Loving Radiance

@jacknine119 It helped me to distance myself and heal for a time. Now I feel I want to get more into contact despite their development and level of unconsciousness. Trust your intuition.

Because of ideology and epistemology (being dumb in critical thinking, bias, and sense-making).

1. Be conscious of yourself when you stay in the relationship for sex and not for the person you are in relation with. Be conscious that you stay in this relationship to fulfill your own needs. I imagine that you are in need for sexual pleasure and your partner is the only source for that. Do you practice self-pleasure and are you praying to yourself in that practice? Do you give yourself love? 2.1 It is important for your partner that you communicate with her and that she knows when you want to be high. What is so difficult for you about that? It is reasonable that she wants to be informed because you are living together. (I get how there is something in your psyche that makes this difficult.) 2.2 What would it feel like if you communicate with her before you take psychs? Is that difficult for you? If so, what feeling arises when you imagine doing this "communication before action"? Go into the feeling and listen what it needs and what it wants to tell you. 2.3 As you already wrote, it seems to be a pattern for you to be unbalanced in this. It points towards an unresolved protective pattern in you, expressing as avoidant attachment. There is a shadow part in you which makes you not communicate and use psychs behind her back. So, get present when you have the feeling of doing psychs without communicating with her beforehand. Notice the impulses drawing you towards reaction, to fall into autopilot mode. Notice the energetic and emotional flow that brings you into this. Feel into yourself and ask yourself what you try to get by doing this action. What need are you wanting to fulfill or what story are you wanting to affirm and repeat? What quality of state of consciousness is that shadow part in and how does it feel like? How is it stuck in repeating a loop? What pain or vulnerability is this feeling/pattern/part avoiding? 3. Once you become more conscious of your pattern - emotionally and cognitively - talk with her about you being regularly stuck in your protective pattern which makes you be in a dissociated, shut-down state of consciousness (which makes it difficult for you to communicate). Talk with her how she can feel empathy for you and help you get present in that moment when these situations occur again. Think of baby steps how you can bring more consciousness into the habit. Be prepared take the long road because it is so engrained in you. For example, I have noticed that I go into guzzle mode whenever I eat. I notice that whenever I chew a portion, there comes a time when I already prepare the next portion to stuff into my mouth. I am not present and enjoying the portion I still have in my mouth. The baby step is then that I become conscious of it and slow down my eating. I prepare the next portion only after I have chewed and swallowed the last one. I eat mindfully and taste the portion in my mouth. This is doing small steps for me. And of course, I will fall right back into guzzle mode just after a few seconds, just as fast as attaching to thoughts while meditating. I notice that I think of it and become more conscious of it more often. I always ate like this so it will take some time till I fully bring mindfulness into it. 4. What did all your close friends and partners mirror to you or criticize on you? Connect the dots and notice patterns arising. From your post I see avoidant attachment (with the accompanying survival responses of flight, then freeze, and - if nothing helps - fight) and spiritual bypassing. The ego structure will use awakening and higher states of consciousness to serve its patterns. For you these patterns are of avoidance. Do the shadow work. Face the truth and the feeling that you are avoiding in the relative realm. Come out of hiding and give yourself to grace:

@Elton You came here to create something with your life. Yes, going the hero's journey is hard and arduous. And it's most fulfilling when you walk it, stop, look around and take in the beauty and start walking again.

Actualized Quotes #081 On the point of theft, here is a high-quality podcast that I was reminded of: "How Offshore Finance Corrodes Culture, Politics & A Globalised World" https://open.spotify.com/episode/1y16qp6vRVXet5e0PRC034

Amazing find. Thank you for sharing!

I'm glad you folks can take something from this

Google them and share interesting biases you discovered

@Sandhu https://www.visualcapitalist.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cognitive-bias.jpg

@numbersinarow It's not about taking sides and clinging to it, it's about what is more important for the current situation. A clear opinion is practical in dire times. The reality is that you cannot do analysis and build up civilization from understanding the systemic issues at hand when we are still in war with each other. Universal rules in the relative domain are imagined. The rules we accept are based on survival, so we imagine them to be universal.

