Byun Sean

My advice to you would be to tailor your life so that it maximizes your spiritual development/ growth in your consciousness however that may look like. With or without marriage and kids consciousness should be your #1 priority. Everything other than consciousness work is either just for fun or absolutely necessary for survival. Consciousness is the crown jewel of all of personal development and the most fulfilling thing to pursue in life hands down. Beyond relationships, money, etc. Now this assumes you have your survival successfully handled that you can care deeply and invest deeply into spiritual work. So life is a bit of a balance between survival demands and spiritual/ purpose work. The two are not totally separate at all though. Getting really good at survival will give you the infrastructure you need to focus time and energy into spiritual work. Similarly, doing spiritual work will make you a whole lot more fulfilled, satisfied, energized, and passionate in your life making day to day survival a whole lot more pleasant and less stressful. If you become spiritually developed enough. Married with kids or alone. It won't matter. You will be able to do whatever is needed and be happy about it.

this right here says it all. Your answer is filled with closed heartedness and ego which screams how underdeveloped you are.

well then who knows you may not be God. Why don't you go find out

Well the paradox of life is that as God we are experiencing higher and higher aspects of our Self which we don't become aware of until we do. But at the same time the present moment is all there is. So as God like in a video game we are imagining constraints on ourselves and then imagining that we are slowly conquering those constraints toward higher and higher degrees of Love. But really we were God all along. With infinite Power, Love, Intelligence, etc.

yup there is spiritual growth directly related to people. It's called awakening of the heart. I got supremely mindfucked by this because I too thought I could just max out my understanding of reality through solo spiritual work like meditation etc. Here is the kicker I got. Take it how you will. You can't speak from a position of absolute infinite consciousness because you are still constrained to your finite human form and all it's survival needs. Yes you are God. But. Since you still operate from the POV of a fininite human creature in this 3d physical time space reality, you still have to play by it's rules, the rules of survival, and your biases as a human. Thus one of the major upsets most of us got as children was we were deeply hurt when we were young because we didn't receive the love and sensitivity we needed to grow into a completely open hearted being on our own naturally. Thus we developed major blocks and wounds over our hearts. If you don't address these wounds through compassionate action for others and feeling into your heart space more, they will stay there forever. Believe me I tried. I had an awakening of the mind and hit a level of consciousness where I literally can't go further through meditation because I merged with presence itself. But even in this state the blocks over my heart still remained. But hey. If you think it's better for your growth to stay indoors and not talk to anyone that may also be just where your at in your journey. I've been there too. In the end whatever maximizes your spiritual growth is gonna be your best bet in the long term. But it's all person to person dependent so its ultimately up to you to decide.

ah i would encourage you to push yourself out of your comfort zone and socialize more. You seem to have some fear behind it. Wherever there is fear it is possible to grow a space of love. There is certain growth you can only get through solo spiritual work. But consider there is certain growth you can only get from interacting with people.

eh normal is all relative to the culture you live in. Give it another 500-1000 years maybe everyone will be enlightened by the 10th grade

What you may be interested to know is that women have a very real sense of fear and danger as a part of their biology. This is different then how men operate which is why men run into big struggles when trying to attract women. if she doesn't feel safe around you and that she can trust you then all bets are off the table for dating her.

1 most important thing: The girl feels cared for and safe around you 2nd most important thing: your a man of value: -personality, job, status, humor, etc, etc. looks is relevant but its less important for women and obsessing about looks doesn't help much since we can only change looks so much. So better to just accept and learn to love our looks and play with the best we've got.

you just gotta be attuned to the girls emotional state. If you have a certain level of attunement. You will know whether she is comfortable with you kissing her. Also if you've already been dating her for a bit you could also just ask "Hey can I kiss you?"

What guys who are insecure about their looks need to hear: "Look man. You're born with the looks you have based on your genetics. You can enhance them to some extent by going to the gym and eating healthier. Maybe you can shop for better looking clothes. But at the end of the day looks are limited whoever you are. So the approach needed to take to be successful with girls is not disowning looks per se. But enhancing all aspects of yourself rather than just focusing on just looks. Since guys are very visual on how they get attracted, they automatically assume that women are just as visual as guys are when it's not actually true. Women are attracted to looks to an extent yes but thats only one thing and it matters much less than you think. Personality is a huge factor. Usually when girls turn guys down that are insecure about their looks. The guys looks are fine. It's his insecurities and neediness that bleed through into the emotional part of the interaction which women are very attuned to which turns them off. And then the guy thinks she just turned him down because of his looks because he is projecting. If sex is all you want from a girl. Then you may be able to scrape by a bit on looks and a mediocre character. But eventually your going to want more than just sex. And character serves you so much more than your ability to get girls. 1. You'll eventually want a genuine relationship and/or more spiritual and emotional growth for yourself. 2.Building strong spiritual and emotional integrity will make you a stronger man making life more fulfilling in general whether you have girls around or not. 3. The temporary feeling of union and oneness that is achieved through sex can be achieved to a large extent permanently if you grow yourself far enough spiritually. More spiritual growth will make you feel one with life permanently which is what you really want which is why you keep chasing sex because of that feeling of oneness. But sex only gives you that feeling for a few moments. Nothing wrong with sex. Sex is great. But it has it's limitations. Take it into consideration there are aspects to life beyond it.

