King Merk

https://youtu.be/8P5_-JaIGIw

I find that when I have the desire to share my personal/spiritual growth with another that it's often a form of validation seeking. But I also find value inn being able to share my experience with another if they're willing to listen. It's up to you to be able to discern when it's appropriate to share and when to simply let the results speak for themselves. "Your words speak so loud, I cannot hear what you are saying" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just blew my fucking mind Leo. I knew all that experientially but never had the words to describe it. Woah.

Who is it that is extending itself? Consider that there’s nothing there to extend...

I’ve been trying to practice “not-knowing” or simply contemplating on things with as clean a slate as possible. Dropping all prior beliefs and notions. The subject of my contemplating recently is verbal communication. Specifically, language. What is language? What purpose does verbal language serve? How was language created? What was prior to language? Etc. I’m playing with the idea that language is a tool of division. A way that we, meaning the ego/self, differentiate reality. We carve things via language into “this” or “that”. Literally sculpting all that “is” into separate “things” that we pinpoint by placing conceptual label/symbols onto. Which explains why language exists dualistically. This train of thought then led me to the nature of thought itself. Can thought exist without language? I certainly do not see how it can. Not unless one created an entire new system of thinking separate from language itself. Our current system of thinking is imbedded intirely in language. Don’t believe me? Try to think without using words. You can’t. The moment you stop your typical linear line of “thinking” with words, you start “being”. You stop differentiating everything into concepts such as wall, carpet, computer, rug, cat, light, etc and rather experience the supposed wall, carpet, computer, etc for what they actually are... which obviously isn’t the word/concept playing through your head but the thing itself. Which led me to consider the sameness/difference between thoughts, feelings and emotions. I’ll save you my logic (so you can think through it yourself ) but I came to the conclusion that thoughts, feelings and emotions are all one in the same. They’re all judgments, labels, conceptualizations or creations that we apply on seemingly external/internal stimuli that are build upon the division created by language. I will say... At the end of the day I’m not directly aware of most of this so I recognize the opportunity for self deception is huge. In fact I’m probably full of shit and this is all mental masterbation hog wash. But I’m not attached to any of it so feel to tear it all apart watcha think? thx for reading(:

Hello fellow actualizers. I'm happy to be creating my first post on the forum. Here's a recent awakening experience/trip report. It all started with fight club… For whatever reason, I've had an intuition for the last few days that I need to watch the movie fight club. I've never seen the movie or even heard much about it considering it came out a few years after my birth. However, it randomly came to me that I need to watch the movie so being the intuitive person I am, I chose to watch fight club while relaxing at the end of my day. And boy did it strike a chord in me. In fact, it inspired me to do a previously unplanned LSD trip. It was late at night and I was already quite tired but there was something inside saying "do it, do it, do it". It was a weekend so I decided, fuck it. Looks like I'm tripping on acid tonight. I knew I needed to set some intents behind the trip. Recently I've been struggling with a few major questions. One being what's going on with my food addiction. For years now I've had the habit of being extremely disciplined/rigid with my nutrition and training (I'm 6'4' and 215lbs at around 12% BF) however I'll regularly have these binging episodes 1-2 days per week (typically weekends) of eating literally 10K+ kcal per day. I'll consume copious amounts of wheat and refined sugar, both of which I normally avoid. While I can physically get away with this behavior without gaining much weight, I've noticed the cognitive decline that is coupled with these binging episodes. The brain fog and decrease in my conscious awareness. So it's been a high priority of mine to figure out the root of this "food addiction". Another intent I had was to contemplate on my life purpose. I've been working in the fitness industry for over 3 years now and decided to take my life in a complete different direction. My last and third question going into the trip is the question of self inquiry. "What am I? Am I the body? Am I the mind? If I'm neither of these things then what's left?" So, with my intent set, I dropped the tab, put on some binaural beats and began meditating. I sat in my bedroom floor in meditation while contemplating those three questions for the next 4 hours straight. After doing some very deep inner work, I got up to check the time on my phone. This is when I saw that Leo had just dropped a new video on the facets of awakening. I became super hype and immediately clicked on the video (which was a distraction from the self reflection work, I now realize, I just couldn't help myself ). However it was very nice to, in a sense, "pin myself" down as to where I am on my spiritual journey. To see the facets I've touched on directly and the facets that are still mere conceptualization and belief. Then, after finishing the video I got the sudden intuition to smoke some N-DMT. Note: I haven't smoked N-DMT in over a year because the last time I did, my experience included begging and pleading for my life until ultimately surrendering to my own death and meeting/becoming the Godhead. This caused an ego backlash so severe that I was suicidal for the next three days and had to constantly remind myself not to kill myself. I've been weary of returning to the DMT realm to say the least. I went out to my truck (I can't smoke in my apartment) and smoked some N-DMT and boy did that give me what I was seeking. I'm quite limited by language here but for the first time in my life, I had an awakening experience. This awakening experience continue to overwhelm me in waves for the next few hours. I've had many non dual and mystic experiences in the past. I've been an avid meditator and psychonaut for the last five years now. I've met what I interpreted to be the Godhead and watched my sense of "self vs other" completely dissolve multiple times. However, these experiences were all fleeting. I've never embodied an experience like this one. Awakening really is the most accurate word to detail the experience. I feel as if before the experience I could only see a handful of stars and one constalation in the night sky and now I see millions. So many different dots were connected. All of these believes and models that I've been toying around with in my head materialized into my direct experience. I finally understood survival. That the sole purpose of the ego is survival of the self. Not just the physical self as I'd previous thought, but the psychological self image (ego) as well. What was most shocking to me was I understood the true nature of the mind. I understood self deception on a very, very visceral level. And this is something that unlike my previous mystical experiences, has stuck. I see how the identification with my culture and it's supposed superiority is merely a survival tool. I see how the affinity I have for those close to me, my friends and family, is groundless. And that I only care about them because they benefit my self agenda. I see why I have an addiction to food, socialization, social media, YouTube, relationships, sex, growth/productivity as well as various other distractions because of my aversion to self reflection. To looking within. Before my awakening I felt like I had a grasp on reality. Like I understood things and was a developed, second tier human being. Boy was I disillusioned. I'm a devil. I'm a walking pile of bullshit. I am a self serving deception machine who only cares about his own survival. If I had to describe my awakening in one word (other than awakening) it would be humbling. When all of this hit me, I literally watched my reality crumble around me. I would fall to the ground, convulsing. I did this on and off for hours. My entire body would start trembling uncontrollably. I would make these random noises and jerky motions with my body. At one point I remember yelling, "I am not (insert my name here)!" repeatedly. It was a living hell. I finally understand the saying "spirituality is a self destruction process". I am at war with myself. Everything makes so much more sense now… For the first 48 hours after my awakening I had difficulty sleeping. I kept taking notes. Writing down the tens of different ways that I'm falling into traps of self deception. My mind wouldn’t stop. The gears just kept turning and turning. Insight after insight. The intensity of life was overwhelming. I couldn’t look people in the eyes. The connection was too sudden and too deep. I felt as if I was floating. As if I was elevated above my previous state. Which in a way, I suppose I am. It's been a few days since my awakening and I've been able to calm down and acclimate to this higher consciousness state. However, I still catch myself in these deep meditative trances. Especially when I look into nature. I could stare at trees and bushes endlessly in absolute awe. I don’t want to "do" anything other than sit and watch. I've found it quite hard to will myself to do day to day menial tasks. I've been less "productive" yet I've received more insights and inner growth in the last few days than in the last year. It's the wildest thing. Interestingly, I've also been "brain farting" all over the place. For example, during my workout I put a 25 pound weight on one side of the bar and then a 45 on the other, not realizing it until I went to lift the bar. That’s coming from a guy with a degree in exercise science LOL. I also went to play fetch with my dog and suddenly realized I'd grabbed a doggy treat instead of his tennis ball. I keep catching myself making little "errors" like this all the time. It's kind of scary but so humorous to me when it happens. Has anyone else experienced this during their "acclimation period"? I feel as if I'm going a little crazy. In conclusion, if there's one thing I know now it's that I still have much inner work to do. I'm still nowhere near enlightened but I've never felt this motivated on my spiritual journey before. My biggest take away from the experience is I'm much too outwardly focused. I need to do more self reflection. Less external distractions. More stillness and silence. Thx for reading fam(:

Sounds like you’d benefit from switching up your meditation technique. Try mindfullness meditation. Try the do nothing technique. Try self inquiry. Try body scanning. Try observing a particular object with your eyes open. Etc. You can only get so much from a single technique.

Due to my job, most days I wake up at 2:45 am. I’m usually in bed by 6-7pm. Although I get the advised 7-9hours of sleep a night, I still notice a detrimental effect on my health due to this abnormal sleep/wake cycle. A more appropriate sleep/wake cycle would be closer to our natural circadian rhythm which is set to the rise and setting of the sun.

So a mother forcing a sick child to take their medicine when they don’t want to is evil? Mhm...

@Nak Khid no errors were made. Everything has unfolded perfectly. The trip I described in this post was one of the most transformational days of my life and I’ve had continuous insight after insight since then. Using Jed McKenna’s verbiage, that experience was my “First Step” towards awakening. I’ve expanded consciously more in the last month than I have in the rest of my life. It’s surreal.

Hail Satan?

Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. Congrats on making it to where you are but realize you still have a ways to go. Or as you said, a lot of life ahead of you. Do your fucking homework bro. Or don’t. Your choice

Sure, it exists as a concept. But all concepts are imaginary ego creations. Morality is a survival tool of the ego. My morality, as well as everyone else’s is based upon self survival. What benefits my survival is perceived as good. What hinders my survival is perceived as bad.

Personally, I love Sadhguru and get a lot of value from his teachings. He’s undoubtedly enlightened and stage turquoise so overall a great resource for those wanting to elevate their level on consciousness. Something I’ve noticed about Sadhguru is he does “dumb down” his teachings quite a bit, especially in comparison to someone like Leo. But that simply so that he can have a larger audience. So you obviously have to take what he says with a grain of salt (like you should any teacher) and trust your direct experience above all

Thanks for the feedback Leo. I now realize that my assertion was based upon belief rather than unbiased inquiry. In my discomfort with “not-knowing” what language, thought and feelings are, I prematurely grasped to “knowing” via the creation of a new belief... which is as you said, incorrect. I notice this pattern often. Of being on a journey to somewhere and stopping prematurely by convincing myself that I made it. I realize more and more on a daily basis how arrogant I am. How full of bullshit groundless beliefs I am. There’s more work to do. Trek on.

Not necessarily. I’m saying they can’t think like a non deaf person can... For one, deaf people can still learn language. They just don’t attach the language to noise as is non deaf people do. However, let’s consider a deaf person that hasn’t been indoctrinated by a culture to learn a particular language such as English. Like the cliche example of a young boy who’s raised by a pack of wolves... and make him deaf. I’m sure he CAN think. But the level of thinking that his thought process occurs on is likely unfathomable to us. He can’t think is the same “voice in our head” way that you and I think. Now how one in that situation would think? I have no idea. It sure is interesting to think about though. Perhaps on an entirely image drive basis? I would assume said deaf wolf boy would develop his own intrinsic language system based off of the perceptions that he does have like sight, feeling, taste and smell. But this is all speculation. Truth be told I have no fucking clue wether a deaf person can think or not because I’m not deaf.