Pass #10: Negative Themes It was very useful to use the additional reasons I jotted down of #9 as reference points to connect the dots and discover the themes. Original negative theme: Friendship and thus Health are caused by social trauma Clarity & Open-mindedness to cope with trauma (with mental bypassing leading to non-embodiment) Authenticity, Self-Mastery, Wisdom, Contribution and Health caused by rejection & judgement of the old non-embodied, depressive and purposeless life Self-Mastery, Wisdom, and Contribution are caused as reaction to using Clarity and Open-mindedness to cope with #1 and are also caused by unworthiness in #1 (needing [value] to be worthy of love -> social trauma; being pushed by inner critic) using Love and Grace to cope (seeking safety from inner critic) Another theme: Clarity, Open-mindedness (and Wisdom) are caused by the dissociation coping-lifestyle developed after traumatic magic truffles experiences (April 16th, 2021 - Trip & July 3rd, 2021 - Trip)

This is my journal to write about my journey through the LP Course, plans and updates about my career development, and thoughts and contemplations which are all around designing my life for higher-consciousness living. For forum members, please post only supportive and constructive comments. Thank you. Note to self: Do all important tasks first and only then come and write here to exclusively reflect on topics.

This position is taken by Leo considering the current genocidal circumstances in Gaza. Systemic thinking is fluid and practical enough to make black-white distinctions if it requires it. You are not going to extinguish a fire by analyzing all the actors & circumstances which caused the fire. First you need a water bucket.

Pass #9: Positive vs. Negative Values Before I started, I searched this forum if other people have done it. I read a thread of a guy who rushed through the passes, and I noticed that some of his reasons felt negatively motivated although he gave his values 100% positive rating. So, I noticed this same tendency in myself and chose to be radically honest, truly introspect, check myself and go through this for as long as it had to be. Trauma and the inner critic (who acts on unfulfilled shadow needs) influenced me a lot just by going through the questions alone even when I thought to be positively influenced. I am glad I did write down the negative motivations in pass #8 whenever I noticed them coming up for me in that pass. This helped a lot for determining the ratios. I suggest others to do that too. Additionally, it helped me to envision and feel the pull towards this value. It then made it clear to me if I'm pulled towards the value by positive motivation or pushed towards it by negative motivation. Lots of high negative motivation. 1. Authenticity "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I want this because I deeply desire the feeling of aliveness that comes when I am grounded in myself and express from that self-secure state of being. I feel powerful and self-loving. I am connected to the world because I am connected to myself. There is a great fear of and a deep desire for being great. I am here to create from Authenticity. To express what I am. Yes I also want it because I feel disconnected from life when I am not living it. Pass #8: I noticed that values with little Authenticity felt empty and devoid of life. There is an avoidance of this emptiness/corruption because there is the inner critic who judges me for being less in Authenticity, less embodiment. Rejection of the parts in me which I was mainly giving energy towards like Clarity or Open-mindedness rather than Authenticity. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 60% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 40% because of the judgmental inner critic positive/negative ratio: 60/40 2. Self-Mastery "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I want to experience more of life and see what life would look like if I am living at the highest level possible, having actualized my highest potential. Radiating at the highest level. - Inner critic part (or toxic inner coach) pushes me to become lovable by becoming better. Judgement towards the old me that was intellectually masturbating, more cerebral and cognitive in order to avoid doing the basic self-development work. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 40% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" inner critic pushed me on the self-development path avoidance of inner critic's judgement by becoming better inner critic will never be satisfied with anything other than perfection, there will always be a bit of dust on the floor 60% inner critic who judges me for not being Self-Mastery and thus not in Contribution positive/negative ratio: 40/60 3. Wisdom/Simplicity "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I feel true to myself, heart-aligned I am in service to the life that wants to move through me and I feel a dedication to life inner critic bias towards values that lead me to embodiment instead of a life of disconnected intellectual bypassing like in the past inner critic pushing me to embody Contribution and thus prefer Wisdom over "impractical" values (which don't add my contribution to the world) which I used to distract, dissociate and avoid life I would avoid feeling lost and not understanding the world How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 50% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 50% because I would be neglecting needs and thus suffer like in the past. It's an obligation to do it. positive/negative ratio: 50/50 4. Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" There is a desire to bring more consciousness into the world so that we recognize who and where we are. There is a love in recognizing one's place and giving oneself to life. I want people to recognize the gift of life and the inherent creative and spiritual power of that life. Pass #8: Limiting belief that without Contribution I am of no value to the world. Unworthiness unless I give to the world. Belief of "I am only worthy of love when I embody Contribution". "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 20% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 80% - the pain & suffering would devastate me positive/negative ratio: 20/80 5. Friendship/Companionship/Community "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I love the way of life with people surrounding me where we connect and see each other as how we are. I would avoid isolation because I spend my all the years from high school till university without friends or anyone to talk to and open up emotionally. I also avoid being isolated because from university till now I explored this value mostly through separated and controlled interactions with friends. Something vital is missing from my life without friendship and there is deep trauma which keeps reoccurring and influencing my perception of there being a wall to others and me being the outsider. In pass #8 I noticed that perfect 10/10 will never be enough because of the deep lack I experienced especially in teenage years. It's social security. It's judgement and rejection of those parts in me which I associate with the old, anxiety-plagued outsider-me "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 10% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 90% positive/negative ratio: 10/90 6. Health "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear?" I desire to live on an optimal foundation to build my life on. (pass #8 "Health serves Authenticity") I noticed that sluggish, depressed and internet-addicted life is not a life worth living. I notice that with Health I hope to avoid the depressed, dissociated state of mind in which I was in in the past. Pass #8: Health is closely linked to Self-Mastery where the inner critic operates. Health has a feeling of lack similar to Friendship. I am often in a trauma activated and neediness state with Health because, in order to deal with the Friendship trauma, I had to disconnect from the pain of lacking Friendship which needed me to be disconnected and neglecting of my Health. There is also resentment in myself for having neglected myself for so long. Anything where I don't put Health as highest priority feels like this trauma of neglection and the arising resentment about myself for that. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 30% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 70% positive/negative ratio: 30/70 7. Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I desire Love because of the peace and feeling safe & cared for. I enjoy the expansive state. Low self-esteem and harsh inner critic. Wanting to be shielded from that harsh inner dialogue "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 70% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 30% positive/negative ratio: 70/30 8. Grace/Compassion/Empathy "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I relish being 10/10 Grace. I love feeling connected to people Fleeing from the harsh inner critic, wanting to be rescued by Grace and seeking shelter in Grace. It alleviates the pain and suffering. Pass #8: Very similar dynamic to Love "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 50% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 50% positive/negative ratio: 50/50 9. Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I desire the feeling of Clarity. It gives me a sense of security. There is a sense of feeling powerful which I desire. Avoiding the state of confusion and not being able to make sense of reality. Avoiding feeling unsure and insecure.looking at Friendship trauma and resulting lack in Health. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 40 "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 60 positive/negative ratio: 40/60 10. Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration/Reflection "Why do I want this value?" Write the reasons down. Do you genuinely want it or do you do it because of pain & fear? I love Exploration of perspectives. There is a sense of love because I can see through somebody's eyes und truly understand them. There is an expansive relief too when I discover small things which I overlooked in myself that I attached to. Same as Clarity, I avoid a sense of confusion & disorientation. "How much do I pursue this value because it will give me genuine, sustainable pleasure & happiness?" 60% "How much do I pursue this value because, if I don't, it will give me pain & suffering?" 40% positive/negative ratio: 60/40

