actually really like not just in a sexual way but also for her soul, so to speak, but I deliberately choose to not meet with her in private even for activities that would generally be seen as 'innocent' (such as swimming) because she has a boyfriend in the same friend group, and it might really skew with the dynamics if I were to start seeing her privately for certain activitities. It makes me actually uncertain of what to do right now, because on one hand I have the desire to just meet her to go swimming or something and chat up with her a little bit just to talk about how things are going and how things have been going the past few months, but even meeting with her very infrequently (not more than a few times per year) feels already like a break of my personal integrity to me because of the boyfriend she has. I may not intend to get anything started between us, but just the very seeing of each other in private and the bonding may cause it so that certain emotions may start to happen or intensify and become problematic. I would actually really dig having a sexual relationship with her but because she's taken out of integrity I won't interfere and I will look elsewhere. After all, she prior to the boyfriend she has right now used to have another boyfriend in the same friend group (let's call him guy A). Then she started to get feelings for guy B, but she didn't want to cheat or be disloyal to guy A and she got really conflicted about it because she couldn't just turn off her attraction towards guy B. She eventually decided that she wanted to talk about it with guy A not to state that she was going to be with guy B but just to confess that she had feelings towards guy B, in which guy A became very upset and even hostile instead of feeling compassionate for her situation, and eventually it all span out of control and guy A eventually left the friends' group and all attempts to reestablish contact with him (at least for what I tried) ended up failing. It's funny because she's the only girl in our friend group consisting of only dudes but her. I see the potential trouble here but my friends don't really want to admit that and want to act like it's all fine like this because of the feminist conditioning that supposes that all of this should be perfectly fine and problemless. I think part of the reason why I prefer to be polyamorous is because of that monogamous relationships are really hard to remain loyal to if they don't have a very strong grounding in a virtuous or higher cause. It's a bit unfortunate that monogamy is assumed to be the default even for very young people who simply naturally have a much deeper yearning to have a wide array of sexual experiences instead of having a deep experience with on particular person. It's actually really hard to remain monogamous for a man when a really attractive woman starts hitting on him, or when he starts bonding with his attractive female coworker. On the same note, it's really hard for a woman to remain loyal to a man when a more high-value man comes around and starts hitting on her because of her biological wiring to be hypergamous. When the relationship between the two monogamous partners isn't going well, it's all too easy and convenient for them to divert from their ideal of loyalty out of wanting to feel love(d) and desire(d) or even just for the sake of revenge. That's why two partners should only choose to be monogamous if their reasons why are very clear and grounded. Monogamy should be chosen consciously; It shouldn't be the default IMO.

I haven't watched the video, but capitalism in and of itself does not equate to (wage) slavery. It simply depends on whether it's balanced or not. Really, it's even the discussion what it means to be a slave. Technically speaking, there really isn't such a thing as being a "wage slave" as someone simply makes choices and adopts attitudes that gets him or her dependent on a certain loan and wage. The person just as much as everybody else has the capacity to take responsibility and create a great financial situation for him and herself. Yes, for some it's harder than for others, I will admit that.

Lmao that's the funniest title I've read in quite a while

I'm not sure if I would recommend staying away from porn or masturbation. It is not something that works for everybody. For many men like yourself, it leads to division, frustration and confusion. Ask yourself why you have these ideals to not use porn or to not masturbate. I for the most part don't like this whole NoFap movement because it can easily lead to the repression of your sexual energies and in this way it will snap out in ways that are much worse than when you are just allowing yourself to masturbate and perhaps use porn alongside it too. You're seeing that for yourself now. Might it work out well for some men? Perhaps. But it doesn't seem to work out well for you. Don't believe these ignorant fools who claim that NoFap will do good for everybody. It needs a grounding and a clear vision; A clear reason why. Only then it MIGHT work. but you only come to that place usually after having done a lot of work on yourself already and having had a lot of sex already. Otherwise it most likely will become repression and that will become very toxic in your psyche very quickly. I myself use porn and I enjoy it thoroughly. I used to hold guilt and shame about it, but I don't anymore for some time, and I'm honestly very much at ease with my dirty habits and even my deepest, darkest sexual fantasies (and believe me, they get very, very dark). Accept your sexuality, don't repress it. Even if it would make you less good with girls (which I doubt it would. You are not describing it does), it's still not worth it. Accept yourself and be a little bit more relaxed about your sexuality. It's even okay to just hold off approaching women and doing game for a while until you're able to come from a more grounded space.

