Loving Radiance

@Mada_ According to official sources there are no preservatives needed due to the nature of mRNA. https://covidvaccine.mo.gov/facts/ https://www.technologyreview.com/2020/12/09/1013538/what-are-the-ingredients-of-pfizers-covid-19-vaccine/ https://fullfact.org/health/coronavirus-vaccine-mercury-brain-damage/

@levani Unjustice from the one you want to forgive of course.

The world of form is truly remarkable.

If I remember correctly in the forgiveness video Leo mentioned responding rather than reacting on a side note. Something like, "What would it be like if you consciously respond with compassion to the unjustice done to you instead of reacting to it."

SLEEP by Max Richter

Please cut the honey talk and shake me to the core. I need that. Background: Coming back from a NY temple retreat (western SD green tantra) I took a step in embodying my desire, by owning it. Before that I repressed desire through repressing any expression of anger or rage (thus creating a peaceful spiritual character) which was caused by frustration. In childhood my mother expressed her anger in hitting furniture most often because of exhaustion through emotionally demanding workdays. I did not accept and wasn't understanding of that. I wanted to not be that. People always said I am calm & patient. Go figure. Whenever a desire came up I got frustrated, angry and cried. Not knowing what to do with that desire. God forbid any expression, that would be disastrous. I was hard: Playing what I imagined to be a somewhat mature character when in fact it was insecurity with an enormeous pent-up load of anger. Now being somewhat soft and allowing I just go for what I desire (still learning how to do that slow & consciously). I just want to express desire now (feels like an entitled child that has control issues). Painful insights about LR's personality hit me left & right (love these beatings), I have an inspiration or my curiosity is sparked, and I just want to express it through sharing: I feel entitled to speak over others and am hurt when it is stopped. I feel that this expression of desire & of what I value (Fi - Introverted Feeling) is most important to do. I am impatient with others or pretend to be patient to be loved. I feel caged in when someone limits me in any way of expressing what I desire to share. I do things, then others tell me I did it for nothing (me wanting to express something) and I get angry at them - I want to punish them for the things I have done out of my own making. I use every comment about me as feeling important (as being on a pedastle while others are at the bottom even when the comment could be seen as devaluing me). In my mind I am preoccupied with fantasies about my brilliance. I center conversations about me even when the topic is not about me (sneaky). Pretentious mf. I am envious of others and believe others envy me. My emotions are fully felt and the behavior is somehow uncontrolled. I feel others and use my sensing of their divinity (in any shape or form) to make them be strong and to adore me in how glorious I am in my angelic expression to empower them. Someone at the retreat was intuitively ultra receptive and had a narcassistic relationship in the past and knew the energy of me which confirmed my observation. She got angry in the time of us sharing a space together and I enjoyed it. That's it for now. Expose my bs.

@WhatAWondefulWorld I could tell my perspective what an insight is, but it is a map. You create your own map which is entirely true to you. You can also look at other maps and make combination of them to create your own map. Insight is having clear view of the nature of anything in your experience relative to your state of consciousness and resulting perspective. It is found through reflection, introspection and letting it rest for intelligence to do its thing. Get insights by reflecting at the end of every day what this day teached you about you, the world and anything in your experience. through contemplation via journaling and actively using turnarounds to reveal perspectives you cling to which is naturally accompanied with insights in which ways you are rigid and not fluid. Consistency is key; do it every day for an hour. setting an intention on what you want to know - be it the root cause of you wanting to destroy things, staying quiet when you want to talk or anything that doesn't feel good inside of you. Think about that thing and then drop it. Go for a walk or go jogging. Be mindful about the physical activity. Enjoy the scenery. Repeatedly bring your mind back from thinking about that thing to enjoying this activity and environment you are in.

Thanks @Keyhole Thank you. 434 Love-Joy-Hope state of being.

@Lyubov Yeah, it was the strongest one of the kinds offered. The facilitator (experienced with psychedelics in both breath & depth) commented how goddess is not for everyone. Thanks for the warning call. Gotta look more into that.

@Ingit Gotta show the world these outrageous clothes Intentionally own the stuff you present to the world. Talking to these funny people, "You don't like me based on my clothes? Pff, you better are out of my life cause I don't want to interact with those kind of people in my life who judge me for my outward appearance and won't apprechiate me for how I express myself." @Breakingthewall Is shining light on the identity structure something that you would consider as part on transcending?