Transcend your own limitations over time. Look back on your former more-limitation-self and feel what POV you had and why you had it. Now, notice and feel the limitation of other people. Notice what their POV offers and lacks. Notice what it offers your POV and how it adds to your POV when integrated. Depends on the current moment. Sometimes it is worthwhile to stay listening and eventually notice something that is valuable and adds to your POV, and sometimes the possible gold nugget is not worth spending so much time. Over time you will develop a taste for it and will be very quick in filtering out people. I for myself listen to my intuition (= inner knowing) because it is better at judging/predicting if someone is worth listening to or discussing with. My mind has all sorts of good reasons to continue or break with a person, but ultimately it always came down to what my intuition said. - The advice of listening to intuition is only good when you have questioned your intuition again and again and when you have developed your ability to hear it.

Update I am still part of the community which has shadow & light work as a high priority. I feel that I found likeminded people who I will be with for long time. The original community split apart due to value misalignment between two of the leading people. Cult dynamics are of course central to that whole story. It taught me to question people who I judge to be highly conscious and have come far in their development. Cult dynamics engulf even highly conscious people. The solution of that is constant reflection and mirroring of all people, no matter if they are in a leading position or not. We all have intelligence in us, which of course is clouded by all the unexamined stuff in the shadows, but which has a kernel of truth in it. I saw the cult dynamics in the people who lead the community for long time and partly addressed it with people. Most excused it by gaslighting me about my triggered state (which was true at that time) and thus were able to excuse it and dismiss the original criticism. I found out later on that some of the leading people some saw the cult dynamic happening where one highly conscious, and paradoxically narcissistic person manipulated the structure and direction of the community in order for all other people to do the dirty work and the highly conscious person being isolated from that, "in order to do the more important work of consciousness studies". It too happened at "Go and Change" community in Germany where he was before. I remember from Leo's cult videos, that people leaving a cult either create a cult, find another cult or heal from the psychological and physical abuse of the cult. One after another people left the small community because of the overly serious lifestyle and constant work. This cult dynamic was not exploiting people for sex or money but work. Overwork was common, and the following signs of burnout were excused away by "being not awake enough", "not being cleaned up in the shadow" and "being in victim" (victim blaming and anti-victim bias). Much growth happened in that community for me. Of course, cult dynamics in groups are tolerated because of the benefits the whole group structure brings. It brought me to a truer perception of myself and others. I feel that the path is me doing the development, actualization and transcendence and transmitting this quality & state of consciousness to others via state change in workshops & seminars with breathwork, mindfulness exercises, dance, singing, energy work, shadow work, yogic exercises... I want to show people that different states of consciousness are possible other than the normal day-to-day trance. Walking through the city I notice the collective trance most people are in and them accepting the structure of society (e.g. wage slavery) which does not serve them and the unfulfilled blank space of what they could get out of life. It doesn't require all people leaving jobs. It only needs a clarification of the true inner values and what your heart calls you towards. I am on the path of cleaning up and showing up. I feel guided by my heart and feel that I as Life will provide.

