King Merk

@Michael569 nah man, no raw meat. I felt way better today though. It lasted just two days of stomach discomfort and loose stool. Not sure what happened.

Every place is a spiritual place

@PurpleTree yea psilocybin pills are cool. Honestly I can’t tell a different between them vs shrooms except a pill is obviously easier to ingest

I bet he’ll make a video analyzing Sam Harris similar format to his Jordan Peterson one.

The mushrooms that make your head go burrrr

There’s really no need to do anything Thank you for the comment❤️

After years of work, it’s happening… Every time I take a psychedelic now, I feel my reality falling apart. I was sitting there analyzing my entire life. Realizing that everything “I” am is a collection of attachments. Just gunk stuck to the field of awareness that I call myself. I go back to this place every time. I roll on the ground wondering what in the fuck is going on. I can’t even discern what’s real any more. It’s all a facade and I see it so clearly. I am nothing, yet everything. And then I come down from the trip… I recollect the broken pieces of my self identity and move on. But I move on less stuck than before. Less attached to the gunk on the wall. I’m becoming more & more “free” of myself & all my finite attachments. It makes me think of a child playing with blocks. Building this fantasy creation up just to knock it all down again. Is this the enlightenment process? This must be deconstruction right? Hard to wrap my thoughts around it when I’m in this “normal” human form?

Funny enough, going deeper did lead to my suicide in some ways. With Leo’s encouragement I’ve went very deep with things like 5-MeO and self inquiry that have helped me “kill myself” via the expansion of consciousness beyond the finite confines of my ego. LOL

I check YouTube every day to see if he’s uploaded a new one yet… definitely addicted to actualized.org videos? But there’s much worse vices out there sooo??‍♂️

I’m in a relationship that I know I need to end. It’s a fairly healthy relationship. From the outside looking in you could see no issues but something inside of me is screaming to get out…. I’m aware of all this but I just can’t do it. What do y’all do when you’re so deeply entrenched in truth avoidance? I know logically that the answer is simply to do the damn thing. To just break up and be done with it but I’ve struggled time and time again to muster up the courage. I’m just not sure what to do. Advice?

Update: First I just wanted to say thank you to all the kind people who provided feedback. I went into introspective mode and wrote out a list of reasons to stay and reasons to leave. Then contemplate things in silence for a couple hours. After doing that I decided the most loving thing to do was speak with her about everything (which is did). I told her more or less that I love her very much but I’m not sure if I ever want the whole marriage/kids thing to ever happen and I don’t want to lead her on. Understandably she was pretty distraught by this but after working through the emotions more she expressed some gratitude for my transparency. We’re staying together for now (we live together & have a lease so it’s definitely easier to stay together). But agreed to have periodic check ins with each other to see how we feel about the relationship. We’re both young (mid 20s) so she’s not in a hurry to raise a family just yet. There’s bigger fish to fry at this moment. So yea I guess it all worked out. I certainly feel better after our talk. Relationships are hard sometimes lol.

That’s a great question however I feel it doesn’t apply to me specifically as we’ve been together for a long period of time & I’ve been in multiple 1 year + relationships before. I don’t have an issue with commitment per set. My questioning is whether I even want a family/marriage in the first place. (Which my partner does want) I also feel like there’s more karma I need to burn through with regards to being with other women. I’m not sure that I’m ready to settle down for the rest of my life and that’s the direction my relationship is heading. But on the flip side we’ve build a great thing over the last couple years and really vibe. So it’s an internally conflicted spot I’m in.

It’s a healthy relationship but I question if I even want to be in a relationship tbh. I find myself preferring solitude and to be working on my business than to be dedicated to a partner. Like she deserves the time & attention but I struggle giving it to her at times.

@puporing yea I definitely do have two separate voices that are at odds with each other. I hadn’t thought about sitting down and talking to each side. Like hearing their side of the argument so I have a better understand of myself and then going from there. Will spend some time on that. Thank you for the help❤️

This alone took me years to really learn lol. I used to be so upset with myself for nor being able to cram all that into a single day.

I’m playing around with my daily routine & trying to optimize my time. Curious what y’all’s daily habits/routines are. What’s are the non negotiable things you do every day? How do you structure/prioritize your tasks for the day? How many days a week do you take off and how do you spend those days to recover? Drop your ideal work day below. Would love to hear them ??

@peanutspathtotruth multiple knowledge bombs there. Thank you for sharing. I especially like the part on flow/adapting to what is most needed in the moment. That balance has been a hard thing for me to find. I need to develop more clarity around what tasks are more & less important. Right now I just have a big ass list of daily goals and the less enjoyable ones tend to be the ones more often in-completed. 4-5 hours of spiritual work is crazy. I love it though. I’m lucky if I get 1 hour a day in. That’s inspires me to hear that others are as committed as you are to the path.

In my world of rock climbers/outdoor fanatics, owning a van makes you look even cooler lol.

Hahaha the funny thing is it wasn’t creepy at all because I owned it. I was showing this one chick my set up (because I was mad proud of it) and she deadass pulled me into the back of my own van conversion. She crawled into the bed and said “well aren’t you going to come in here with me?” If that doesn’t bust limiting beliefs then idk what will.

I literally used to be homeless/lived in a homemade camper shell in the back of my truck. Still pulled attractive girls back there lol. Homeless game FTW.

I got secure. Yay for all the inner work I’ve done over the years to help me become a healthy human being haha.

More acceptance of the current moment. Less pain/suffering. More gratitude.

The first time I took acid, I did 5 tabs. My buddy (who did the same) went into complete psychosis and started screaming/chasing strangers on our college campus. The cops were called and I had to lock him up in a bathrooms and physically restrain him for hours until the acid wore off. Needless to say it was a traumatic experience and I haven’t done 5 hits since. Always better to underdone than overdose.

I’ve found it fun playing into all the festivities(: Never really done that before this year. Merry Christmas everyone❤️

One of my favorite ways to develop new social circles is through activities/sports. If you can’t move to a new city then at least pick up a new hobby. Then connect with other people who do that thing. Easy way to make friends & you’ll be developing a skill so you won’t feel so worthless.