From the very beginning when I started doing pickup in 2013 when I was still a clueless and awkward chode (for the record, I stopped that same year due to frustration and never returned to pick-up since then), I never really resonated with this idea that I needed to progress my way towards getting these "9's and 10's". From the very beginning that seemed rather nonsense to me. I didn't see why girls whom society at large would judge them as having a 'more attractive appearance' would have truly more inherent worth and value than other girls. And now, almost 9 years later, I still don't see it that way. I see pretty much every pick-up teacher that I otherwise respect talk about this whole idea of 'getting to date the 9's and 10's', and I believe Leo too has mentioned something about working your way up to these 'higher-rated girls'. It honestly really grinds my gears. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I think 9's and 10's are supposed to be like in the eyes of most men, are these arrogant. pompous women who put on a lot of make-up, make sure they stay in good physical shape and perhaps get things like breast implants and get cosmetic surgery, and they walk around with an air like they're better than everyone else. I think the primary reason guys would judge women like that as a '10' or '9' is because of their 'can't get me'-attitude. They're playing hard-to-get and acting like they're above it all. Guys see that as a greater challenge and attribute more value to them because of that. And also of course because these women spend a lot of time and attention making sure their physical appearance stays in check. But as for me, I don't want an arrogant, haughty girl. I would (no joke) honestly get irritated if such a girl were to approach me with such an air as if she's already entitled to having me or even acting like she's above me. I would quickly flip the script and just ask her: "Why should I be interested in you? Do you think you're entitled of getting everything you want from men just because you wear a lot of make-up, put on sexy clothes and act all haughty and above-it-all? What do you have as far as character and substance is concerned? Why would you be a good and trustworthy partner that I would want to date? I want submissive and humble women and I only see arrogance in you so please get away" And this is not some kind of pick-up technique to act high-value and entitled myself. I honestly mean what I've just written there. I couldn't give two shits about this whole ego-game that people are playing where they put certain women with certain qualifications and manners of behaviour on a pedestal, as if they're some special goddess or something. I personally look for the goddess in her character. Is she feminine? Is she humble? Is she receptive? Is she submissive? Is she willing to give all of herself to me... THAT'S the kind of woman I would want to date and be with. Do I then not care for physical appearance at all? I do; I'm still a guy. But the kind of physical appearance that I'm attracted to isn't necessarily layers upon layers of paint on her face. In fact, I can find that quite a turnoff sometimes because I don't get to experience her in her raw and pure form, which I can also find really attractive in some women. Not all women per se, but for some reason with some women I just find them genuinly more attractive when they're not wearing any make-up whatsoever. I just love to see them who they are in all of their purity and simplicity. There is something really attractive to me in seeing a woman in her most raw and unpolished form. I also care to some degree about her feminine curves. This is the only thing I notice that my biology can have a strong initial preference or indifference towards. I prefer her to have big breasts, and I care even more for her having wide hips and a nice, firm, big butt. I don't mind (but not prefer per se) her being overweight (unless it's really severe), as long as she's got the curves in the right places. I also don't mind if she's a little bit older (up unto 60 years old I would say, but this depends very much from woman to woman). Very skinny girls I don't prefer so much, especially if she's got slim and narrow hips and buttocks. I'm the kind of guy who prefers some proper meat on the bones. If she's got those things which I mentioned above, that's nice and all, but I do notice that's just my initial biological kneejerk reaction. I'm very much willing to look past a lack of those physical traits if the girl I'm meeting is very humble, submissive and compassionate, or at least willing to open up and work on becoming more like that. Again, ultimately I care more about her character than her appearance or even my kneejerk biological attraction (unless I'm in a state where I just want get attuned with my primal, raw sexual instincts and go with that, which I suppose can be fun sometimes). Otherwise, I really seek for a feminine, humble and submissive woman. Especially if I were to seek for a long-time partner (which I don't right now, to be fair). The takeaway of this: Guys, please STOP putting certain women that act all arrogant and haughty because of their appearance on a pedestal! Stop playing these fucking ego games! Look in women for something that's truly valuable: Her character and her innocence. If you want to at times let your raw sexual instincts lead you, that's fine, but even then be aware that you don't let your conditioning of what you think an attractive girl is supposed to look like color your perception. Really learn to attune to what YOU find attractive in a woman; Both biologically and on an emotional/spiritual level. And see if you can connect to other women from a place of compassion and true, unconditional love. See if you can love her not for her body, but for her feminine radiance. If her feminine radiance isn't as much present, then look for the woman in her that would have that feminine radiance. As the saying goes: "If you look at people as they are, they will stay as they are. If you look at people for what they can be, they will become the best they can be"; they will change into that best version of themselves that you already see within them. Seeing it in them will bring it out. Thus, seeing the divine goddess in her will bring out the divine goddess, even if beforehand she was quite the opposite of that.

