Loving Radiance

Yes it can be the difficult family situation impacting you. The other opinions it being something physical like mold or viruses is also plausible.

Way more energy and mental clarity since cutting out processed foods.

@manuel bon I've had similar experiences. The first time it happened was when I lived in a community where we did intense shadow work, which changed and matured me a lot. When my family visited me there, I felt uncomfortable because I reverted to my old self when interacting with them. I found it helpful to confront the discomfort I felt when presenting a false version of myself to my family. Internally, I wanted to be true to who I was, but I feared my family's judgment and rejection. I realized that I cared deeply about their opinions of me. The mask I wore was a defense mechanism to avoid feeling pain and shame from their potential rejection. I discovered that I wasn't grounded in my own identity and wasn't standing up for my boundaries and desires. When I visited them for Christmas, I was able to communicate my boundaries and desires more effectively and show my true self more authentically. Although I did revert to my mask in the last few days, it was a significant improvement from not being able to be authentic at all. What is your discomfort with your family fundamentally about? Mine was fear and thus hiding myself. In my experience, the protector parts in me made it happen that I developed headache and cold symptoms faster than ever before in order to shield myself from feeling pain & shame.

@manuel bon The mind is very powerful.

Hey there I want to gift a female friend a book that explores feminine energy (Yin) and its associated qualities. She is on a journey to embrace her feminine shadow and reclaim her sovereignty. I thought a book that provides practical insights she can apply in her life would be a great gift. I'm looking for something related to the menstrual cycle, archetypes, and new age concepts, ideally connected to Integral Spirituality. I'm interested in a more feminine approach to Integral Spirituality than the typical Ken Wilber books. I already asked an AI for it and it gave me "Women Who Run With the Wolves" and "The Book of SHE: Your Heroine’s Journey into the Heart of Feminine Power". Do you have some personal gems you'd like to share and recommend?

In addition to what Emerald proposed above, it also can be low self-worth expressing in core beliefs like "I am not good enough.", "I am unlovable.", "I am powerless", etc. Avoidance of intimacy and depth in order to avoid fear of rejection, in order to avoid shame, in order to avoid hurt and feeling low in worth. Embrace intimacy and do deep conscious breaths when you feel like running away. Embrace your emotions which you would avoid feeling when you are avoidant. Only step outside your comfort zone as much as you can manage: have a balance of embracing your avoidant tendency (creating distance and having alone time to breathe) and going out of your comfort zone (creating closeness and going into intimate situations and relaxing into them). Toxic self-reliance is toxic. More often than not, accept her help when she offers it (even if you think you can manage on your own). Ask her for help when you need it (don't trust your mind or automatic behaviors) and accept feeling weak. Take a moment and do deep belly breaths before you do it in order to ground yourself in your body. Again, only step outside your comfort zone as much as you can manage. Connect to your emotions and feel into them daily. (google "insighttimer Morning IFS Parts Check-In | Jenna Riemersma" and open the site on your desktop or in desktop mode on your phone) Surrender to the feeling that she could become dependent on you. Surrender to the discomfortable feeling arising in your body. Breathe deeply and feel it. Same here, only step outside your comfort zone as much as you can manage.

Nice perspective to study society @Leo Gura he also added book recommendations at the end if you are interested in diving deeper

Amazing share. Thanks Emerald.