@Conscious life be careful with Elliott’s teaching. I know Elliott personally (I used to coach at Strength Camp) and he’s a great guy with many admirable characteristics. However, over the last few years he’s fallen head first into this “men’s rights” activism trap. Crusading for groups like red pill and mgtow which are simply forms of collective ego backlash towards the excesses of stage green that is present today on the liberal side of our culture... Elliott’s great but take what he says with big ole pinch of salt as he is still very ego driven. Much more so than Leo. Embracing the feminine and loving doesn’t make one weak. In fact it makes one stronger. You and whoever is perceiving you as “weak” just aren’t evolved enough to realize it yet. Keep actualizing bro

INFJ I've found learning about my personality type to be tremendously beneficial. It’s kind of scary how accurate the test is. It also connected a lot of dots as to why I am the way I am naturally vs who I try to be because of cultural conditioning... great tool to help be your more authentic self.

I have a question for y'all enlightened folks out there. Perhaps this is just a paradox that I can't grasp yet... but wouldn't strengthening the ego through personal development make it harder to awaken? For example, knowing your core values, studying your personality type, developing hobbies, pursuing a life purpose and any other domain of self discovery, aren't these things all building up the ego? Strengthening the self image? And by developing the self (ego) wouldn't that contradict the whole self destruction process of realizing no self/enlightenment and make the process harder? Like you're walking in opposing directions at the same time? I'm simultaneously building myself up just to break myself down and it's fucking with my mind. Pls halp.

My question is, can enlightenment/truth realization be one’s life purpose? Context: A recent awakening experience made me realize that there is no inherent meaning to life. All meaning and value are simply concepts created by the mind to entertain/facilitate the survival the ego. This is no longer a belief in my head but a very real and direct realization. I lost all passion for my job (which I loved and was my former life purpose) and wish to do nothing other than self inquire, meditate, and simply be a witness to life. All my basic needs in life are met. Is it possible that my “life purpose” has shifted towards the enlightenment process? Before my awakening experience, enlightenment was a back burner pursuit. I was more on the spiritual/holistic personal development path but now literally all I can think about is getting down to the true nature of what the fucking voice in my head is. Not on a conceptual level as a belief. Like the shit I get from Leo’s videos. But rather on a very visceral or embodied level. Something I experience first hand. I seek complete and utter self destruction. What do y’all think??

Fasting, both shorter duration such as intermittent periods (16-24hours) or longer duration such as multiple days/weeks has numerous scientifically verified health benefits. However, what I’m most interested in is the elevation fasting has on my level of consciousness (especially longer duration fasts). I notice any time I do a multiple day fast, I slip into meditative/trance like states of elevated consciousness very easily and naturally. Everything slows down and I become much more present much more easily. I’m wonder what experience my fellow actualizers have with fasting and if y’all feel it benefits you in your spiritual pursuits as well?

The real question is, my friend... who are you?

@Matt8800 wild, I just came across the concept of "right action" for the first time in a book I was reading yesterday. And now you bring it into my awareness for a second time, there must be something there for me... Thank you for the book reference. I'll look into the concept of tantra as well.

@ajasatya fucking A dude. You're right. I am validation seeking. I'm still seeking answers "out there" instead of focusing within on my direct experience. Thank you for shining light on that.

You remind me so much of a younger me and the pain I put myself through... Bring some awareness to how you’re talking to yourself. You’re trying to “whip yourself into shape” by constantly critiquing yourself. You’re adding unnecessary suffering to your life. My advice? Try judging less and accepting more. Your personal wants ARE more important than serving others. That’s simple survival. Everyone feels this way. It’s the default. Not something to judge. Accept your actions and the way you are. Accept the realities around you instead of denying reality by wishing it was other than what it is. Now that’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t provide value to others and enhance the lives of those around you. You definitely should, but you must take care of yourself before you can take care of another. It’s like the cliche airplane example of putting your face mask on first so that you’re able to help put on your child’s. Hope that helps friend.