Hey everybody. I just shared a post on my Facebook wall which I though might be worth to translate (from Dutch to English) and share with you guys. I share it because I think it's a really essential concept that almost everybody overlooks or ignores in western society today (at least as far as I can tell) . Let me know what you think of it . The PUA community might rebel against this post because it goes against the idea of having high standards, which is indeed important to attracting more (physically) attractive girls, but I mostly rebel against that idea for the sake of compassion and trying to help and elevate others as described in the post; Especially when those high standards have to do with raw, physical appearance. I would turn down a girl/woman though who has a really shitty, toxic personality and is unwilling to be humble and yielding or change to begin with. Because it's translated the post may not have as much quality in comparison when I would've typed it directly in english, though I have read over and corrected the translated version. Here she goes: "A lot of the problems and practices in dating and relationships have to do with people focusing too much on what 'I' want rather than on what I can give 'her/him'. We think far too little about how we can help someone else become the person we find so attractive. We think that someone else should have all kinds of qualifications, but it never occurs to us that we can contribute to help that person through our love to become our version of the ideal man/woman. An essential question to ask: Why do we expect to have the right to have the ideal man/woman as a partner yet be unwilling to have a relationship with someone who is not "ideal" (whatever that actually means), with the intention of making this partner into our ideal partner? For example in dating: Does someone (or his/her profile) on a dating site not have the ideal qualities of traits? Consider STILL giving this person a like or a message. Why? Because we need more people like you who don't see others for as they are now, but who see and help them become who they CAN be. See people for how they are, then they will remain as they are. See people for how they can be, then they will become what you already see in them. If we're not willing to do that, we'll be left with a society where both men and women become very frustrated at not being able to find the ideal partner. You see the deep-seated problem here? I would even go as far to say this: Your right to be in a relationship with the ideal man/woman lies in your willingness to be in a relationship with a man of woman who has (possibly many) problems, and despite all those problems you are still willing to give your whole heart to that person to help them overcome their problems and make them much happier and fulfilled, and potentially (but not necessarily) even the ideal partner you would spend the rest of your life with. But such a relationship could also be taken as an intermediary step. Small final comment: It also requires that men get over their obsession with appearance in their (potential) partner. As much as men try to see their partner as a young woman with a tight, clean skin, it will not actually make their partner look younger. However, they can see their partner as a very attractive woman, and that will give their partner much more radiance, much more beauty, splendor and life force; And these qualities go much deeper than the qualifications of the flesh. It is up to you whether you want a younger woman or not, but I do think that older women could need attention and love more than younger women. I feel a lot of compassion for older women if they don't already have a partner because they are the ones who tend to get left out and ignored. There may be some other benefits to dating older women as well, but now it starts sounding too much like I'm trying to push you in one direction. Pick whomever you want to choose but don't get too obsessed with youthfulness, is what I'm trying to say." Later edit: Something that I forgot to clarify, is that you're not being with somebody who is "less than ideal" and trying to change them into an "ideal" person based upon trying to manipulate them into becoming somebody that fulfills your ego's needs. Rather, it is about seeing the divine potential that somebody has and by seeing it in them before it's actualized, you actually help them to actualize it. It is helping them to become their divine self; Not a more polished version of their egoic self that you just so happen to like. it's about love; Not about ego. So try to look into the heart of this message, and see the place it's coming from. In hindsight, I feel like I used terms and described it in a way that perhaps too easily gives out the wrong message. I can't be asked to rehash it now, though.

Each their own. But as I've clarified with an edit I made to my original post at the end, it's not about trying to change somebody into someone that your ego happens to like, but it is helping someone to become their highest, most divine Self. I've not made that clear in the post. So it's not about my needs, but more about her needs. Ideally, her higher, (semi-)spiritual needs.

