Byun Sean

Nothing is a waste of time until you think it is

Because if they weren't you wouldn't be here

@Karmadhi Girls aren't looking for sex with any guy. She generally wants a solid relationship which is why she is picky. So a bunch low quality guys 'simping' a girl doesn't really do much for her. She's focused on her agenda. She will think "God damn all the guys that go for me suck. All I want is one quality guy that cares for me and doesn't just want to get into my pants and leave." The guy version of this would be "Damn all the girls I find attractive friend zone or reject me. All I want is one hot girl!" Self esteem is much more than confidence in the way you look. It's a sense that you've got life handled and you can take responsibility and get what you want out of life. It also has to do with the amount that you love yourself which is subjective. Thats gotta be earned. Even if you are born with a perfect female body and are like another Kim Kardashian for instance. Your life is still gonna suck ass if you don't work on your life on the interior too. You do the same with girls you find unattractive. It goes both ways. Also, a guy that is not insecure won't give a fuck about how he looks. He will go for the girl no matter what because he doesn't fear rejection. Either he gets the girl or he doesn't. Plain simple. The difference is an insecure person is unwilling to accept rejection so they come up with excuses for why they can't do it. Again. It's the same thing as a woman you find unattractive walking up to you and saying "Hey I'm attractive, I'm kind, I'm caring. Be my boyfriend! Why not? You only like those hot bitches? Wow." See attraction is not a logical choice. It is built into the system. Either you meet those criteria for attracting a certain girl or you don't. So many 'nice guys' complain because they think by being nice to a woman they deserve sex in return and women generally smell this from a mile away and are repelled by it. It's absurd if you think about it. "Why aren't you falling for my deception of being a nice guy on the surface but manipulating you for sex behind the scenes? You should be more stupid and sleep with me for being a weak 'nice guy' anyway. Otherwise you are shallow and stupid and only date 'bad boys' and 'alphas'." Sex and dating is survival. The woman doesn't have to cater to your agenda. She is focused on hers. You are focused on yours. Goes both ways. A woman needs to know if the man has the balls and is into her to risk his emotions and approach her showing that he really is into her. A woman can put herself in social situations and strike up a conversation with men she finds physically attractive and get to know them, but she won't know if the guy sees her sexually and values her enough until he makes the first move. Otherwise if she approaches any hot looking guy. He may just pump and dump her which has serious emotional consequences for the woman. Women often get very attached emotionally after sex. They are not picky because they are stuck up. They are picky because they need to be. Because neediness means you are trying to extract happiness from her and get your own needs met. The degree to which you are needy for her simultaneously shows her how much you don't care about her feelings because you are only focused on meeting your needs and not hers. Your fooling yourself here. Your not in love with her. Your in love with meeting your needs. The solution here for the man is to man up and work on himself so he can be in a relationship with a girl to share love with her. Not extract it. Guys do care more about looks for relationships. A lot of quality men will know they have options with hot women if they want and thus they will be selecting the one that they feel would be compatible with in a long term relationship. They look at life situation, personality and character, etc. High quality men aren't needy for sex. In fact they see sex as a means of satisfying and pleasing the girl more-so than just themselves. Anyone become a high quality man if they are willing to put in the work.