Negative Values Release The NLP visualization was quite useful for the first 2 times. It then became apparent for me that it was too detached, mental, slow and with too much safety precautions in it (of course it has to be that way because the course is designed that even a highly traumatized person could do it). With my intensive shadow work practice I could dive straight into the themes and instantly connect to these parts which are active in these themes (mind you that I trained this ability for a year 24/7 in an intentional community focused on shadow work). It took one evening for me to dip my toe into most of them. it was easy to connect to the parts, visualize the situation and sit with it to let the lesson come into mind. I notice that mental recognition of the lessons isn't healing or embodiment. It is about integrating these lessons into my life on a daily basis and intentionally caring for and healing the wounded parts. Since then it happened on multiple occasions that my mind recognized a situation where I could apply a lesson and then let this feeling/caring arise. The real work is isn't doing the NLP visualization, it's the fundamental shift in selective focus (RAS) to heal the inner dynamics and to do the healing consistently on a daily basis. I don't really know how I should proceed from here. Reprioritizing again is something I'd avoid. I could visualize my psyche structure to be healed and then imagine if my values would shift when I inhabit that state of consciousness. It could work. I also sense fear in a protector part in me who wants to avoid this because it was quite arduous already to find a new value and go through every pass. It would mean - besides doing the healing work - building a deeper foundation that would stay for longer because it is more grounded in truth. I sense that this is the right way despite the resistance. The shallower way would be doing the healing work and just continuing with the list as-is, rationalizing that it will change in a year or so no matter how hard I worked on it in the beginning. This also has some truth. The expression of personal truth shifts over time, so no matter how deep or shallow the foundation is, it shifts in one year regardless. Hm, I better take into account that this course is built for less developed people, so there is a way to shortcut this process again by using my visualization and feeling ability. Well, the solution lies in introspecting... List of the trauma situations of the themes and their lessons: Note: Child part and exile part are used interchangeably, I only used them in order to put focus on different characteristics of that part. Original theme: Health caused by repressing anger in response to mom at 2y.o. or younger Lesson, "Express the life energy that is alive in you." Friendship is caused by social trauma when moving into high school (12y.o.) and not seeing resonant people to become friends with and not going for finding them due to: self-abandonement emotional repression dissociative retreat into imagination belief "I am alone and there is nobody there for me. The external world is dangerous and there is only safety in being alone." Lesson, "Be there for yourself (presence with vulnerability), and follow and openly show your desire and need (expression)." I too noticed that there is a much older trauma which reactivated as a 12y.o. I did it again with the intention of going to the point in childhood where I experienced this trauma first. I sense that this energetic protective wall to others was already caused when I moved into elementary school and the kids being too loud for me. Belief: The outside world is too much and overwhelming. Lesson,"Feel yourself, care for your needs and create the environment according to your needs." Clarity & Open-mindedness to cope with trauma (mental bypassing) Child part is neglected from mental bypassing, directing the energy heavily in the upper body and being in the head in order to disconnect and avoid life. Inner child rejected values because they were used to not serve it's life energy and to disconnect from needs which would, if followed and expressed, expose me to an exile part which holds shame, fear of rejection and pain. Lesson, "Use the head to connect to life." Authenticity, Self-Mastery, Wisdom, Contribution and Health caused by rejection & judgement of the old non-embodied, depressive and purposeless life (Clarity & Open-mindedness) Child part was repressed by mental bypassing and thus the child used the inner critic to negatively motivate me the values. Repression was seen as a confirmation that the shame exile has validity. Expressing the emotions would lead to removal of negative motivation and make the motivation towards the values purely positive from inspiration and desire. Lesson, "Express your emotions that are alive in you." Self-Mastery, Wisdom, and Contribution are caused as reaction to using Clarity and Open-mindedness to cope with both #1 and are also caused by unworthiness (being pushed by inner critic; needing [value] to be worthy of love) Exile part of unworthiness was there when all in my family were older and bigger while I was smallest. Inner critic is used to protect and avoid activation of shameful unworthiness. This exile holds deep love for reality which gets shut down whenever fear arises when wanting to step outside the comfort zone. Doing things because of the love for the world and not out of wanting to be worthy of love. Lesson, "Go outside to follow your desire and embrace everything that arises." "Follow the light when everything seems dark." using Love and Grace to cope (seeking safety from inner critic) On the hand, the values are refuge from harsh inner critic. Inner critic protects unworthiness exile part. On the other hand, there's the belief "I can only be love and grace when I am X or have achieved X." So, by using the inner critic I need to embody Self-Mastery, Contribution and Wisdom to be worthy, but it's never enough because of the never healed wound. Lesson, "Ground your whole being in love and grace." Clarity, Open-mindedness (and Wisdom) are caused by the dissociation coping-lifestyle developed after traumatic mushroom experiences Cognitive disorientation feels unsafe and not held. Ground in something deeper than the cognitive to hold yourself Lesson, "Ground yourself when everything is chaos and turning around you." Edit: During visualizations I became conscious of the black hole void energy that trauma creates. I am grateful to do this healing now in the beginning of my journey. It is clear now why many "successful" people are never fulfilled in their values even if objectively they have the value in their life 100%.

This is my journal to write about my journey through the LP Course, plans and updates about my career development, and thoughts and contemplations which are all around designing my life for higher-consciousness living. For forum members, please post only supportive and constructive comments. Thank you. Note to self: Do all important tasks first and only then come and write here to exclusively reflect on topics.

@jacknine119 It helped me to distance myself and heal for a time. Now I feel I want to get more into contact despite their development and level of unconsciousness. Trust your intuition.

Because of ideology and epistemology (being dumb in critical thinking, bias, and sense-making).