Oh, Mandy's answer is actually good. I already wrote the following paragraphs, maybe you or someone else can derive something from that. Her responce is maybe better advice for you - you decide what's good for you. Rather than focusing on the behavioral dynamics of me repressing desire I dug into my past to why I did that. Every time I felt a desire I repressed it and it didn't felt good. Now it feels good to express desire no matter if the desired outcome is achived or not. God wants you to live your highest potential and designed you to feel. Why do you feel anxiety? What is the root cause of you believing that and it transforming into a bodily reflex? Maybe releasing (like I did) or experience with intentional conscious exposure (I do that with my hygiene compulsion in combination with letting go) is good for you. Releasing: You pinpoint the root emotion. You express it through being physically active. For me it was anger/rage and I punched (making a fist with my hands) a meditation cushion as fast as possible while putting force behind it and keeping my hands at least at head level if not higher.

Lol, it was a sex-positive environment maybe they would allow that. Gotta bring a syringe next time and ask. @Verg0 Thank you for sharing your experience.

@Natasha There is sympathy. When the feeling has been felt before it can be constructed how they feel with the context they provide. @cetus It is truly devine. A blessing. @VeganAwake I am not there. However what feels good is to see these dynamics unfolding. I am free, I am love and I claim to be that. I claim to be the radiating sun, to be intuition.

@mandyjw Yes, I take a quarantine now. It feels good to get the exposing insights in how I am creating what I think I am. "Nah, you are just playing games. Which is fine of course. Children have to learn." This desire is innocent (being of a child) and not directed as it feels destructive at the moment. I want destruction (it feels like I want to overcompensate here again with burning habitual structures to offset years of prior repression, see the shit-loat of anger). One can call out narcassistic tendencies in a loving way without the label of bad you know. It feels not healthy.

@Yuliya Do you feel good (resting, peaceful) in meditation? Therapists are different. If you really feel called to get into therapy, then drop judging therapists by the previous ones you had. On a side note, was your anxiety completely unchanged (as to them being "useless")?

@LfcCharlie4 There are no compounds containing mercury in the vaccine developed by Pfizer and Moderna. However till you become eligible for vaccination there is a good chance other companies developed other forms of vaccines which require preservatives. What have you thought of to detox from after vaccination?

Waking up after 5h, drinking something and meditating when laying down. Being super conscious of the movie (river of thoughts) while noticing gradual "shutting down" of the mind during meditation. The mind's shutdown process is faster when your mind is still sleepy while you get something to drink. Awareness notices that things are still sleepy when you can't really make sense of the world or the body is uncoordinated in movement.

Dear @seeking_brilliance WBTB seems to be my best method for becoming (semi-) lucid. Today I had 3 lucid dreams after I woke up. I now recognize the theme of me knowing the dream and letting it run its course just out of curiosity It is just beautiful to enjoy the dream unfolding. Gotta bring this attitude too into daytime. I feel that being aware 24/7 will make me fully lucid, but that's just a future dream You have received a message from LR. Subject: Thanks! Incoming payment: Blessed loving rays filling your heart with warm fluffy feelings.

Essentially he's saying that the systems already in place show that the show is over no matter how we feel about it. Feels to me like he has integrity by faith in the constitutional system.

@diamondpenguin How sure are you of having them in your system? If you aren't entirely sure, do a hair test. It's book no. 3. Detox has to be designed to you personally, so have a good look into it.

@nicolasns96 @blackchair Watched it just now. What a beautiful story & powerful message. Thanks for the recommendation.

@Craigxt22 In addition to Nahm's comment look here. I feel that @Malekakisioannis meant it in an ironic way. Not him explicitly saying that is his situation but yours. "hello, I have been consuming mind altering substances recklessly for more than a month, daily, and now i feel weird. Is it normal?"

Get that out of your system. The earlier the better. Though talk with a dentist about removal (have you read the first page of this thread?) and options of fillings. Do a detox after the removal & inform yourself about your options of detox through Cutler's books or facebook groups (e.g. Andy Cutler Chelation: Safe Mercury and Heavy Metal Detox).