This is a highly self-biased position. Women have their own journey that is just as hard if not even more difficult sometimes than for men. A quality man wants a quality girl inside and out. If a woman never works on herself and has low self esteem for instance, she will attract a partner that is equally selfish and dysfunctional regardless of how hot she looks. This can create a cycle of dysfunctional relationships and be very destructive even if the woman looks good on the outside. The process of going from a low self esteem average looking- below average girl to a hot quality high self esteem woman is long and difficult. Beauty standards put so much pressure on women it's insane. You see guys only pay attention to getting the hot quality girl at the end of their own path when they become successful in their life. What they don't focus on is that just like their are low quality men that are struggling trying to get better with women, low quality women are also struggling just as much to find a proper relationship with a man, have a support system for her emotions, heal herself of all her inner baggage etc. On top of that women take care of the whole childbirth process and have a period every month. They generally have a higher need for intimacy than most guys and thus they are always looking for the right mate but they are limited to the few men that go after them. They have limited time and energy and can only invest her emotions into one man at a time. When a guy breaks up with her it may feel like the world is ending because she doesn't know if she will ever find a man again. See men have the privilige of being the hunter which many guys take for granted. Guys have the freedom to chat up any woman they like and possibly attract her if she is single. As the girl. A hot woman will likely put herself in social situations but she won't approach guys because she is looking for things like character, status, confidence, funniness, emotional stimulation etc. Those things generally can only be found out by talking with a guy one on one and getting to know him for a little while. See if she feels safe around him. That she is attracted to him. That he is attracted to her. That he cares enough he won't pump and dump her. See most guys though never think about this perspective. All they see is themselves getting rejected or accepted by the hot girl they want making women seem like they are just a prize that just sits there effortlessly on her looks waiting to be taken in by a hot rich conscious guy. Guys have their own struggles so I am not arguing one is harder than the other. How the hell would we measure that and such a debate would be foolish. I just hope to shed some light on the woman's perspective.

Well if you do not know and you recognize you do not know this is actually a great thing. Most people will be quick to take and defend philosophies, ideologies, and belief systems they do not know are absolutely true. By admitting you do not know you are opening yourself up a radical possibility of knowing. When you feel with every cell in your body you do not know something your intelligence start to work tremendously to try to find out. Your question about university is a major life decision that could determine many things about your future. Don't think you need to rush with a decision like that. Sit down and give it some deep thought. Journal about your feelings about it. Write down questions you want answered about it. Etc. Introspection is key. Figure out exactly what you want first and then go for it in the most decisive way possible.

after you awaken you become God's slave

@Preety_India It's ok to feel anger, pain, desire for revenge, hurt, etc. In fact feel into them even more. If it were me, I would sit down, close my eyes, and feel deeper into the emotions without judging or identifying with them. Just simply allowing myself to experience them as they are. Then as I feel them completely I also visualize that I am letting them go and actually visualize them leaving my body. When you feel your emotions deep enough, you become conscious of what they really are and don't identify with the pain anymore. Once you no longer Identify with the pain you will see it is not serving you and you will naturally let it go. You feel anger but you are not anger. You feel desire for revenge but that is not you. You feel hatred but you are not hatred itself and so on.

@Leo Nordin I can actually say that after my awakening happened, I could not go back to college because the only reason I was going to college was out of fear of not making a living later on, not out of love for my true passion. Good luck to you brother. If you are truly awake as you say you are I'm sure you have one hell of a ride ahead of you.

@Strangeloop If you can, Focus on personal development work and fulfilling yourself from the inside out before you go looking for a partner to enhance your inner experience of life This will make you way less attached and needy and thus have way better relationships in the future. You can get a girlfriend if you really want or meet an amazing person or whatever. But never forget about self actualization and consciousness work. Self actualization and consciousness work is like the solid brick that you stand upon that can't be taken from you. Once you have it you have it forever. Unlike a girlfriend or any other material thing which comes and goes.

@egoeimai Been here before. All of your judgements and criticisms you have of others cause you a massive amount of self-inflicted suffering because your mind has to hold you to the same standard it holds other people. The good news is you can take control of your own judgements and criticisms. All of the qualities you hate about your cousin are actually qualities you have repressed within your own psyche because you fear becoming them yourself. For instance if you hate her when she is acting insecure, deep down you fear becoming a version of yourself that is insecure because you cannot accept a hypothetical version yourself as insecure. Your mind then goes about developing a strategy so that you never appear insecure to yourself or other people because you cannot accept yourself being insecure. The solution here is self love. Make a list of all the things you hate about her. She is insecure. She is needy. She is arrogant. Then after you have this list, for each one find 3 ways you are the same way in your own life. Actually give an effort to find them. After you've done that imagine yourself as being each of these qualities and ask yourself for your own permission to love that version of yourself. Could I allow myself to love myself for being __________ (Insecure? Needy? Arrogant? Narcissistic?) etc. After you ask yourself this question a space should open up inside of you allow yourself a choice to extend your sense of love toward that previously disowned sense of self. (You can answer yes and feel it). Once you love all versions of yourself that had all the qualities you hated in your little cousin. You should be able to see her as she is.