1. Be conscious of yourself when you stay in the relationship for sex and not for the person you are in relation with. Be conscious that you stay in this relationship to fulfill your own needs. I imagine that you are in need for sexual pleasure and your partner is the only source for that. Do you practice self-pleasure and are you praying to yourself in that practice? Do you give yourself love? 2.1 It is important for your partner that you communicate with her and that she knows when you want to be high. What is so difficult for you about that? It is reasonable that she wants to be informed because you are living together. (I get how there is something in your psyche that makes this difficult.) 2.2 What would it feel like if you communicate with her before you take psychs? Is that difficult for you? If so, what feeling arises when you imagine doing this "communication before action"? Go into the feeling and listen what it needs and what it wants to tell you. 2.3 As you already wrote, it seems to be a pattern for you to be unbalanced in this. It points towards an unresolved protective pattern in you, expressing as avoidant attachment. There is a shadow part in you which makes you not communicate and use psychs behind her back. So, get present when you have the feeling of doing psychs without communicating with her beforehand. Notice the impulses drawing you towards reaction, to fall into autopilot mode. Notice the energetic and emotional flow that brings you into this. Feel into yourself and ask yourself what you try to get by doing this action. What need are you wanting to fulfill or what story are you wanting to affirm and repeat? What quality of state of consciousness is that shadow part in and how does it feel like? How is it stuck in repeating a loop? What pain or vulnerability is this feeling/pattern/part avoiding? 3. Once you become more conscious of your pattern - emotionally and cognitively - talk with her about you being regularly stuck in your protective pattern which makes you be in a dissociated, shut-down state of consciousness (which makes it difficult for you to communicate). Talk with her how she can feel empathy for you and help you get present in that moment when these situations occur again. Think of baby steps how you can bring more consciousness into the habit. Be prepared take the long road because it is so engrained in you. For example, I have noticed that I go into guzzle mode whenever I eat. I notice that whenever I chew a portion, there comes a time when I already prepare the next portion to stuff into my mouth. I am not present and enjoying the portion I still have in my mouth. The baby step is then that I become conscious of it and slow down my eating. I prepare the next portion only after I have chewed and swallowed the last one. I eat mindfully and taste the portion in my mouth. This is doing small steps for me. And of course, I will fall right back into guzzle mode just after a few seconds, just as fast as attaching to thoughts while meditating. I notice that I think of it and become more conscious of it more often. I always ate like this so it will take some time till I fully bring mindfulness into it. 4. What did all your close friends and partners mirror to you or criticize on you? Connect the dots and notice patterns arising. From your post I see avoidant attachment (with the accompanying survival responses of flight, then freeze, and - if nothing helps - fight) and spiritual bypassing. The ego structure will use awakening and higher states of consciousness to serve its patterns. For you these patterns are of avoidance. Do the shadow work. Face the truth and the feeling that you are avoiding in the relative realm. Come out of hiding and give yourself to grace:

@Elton You came here to create something with your life. Yes, going the hero's journey is hard and arduous. And it's most fulfilling when you walk it, stop, look around and take in the beauty and start walking again.

Actualized Quotes #081 On the point of theft, here is a high-quality podcast that I was reminded of: "How Offshore Finance Corrodes Culture, Politics & A Globalised World" https://open.spotify.com/episode/1y16qp6vRVXet5e0PRC034

Amazing find. Thank you for sharing!

I'm glad you folks can take something from this

Google them and share interesting biases you discovered

@Sandhu https://www.visualcapitalist.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cognitive-bias.jpg

@numbersinarow It's not about taking sides and clinging to it, it's about what is more important for the current situation. A clear opinion is practical in dire times. The reality is that you cannot do analysis and build up civilization from understanding the systemic issues at hand when we are still in war with each other. Universal rules in the relative domain are imagined. The rules we accept are based on survival, so we imagine them to be universal.

Pass #10: Negative Themes It was very useful to use the additional reasons I jotted down of #9 as reference points to connect the dots and discover the themes. Original negative theme: Friendship and thus Health are caused by social trauma Clarity & Open-mindedness to cope with trauma (with mental bypassing leading to non-embodiment) Authenticity, Self-Mastery, Wisdom, Contribution and Health caused by rejection & judgement of the old non-embodied, depressive and purposeless life Self-Mastery, Wisdom, and Contribution are caused as reaction to using Clarity and Open-mindedness to cope with #1 and are also caused by unworthiness in #1 (needing [value] to be worthy of love -> social trauma; being pushed by inner critic) using Love and Grace to cope (seeking safety from inner critic) Another theme: Clarity, Open-mindedness (and Wisdom) are caused by the dissociation coping-lifestyle developed after traumatic magic truffles experiences (April 16th, 2021 - Trip & July 3rd, 2021 - Trip)

This position is taken by Leo considering the current genocidal circumstances in Gaza. Systemic thinking is fluid and practical enough to make black-white distinctions if it requires it. You are not going to extinguish a fire by analyzing all the actors & circumstances which caused the fire. First you need a water bucket.

