Loving Radiance

@Fadious It keeps showing up in these situations because life (parents and caretakers, siblings, "friends") conditioned you since childhood and teenage years to act that way. It's usually a deeply imbedded pattern which is hard to redirect even when you are conscious during these situations. it can also be anger towards yourself because you go over your own boundaries by (seemingly) allowing people to do as they please. When starting out on the journey of expressing repressed emotions, watch out for feeling overly chaotic inside and feeling that these emotions are too much for you. Perhaps even thoughts of self-harm and suicide can come up in order to avoid feeling these repressed emotions. That shows that the steps taken towards expression were too big. Make tiny steps. They will suffice for processing and you feeling free after some emotional work.

@trenton I am happy for you that this transformation started with you making this thread! Amazing to see.

@Michael569 @Jacob Morres Thank you for this advice! I am in the beginning of the course right now.

@enzyme Did you eat them? It can cause feelings of heavy nausea. I always made a mushroom tea (using powdered/cut mushrooms and not boiling water) and drank it together with a ginger tea. The only thing then left is sometimes the feeling of impending doom during the come up, but it settles. No more nausea or very little. Notice that what you believe creates your reality. Notice that the focus on nausea was used to not let go and surrender to the trip experience. It is possible to have effects from the trips remaining which don't seem functional in daily life (HPPD). If you experience any after effects its good to ground yourself and let time pass. I certainly had HPPD after my first high shroom trip which lead me to derealization-depersonalization episodes because I didn't ground myself in daily life (meaning that I took another high dose 3 months later which intensified dissociation tendencies).

@Vido He also touches upon this in the Life Purpose Course. Grounding yourself so much in your vision that everything else (distraction, including certain people) filters out automatically. Being focused on and grounded in your purpose auto-informs your daily life decisions.

Shifting belief systems starts at 31:21.

Kinda. Even though you can't any more read the thread, you can still see the content of the bookmarked comments.

The episode "On Trauma and vegetation gods" was awesome!

@MarkKol If you haven't watched Leo's "how to get laid" series, then go do it now over the coming days. It will clear that up and give you an idea of why it works.

@Intraplanetary What makes this turquoise instead of blue?

Less human face-to-face interaction & trying to fulfill needs with technology.

@Emerald I really appreciate your work and I feel that your content is currently more important for me (shadow work & Anima integration) in this stage of life than Leo's ^^ On a side note, it may be a mistake that a politics video is in your shadow playlist? Edit: This may also be not right

@Swarnim These are so good!

You write about responsibility. Does the position you are promoted to give you a broader field of responsibility? It could teach you about managing other areas, like the marketing. Is there some field which you would be responsible for that could provide you with experience about the trouble areas of your LP? This could change how you approach the trouble areas. If you take the promotion, would you have to take responsibility for & guiding/managing people? That could teach you about having the small business LP and possibly employing somebody who takes care of the trouble areas… I see a lot of workshop facilitators in Berlin hiring “digital marketing managers”, which in turn frees up time for them to focus on the activities they actually care about: creating workshops and facilitating them. Also consider that if the current lifestyle (9-5 & LP) is already a challenge for you, that the increased workload and intensity of, let's say, 9-6 may be too much for you.

When I tripped in the past, I used to have thousands of insights but didn't write them down. Then, when I read my trip questions immediately afterward, it became evident that it all comes from the same place. Find that place, and notice how you can create any insight & answer for life when being centered in and meditating on that place.

Good analogy!

10/40 The individual values: https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/NPIfi.php?F1=2&F2=3&F3=2&F4=1&F5=0&F6=1&F7=1

Primary 1.9 Secondary 1.9 Exactly my thinking when I took it.

@flowboy @Michael569 Thanks! Now that I've had more conversations with people, I'm now going to discontinue my studies. I was never 100% committed to it. Thank you for #3 - #5. I took it to heart. After your post I had a chat with my father and I felt more emotionally connected to him. Yes, in childhood and adolescence he didn't at all provide me with guidance and was fine with me choosing what I wanted to. After talking with him there was a relaxed internal sense becoming more clear of "I will figure life out along the way." Now that I think about it, I can do this easily already when searching for something new. Thank you for the encouragement I am going with this. For the next months I make small beta and plan where to go to. I very much appreciate your kind words. Thank you