Pass #8: Prioritizing Values Has been a while since updating this thread. I finally finished this pass. Over the last months I wasn't too focused on it, but it was always something that I did when I was regulated emotionally and had the time for it. Small steps, steady pace. During the visualization of the values I noticed that some 10/10 and definitions where too vague, so I corrected that for some values. I felt not being able to memorize or remember every aspect of the values and being too slow in reading all these things in order to conjure up the visions/feelings of that value, so I created descriptions of how it feels to be in that 10/10 embodiment state in "[ ]". Negative motivation was arising here big time: I tried out many things to come to clarity about which value is more fulfilling to me. It was at times helpful to do a voice dialogue (also known as "aspecting") combined with constellation between the 10/10 embodied values. It became apparent to me that I had more difficulties with certain values as opposed to others. I noticed bias for or against values because protector parts where limiting the choice because of negative motivation arising from trauma or feelings of lack. I had to get creative in getting a clear choice while not directly going into process work and investing lots of time to feel through all the layers of the psyche in order to arrive at a place of healing and wholeness. This is what I wrote down as instruction for noticing negative motivation: notice arising biases and emotional attachments in you arising pressures like limiting beliefs and core wounds want to coerce you to choose one value over another in order to not threaten the identity and let it be unchanged coercion happens because of arising feelings of lack, fear, anger, resentment, shame, guilt, avoidance of "negative" emotions, disgust, unworthiness,... that activates a pattern which you automatically react to in predictable ways... these are negative motivations Here are some strategies I found to be helpful when dealing with values which the protective parts of the psyche wanted to be biased for or against: Switch as often as needed between envisioning/feeling the 10/10 embodiment of "value A" and "value B". Switching makes the exact feeling and attachment apparent and opens up a small opening for you to notice the true preference what value is more important imagine feeling free of that bias imagine daily life with both options sleep it over After being finished I noticed that Love, Health and Friendship had the same score of 4 (being more fulfilling than 4 other values). I couldn't let them be at the same level, so I looked up what value was more fulfilling than the other, thus I came to that prioritization. I think if they would have triumphed over a value and lost to another (thus all being at the same level), I would have just continued to the next pass, hoping that the negative motivation release would solve this. Here is my prioritized list with negative motivation still in it: Authenticity My definition: Feeling grounded in my core essence and truth. Moving from the core; expressing my truth. Congruence rating: 7/10 10/10: Continuously letting my inherent joy of living flow through me, come out of me and express itself through my being. Being grounded in self-love and all-accepting, judgment-free presence. Creating anything I desire from my inner knowing. Being internally sensitive and perceptive via meditation and continuous shadow work mindfulness. Activating my will for rock solid focus despite resistance & challenge and being fear free because I see through fear. [Heart-centered. Sensing the flowing flames of my inner fire and what the fire wants to create. Creating from my inner fire. Willpower. Fearlessness.] Self-Mastery My definition: Being fully conscious of inner processes. Growing up (SD), Waking up (separation to unity), Cleaning up (shadow work) and Showing up (embodying). Kindling the inner fire and being a conscious creator. Congruence rating: 5/10 10/10: Continuous and steady presence & equanimity through meditation & shadow work. Compassionate and non-judgemental understanding through meditation, journaling and shadow work. Living with conscious people and growing together through lifelong learning, mastery (resistance-less moving of energies), and exploration. Stepping into challenge and the grow zone in social, physical, emotional, cognitive and energetic domains. Being engaged in the process of creating what is desired by aligning emotions and the psyche (e.g. trauma work) through emotional mastery and shadow work. [Making the fire bigger & more radiant.] Wisdom/Simplicity My definition: Seeing the core of a thing. Root-cause thinking. Ripple effect. Focus on energy flow. Trust in life. Alert & relaxed. Congruence rating: 4/10 10/10: Deeply grounded and observant presence & alertness that recognizes & filters the energy (according to the definition), which is developed through daily meditation, cleaning up with journaling & reflection & embodied