Byun Sean

You have a long ways to go. Consciousness cannot be intellectually modeled.

no one said you need to share your finances in marriage

No?

One reason you might try engaging in relationships is this: Judging by your question/ post you seem to have some fear about getting into a relationship. Your afraid of being hurt. There is something there. Behind every fear lies a secret about yourself. A secret about your childhood. A secret that has to do with your growth. The counterintuitive move here would be to open yourself up to a relationship and risk being hurt. Consider there may be some parts of your inner life that you may never resolve until you engage in relationships. I speak from an experience of carrying a childhood wound with me for nearly 20 years of my life that caused me to avoid relationships at all costs. I was 100 percent convinced that I could be happy alone and that everyone else who depended on others in relationships were weak and needy. Then after a certain point in my journey. I became directly conscious that this childhood wound ran deep. I mean really deep. So deep that I couldn't solve it just by sitting on a meditation cushion for thousands of hours. No matter how much I improved my life on my own my shadows and wounds from childhood surrounding interaction with other people still lingered. Eventually I hit a point where I was like "Man I can't put this off anymore. My social skills suck because I avoid people and I still feel somehow separate from everyone else despite having done years of consciousness and enlightenment work. I gotta go engage with people no matter how much I get hurt. I can't hide from people forever." And so I engaged with dozens of people and opened myself up to relationships. (Still going through this process now). And when I got hurt in a relationship like I predicted would happen; instead of the dramatic, hellish, disaster and death story my mind told me would happen if I got hurt, It felt like shit for maybe half a day and then I got over it and learned a lot about myself from the experience. I encourage you to just give them a shot. Not because you need someone else to make you happy because you really don't. In fact, the more codependent relationships are definitely some of the lowest quality ones. Do it because it will grow you. Not because it will make you happy. You will experience good times and suffering. Love and hurt. Its work. Whats the worst that could happen? Really. You feel like garbage for a day or so and then you grow into a better human being. Thats probably the worst. Maybe if you have a 40 year marriage that ends in divorce it may take 6 months. But I guarantee if you worked your ass off at a relationship for 40 years those 40 years of growth will be well worth the 6 months of sadness.

Ego does not mean structure of the mind. When you awaken your access to all your memories will still be accessible. It just means you won't have identification with it anymore thats all. If you believe motivation comes from the ego you are for sure not awake. Look closer.

You are God. The only question is how deeply do you feel it in your bones.

i mean the more you are aligned with your life purpose and passion and the better you get at it, the better your life gets and the more value you can provide to others. So might as well start chipping away at it now no matter what age you are. You probably have a lot of God given talents you just haven't discovered yet. also talent and gifts are usually half discovered half created through hard work and experience.

ye. Like you would probably call a good friend an ass-hat in a playful way without actually meaning any hostility toward him. Just being playful.

From the looks of your post it looks like you are developing strong feelings for her to be more than friends but are not willing to admit it.

@Cosmin_Visan A lot of people need to awaken to consciousness first and then they will be so fulfilled and happy with their lives that they will be motivated to study all the other perspectives and philosophies to help bring more value to the table to help awaken others. The cool thing about consciousness is you don't have to solve it in your head. You are conscious right now. But you might not be conscious of what consciousness is. We can use certain philosophies and theories to help build maps and ideas in our head to help guide us, but the map is never the territory. Even so there are so many degrees and levels of consciousness and awakening its utterly mindblowing. So yeah, by all means, study hundreds of perspectives. There is great use in that. But what use is the philosophy if it just stays an idea and you don't test it out for yourself in real life? And you can also realize that you are consciousness now and save yourself a lifetime of waffling through different philosophies and worldviews in search of Truth, Love, and Happiness.

lol hes purposefully adjusting his tone for the situation. He doesn't actually hate Peterson as a human being.

I think the more we are involved in anything, the faster we will learn it and the deeper we will learn it.

Mine seemed surprisingly accurate and I was very skeptical at first. Interesting stuff.