It is not all nonsense. Like most things in life: relationships/ friendships have an amazing healthy side to them and a toxic side. It is not all 'bullshit' or blind need fulfilling. They can actually help you spiritually even. But the friendships and marriages mainstream society shows us are largely not very conscious. So the toxic aspects are emphasized ten-fold when we get into consciousness work. But in the end everyone grows in different ways and at their own pace so don't feel pressured to be with somebody or alone. Relationships are mainly just for growth and fun. So if you aren't having fun with people it's probably best if you grow alone.

You have yet to experience a powerful awakening of the heart. Life is fantastic. The boundary between the physical and nonphysical is an illusion. A duality. This is all God. This is all love. Solo inner consciousness work is great and it sounds like you have made a lot of progress there. But it would also help you ten-fold if you opened up to people and relationships more.

@LearningPodo I went through the same thing in college. I personally just solved this by treating college like a self actualization boot camp and basically didn't socialize or go to any social events at all. Although this approach is definitely not for everyone. If you really enjoy socializing and connecting with people try your best to find people you vibe with, (it's ok if they happen to be low consciousness) and just hangout with them at a surface level: no self actualization stuff, just bond with them over other stuff if necessary. Make sure if you socialize your are doing it because you genuinely enjoy it and not because you are distracting yourself from the work. Too much socialization may also drain away your time you might rather have spent on self actualization and too much self actualization could also lead to burnout if you work yourself too hard. It's all a balancing act. People grow at different paces and in different ways. In the end and there is no one right schedule. As for that 'low consciousness rubbing off on you' idea I think that only matters for your motivation levels and maybe subtle influences on your personality. Thus you probably want to find lots of ways to motivate yourself in lots of ways like creating a powerful vision of what your life could be like in the future and constantly exposing yourself to people that are far ahead of you in life online, through books, etc so that you always feel motivated to reach the next level.

Don't focus on becoming a godlike writer. Just pretend you are already a godlike writer and start writing the book you want to write on the topic you are passionate about. The mind is like a heat seeking device. You give it a target and it will do everything in it's power to hit it. You should try to make a life changing best-seller book right NOW because that is your goal right? So just start writing that book right now with the bar set high and you will run into many obstacles along the way that will force you to get better. You will also see ways that you want to change your writing to fit your audience accordingly. It's like a karate student who needs to win a tournament thinking: "all my opponents are black belts so in order to measure up to them I need to become a black belt!" This is obviously not going to work as well as the karate student who thinks: "I need to defeat these opponents whatever that means." The former student may get a title of 'black belt' similar to a title/ concept like 'godlike writer' but the belt isn't actually what makes a black belt impressive. A black belt is only impressive by his ability to defeat opponents. Thus the latter student who ignored the titles who focused only on how to win vs his opponents likely developed better suited skills and many more strategies to win that match instead of following some rigid curriculum he used to get a different colored belt.

in my experience it happens both with a bang and the growth continues on. There is the initial ego explosion that feels like a lightning bolt struck your mind. And then after that there is not really a 'you' anymore to control your life and consciousness flows through you effortlessly although some egoic structures are still intact. Overtime though, these egoic structures get cleansed. This is why you may hear enlightened masters say something like. "I'm always meditating no matter what I am doing." Because from the awakened person's pov, the universe is meditating them 24/7. It's no longer an activity you choose but a way you are. From the person with an intact ego's pov however, they need to meditate as a habit consciously and frequently to get results.