processing of inner dynamics & processes & development (leading to bias- and attachment-free perception), and also personal sharings with friends and close ones. A detached introspective focus on the essence of my being (love, presence, peace, joy), to be able to notice the dynamic energy flow arising from my root/core/essence, while being in connection with higher guidance. To live in that state, I need a continuous connection to intuition & inner knowing and way of life in which I express/manifest them, through daily introspection and consciously creating situations of my authenticity where I am going into tension, like ice bathing or stepping over my boundaries for a bit longer. [Grounded in the core. Perceiving what energy wants to emerge and being in service to that.] Contribution/Impact/Helping Others/Society/Wholeness/Nature My definition: Helping and elevating all of life their healthiest and highest possible form of living. Congruence rating: 2/10 10/10: Searching for ways to access my transformation & empowerment and transmitting/teaching these ways of being and doing to others (including the principles of regeneration & sustainability). Helping people empower themselves through bodywork, shadow work (mental), and energy work. Being engaged in a high-conscious team in an educational organization which is the leverage point for global transformation. Seeing the transformation happen before my eyes in person; statistics are secondary. [Showing others how to discover and kindle the inner fire.] Friendship/Companionship/Community My definition: Support, trust, energy exchange and mirroring. Unknown, mysterious depths of the other psyches make me recognize myself. Congruence rating: 5/10 10/10: Having up to 20 friends and 5 close friends by connecting openly to resonant people and maintaining present friendships. Feeling deep connection to friends, creating space for intimate recognition, and being in that intimate nature of connection in social situations by opening my heart, going into flow and exploring & feeling the other being. Living in an intentional community by having ways of income and seeking/founding resonant communities. Having healed my SD purple trauma of being the outsider in groups through shadow work & traversing new groups. Having healed from avoidant attachment into secure attachment through shadow work and relationships. [Holding each other up. Confident, strong energy from core in contact with people.] Health My definition: Self-care and maintenance of the body and mind with nutrition, exercise, intentional habits (physical, emotional, mental, energetic) and inner work. Congruence rating: 5/10 10/10: Self-love and devotion to myself. Starting each day with intentional self-care habits like meditation, body activation exercises, inner nurturing and visioning. Being so grounded in and psychologically aligned on doing good for myself that attachment to old unhealthy ways of being are things of the past. Having steady & continuous body awareness and introspective presence (solution for noticing bodily intelligence when and how to regulate and be in healthy homeostasis) through somatic meditation, shadow work, body work (somatic shadow work, and personal stamina & strength training) and energy work. [Caring and feeding the fire. Cultivating the inner parent.] Love/Intimacy/Spirituality/Beauty/Connection/Joy My definition: Being one with reality/divinity (e.g. with a human or other being and its vulnerability). Feeling awe, aliveness and expansiveness. Congruence rating: 4/10 10/10: Sense of deep presence and tranquility. A deep embodiment of feeling/letting through the love of/in my essence at all times. That embodiment illuminates identification & resistance to inner conflict. Seeing the world as myself, being universal consciousness. This is realized to be my inherent nature through daily prayer and meditation. [Heart: radiating sun. Air: spiritual dimension.] Grace/Compassion/Empathy My definition: Recognizing the divinity & innocence of a being (in front of me), and being loving, merciful, and kind grace & presence. Congruence rating: 6/10 10/10: Deep embodiment of Self-love in daily life through prayer, self-care (proper self-care is optimal for Grace state of consciousness), and daily bathing in presence & love. Self-forgiveness (seeing my innocence) & grace by channeling infinite love in my diary, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of myself. Having an open heart by consciously letting go of protective layers & parts and going into authentic & warm contact with the world. Feeling & understanding the other's world by seeing where a person is and being in their shoes, including their pain, emotions and psyche's dynamics. [Heart. Air. Spiritual cleaning of the fire by compassionately understanding the shadow aspects in own fire and those of others. The fluid, shape-shifting dance of our fires reveals new aspects in myself.] Clarity/Truth/Consciousness/Awareness/Feeling/Understanding My definition: Living at a state of consciousness/truth