Loving Radiance

Meaning is inherent in reality or do you rather project meaning on the canvas of reality?

Oh holy fuck, I see that.

@Ora Do you have personal experience with you or someone close getting the vaccine? Please post only this anecdotal experience here. The concern you shared is more suitable for another thread that is aimed for collecting & discussing studies which show possible side effects.

So, no equanimity from a meditative practice will help in that regard?

Let them die before they die. Accept their death right now and start cherishing every moment with them knowing that it is the last. Let yourself feel grateful when you see them again. They will be felt in you no matter if they are alive or dead.

The US army searched for magic pills and methods to reduce the number of hours slept by soldiers. Turns out, a good nights sleep restores the body best.

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Feeling unacceptable is ok. You are doing fine. You can accept to be at that stage in life. It takes time. I was impatient with myself. I too couldn't accept myself. https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/55767-introspection-exploring-the-feeling-dimension/?do=findComment&comment=890259 I see how I was more unaccepting of myself back then, and I still don't fully accept myself. That's ok. I am where I am at my stage in life. You want to be grounded in yourself. That's good. Write that want on your dreamboard and it's already the case. Setting the course of the ship is already being at the destination. The inspiration you feel from that want is already the case, otherwise there would be no pull towards that want. You believe that changing a meaning of a painting means changing how it's drawn. Let me tell you, there are multiple ways of looking at a painting without it needing to be redrawn. You believe you got to change your body to change how you feel towards it. Let me tell you, you can also change your feel towards the body without changing it. You shouln't love yourself. Let that sink in. I invite you to softly let go of all your should's and should not's. Then you are truly free to choose what you want. Loving yourself needs no reason. It isn't a choice, it is the only choice. Almost on a daily basis I catch myself that I don't love myself. I get angry, "How come I cannot love myself?" Arrrr. Then I recognize how I'm acting out on conditioning, on autopilot, like in hypnosis.

Yeah, interesting how more sexual dreams come up. The energy you will feel got to be moved around. Focus on feeling good when getting still with the energy (as opposed to releasing it through getting off).

What kind did you get? At what effectiveness in percent is it after 6 months?

@Max_V Hey Max, I am here Do you want to be heard with the contempt that's present right now? Or do you want to create something from the contempt? If you want only to be heard then don't read what I wrote below. What's bad about that? Do you imagine how you could look & how you could behave like? Do you compare yourself to an ideal of yours? If so, how come you do that? Is it about expanding or being better than yesterday? How does it feel to believe self-judgmental thoughts? How does it feel to believe self-rejecting thoughts instead of accepting yourself how you are right now? Can you go live your life having aspiring inspiration for what you want to be when you don't accept and don't feel good with your starting position? How does it feel to believe to not be at place in the world? You feel without a root, do you want to create that root for yourself or do you want to get a root from others that other salso can take away again? Beauty and elegance are good values to have. Why should you let go of what you want to value? What about looking at beauty and elegance from another angle that offers you a relief from self-judging thoughts? Does a soul have a face? When you look in the mirror do you think that the body is truly you? I mean, you are more complex than someone could ever imagine just by looking at your appearance. Imagine your're looking at somebody and assuming to know everything about them. No, you are deep. You are complex. No appearance could hold the beauty of your inner world. It matters how you feel. Can you imagine that you are independent of your appearance? Yes, you are seeing this right. No one else can realize self-love for you. Really stay with separation. It feels like tearing you apart. If you feel like expressing emotions, words or actions then go for it. You are here for yourself. You hold yourself in your expression. Trust that in expressing yourself without mask that you are transformed, released and at peace. If you wanna try it, I copied a love exercise from another post of mine: Self-love practice every day after meditation. Feel love being like a blessing that lays itself into the body & mind. Exercise: Imagine a sun radiating waves of love to you. The creating Goddess loves you. The sun is so hot & loving. It keeps loving. When you'd think the waves of heat radiating on you would stop you get hit again. Allow any processing of the body reacting to that happen. Do step 2 on the peak of shamanic breathing. Observe the reaction of the body when getting hit by the waves of love. In general, try out shamanic breathing for deepening that feeling state you are in right now. Face, embrace and hold it even when you are repulsed by it. I agree, letting it out feels so good. Letting out felt so good in the past, that's why I started a diary 5 months ago. It feels good just to write about the space I am in without needing to solve it. Just feeling and holding it like a baby in my arms. Ever embracing, ever present. In the end the practical thing for you is to be present with yourself the same as you would be with your child. Hold yourself in that feeling state. Tell yourself that you are loved no matter what you feel in the present. Tell yourself that you are accepted as you are with every emotion that is present.

September 25th: I go to make lunch with my friends. Ringing the door bell. I greet and hug my friend as she opens the door. No me acting. It just flows. No control. Then the organizing mind comes back to discuss where to make lunch.

@Consilience Very well said. Today with a psilocybin dose a bit above microdose it was recognized that they deepen consciousness and at the same time make thoughts etc more interesting & enticing in nature. Deepened consciousness allows for clearer recognition of forms of any kind, so it balances out somehow. Like going to a fair and being lucid about all the colorful attractions. Btw, the questions were more meant to deconstruct the separation between things. I will edit that. @Porphyry Fedotov Oh yeah, that's also common for me on an existential level rather than visuals.

@Inception Interesting share. Thanks! What do you mean by that?

@Muhammad Jawad It is not possible for me to understand you because you speak a mix of English and Urdu (?) in the video. That also goes for the one you posted in the shamanic breathing mega thread.

Nice, already crazy. What a relief.

@Leo Gura Concerning the alien view on reality thing (reality is not normal) you mentioned at the end: Sometimes I feel like going insane when recognizing in direct experience (not intellectually but experientially) that this body is so weird it is alien. This alien-cosmic feel also came when it was thought about how reality is infinite and this finite experience is almost non-existent in infinity. Then there was a shift in the body that this experience is not human. That this body was never alive. Felt outerworldly. How to differentiate between going insane and genuinely expanding your mind? These things happen without intention. There's just curiosity to explore and contemplate just for the joy of it.

Focus on the ususal sensation like warmth, tingling and blood circulation. Even if you don't feel anything, just listen to the absence of sensation like if you'd listen to silence. That's curious. It was the first one I felt and there wasn't even an intention to get to feel it.

I searched the books at https://www.erowid.org/library/books_online/shulgin_labbooks/ and nothing came out. So, it can be said that it was not Alexander Shulgin's work.

September 16th: I'm at a friends place and I hear a knock on the window. I open it and she is there asking me to give her a jacket through the window. While she speaks I look into her eyes. There is no knowing what all this means. No one is speaking to no one. No meaning. I understand. I got to watch out that her young cat doesn't jump through the window while I give her a jacket.

@flowboy Wow I didn't know true masters would care to be on this forum. I am honored. "Hey pssst, hey kiddo, wanna join my religion of boofing blessed mushrooms?"

Habe you tried boofing shrooms?

It takes disconnection to feel that what you want is connection. How else do you learn?

What Nahm said in this thread comes to mind. Somegirl also has to want to be there for her.