Nah if you let her know right off the bat you find her attractive it puts her into that frame of mind. Right after meeting her it is very useful to say something like "I find you attractive." Otherwise you leave her questioning: Does he like me as a friend? More than a friend? I don't know. There is a good chance she won't develop sexual feelings for you if she doesn't know you think of her sexually. Eventually you will land in the friend box and she will be dating another guy who was man enough to confess his feelings sooner.

from the egos perspective yes. from the absolute perspective no.

Precisely. If you get this insight directly, you will die. This is what is referred to as enlightenment, moksha, liberation, tao, etc. The question is only if you are interested in truth, love, and consciousness or if you wish to stay playing the game of survival. The choice is yours.

My bold claim is that through investigating where your thoughts come from, you can become directly conscious of the answer to the free will vs determinism dilemma. After all if your thoughts control your actions and you don't even know where your thoughts come from. Wouldn't it be interesting to find out? My claim to you is that the answer is more profound and life changing than you could ever imagine. But I cannot speak it to you in words. Only you can become conscious of the truth for yourself to experience insight.

This isn't about believing anything anyone says. Look inside your own damn mind and look to see where thoughts come from. Are you controlling them? Do you know what your next thought will be? Who knows I could be wrong. You could be wrong. We won't get anywhere if we are lost in philosophies. Look for yourself.

One major thing you must do in attracting a girl you like is you have to let her know right off the bat you find her attractive and you see her as more than just a friend. A major trap us guys fall into is we think by spending time with a girl as a friend that she will catch feelings on her own like we do with girls we like. Not true. If they find the guy insanely attractive naturally she may or may not start dropping signs that she likes you. But most of the time girls won't even consider seriously dating you unless you put your feelings in front of her on the chopping block first. What else should women do? Your the man. Your the hunter. Go out and get her. No quality girl is going to spread her legs for you when you do nothing.

@SS10 Where do you think all of your motivations come from. You think you are generating and choosing your own desires? I don't think so. If you honestly look inside your mind, you don't know where your thoughts come, what is controlling your thoughts or what your next thought will be.

Watch this

@Karmadhi Good. Keep going. Eventually, you should hit a point where your self esteem is so high you will be able to go up to any girl no matter how she looks and strike up a conversation without having to feel so much nerves, resistance, or feeling like you have to fake a personality. Eventually if you go far enough it becomes like a hot knife through butter. Effortless. But once you reach those levels you may also find you feel so good in your life you don't even feel the need to date so much anymore. At that point your dating life will be a conscious choice rather than a compulsive one.

@Karmadhi So far just whatever girl pops up in the wild lol. But I'm not really an experienced pickup artist who's a lot of cold approaches or anything. For that kind of stuff there are other guys on the forum including Leo who have done a lot of cold approaches that you can question. I just understand to a certain extent the psychological dynamics and agendas of both sexes. Believe it or not it is possible to understand how the world looks through the eyes of a woman lol. Other than socializing more with women more an all of that stuff, I think your main focus should be consciousness work. Consciousness is the number one thing you should be pursuing in life if you want to live life to the fullest with or without a woman. Becoming significantly better with women is peanuts compared to the rest of the long term benefits becoming more conscious has on your life. Aside from making you a stronger man and 1000 times more attractive to women, it leads to better physical health, joy, bliss, better relationships, better internal clarity, helps you conquer fear, more love for life, makes you more authentic and less needy, etc. I can go on and on with the benefits but I just need to tell you enough to get you on the spiritual hype train. There are many methods to become more conscious like meditation, kriya yoga, self inquiry, contemplation, concentration, psychedelics, meditation retreats etc. I recommend you research these techniques in books, videos, courses etc and start taking notes and doing them precisely. Once you get a decent taste of the results. You won't stop lol. It's difficult inner work but extremely rewarding. Leo has many videos on his channel about many techniques for raising your consciousness as well and has many useful books on his book list that have helped me a lot. The book I started out with when I first started meditating is A Million Thoughts By Om Swami.