It's kind of something you just have to see for yourself. From experience basically you become completely light and open hearted but in such a way that no one or nothing can spiral you into unconsciousness again. I think this is the case because when we are a baby or a child, we are extremely dependent on our parents for love and support to meet our needs. At this stage we are very sensitive and be hurt easily which could create some trauma creating unconsciousness or soul separation. That trauma was created by our system to make sure that we met a need. Once you become more conscious though and heal from your trauma, you will have already healed your heart and met that need. Thus, now you've accessed a dimension beyond that of survival and you can go about survival consciously rather than unconsciously. You will still have needs. But if the need isn't met you can be a lot more chill about it and it won't leave you with a massive emotional scar on you. This of course is not a binary thing for just "enlightened" or "unenlightened" people. Everyone has a certain amount of love vs fear. Consciousness vs unconsciousness. So its more of a spectrum that your moving through as you self actualize. This is why you see people like Ramana, Jesus, or the Buddha being so chill about death. Because death only matters to the extent that your system is still dependent upon maintaining the physical and psychological structure. When you become conscious that your true nature is so much more than the physical body and mind. You still have a bias to survive but if death were to happen to you it's not the end of the world.

Kindness is not always beneficial for survival. Thus some people find it more beneficial to be a jerk because it gets them what they want more. But some people are also putting out fake kindness on the outside when really they have hatred for people on the inside. This is why some people love jerks is because they are at least brave enough to be authentic and real with what they want and need vs the manipulator that puts out fake kindness and has alterior motives running beneath the surface. But what people really want most is real authentic untainted kindness that comes from a place of love. Being a jerk tends to fall away as a necessity for surviving when that person realizes the limitations of being a jerk: People tend not to trust you or want to be around you. Being a jerk tends to come back and bite you in the ass later on. What goes around comes around. That same negative energy the jerk is putting out can't help but come back to them in some way, shape, or form. The more we hurt others the more we hurt our own hearts

This is exactly what i mean by self bias. You consider your situation a 3rd world country because you don't see women's struggles. Let me give you a list. well consider. Having to be judged for your value purely based on your looks. If your not hot enough men will just look past you. You also have to be social and have a circle of friends so you can meet new people and make new connections. Otherwise you have like no chance of meeting a guy other than online dating which is full of creeper guys that don't actually care about you but just want to get into your pussy. You also basically have to attract partners and wait for them to come to you because otherwise you don't know if they are sexually and emotionally committed to you. The ones that do come to you you have to make sure they have decent integrity and character so they won't pump and dump you leaving you emotionally scarred. With this comes a whole number of shit tests you have to put guys through. It's extremely rare to find a quality guy and when you do, it seems like every girl wants him and he has countless options. So you have to make that guy somehow fall in love with you only and commit to you. You as a man in a way have a huge advantage being the hunter because you can initiate to date whoever you want whenever you want. It doesn't mean you can't get rejected but you have that 1st move advantage. On top of that you don't feel constant fear for your safety as a part of how you biologically operate like women do since your a guy. The guy is also way less at risk when it comes to sex. The man is emotionally involved but the woman's survival is greatly at risk when it comes to sex because it is dependent on whether they are left an emotionally scarred single mother vs you just not getting sex and connection. Those are just a few. Remember as a man your survival agenda is to spread your seed which makes sex the #1 goal in a partner. For a woman, sex is important but it is secondary. Her #1 goal is finding 1 trustworthy strong man that can commit to her. This is because the man's character is more important and primary to the survival of her and any potential child she may conceive of . This is why biologically after a woman has sex she gets emotionally attached to that guy.

This exercise can't give a completely accurate picture because the pictures you would upload are not you but someone else meaning you would be portraying a fake persona. A big dynamic in dating is that you are genuinely interested/ attracted to the other person and you at the same time are putting yourself out there with the risk of rejection. This experiment would dispel all of that. The best way I've found to get an accurate picture of the other gender's perspective is to drop your own self bias/ ego and then look at it. Basically more consciousness is needed. Because in dating most guys and girls think the other gender has it way easier because they are biased toward their own survival needs which clouds their ability to see. Both men and women have struggles in dating. Different struggles that are not perfectly symmetrical, but both have big struggles. The dating market is not equal and is pure survival. Meaning it can be brutal and unfair at times. Yes, thats the nature of survival. If you want unconditional love pursue God's love.