Notice you are deciding what counts as success and failure. They are completely relative to how you look at a situation. What we are calling as failure culturally is simply that we haven't gotten what we want yet with our current amount of attempts. We call success getting what we want in life which may take one attempt or thousands. If you really want something bad enough, you will eventually either find a way to get it or give up along the way because you don't want it bad enough. You can realize Success with a Capital S where you realize you cannot fail because failure was always just a projection of the mind.

well considering we cannot stop thoughts or thots from entering our mind this method seems to be a bit flawed.

how many beard hairs do I have right now

When I first experienced what we are referring to as Ego death or the realization of no-self or no free will: I'm not gonna lie. It was creepy af at first. I woke up the next morning and No one was in control of my body or my thoughts anymore. I was like a puppet eating food and brushing my teeth etc. Then after a while I got used to it and it was amazing. The more awake I become and the more the separation between self and other collapses, the more life feels like a dream or a movie that I'm just enjoying watching. Sit back relax and enjoy your time.

The counterintuitive thing about happiness is the more you try to seek happiness, the more unhappy you are. In fact, the only way you can be unhappy is if you are somehow resisting or unaccepting of whatever is in front of you now. Decide your happy with whats in front of you. Decide your grateful for what you have. Right now. Do it. It's your choice. But of course somewhere deep down your mind doesn't want to be happy without getting all those material and spiritual things you listed because that would mean risking the possibility you might not motivate yourself to get them. Being happy doesn't serve our survival. Fulfillment however, is a different thing. You will have highs and lows in life. Times where you feel happier than others. The more spiritual work you do and the more you self actualize the more fulfilling your life will become. Happiness is a choice to accept this moment as it is. Fulfillment is like a baseline feeling of goodness within you that never go's away no matter what the external circumstance is. I'd say you gotta sit down and think about what you really want out of life. Remind yourself what you really want. Are you willing to bleed for it like you are right now? Where is your life headed with this work? How worth it is it? How rewarding is it gonna be in the end when you look back at all the good times and the hard times and think "god damn I lived through that."

Spirituality is supposed to make you much more creative. 10x 100x 1000x. etc. You might be going through an ego backlash though. Basically an ego backlash is like a transition phase where your mind is adapting and changing its structure to fit your new level of awareness. During this time you might feel lazy physically, mentally, not want to do spiritual work, feel apathetic or unmotivated, etc. Ego backlashes can last anywhere from an hour to a week usually ranging around 1-3 days in my experience. Don't worry about being too serious or not being creative enough. Just do what you gotta do and try your best. Thats all you can do. Whatever comes out comes out.

Nothing is personal. how a human being treats you is not a statement about who you are but rather about who they are. So you discovered to the extent they care about your feelings. Reality is a reflection. If their statements got to you it probably means deep down you also believe that you are ugly. The statement could only hurt if you found some personal truth in what they said. I believe if you loved yourself enough you wouldn't give af what other people say about your looks because you would feel beautiful from within.

Spiritual teachers can provide you with theory. They cannot provide you with truth. It's your job to test their theory and see how much of it is true or false based on your experience. This requires a willingness to admit I do not know, radical open mindedness without believing things on blind faith, and a willingness to test theory in the real world for yourself using various methods to determine whats true for yourself. The only one who can know whats true is you. Everyone else are just pointers.

you've separated ego as a separate concept from you in your mind. Another classic egoic delusion. As long as your not fully awake you have no idea what your calling 'the ego'. If you were aware of what 'the ego' was you would be dead. All of that aside: Your desire for awakening must be burning hot. Don't be worried about desiring awakening and more consciousness. Your practices should be about surrendering to love. To now. Not seeking an external experience. But desire is the source that drives us to pursue the path until the end.

stop mentally masturbating and go raise your consciousness

all language is inherently dualistic

looks like an ego backlash to me. Take it easy and do something relaxing you enjoy. It will probably lift within a day or two and you'll see things differently.