I thought about this. At first I didn't really feel inclined to agree with you. I still think there is a lot more to be said about, but looking through my own experiences I can indeed affirm that there are some girls where their very 'hotness' enchants me in some way. At first I had more of a feeling that that the way we as a western society consider girls to be "hot" has a lot more to do with social conditioning than something that would actually be biologically hardwired. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe in jamaican culture it as very attractive if a woman is fat and overweight (although only we in western culture call it 'overweight'. They would call it the right weight). In other cultures, a woman having a monobrow is seen as immensely attractive, which I personally don't find attractive whatsoever. That makes you suspect that a girl being hot has a lot more to do with social conditioning than biology. I also thought about a girl who a couple years ago I had the kneejerk response to judge her as really, really hot. The woman I'm talking about is Ivanka Trump. Right now however, I don't really have that same tendency anymore to judge her as being 'hot'. I don't see her in that light anymore. I'm not just saying that because she has aged (which she has, which does matter some bit), but because I lost the tendency to see women through that filter anymore. I changed my psychology and now I just have the perspective that I just take women and girls for how they are, without any sort of filter or colored glasses that give girls labels and evaluations. Yes, I must acknowledge that girls and women that other guys would judge as being 'hot' I personally also tend to be more attracted towards, but in my mind I don't give her that label anymore and therefore I am not putting her on a pedestal. I might be deceiving myself, but I genuinly think that because of the fact that I don't give 'hot' women labels and evaluations, I'm more open to just take them for how they are without mental filters and that makes it so that I'm barely any more intimidated by a typical hot girl than by an average girl. What might happen is that these so-called hot girls will give you more shit-tests which may destabilize my confidence a little bit, but then it would be because of that that I would have worse results with them and not because I've brainwashed myself to think that they're out of my league. It does make you think how much of our perception of hotness is based upon social conditioning, and what our perception would be if we remove the social conditioning from it. But in a sense, I must admit I'm a little bit confused about what is hot or attractive in women and girls in a biological sense: Partially because I'm very open-minded and willing to explore different types of women, partially because I'm genuinly willing and trying and also succeeding in looking for and seeing the beauty of her spiritual and feminine depth that goes beyond any form, and partially because I hold some anger that women are being judged in a way that either puts them (in my opinion) way too much on a pedestal, or causes them to be easily dismissed and ignored in often quite callous and heartless ways. The example that came to mind that made me understood why the 'hotness' of a girl is important in a biological sense, is when I thought of a scene I've seen that included Emma Stone and another girl at a table in a movie. In this scene, the character of Ryan Gosling approaches their table and starts flirting with this Emma Stone character. I thought about this scene, and I realized that I myself indeed would be way more inclined and interested in at least a biological sense to want to game and be with Emma Stone, and not this other girl who I don't see as being as hot as Emma. Taking this scene as an example in mind, I came to understand why being hot does matter, even though personally I don't even like it that it is that way. I'll link the scene for reference. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIkOJkv81-I Although I'm not doing game right now and haven't done it in many years, I think I want my game to be a combination of instinct and compassion. I think I would want to get a right mix between gaming girls for getting what I want, or getting what my biology wants (hot girls, primarily), and gaming girls for giving the gift of my love and sexual energy. This would imply that I would attract girls that are not as hot, commonly speaking, for the sake of giving her the compassion, love and sexual ecstacy that she so deeply longs for. Hot girls get plenty of that, non-hot girls generally don't. So I feel it to be as an important spiritual responsibility to give myself to women that other men generally don't find so attractive and generally wouldn't go for. I have noticed actually that if you can connect your spiritual heart to your sexual desires, girls and women that society generally would deem to be unattractive can actually become really attractive and arousing in your eyes; Even if they're old, fat and ugly (ugly in appearance; not in character or energy), it is still possible (but hard) to come from that frame of mind and be attracted and even aroused by such women. But you have to be willing to see beyond the veil of appearance. Little side tangent: There's a reason why in porn there's also many views (sometimes millions) on videos that feature older and/or fatter women. The same often counts for women who don't have great standards of physical beauty but who are just really fucking into it and doing intense scenes; Something like that is also very attractive to men: Her sexual receptiveness, or her being sexually very proactive/her 'sluttiness'. I find Sasha Grey for that very reason immensely attractive and arousing. Hotness still isn't that objective as it often seems to be. If someone can get really aroused by a mature, fat woman, I still do wonder what the hotness of a conventional hot girl really consists of as an objective measure. I myself can for instance get quite sexually aroused by an older woman whose body just has really great proportions for my personal taste, even defeating the necessity of looking for something of beauty and attractiveness that goes beyond physical form which I talked about in the paragraph above. Once again it raises the question what hotness or biological attractiveness really is. Moving on with what I was talking about before: I also would find both the instinctual satisfaction and the challenge of gaming hot girls also important for a multitude of reasons. The first reason is that it would keep me sharp because hotter women have a greater amount of (good) options so they will likely shit test you more and make it harder for you; It would be good training. The second reason being that I would want to stay connected with my immediate primal instincts, and I don't always want to have to hold myself back in order to keep myself to higher, more spiritual standards. There's something very freeing about just being able to follow your primal, immediate sexual instincts without thinking about it. (I'm not talking about something like rape, lol. But being able to express those sexual instincts in game in non-scandalous ways is important) The third reason is honestly just to prove to myself that I can, and that I'm not hiding behind theories and excuses of unconditional love because I would in actuality be too incompetent to actually succesfully game 9's and 10's. I sometimes need experiental confirmation just to know I'm not deluding myself and protecting my ego with stories of unconditional love and all of that because in reality I would not be able to get 9's and 10's. All of that being said, I also, like I said before, want to game girls who aren't hot at all for the sake of love and compassion and doing something for them instead of doing it for myself. I want my game to be a mix of gaming for the satisfaction of my own needs for one half of it, and for the other half I want do it out of love, for her. And I do feel that doing it out of love also implies that I as a man have the responsibility to seek out the girls who seek love and attention the most, which usually are girls who aren't seen as very attractive in the eyes of most. Of course, this doesn't have to be something of self-sacrifice per se if I am able to connect deeply enough with my spiritual heart that is able to see the divinity within her. In that way, it becomes much more of an act of true love instead of doing it because I 'should'. So kind of make it 50/50, is my plan. 50% hot girls, 50% less attractive girls for the sake of serving her. Of course, it doesn't have to be this black-and-white. I can come into a venue with the intention of giving my love to less attractive girls, and end up doing it for a girl who happens to be hot. Or maybe I can go into a venue without any premeditated intention and end up mixing wanting to go after my primal instincts and going for hot girls (or at least girls I personally find hot), and also mixing it with doing it for the sake of service and love and end up with a girl that is a mix of these two intentions: A girl that is fairly attractive but not super hot per se. There is something really powerful and alpha actually about very intentionally going after the less attractive girls (or at least they are generally seen as such). You sacrifice your ego in this way because not only are you acting from a higher purpose of Love and thereby needing to sacrifice perhaps some of your instinctual sexual cravings, but you also are willing to put your whole reputation on the line; at least in that environment. Both men and women might very well think that you don't value yourself very much because you're going after the less attractive girls. They might very well think you're doing that because you wouldn't be able and competent to game hotter girls. And you just have to accept those judgements and decide to not give two shits about what other people think of you, and own up to your own vision for why you are gaming these girls. There's something really powerful about going for what it is that you decide to go for, unapologetically and unphased in the face of other people's judgement of you. And who knows, maybe the opposite happens where you are being seen as this high-value man, and then the girls you choose to engage with will also be raised in their status and maybe other men who would normally not take a second look at them will also start to believe that those girls are hot because you see a certain hotness in them. Elliot Hulse has a nice video about this latest point, actually. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUgqmAy1R44&t=2s

