Alex K

@NTOgen Luck to you and all us. Amen.

So after Vedanta vids I finally got down to some self inqury. Ego is a homeostasis automatic part of consciousness. It is heuristic decision making algorithm, using intuition mechanism to seive through and choose the closest combination of experiences and decisions from the memories and funnel awareness onto it like injector funnels gasoline into engine cameras. Aware awareness is least automatic part and energy or execution environment for all conscious processes. It can counter ego at times currently by deffering execution of being narrowed/funneled/focused automatically by the ego. Errata - when I say awareness I mean real me, I do not see it as awareness, it is some presense that I assume is awareness and which I need to inqury further into the nature of. Logic, intuition, senses, emotions, memories are available for this presense as well as for the ego. So it is not only means but the real me in a sense that it is the least automatic of what I am. What I totally forgotto mention are thoughts and precious monkey mind - it is just another random sampling conscious mechanism which ego and awareness both use to arrive at decisions. And subconscious contains memory loading, thoughts forming, heart and breathing and whatnot monitoring, bootstrapping of ego, logic, contains intuition processes etc. Very nice maaan, popped that cherry! Asked who I am and stuff for 1.5 hours!

So my idea currently is to do 40-45 minutes SDS cross legged in the morning and 35-40 min SDS before sleep. Otherwise it would be too strong influence on my life. Starting now. Downloading Vedanta vids on my phone to watch on the go.

@Bizarre @Lynnel @NTOgenThanks a bunch!!!!! Just watched the first "basic" video from James, it's soooo great! I totally get it! Would certainly like to go full-out on him, if the world is so that I'm right enough to get it all)))) Got a question though, not sure you could answer but no harm asking. So what about the memories? I guess currently I believe I am my memories plus awareness on top of them. That is why I do not see before this body as I am and I fear death cause there is no memories after death. Also to that point - even in enlightenment they say there are worldly preferences - which I think are contained in memories. Question is if there is no memories w/o the body, how could pure awareness be the real me? More practical point is where is me as in pure awareness when I sleep? Why I do not feel myself in sleep as a pure awareness entity? @Bob84 The video would be nice for you imho, it's not religion, it's a course like in a college ))=== GTI a.k.a. Bizarre just likes to shittalk on us a bit from his high road, it's all his personal Egoic problems I guess) He means well nonetheless I think. Cheers guys! ))

@AxelK Actually, I think it is a type of nervous system, but it is also the one with less stamina to it than a stable phlegmatic one.

Responsibility, responsibility, doing best, all. We are just small fickle monkeys with a ticket to the play, no free will, no nothing. Wtf are they arguing on victim mentality and responsibility! So futile, so irredeemable. Rali's talking shit. To be aware and just enjoying life when billions are suffering, it's so immoral.

The basic techniques are great, but we need something deep to immerse myself into too, so I'm to uploading Advaita Vedanta lectures by James Shwarz on my phone. There are 4 types of yoga to take us.

Yesterday had anger outbreak, 2 hrs SDS not for me currently, I will gradually grow up into it. Every moment of my evening is emotional SDS no matter what I do. So much room for growth. Every moment of life is truly an opportunity to be equanimous and aware, but it is very mentally hard. In sorrow again.

@Tim Green How do you do a self inquiry?

@Huz Hi Huz, what' s the book called? Also, share maybe in PM what's your current progress with meditation? )=

@NutellaTC Nice, congrats! How much have you done to achieve it?

@GTITurbolover So, please give a basic as in simple book to start inqury into vedanta plz. I guess a school really would be needed to get somewhere far with it? I've read your posts 2-3 times and either your way smarter than me or you to far in it, but I cant get any complete idea out. I need something basic. Only can congrat Neo on getting it straight away.

@GTITurbolover pity, you've just shattered my hopes /

@cetus56 It is serious for me because each time I dwell into smth random, I loose track of what is really important and it could be lost for years ;((.

@cetus56 Well that experience you'd better discuss with someone who has had smth similar. I hadn't. Also I do not want to get involved in holy wars around theories, esp. if they haven't picked my interest, sry. Good days to you

Relistened to Leo's real vs fake growth as advised by a colleague here. Synopsis is fake growth being worldy achievement alleviating the mind issue temporarily, real growth being getting ok with anything - curing neuroticism, kinda the name of my quest. So my gauge for the real growth is amount of awareness I exibit during my life. Reaching ever awareness is the primary growth point for me as seen now. So I'm with my ego so weak so neurotic and so much energy is lost in intenal friction, that often in life I just become a turd going with the flow because ther is just no power to do otherwise. Obviously it is 0 amount awareness at this moments. For the last months I believe I see that actively diminishing, so that is my real growth.