@Raf_vd You need to gain clarity on what your needs and desires are because they are not being completely fulfilled in your current life situation. Suppressing this need won't do you or your girlfriend any good because your own dissatisfaction will inevitably reduce the quality of the relationship as a whole and thus for your girlfriend as well. The healthy approach here would be to become clear on what your needs are and look for ways to meet them in healthy conscious ways rather then sweeping them under the rug. When you describe your sex life as "not bad," thats never a good sign for a relationship. Once you know what your exact needs are, you can easily find ways to fulfill them in healthy, conscious ways rather than reckless or self destructive ones. This means if you know what you need, you can have that feeling or need fulfilled that you believe you can only get by sleeping with other girls in your current situation without having to actually go sleep with a bunch of other girls. Regardless, you won't know what you need until you go figure it out yourself first. So you just require a bit of clarity and you'll know what to do. Some useful ways you can gain more clarity on what your needs are include -Journaling: (In what way would having sex with other girls satisfy me that I am not currently getting in my relationship? (Be 100 percent honest with your answers to yourself here. If you have a desire it is valid and should be respected and acknowledged by the desirer)). -Meditation: (Meditate on the craving when it arises and ask it questions. What does it feel like in your body? How are you responding to the craving when it arises? What emotions come up when you think of other girls compared to your girlfriend? What kind of person does having this craving make you feel like?) -Spending time alone thinking -Talking it out with a close friend/ therapist/ nonbiased, nonjudgemental 3rd party that can hold space for your feelings and ask you further questions to help you probe deeper into what you need. Some possibilities -Maybe your girlfriend doesn't satisfy you sexually at the moment. (if so ask yourself why? Its ok just be honest with yourself) -maybe you have suppressed or un-addressed emotions in the relationship that have nothing to do with sex and are interfering with the quality of sex. This is a touchy topic so if you do want to discuss this with your gf and you feel comfortable doing so, I would first have whats called a meta-conversation. Meaning a conversation about the conversation before it actually takes place. This means you prepare her emotionally ahead of time by and asking her if its ok for you to share this information with her before doing so so she is prepared in the right mindset and is less likely to take personal offense to what is being said. When you share this kind of stuff make sure you are making it about you and your needs because you don't want her to take personal offense or hurt her feelings.

Ok lets say I'm a woman in her 30's or whatever who is financially successful and career driven. If I'm financially successful in my career and I want to work on my relationship life instead with a man for instance, I have the choice to work LESS hours and put more time into a relationship. In fact if I was LESS successful I would struggle with relationship life because I would have to spend all my time in making sure I pay the bills. The stigma that successful people are all 80 hour workaholics is not always the case. Successful person just means you do well to provide for yourself doing what you love.

Thanks for sharing this. I learned something new here. In the end its all about being your authentic self and then finding a partner that will fit well with that.

Soooooo? They have more options not less? Remember she still dates whoever she wants. When you see a hot girl on the street or at the club or whatever you don't already know how much money she makes unless you deliberately ask her and its the mans job to make the first move. If she rejects all men because she thinks they need to have a certain amount of money thats HER choice. And if thats HER choice and that becomes her own self-imposed limitation on the dating market then who gives a fuck.

ok so who the hell cares then? If she's got a lot of money if she doesn't who gives a shit? A hot girl is a hot girl then? Under your construct your'e telling a woman to dumb herself down on career prospects and if she's too successful they are rejected in your eyes. I smell insecurity here. Only a man with insecurity issues is worried about a woman becoming more successful than him in her own life.

You think the most influential women in society were just stay at home moms? By the way a woman doesn't need a man to put her in a box and say what she can and cannot do. If a woman grows spiritually strong enough she'll be chill single and content with pursuing her dreams. But regardless this idea that successful women are unattractive is pure nonsense. A high value man who respects her way of living and is compatible with her will find her if she wants.

not necessarily standard is 35-40 hour if your working a regular job and If your really successful at what you do you can work LESS if you want.

i mean its up to the woman who she dates and money is not the only way a man can provide value. It's possible that a woman in this situation falls in love with a man that has less money than her and they negotiate a financial situation that is fair and equal for the both of them so there is no gray area or arguments about the woman paying for everything or vice versa. In the end saying women should not pursue success because they won't be available to more men is not good advice. Women should pursue their dreams in their careers and which ever partner they pick should respect that. On top of that if being successful in this way makes a woman higher value she can increase her odds of attracting the attention of a higher value man. Being successful and pursuing ones dreams and purpose through career is not just about money. It also shows strength in character.

Society generally frowns upon anything that is counterproductive to survival agendas. This is how the ego survives in a social matrix. In this case, It's usually more effective for a girl's survival agenda to wait for the guy to make the first move since she needs to know 1. Is he into her sexually. 2. is he into her enough he wants to risk his emotions and commit further time and energy to her. Otherwise the guy might not be that into her and could just pump and dump her and then the girl is a single mother emotionally attached to a guy that leaves her in the dust. Or at the very least the girl might not feel wanted or committed to which is what she really needs from a man in a relationship. Thats why the guy has to be the first one to commit and put his emotions on the chopping block because it's way less risky for the guy's survival agenda. Also, if you ask any strong man he will say he prefers being the hunter and asking the girl. It makes him feel more masculine and powerful and it makes the girl feel more feminine and sexy. It's kind of a dance. You can always deviate from it but some things are trends for a reason. Men and women are not equal when it comes to survival agendas and sexuality and so we shouldn't treat the roles equally.

The only way I've seen it done is through loads of spiritual work. Then you are still capable of making yourself horny and having sex put the compulsion won't have as much of a death grip on you. You then have full control on when to do it and when not to on your own terms. Not really speaking from experience here but this is what I have observed in a few others.