I appreciate that you see it that way I know it does.

That's an interesting way to think about it. My feeling is that what you say about I'm not grounded enough for her because I get reactive isn't true, but for all I know I might be wrong about that. It does give me something to think and contemplate about. I've got to be self-honest and humble about that. But that's still rating them. See, you do it like everybody else. You're correct about that in a way, although I'm not consciously and deliberately giving women numbers. What I get upset about, however, is that the way most men rate women is based upon lower-consciousness superficial traits that have to do with 'meat value' and perhaps her sense of entitlement and exclusiveness. This promotes pride and arrogance for the women that do qualify for those traits, and it generates feelings of low self-worth and perhaps even shame for the women that don't have the appropriate traits. It creates a lot of collective suffering that way. That is the thing I get upset about. That's great! I'm glad you met her. But did you date her for the same reason many other guys would date her? Meaning: Do you date her because she's 'hot', or do you date her because of her character? Is your rating of her being a '9' based upon the way most guys would define a 9, or is she a 9 for you because of her very character? If it's because of the first thing, is the fact that she is into non-duality, compassionate and healthy and all of that just a nice bonus? Or are those very character traits the core of why you dated her and is the fact that she happens to be 'hot' just a nice, extra bonus? I wonder. Would you date a girl that society would deem to be a '5' if she had all of those character traits that the 9 had that you dated? You're right about that. Compassion and unconditional love isn't sexual attraction. But it is important. More important that being attractive, I would personally say.

I do wonder though. What actually is attractiveness? So it is true that I conflated a girl who is considered to be a 9 or a 10 by society in my mind with a girl who tends to be arrogant and haughty, but I suppose I made that correlation partially because I wanted to vent some anger but also because I feel that the whole idea in the PUA community about girls who they consider to be 9's or 10's are the kind of girls who are often 'out of their league', who are exclusive and hard to get, where it really becomes a game of who has the highest status and social value. It's the the kind of Spiral Dynamics stage orange approach to what one would consider to be attractive, and the girls who fit this picture of the ideal woman according to stage orange standards would at the very least be tempted to start acting more entitled and arrogant because of all the validation, praise and attention they're getting from so many guys. And my feeling is that this whole notion of the perfect woman according to stage orange qualifications is that it is the very woman you can't get, because it's all about status and sexual market value according to orange. Sometimes it kinda feels to me as if it's her very sense of entitlement, exclusiveness and possibly even indeed arrogance that makes it so many guys would consider her to be a 10. And that is what my post is about. That is the thing that I rebel against: That —at least in part— her very entitlement and haughtiness itself is a qualification for attractiveness. And I just don't like this kind of attitude in people where they act like they're above it all and like they're deserve it all (but to be very honest, I myself might run risk of falling prey to that as I can be quite entitled at times). But it does raise an interesting question for me though: What —if not for her sense of entitlement— would make a girl attractive? You could perhaps make the argument that it's about confidence and not entitlement in a woman, but honestly, personally I am not very attracted to confident women so much. It's not to say that I am repelled by confident women, but it's not the thing that I really yearn for in a woman Let me ask you Leo, what is an attractive woman? What is attractiveness to begin with? Is what you would call an attractive woman the same woman that many guys would judge as a 9 or a 10? If so, why? What makes this girl attractive in particular, if not for her sense of entitlement? I'm genuinly not sure what it would be then.

Conveniently and also coincedentally, I've just written an entire topic on this subject matter If I were to answer just the question of the title of this topic: Stop putting her on a fucking pedestal! Flip the script and start asking these '10's' what kind of substance and content they have that would make them a good partner and a woman of good, submissive character. Actually mean it when you do this, don't think of it as some kind of technique to display high value. And i'm dead fucking serious about this. I don't see these "9's" and "10's" as all that special. In fact, I see them as aless attractive usually because the chances are much higher they're all arrogant and haughty because they know they can get everything they want from guys. I'm not attracted to arrogant women, so I would rather have such a "10" to stay away from me if she's acting like an entitled brat. I am not going to reward and condone of such behaviour, and I would be very quick to reject and dismiss her if she's acting all entitled like she deserves it all. Again, dead fucking serious: I'd rather get a fat, ugly girl who is very submissive, innocent and pure, than a "10" who is acting all entitled, lofty and thinks she deserves it all. (and honestly, what is 'ugly' anyway? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I personally see ugliness in character; not in appearance) I actually really resonated with this video from Elliot Hulse where he expresses my thoughts exactly!