Pass #9: Positive vs. Negative Values Before I started, I searched this forum if other people have done it. I read a thread of a guy who rushed through the passes, and I noticed that some of his reasons felt negatively motivated although he gave his values 100% positive rating. So, I noticed this same tendency in myself and chose to be radically honest, truly introspect, check myself and go through this for as long as it had to be. Trauma and the inner critic (who acts on unfulfilled shadow needs) influenced me a lot just by going through the questions alone even when I thought to be positively influenced. I am glad I did write down the negative motivations in pass #8 whenever I noticed them coming up for me in that pass. This helped a lot for determining the ratios. I suggest others to do that too. Additionally, it helped me to envision and feel the pull towards this value. It then made it clear to me if I'm pulled towards the value by positive motivation or pushed towards it by negative motivation. Lots of high negative motivation. 1. Authenticity "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I want this because I deeply desire the feeling of aliveness that comes when I am grounded in myself and express from that self-secure state of being. I feel powerful and self-loving. I am connected to the world because I am connected to myself. There is a great fear of and a deep desire for being great. I am here to create from Authenticity. To express what I am. Yes I also want it because I feel disconnected from life when I am not living it. Pass #8: I noticed that values with little Authenticity felt empty and devoid of life. There is an avoidance of this emptiness/corruption because there is the inner critic who judges me for being less in Authenticity, less embodiment. Rejection of the parts in me which I was mainly giving energy towards like Clarity or Open-mindedness rather than Authenticity. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 60% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 40% because of the judgmental inner critic positive/negative ratio: 60/40 2. Self-Mastery "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I want to experience more of life and see what life would look like if I am living at the highest level possible, having actualized my highest potential. Radiating at the highest level. - Inner critic part (or toxic inner coach) pushes me to become lovable by becoming better. Judgement towards the old me that was intellectually masturbating, more cerebral and cognitive in order to avoid doing the basic self-development work. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 40% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" inner critic pushed me on the self-development path avoidance of inner critic's judgement by becoming better inner critic will never be satisfied with anything other than perfection, there will always be a bit of dust on the floor 60% inner critic who judges me for not being Self-Mastery and thus not in Contribution positive/negative ratio: 40/60 3. Wisdom/Simplicity "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I feel true to myself, heart-aligned I am in service to the life that wants to move through me and I feel a dedication to life inner critic bias towards values that lead me to embodiment instead of a life of disconnected intellectual bypassing like in the past inner critic pushing me to embody Contribution and thus prefer Wisdom over "impractical" values (which don't add my contribution to the world) which I used to distract, dissociate and avoid life I would avoid feeling lost and not understanding the world How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 50% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 50% because I would be neglecting needs and thus suffer like in the past. It's an obligation to do it. positive/negative ratio: 50/50 4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" There is a desire to bring more consciousness into the world so that we recognize who and where we are. There is a love in recognizing one's place and giving oneself to life. I want people to recognize the gift of life and the inherent creative and spiritual power of that life. Pass #8: Limiting belief that without Contribution I am of no value to the world. Unworthiness unless I give to the world. Belief of "I am only worthy of love when I embody Contribution". "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 20% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 80% - the pain & suffering would devastate me positive/negative ratio: 20/80 5. Friendship/Companionship/Community "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I love the way of life with people surrounding me where we connect and see each other as how we are. I would avoid isolation because I spend my all the years from high school till university without friends or anyone to talk to and open up emotionally. I also avoid being isolated because from university till now I explored this value mostly through separated and controlled interactions with friends. Something vital is missing from my life without friendship and there is deep trauma which keeps reoccurring and influencing my perception of there being a wall to others and me being the outsider. In pass #8 I noticed that perfect 10/10 will never be enough because of the deep lack I experienced especially in teenage years. It's social security. It's judgement and rejection of those parts in me which I associate with the old, anxiety-plagued outsider-me "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 10% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 90% positive/negative ratio: 10/90 6. Health "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I desire to live on an optimal foundation to build my life on. (pass #8 "Health serves Authenticity") I noticed that sluggish, depressed and internet-addicted life is not a life worth living. I notice that with Health I hope to avoid the depressed, dissociated state of mind in which I was in in the past. Pass #8: Health is closely linked to Self-Mastery where the inner critic operates. Health has a feeling of lack similar to Friendship. I am often in a trauma activated and neediness state with Health because, in order to deal with the Friendship trauma, I had to disconnect from the pain of lacking Friendship which needed me to be disconnected and neglecting of my Health. There is also resentment in myself for having neglected myself for so long. Anything where I don't put Health as highest priority feels like this trauma of neglection and the arising resentment about myself for that. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 30% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 70% positive/negative ratio: 30/70 7. Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I desire Love because of the peace and feeling safe & cared for. I enjoy the expansive state. Low self-esteem and harsh inner critic. Wanting to be shielded from that harsh inner dialogue "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 70% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 30% positive/negative ratio: 70/30 8. Grace/Compassion/Empathy "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I relish being 10/10 Grace. I love feeling connected to people Fleeing from the harsh inner critic, wanting to be rescued by Grace and seeking shelter in Grace. It alleviates the pain and suffering. Pass #8: Very similar dynamic to Love "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 50% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 50% positive/negative ratio: 50/50 9. Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I desire the feeling of Clarity. It gives me a sense of security. There is a sense of feeling powerful which I desire. Avoiding the state of confusion and not being able to make sense of reality. Avoiding feeling unsure and insecure.looking at Friendship trauma and resulting lack in Health. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 40 "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 60 positive/negative ratio: 40/60 10. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration/Reflection "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I love Exploration of perspectives. There is a sense of love because I can see through somebody's eyes und truly understand them. There is an expansive relief too when I discover small things which I overlooked in myself that I attached to. Same as Clarity, I avoid a sense of confusion & disorientation. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 60% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 40% positive/negative ratio: 60/40