@NTOgen Well, I just don't see it all your way, I do not believe such things. I'd just do the work and let it all hit me as a real experience )

@cetus56 I didnt want to do this, but have a look at least here at reception paragraph https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biocentric_universe. Only some MD thinks its interesting. all the real specialists in this matter like physicists think it is just a pet theory of his. I think precisely the same. Universe can easily be a matrix-like entity, but matter energy time space surely exist everywhere and in full and is guided by strong formal rules, not in any way depend on conscious. In here we talk of karma that is independed of awareness and rules everything in the universe if I'm not mistaken.

@NTOgen You see, I just think that there is no such thing as infinity and there are no paradoxes, there is no highest truth. I think enlightenment is a finite state. If there are two enlightened people in the room, do they share one infinite nothingness awareness or is each of them one? Obviously they are not merged, they can't tell the thoughts each one is having. If all is one and one consciousness created the world literally, enlightened being should have another deeper level where he is truly omniscient, than another where he is omnipresent, than omnipotence... As it goes, does this make sense? P.S. I, yep I, like to be a benevolent force in the world. Hahahaha.

@Leo Gura I would think logically that Infinite could not be navigated in any way as our mindful focus is finite even in enlightenment. If it's okay with your plans, please disclose an example of something deep you've found apart from enlightenment. @NTOgen I've reread everything. I want to tell you something, so so want :)) I think you take what we are doing here too lightly at least sometimes. What we do here is precious, you are precious for doing it. People like Rali would tell that this is not that serious, man is not better for it and it just makes life nicer so we do it. I humbly disagree, human animal outlived the need for ego and getting rid of obsolete components is just next step up in evolution of complexity in the universe. I strongly believe that it is formally provable that if we as a people become enlightened, world would become a much better place. I think it's crap saying we are infinity in the nothingness etc. I think no enlightened man would be able to see what a 10-dimensional life form could be if there is two types of time and logic is something else than in our universe. So it's a step up, but there are further steps out there =) I'm rambling like an old fool here ,sorry) Be confident, know that your journey is precious and meaningful and act out of that place at least sometimes at first. I've just cooked up an idea - if all the people would become enlightened at some point, of course 7kkk teachers would be useless, at that point we would start looking outwards for what could be the next step. Currently, enlightened people are so rare, they give all their time to teach others or, khekhek to fishing khekhek, when there is still nano robots technology not invented, computers not integrated with the neurons via direct electronic circuitry, cancer, alzheimer's, strokes are not cured, cows are grown to be slaughtered by 20kkk each year etc. @GTITurbolover@Lynnel Please, I would also like to have some link or comment from you on superposition issue and the same for the Four Human Pursuits Teaching, because googling gives some nonsense. .

@cetus56 I think there is not much help in it for us. There are probably infinite number of universes of bizarly different configurations. Ours is luckily suited for sapient life. I like to think there are other universes suited for smth even more complex than conscious life. As probably we have 10 dimensions in our universe, maybe even ours have smth much more complex than us) If you haven't done already, watch Leo vid on interest in truth -> There are some new nice stuff I even haven't thought of myself on the universe.

Guess what, this looks like a perfectly false ego believe, let's dismantle it somehow. Yay, concrete SMART task =)

So I've communicated with nice people here and read a lot of commentary in different topics. The key really is looking into all of it. There is no point in gallop - reading 10 books and watching 500 videos from 10 teachers - I need to really get something substantial. As I've spent some money on kindle book from Adayashanti and he is for sure a good teacher, I'll proceed reading it and getting a good basic picture. I'm fearfull that I will drown in all this information, I don't really know what to do, I'm so lost right now. Leo tells us to be strategic. He tells to do the inner work. he tells us to do self inquiry. I can't do that, it's too focus intensive and I'm so defocused and I'll forget to do it. I think I need to do the noting to get some focus. wtf, I have no control whatsoever. shit. What to do. "Think for yourself". How? What to think about? What do I want? I don't know. I don't know anything. I can only follow instructions like do nothing or sit for 1 hr motionless. When I think about anything, it's inconclusive, it's subjective, it does make sense, but there is immediatelly 1-2 chains of thought that make sense as well, but they represent another view point, so which to desigante correct and a basis for further thinking? At that point I'm lost in these thoughts about correctness and prefference of thought chains and I forgot about the initial subject altogether or I just loose motivation to think about it. And on top of that, enlightenment can't be reached by thought and all my thoughts are based of false believes and obviously false axioms bring false conclusions. wtf wtf wtf wtf, how do people work through all this? So I did 40 min burmeese SDS and stopped due to too much legs pain, after 5 min rest I did 1 hr SDS on a chair =) It's 3 a.m. and I better go do 1hr more and to bed. ego ego ego, so much ego in me

@NTOgen Thanks for all your input, I think my lesson here is that I'm too damn impatient in general and it makes me shallow, I want to make time to check out your recommendations. I fear that if I'm not galloping I'll loose the interest, I probably need to work on this complex and my motivations.

@Bob84 well Neil is here to pitch, not to listen to reason, he used the strategy of leveling with the folks, but it was stale and took him nowhere here.