Spiral Dynamics stage Red is probably the stage which people on this forum condemn the most and value the least, or at least fail to understand its significance. This has a lot to do with the fact that people who visit this forum generally speaking have a lot of stage Green values and conditioning within them, and the values of stage Red go directly against what stage Green values. I myself live in the Netherlands, and the Netherlands is a fairly (stage) Green country. Much of the big media items here —even on the big mainstream news channels— is often about how there has been some villain or perpetrator who has committed some crime or how some social injustice has taken place, and that now social justice must be served and the news item often becomes almost like a national uproar for days or even weeks which in my opinion often goes way overboard. Just some days ago all broadcasts of "the Voice of Holland" have been cancelled because some allegations have been made of sexual intimidation or misconduct against certain staff members of the show, and now even before anything has been proven at all, they decided it is best to get all of the future episodes off the air... If you have even a bit of stage Yellow qualities you can see that this might be a bit of an overreaction... Don't tempt me to explain why. Anyway, got on a slight tangent there. The point is: The Netherlands is a very stage Green country. It also has many of the typical stage green shadows and unhealthy manifestations that often come along with it. One of them would be the condemnation of stage Red. Because Red is very much condemned here, naturally we don't see a lot of it. The same is also the case to a somewhat lesser degree for stage Blue. Stage Red and Blue are generally stages which are a bit harder and respectively symbolize Strength, and Discipline. Because of that, the average (well-educated) Dutch person tends to be quite soft and kind. Not that being soft and kind in itself is a bad thing, but if you lack the capacity to be a bit harder to begin with, there's going to be trouble, and we see that here; Especially when it comes to the domain of sexuality and relationships. I myself am certainly not a perfect example of someone who has mastered the qualities of stage Red, but I do see the value in it and I would say I got a decent amount of it relative to the average Dutch person. However, if you were to put me in a typical stage Red country or environment like prison for example, I would have to be honest that I would probably be overwhelmed by it; at least initially. I still have a lot of stage Red to develop. And i'm using this topic to tell you guys and also to remind myself why it is important to develop a strong and healthy stage Red. Let's go over it. Why would we want to develop a strong stage Red? Isn't that backwards? Shouldn't we be above that? The answer is: No! If we do not have a strong and healthy stage Red, we may encounter several of the following problems or shortcomings (note: some of these points may be in part be compensated by having a strong stage Orange (and in some cases stage Blue or other stages), but having a weak stage Red will still make it so that these qualities aren't as good as they could be): You won't be able to set strong boundaries You won't be able to say: "No!" You won't be able to be a strong, respected leader. You won't be able to create sexual passion and polarity with a romantic partner (unless you partner does it for you) People won't trust you to protect and lead them You will lack authority You won't know how to protect yourself in a physical fight You will easily be manipulated and exploited (usually as a woman) you will not be able to resist and defend yourself and just say "No!" or even more casually "Don't do that" when a man starts becoming sexually harrassive (you might however create a big media item about it afterwards so you can feel like you still have some control) You will self-sacrifice way too much, and even when you do make a decision to set personal boundaries for yourself, you will probably feel guilt and shame about it; Especially when it means other people will have a more difficult time without your help. You will lack assertiveness You will easily be a coward You will easily be hurt, shocked and damaged by life; You won't have a proper shell to protect yourself. You will lack passion; therefore you will also lack additional fuel for stage Blue discipline or stage Orange ambitions. You will lack the ability to be authentic and pure You will be too indecisive and ambigious You will easily fall victim to circumstances; You will easily be a victim in general, even just as a mindset. You may have trouble expressing anger, bottling it all up or becoming emotionally stifled and numb. You will crumple when a great crisis like a war, famine, flooding, hurricane or some other major survival crisis breaks out, whereas a strong stage Red actually thrives here (usually in many unhealthy ways, though) You will be easily oppressed and enslaved You will lack raw courage (although courage may manifest itself in different forms, I'm talking about 'stage red courage') You won't be able to tell people the cold, hard truth of a situation and therefore everybody stays stuck with a damaging lie. You won't be able to make sacrifices for the greater whole because your reactions would be too emotional (an example would be to let a elderly person in the hospital on respiration for Covid die to make place for a new person because the hospital is full and new, younger people are coming in who have still much more potential future ahead of them) You will dread taking the responsibility for making difficult decisions (like the one mentioned above), or not even make the decision at all. You may not actually fire an employee of your company who is very incompetent or detrimental because you don't want to hurt this person's feelings. You will be overly emotional and therefore unable to see the bigger picture. You will lack confidence (as a man) Women won't be attracted to you because you lack a grounded, masculine 'swagger'; You won't interest her biological sex drive. You will lack a general grounding within