Transcend your own limitations over time. Look back on your former more-limitation-self and feel what POV you had and why you had it. Now, notice and feel the limitation of other people. Notice what their POV offers and lacks. Notice what it offers your POV and how it adds to your POV when integrated. Depends on the current moment. Sometimes it is worthwhile to stay listening and eventually notice something that is valuable and adds to your POV, and sometimes the possible gold nugget is not worth spending so much time. Over time you will develop a taste for it and will be very quick in filtering out people. I for myself listen to my intuition (= inner knowing) because it is better at judging/predicting if someone is worth listening to or discussing with. My mind has all sorts of good reasons to continue or break with a person, but ultimately it always came down to what my intuition said. - The advice of listening to intuition is only good when you have questioned your intuition again and again and when you have developed your ability to hear it.

Update I am still part of the community which has shadow & light work as a high priority. I feel that I found likeminded people who I will be with for long time. The original community split apart due to value misalignment between two of the leading people. Cult dynamics are of course central to that whole story. It taught me to question people who I judge to be highly conscious and have come far in their development. Cult dynamics engulf even highly conscious people. The solution of that is constant reflection and mirroring of all people, no matter if they are in a leading position or not. We all have intelligence in us, which of course is clouded by all the unexamined stuff in the shadows, but which has a kernel of truth in it. I saw the cult dynamics in the people who lead the community for long time and partly addressed it with people. Most excused it by gaslighting me about my triggered state (which was true at that time) and thus were able to excuse it and dismiss the original criticism. I found out later on that some of the leading people some saw the cult dynamic happening where one highly conscious, and paradoxically narcissistic person manipulated the structure and direction of the community in order for all other people to do the dirty work and the highly conscious person being isolated from that, "in order to do the more important work of consciousness studies". It too happened at "Go and Change" community in Germany where he was before. I remember from Leo's cult videos, that people leaving a cult either create a cult, find another cult or heal from the psychological and physical abuse of the cult. One after another people left the small community because of the overly serious lifestyle and constant work. This cult dynamic was not exploiting people for sex or money but work. Overwork was common, and the following signs of burnout were excused away by "being not awake enough", "not being cleaned up in the shadow" and "being in victim" (victim blaming and anti-victim bias). Much growth happened in that community for me. Of course, cult dynamics in groups are tolerated because of the benefits the whole group structure brings. It brought me to a truer perception of myself and others. I feel that the path is me doing the development, actualization and transcendence and transmitting this quality & state of consciousness to others via state change in workshops & seminars with breathwork, mindfulness exercises, dance, singing, energy work, shadow work, yogic exercises... I want to show people that different states of consciousness are possible other than the normal day-to-day trance. Walking through the city I notice the collective trance most people are in and them accepting the structure of society (e.g. wage slavery) which does not serve them and the unfulfilled blank space of what they could get out of life. It doesn't require all people leaving jobs. It only needs a clarification of the true inner values and what your heart calls you towards. I am on the path of cleaning up and showing up. I feel guided by my heart and feel that I as Life will provide.