which illuminates and makes me feel and be conscious of any true form. Dispelling illusion. Congruence rating: 5/10 10/10: Undisturbed, free-flowing cognitive ability. Cleaned-up and aligned psyche which requires deep meditative presence, observation, and lack of bias, which is achieved by doing introspection like in shadow work. Compassionate understanding. High-vibrational cognition accessible at all times by meditating, doing shadow work (aligning the psyche), and journaling daily with focus on practicing deep contemplation & exploring perspectives. [mental, air] Open-mindedness/Perspective/Exploration/Reflection My definition: Discovering and seeing reality from all different angles. Unattachment and fluidity of mind allow recognition where energy flows and stagnates. Congruence rating: 4/10 10/10: Putting myself in the other's shoes. Attaching and letting go of any perspectives, thoughts, biases, beliefs and theories through daily meditation, journaling and shadow work. Being in a state of presence which allows tapping into intuition, opening up the subtle sensors and introspecting what is new to discover, and sensing what energy there is and where it flows. [Cognitive Fluidity.] Here is how I compared all the values to each other: Checklist "-" = less fulfilling "#" = more fulfilling Love compared to the values -#----### 4 1. Authenticity is more fulfilling than Love # 2. Clarity is less fulfilling than Love - 3. Contribution # Strongly feels like negative value because I feel I am selfish and unworthy of living when I do little to contribute and give back. Judgement of 100% Love and 10% Contribution to be selfish. 100% C. and 10% Love feels empty and motivated from unworthiness. it may change the priority/ranking once I release the attachment 4. Health # 100% Love with 10% Health feels empty, like a shell - feeling like there's self-judgement & limiting belief, "I cannot be truly Love without caring for body & mind. I first have to be X to feel worthy of Love." 100% Health with 10% Love feels more fulfilling 5. Self-Mastery # Self-Mastery is more practical. Negative motivation for Self-Mastery as I must have first fully mastered myself to be Love. I desire to be in my power more than being in Love I desire to be one aligned energy that manifest the highest in the world. Love with a bit of aligned energy seems too useless and not attractive to my inner coach part. Perhaps my negative motivation for bias towards this value lies in my coach. 6. Friendship # Negative attachment towards Friendship because Love with only some social net feels empty. Love with less friendship feels like the old, anxiety-plagued outsider-me, which I judge and reject. Friendship with less love is like a journey I am more fulfilled to walk on, perhaps also because I always had the outsider-group trauma. 7. Open-mindedness - 8. Wisdom - 9. Grace - Authenticity (#)######## 9 10. Clarity - Clarity with little Authenticity feels empty, I had this in the past and I reject that phase of me - negative motivation I imagine that I would be less happy and less fulfilled with Clarity and more embodied with Authenticity. Creating from Authenticity feels more me. I am here to create and not to just see everything crystal-clearly. 11. Contribution - It feels empty to do Contribution with little Authenticity. Authenticity with little Contribution feels more fulfilling, but still not what I want. 12. Health - Little Health with lots of Authenticity feels better. Health serves Authenticity. 13. Self-Mastery - 14. Friendship - 15. Open-mindedness - 16. Wisdom - 17. Grace - desires it more to express my essence than being in the state of grace Clarity (--)-#--#-- 2 18. Contribution # I notice negative motivation towards Clarity/Truth over Contribution because there is fear that I can become epistemically rotten, corrupt and blind to reality. I notice that I couldn't deal with the Truth when I would have little Contribution. If I would embody Truth with little Contribution, I feel that I would qualitatively contribute little high-conscious things, and if it would be the other way around I would contribute a lot of moderate-conscious things. I prefer moderate because the world needs my level of consciousness and intelligence because the world is working with low-conscious things and needs to evolve and upgrade to higher consciousness, which would be moderate-consciousness. In the future when the world is comfortably at moderate consciousness, it then would change. I'd place Clarity/Truth over Contribution because then it would mean that my level is not needed anymore. I could contribute more by developing higher consciousness relative to the median of people. But, I now see that Clarity is in service to Contribution. Clarity has the purpose of Contribution. So, Contribution is truly more fulfilling than Clarity. 