yourself You will be unable to deliver a difficult message in a deadpan, serious manner. You will be unable to confront people when they're acting out of alignment with Truth or their integrity You will smile when you don't want to, you will compliment people when you don't mean it, you will tell lies in order not to hurt or offend them, and you will be unable to be genuine and authentic with others. When somebody is getting beaten up in public by some thugs, you will just be like everybody else: standing, staring, being shocked but not actually doing anything to stop this person from being beaten up maybe even to the point where he gets killed. You will be a coward just like everybody else. Same thing when a car crash happens: You will just either park and stare or drive along but you won't take immediate action to rescue the person who is trapped in the burning wreck. You will be a people pleaser You will probably have a weak physical body You will be unable to take the hard and intense but necessary steps to improve upon the greater whole Do I need to come up with even more points? Again, I'm not saying I have a perfectly healthy stage Red myself; I also have a lot of these shortcoming listed above. But at least I'm acknowledging and aware of these shortcomings, and I'm working on these and intend to improve upon these more going forward into the future. So how do work on improving our stage Red qualities? Well, here are some examples I can come up with to connect you with the stage Red spirit. Practice setting boundaries Practice saying "No" more often to other people Practice being more direct Practice taking ownership of your decisions even, or actually especially on things people would judge you strongly on Practice (maybe even an immediate form of) "Reacting from your gut" a little bit more instead of trying to think everything through Confront people more Be more decisive Be more honest Be more aggressive Be more assertive Be more cocky with your humor Dare to brag and pride yourself for things a little bit more Make more bold moves Try preventing yourself from smiling so much and be more serious Focus more on taking action, and less on thinking or feeling Try to lead people more often Be more bold, daring and dominant in the bedroom (and actually outside of it too) Get yourself into BDSM; The sadist perspective. If you're a man: Start practicing game and pickup (Be careful not to let your stage Red become unhealthy here, though!) You can start practicing martial arts and join a group that practices it. Especially hardcore combatative disciplines such as MMA, (kick)boxing, Krav Maga and such would be good. Although you don't need to go so hardcore and can do something like Aikido or Karate or whatever else is out there as well, even it were to just use it as a stepping stone. You can start working out your body; especially intense physical training such weightlifting or powerlifting would be good. Something that would make you physically strong. You can start watching material online of people or activities who/that embody and/or promote stage red values (usually or possibly amongst others). Examples I can think right off the bat are Elliot Hulse/Strength camp, Wes Watson (he's actually an archetype of a very strong and healthy stage Red individual (along with strong stage Blue and Orange qualities as well)), David Goggins, and just generally aggressive types of people. Also, certain combatative sports, or even just many sports in general have a lot of this stage Red combat element within them. American Football would be one good example (if you're only to watch it: don't watch them merely as entertainment though but make sure to use them for inspiration to implement in your own life) Certain movies can give you a lot of stage Red inspiration. War movies or something like Game of Thrones comes to mind. Practice saying, shouting and even screaming "No!" in front of a mirror, and numerous amount of iterations of that word such as "I won't do that!". Heck, you may just even scream and growl for the heck of it. Practice becoming more impulsive, especially with your anger. This may seem like a bad thing, but if you're consciously moving into anger and impulsivity if you were never used to doing that, this may actually be a good thing. You will for instance be able to communicate to other people on an emotional level how you were doing, where before you just told them logically or not even at all. An emotional message is usually a lot more powerful than a logical message, and thus it gets the point across often more clearly if you were just to say it logically See if you can find a way to channel your anger to express it when it's there, instead of waiting for it to pass by distracting yourself or finding other means to deal with it. See if maybe you can beat up a pillow or even get angry at your partner (as long as you're moving into anger consciously, it should work out for the better). You can also prepare for letting out your anger by going to a remote and silent area, bring a bat or a belt or something you can smash or hit with, and beat up a tree or something like that whilst screaming and yelling. In my (very recent) experience, it works better to see if you can find a way to let it come up a little bit and play with it a little bit instead of immediately trying to force it out. Using a little force however can be useful. You need to strike a right balance there between force and spontaneity To conclude, I just want to say that it is very important that you don't take things too far, especially with stage Red. Whilst having a strong stage Red foundation is very important, it is also one of the stages where it becomes the most obvious and the most damaging for when it is going too far (or rather, when it starts having unhealthy manifestations). I'm not saying you should cultivate stage Red qualities just so you can become an effective selfish prick. A strong capacity for stage Red should be something that serves and supports the stages above it. Ultimately you should use stage red in servitude for achieving a higher purpose in your life, or even (counter-intuitively) give the people around you a better life.