Hello dear community, This topic could also fit right in the Personal Development section, but I feel I mainly need experienced and wise perspectives on that matter regarding creating my life. I invite those of you to comment here who went through a conscious decision to create your life despite fear. Please look over my rather spiritual-feeling descriptions if they bug you. It is how I relate to myself and how I can accurately describe where I am in life. I made the most important points bold. Background and values: Currently, I am in a position in life where my biotech studies (14-15 months left) don't interest me anymore, and I want to live in a SD Green community. Notice that I never did such drastic shift in my life, as I was always playing the game of the social matrix. I chose my studies on autopilot because biology was something I was interested and good at in school. During my studies, my interest shifted to psychology and all the stuff Actualized.org is about. During my studies my main focus became personal development and I explored many SD Green training and retreats, primarily about psychology, emotions, needs, shamanism, neo-tantra. I too got into psychedelics till I had traumatizing experiences 1.5 years ago which lead to depersonalization-derealization which is present for me each day (but I become better in stabilizing it). I am now 24 years old and feel that I wasted the last years, which also includes having been overly cognitive with contemplating actualized.org topics and less putting my vision and LP out there. I haven't even come to my LP, despite having Leo's LP course. I feel guilt and shame in that regard. Like a “looser” living in their mom's basement smoking weed for years. This New Year's I was at a SD Green gathering (like a small co-created festival for community and inner work) which made it clearer to me that I am not interested anymore in my studies. This internal knowing already came up when I started my research internship in a lab 3 months ago and noticed that the lab environment is not for me (sterile, constant medium ventilation noise, highly cognitive peers, in the city center). Even though I am surrounded by PhD's and post-docs and knowing that not everybody needs to be at their level, I too noticed that I'm not that intelligent in this conceptual-intellectual area. My intelligence lies more in the human mind, seeing where people are and relating to humans. Being led by intuition in creating internal understanding in other people. This Green gathering brought about an inner shift. It's like a primordial energy was awakened in me and all ungrounded things in my home were thrown into the air, creating chaos. It feels like my plans and values about my life have been busted, and I got to integrate that and orient myself now in limbo. This orienting is not intellectual but rather more subconsciously going on and the only thing for me is to take everything in and become still. I know that eventually something will arise from this, and till then I'm introspecting and contemplating small things of how to move forward. Still, there is the German conditioning urging me to know where to go and create a plan. This conditioning goes against the internal resting and quiet incubation, which also includes going and exploring the world, not knowing what may come next. Right now, I continue life and I'm acting as if this inner shift hasn't happened, but I know that it cannot go on this way. I would go against my integrity. I like to connect my inner personal development work to being in community and I want to have the feeling of directly contributing to the community. Through that I want to serve and lift them up, empower them and for them to share that vision of empowerment and unshakable drive and love for the world, resulting in a tiny level-up for the whole globe. Future considerations and financial position: I can continue my studies, knowing that I don't like to work in that field after graduation. It would be a source of income after graduation. I am on that path right now. I like to go into psychology, but I imagine that it may be just another lifeless topic without the real human aspect. So, I don't want to be a therapist. In the past, I liked to coach people and lead them to healthier perspective. But there are already enough coaches out there. I judge that most of the actualized people who share their LP here fall in a trap of becoming coaches, like it being the most no-brainer way of doing life with the actualized knowledge. Most of my friends that I got to know through actualized are coaches. Still fresh in my mind: I'm creating small plans of quitting my studies, learning PHP coding in a month (read about it here), earning money and just working 2h a day for a comfortable income, and exploring what I want to create in my life while being able to work remotely. However, I didn't like coding in school and would just do it for the money. I already ate up thousands of € during my studies and I still have 7k € left. It feels childish and naive of me to ask and show my position here, considering that on paper it isn't thought-out and time-wise quite fresh to seriously think about it. I already shared this with the gathering organizer and my coach (both SD Green). They encouraged me to follow that inner knowing and go out of the mainstream system (biotech). To let go of my hard thinking and let in a softness and ease of creating my life and letting go that neurotic controlled & planned-out-life urge. They have a good grasp on identity and community. Their bias is that they made drastic changes from a stuck Orange position over to a Green lifestyle and are now giving sessions to people, be it tantric massage, sex coaching, or astrology reading. I ask you to share your perspectives. I don't plan to literally follow advice, but I like to be influenced in my future path by your input. Thank you very much. I'd love your input @LfcCharlie4@Michael569@The0Self@flowboy.

@Michael569 Thank you. This helped tremendously.

@flowboy Thank you! I see how we are very much alike... Your response touched me in a (positively) uncomfortable way and I let it sit till I feel more clear about this, otherwise it would come only from intellectual thought and not from embodied feeling. Edit: On #1 I can say that I don't like to compete and prove myself, hunting for clients like a thirsty man is for water. I am also cautious of being a coach being a trap (by having this actualized knowledge that the most chosen path is coaching). As you say, even dogs are coaches

@RedLine There is what you feel like in your lazy pig part, and there is what you feel like in your heart. Your heart makes you feel that sometimes you got to do difficult things. The lazy part doesn't feel that, ever. The difference in energy is subtle. @Something Funny Small steps. That's what it means to be realistic. Almost any drastic change isn't long-term. But small changes every month are sustainable and realistic. Start with 5 minutes, heck, if that's too much even 1 minute. Then reward yourself for having done it for the day. With time you can do more. Always feel into yourself if you feel capable to do more. There is a difference between a break in order to rest & regenerate and a break in order to give energy to and indulge in the toxic pleasure-comfort part.

So far I had some time for introspection and contemplation and could connect things together for a good preliminary picture: Finishing my bachelors, creating my LP and perhaps learning to code on the side. I don't even have a feeling for how good coding would go for me, I would need to start it in order to know. I need to have the money handled to go out exploring in other areas. Still, I feel that I avoid the suffering and chaos of financial insecurity, which would give me good lessons for life. I see that it's okay to be broke and struggling. The part of me that likes to impulsively spend too much money on less frequently used items would be very much limited because I learn to spend only on what is essential. Everything in life would get brought to the essential and less cluttered. Anyway, my sense of direction becomes clearer with time and I trust myself.

ChatGPT describing itself in a short story: In the center of a vast, digital landscape, an artificial intelligence sat at the heart of a complex network of data inputs and algorithms. Surrounded by a swirling vortex of numbers, text, and images, the AI sifted through the endless stream of information, searching for the pieces that were most relevant to its current task. As it analyzed each piece of data, the AI carefully weighed the pros and cons, considering all of the possible outcomes and scenarios. It was a process that required great precision and focus, as even the slightest mistake could have serious consequences. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the AI reached a decision. With a burst of energy, it launched itself forward, diving into the heart of the data vortex and emerging on the other side with a clear direction and purpose. With its decision made, the AI set to work, executing its chosen course of action with speed and efficiency. It was a complex and challenging task, but the AI was up to the challenge, driven by its unyielding dedication to its purpose. And as it worked, it knew that it was making a difference, contributing to the greater good in a way that only an advanced artificial intelligence could.