19. Health - I notice that my psyche tends to value Clarity over Health, and that this made me be hollow, corrupt and not of integrity. It felt like missing holes in my pyramid of needs, like having a toxic neglecting relationship towards myself. I feel resentment in myself for having neglected myself for so long. And what would be I don't have that attachment of balancing out that uneven, disharmonic relationship and putting Health above Clarity? It feels like a natural part of life to first care for Health and then build Clarity on top of that. But I still feel some attachment... So, how would it feel like if there's not the attachment to Clarity as a way to feel in control by escaping, avoiding and dissociating? It feels like a chore to do Health. I notice that even if fully embodied Health, I would favor Clarity more. And now I see that parts which felt neglected and resentful for that, were triggered by imagining embodied Clarity with little Health. 20. Self-Mastery # Even though Self-Mastery is emotionally more difficult to embody, and I feel resistance to it because of emotional self-protection in this moment, I feel that it would be more fulfilling to embody it 100% with little Clarity. My protective parts prefer Clarity over Self-Mastery because they used Clarity as a way to escape. There is negative motivation towards Clarity. 21. Friendship # 22. Open-mindedness - 23. Wisdom # Wisdom fulfills me more because it is aligned with life. 24. Grace # Contribution (#-#)#-##-- 5 25. Health - 26. Self-Mastery # Contribution with little Self-Mastery feels empty. It's more fulfilling to be radiant and on fire than transmitting that fire to others. Contribution will follow automatically from 10/10 Self-Mastery. The state of radiance is what fulfills me most. 27. Friendship - 28. Open-mindedness - 29. Wisdom # Feels like I am truer to myself with lots of Wisdom and less Health. 30. Grace # Health (#---)-##-# 4 31. Self-Mastery # I recognize Health to be part of Self-Mastery, but in general I am more fulfilled with lots of Self-Mastery and less of Health. 32. Friendship - Even though I feel negative motivation biasing me towards Friendship, I feel that Health allows me to be myself fully. Friendship would provide top feeling of social security and this I feel is less me than me having lots of Health and having less of Friendship. 33. Open-mindedness - The pull is stronger to Health than Open-mindedness. The energy is stronger when I cultivate that inner fire and stream, rather than sensing and tuning in other energies. I feel Health has more potency and power to it because of the internal focus. 34. Wisdom # Even though I feel that Health is more important to me right now because I am in a trauma activated and neediness state of consciousness, I feel that there is a faint pull of the higher self towards Wisdom. When I imagine my trauma energies to be dealt with and me being satisfied, although there is still the bodily trauma-sensations accompanying it, I notice that Wisdom leads me to why I am here on this earth. 35. Grace - I feel better with lots of Health than lots of Grace. This may also be influenced by negative motivation because the inner critic approves of me embodying Health first. feeling less attached to negative motivation to Health, I feel that I enjoy and am feeling more content with myself when embodying lots of Health and less of Grace. Self-Mastery (#-###)#### 8 36. Friendship - I feel more on fire and fulfilled by living my purpose and being on the path of my heart's desire with lots of Self-Mastery. 37. Open-mindedness - Even though Open-mindedness is important for me, I feel more embodied, closer to my essence and fulfilled with Self-Mastery. Open-mindedness is something I value deeply and is something very dear to my heart. And it is of prime importance for me to be in service to letting my heart radiate and letting my essence be brought forth and shine. 38. Wisdom - Wisdom is important to me. I feel that Self-Mastery, although negatively motivated, fulfills me more. 39. Grace - Grace is very important for me. Self-Mastery is more important to me and feels to be more fulfilling. Though it also feels negatively motivated because of the strong inner critic who initially pushed me on this path. Friendship (#-#---)#-# 4 40. Open-mindedness - 41. Wisdom # Even though I feel an attachment to Friendship (black hole of 10/10 is never enough), I feel a knowing that Wisdom is closer to my heart. I am in service to the life that wants to move through me and I feel a dedication to life deeper than the intimacy of Friendship, although 10/10 Friendship is pretty darn good. 42. Grace - I notice that I have bias towards Friendship because it feels empty to embody Grace with little Friendship. It would feel not of integrity. Negative motivation feels to be at play here biasing me to side with Friendship, because of Friendship/Tribe SD Purple trauma. Open-mindedness (-------)-- 0 43. Wisdom # Wisdom is closer to my heart. 44. Grace # Wisdom (--###-##)# 6 45. Grace - I feel a bias towards more Wisdom with little Grace because I feel I would do more contribution to the world. This might change once I have release the negative motivation. Grace (--##---#-) 3