That is true actually. I'm not interested in taking kickboxing anytime soon, however

Read a couple dozen of books. The first book that comes to mind when thinking about the best books would probably be "The way of the superior man" by David Deida. I love how that book goes so much against the cultural norms of gender equality in a very wise and clever way (with 'gender equality' I mean the notion that men and women are supposed to be the same. I'm not saying that men and women should have different rights or are not equally valuable)

I suppose the person who governs the site found out that something was going on. . I suppose manually type in the key words of the link in google, see if that works.

I have been searching for a spiral dynamics test I found to be valuable, but I must admit I had trouble finding one. The one I came across just now I found fairly decent, possibly because it shows you a graph how strong you are in respective stages on the spiral, or how much you value them. I'll share the link to the test with you, and I'll upload my own results. Note: Turquoise and Beige are not included in this test My test was more or less as expected, although I'm a bit surprised stage Blue is as strong as it is. However, though, it is important to note that there can be a disrepancy in the things one values and the things one is capable of. This test is more about what you value than what your strengths are. Of course, what you value you will eventually become strong in, but still. For example: I do quite strongly value order, structure and routine which stage Blue is all about, but I am not as of yet very capable of implementing it very well in my life. I suppose because I value it a lot this has been reflected in the results of the assessment Here's the link. Let me see your results. I'm curious https://monicabourgeau.com/assessment/

I am with you there because I also gobble up a lot of information and listen/watch a lot of material. Honestly, I would just trust that your natural interest automatically guides you towards learning the things you are interested in learning about, and yes, you are learning a lot. Our minds tend to want to seek confirmation and evidence that what we're doing is useful and meaningful. You have to trust that you don't need to be like a scholar writing everything down in order to learn about new things. I think you can learn that way more effectively if you want your learning to be very purposeful and directed, but it is also fine to just relax and listen to material or watch it and trust that you're learning a lot of it simply through osmosis. You may not know what exactly you've learned on a conscious level, but it will siphon through to your unconcsious and root itself there; Especially if you have your personal life experience there to back up those things that are being talked about. I must admit I'm also trying to convince myself a little bit because I sometimes also have insecurities like this, haha And yes: conversation-type content also works really great for learning stuff

It's a bit difficult for me to admit, but the most honest answer for me was the answer "I could be better". The answer "I'm not happy overall" also rings true, but I didn't vote for that because I feel like it should be interpreted as "I'm quite unhappy" given the position of the option in the poll. That just about isn't true, I would say. However, what keeps me positive and what keeps me going is that I have a lot of perspective, meaning and hope in my life. My life isn't about being happy; It's about keeping an open mind and learning as much as Life and myself as possible. I live to learn and grow. I think (more) happiness will come eventually, but that's simply not the point of my life.

Half of a Life Purpose finds you, but the other half implies you need to make work in manifesting it and making a plan in order to give the world the maximum potential of your passions. I've come to rehab from this idea of that somehow it just comes announcing you on your doorstep one day. I'm not saying it doesn't happen that some people suddenly in a flash of insight know exactly what the purpose of what they are to create in their lives is about, but even those people will still curb themselves in order from achieving their maximum potential if they don't make a deliberate plan.

Question ^ I think it could be really useful for people who don't want to sit through 3 hours or however long the video is and are instead seeking for a specific chapter within the larger general topic

INTP, actually. but with a decent although still limited capacity to tap into the Feeling quality

I get your desire to want to change the world for the better, but it is vital that whatever you are going to do as your purpose to make the world a better place, that it is coming from a healthy and stable ground within your own psychology. The world is such a vast place, and I just want you to be aware that you on your own cannot be the person that changes everything around. In other words: You yourself won't be the deciding factor whether we will turn around something like global warming or whether the world goes to shit. What it comes down to ultimately in my opinion is that we must seek our specific way in which we can contribute our gifts to the world, and detach ourselves from the results that come from it, even if we have goals and milestones we want to accomplish. Be focused on what you are to give and the changes you are able to make within your limited but valuable sphere of impact. Meaning: The people that you come into contact with which you see and give you the feedback of how much they appreciate your work. Always remember that you on your own won't be able to turn the tides and therefore it involves a lot of risk to attach yourself to outcomes which are much larger than you personally are able to do much about, relative to the scale at which it manifests; Such as: changing the world. I know you talk about unifying people so that we collectively can make enough of a collective statement and impact that things will change around before perhaps it's too late, but if this would be your counterargument against all that I just said, that we need to bring people together so that we can make big changes, then you are missing the point. The point is that you on your own won't be able to change the tides of where humanity is going no matter how hard you try, so the only wise thing to do is to take responsibility and action towards what you are able to do and accomplish, but surrender to the forces that are outside of your control.

Considering that the development througout the stages goes gradually on a gliding scale, it's perfectly possible to be between two stages. The military I would indeed see as a combination of Red and Blue. I think Elite troops like the Navy Seals who have specialized training may also incorporate some orange. But fighting and going to war with people is essentially red. And following commands and keeping order would be more Blue-ish. But you see that right: It's possible for someone who has a high degree of Yellow to join the military because that person wants to incorporate Red and Blue into their life (but they do retain their higher level of consciousness so they won't commit acts that they see as being detrimental to humanity at large)