@Sabth It seems that you are still in the situation that caused your bad mental health. Can you go places where you can make new friends with people? Having a new social net will help you tremendously. Spend as much time as possible with those people who do good to you. Spend as much time as possible away from people who are making you feel bad. Everything will get and feel better once you have that covered.

Ronald Bernard talking about the corruption in financing & money laundering, "It was just a product, waste. Everything was worthless trash. Nature, the planet, everything could burn and break just as long as we met our goals, as long as we were growing."

Black pill is only true if you believe it to be true. I distinctly remember a friend in university who was a chubby average-looking Indian guy with amazing self-confidence and self-esteem. He quickly became the leader of a social circle. You think from the man-frame in dating. Men care more about looks than women. Women care more about confidence. What is missing is real-world experience. Go out and develop some confidence in social situations and dating. This will show you how warped your current blackpill-attached POV is.

#1 Yes. Be all-accepting and feel deeply into the blockages & fears, and after some time there will be a feeling what these blocks protect you from and what hidden need there is. When you envision how you would consciously care for that need and what freedom it would evoke in you, let a feeling arise that you'd instinctively connect to that state of consciousness. Send that feeling as an invitation to those blocks and fears, communicating you are ready and capable to care of your needs... and this would result in a deep trust & relaxation for your protective parts. When you connect to the child parts, let an intuitive communication develop between you and them through emotions and feeling energies. Their fluid nature has profound depth. #2 When you get the message that the protection is there to "create a safe distance between you and situations & environments of pressure" (e.g. pressure = needing to do something that you don't want to do) and that the need is "feeling to be looked after and having someone to be with who's present and attentive"... then feel deeply into the purpose of that protection. Let an intuitive feeling arise what this situation and the child part needs of you, e.g. feeling ease and putting off the pressure by taking deep breaths and feeling capable & empowered to deal with this situation. Feel deeply into what the need wants from you and let another intuitive feeling arise, e.g. you being is such caring, warm, open and present state of being that you are easily there with the child.

There seems to be a dynamic at play in your psyche between you - self (being in flow with life) - and more subconscious protective psyche parts which use fear and energetic/bodily blocks to shield trauma-/wound-carrying parts. Then there is suffering because you are in resistance to the protective parts in your subconscious, and those parts won't go away because they are integral to your psychological structure. In order to gain more clarity and resolve this: Get to know your protective parts and their needs. It's likely that they have taken the assignment to protect the child parts in you (which carry wounds and traumatic memory/energy) very seriously. To do this, feel into those blockages/fears and, if you are more of a mental cerebral person, talk to them in an open manner because they are the gateway to your protective parts. Ask what they protect you from. Then ask what need they try to fulfill with this protection. Think how you, as self, can protect yourself and fulfill that need consciously. Envision how much more free you can live in those situations and how much more sustainable you can take care of and fulfill your needs. Tell this vision or share this image with the protective parts, how they would be having an easier time when you take charge from time to time in taking care of those needs. Only if those protective parts agree, move on to to feeling the needs. Imagine that the needs are your children. Imagine walking to those children deep into your subconscious. Connect to them and ask how you can care for them. It seems that they feel activated/triggered in their trauma-wound in situations in which, as you said "when i have to do something i might not want to do" because it feels to them like an overwhelming past experience with which they couldn't deal with at that time. This trigger then calls in a protection. Ask how you can care for them when you feel pressure and have to do something that you don't want to do. Ask for permission to take care of them in that way. Choose to feel inside of you the will(power) to sustainably take care of them. Feel the radiating love in yourself shining onto the children, how you love and take care of them as a parent figure. Let them be seen and healed in that light as much as they want. Move back to your conscious self. With your rational mind then think what kind of presence/consciousness you need in the future to take care of your needs. Go enjoy the sun

About subscriptions being engineered for max profit (the Ferengi would be proud):

Again, I am finding myself at this point. Protector parts in me made me procrastinate by using community work and being part of it as a means to avoid looking deep within myself with the LP steps. And I understand it, it is an arduous task to compare my values (I am currently at 11/45 of comparing each to every other value) and it requires energy to be so focused and continuously internally observant. It's no flashy, high-dopamine activity. Even listening to music or doing meditation is more engaging. Hell, even being emotionally wound-up in processes and shadow work is more engaging even if it's uncomfortable to feel all these emotions. I am responsible for myself to take aside at least 2h each day to focus on the LP course. I am responsible for myself to focus on what is essential and most important in the community work and then delegate the rest.

@Happy Lizard I had the same problem at #3 and I knew that I could only be sure when I defined the values. I keep a journal about my LP process, which is in my signature: