Loving Radiance

You guys can play this game the whole day Props for that

Well, Leo said many times before that without alcohol we as Rilles & LR wouldn't exist. I like your attitude

@Snader

@Tim R And please close this one.

Beginning with my journey with psilocybin in late August, I became aware that ime distinctions and dualities were temporarily breaking down. For example there's the concept of the finger being separate and yet connected to the hand. There is in fact no separation - it is one. The separation is imagined. It is a concept. That realization is not understood but directly seen. I induced some of the breakdowns so far, but most happened randomly throughout the day. It feels like an intellectual electric shock, as if the sky were clear for a second. This journal is a collection of constructs which temporarily collapsed. Maybe I write what came into awareness before that.

@Tim R Please close this one.

The difference between normal and abnormal breaks down. Consciousness really is fluid. Yesterday after meditating for a bit I focused on the wall and carpet while I sat in my doctor's waiting room. So many colors appeared. Well, things as usual. But when the focus was on the carpet certain parts were moving almost like in a shroom trip. It wasn't controlled from intent, just the pure focus on it made waves come into perception. At times the whole carpet in front of me was full of slow moving waves. There were attempts to control the flow of the waves, but they moved on their own. In the past I witnessed this kind on a meditation retreat with the lawn where the grass moved wavelike in the wind. There was intense focus and the undulating movement was noticed of all the individual blades of grass appearing like sprinkling of undefined color standing out from the blank canvas of the lawn. Pointers for myself or you to deconstruct the separations: Is there really a difference between the carpet and the grass moving? Is there a difference between stillness and movement? Is there a difference between noticing waves moving on their own without controlling their movement and waves moving on their own from the wind? Is there really a cause called focus and a cause called wind? Is there really a difference between a meditative focused mind and a tripping mind? Is there a difference between experience right now and experience in memory?

@Tim R Please close this thread.

Disclaimer: this thread describes derealization-depersonalization episodes which are different from spiritual awakening This is the sibling thread to collapsing dualities. Since having tried marijuana, there were two instances of not knowing encountered. Before the instances I was alone for a few hours, but these moments are different from watching TV or playing video games alone for extended lengths of time and then going out on the street with other people around having to reorient oneself on how to act. In these moments the mind had no knowing of what that is or what to do while the body moved on its own. Like a feral kitten that is paralysed when encountering a human for the first time, but in in my experience I was internally still while not being able to make sense of the world. March 10th: Still being a bit tired I got out of the appartment complex for my morning bath at the lake and met a couple who are fellow students of mine. I walked towards them. For a fraction there was internal stillness coupled with not knowing what this situation is or means. Then there was joy to meet and to chat with them. March 15th: It is evening. I already studied since the morning at a friends place. She was away for a few hours and I was exhausted from the work. I heard voices outside the door. My friend rang the bell and opened the door. I got up to greet her knowing there were other people, but still I was mildly "shocked" to greet two other students. While stillness was felt, there was not knowing what this situation meant. After that I apologized that I am going crazy as they saw that the LR didn't act according to the usual social way of behaving. I felt responsible for the situation and I owned it. Now after rereading these instances, it is interesting to see the mind creating a story of LR having these instances and creating a story of patterns.

Topic starts at 1:17:30

@ALLIS Sorry, I meant how is it different from reiki? It seems to be the same (I acknowledge that I can be totally ignorant here).

@Michael569 That are good suggestions, thank you! @soos_mite_ah With morning routine I meant being busy for the first 1 hour with things that inspire you. Make it attractive to get out and decrease the attractiveness of reasons for staying in it. At the end of the day it's just a matter of time. If it bothers you, makes you suffer and creates frustration then at some point you will just move.

Make every breath a prayer.

Listen to your heart. You are the only authority here.

Since November now there are again the concepts collapsing. They cannot be made sense of. There's a sense of wonder and "how the fuck is that happening and even possible". It's also many times about human creation and that something even exists. Dec 3rd: Mindfucking how the sun is up longer in the summer and shorter in the winter. It doesn't make sense. Feels alien.

You wanna be productive when waking up? Have you once created a morning routine of things that inspire you like spiritual practices and journaling? If so, how did that work out for you?

Do you want to change this?

Couldn't agree more. Godspeed @Meliodas

To answer my own question, it is doing it often and always surrendering to what's alive. When I know that there are specific things in the shadow I can connect to that emotion or personality part just by reaching out. It is like meditation a continuous process which takes place over a consistent practice. I cannot understand this language although occasionally there are a few English words. Do you like to provide subtitles or anything close?

Nah, you are fine. Listen to yourself as the only authority here. How does it feel? Does it feel like you are living life and being your highest expression of love when you stopped everything, or does it feel like you avoid yourself? So what? Even saying "it's pointless" is pointless. Assume your identity has you under control. You don't see how sneaky you are in using this belief to maintain your identity. Assume that this belief is simply made from the way a thought came up and made you focus on the pointlessnesss of life. Something that I project on you that can be true is that stopping all practices is an ego-backlash to stay unconscious. You don't see yourself clearly. You are in your mind and not listening to your intuition. Your level of consciousness is barely high enough to register that there could be something off. I felt the same on the comedown of a heroic mushroom trip when the identity resisted itself because it felt finite and survival was such a pain. Btw have you watched Leo's video on nihilism?

If you'd become conscious of Infinity, you won't be there with fear even though Infinity is seen. There were two experiences in October when I had a recontextualization of this being Infinite and this body being finite (it was really a conceptualization). Then there was fear of losing my mind because of the direct feeling of me being already dead and never having been alive. That was still the bodily reaction to the mind's conceptualization... It was happening in a drop which imagined to be part of the ocean. The drop imagined it wouldn't exist at all because of the vastness of the ocean. There was a separation between Infinity and finite even though it was imagined that there is only this. There was holding on to being a drop. There was the fear to be not the drop anymore in the ocean. There was a fear of losing all the beliefs which seemed to characterize a drop. It's projecting all the shadow parts onto Infinity.

@Preety_India I can describe what suggestion first came up before reading the past situation with your father: Visualize going there and coming out with the result of having just a few weeks left to live. Feel your body. Let go of any thoughts about a dying body. Feel your body in this moment. Then visualize going there, coming out the hospital with the result of no cancer and a good feeling of being free and ready to conquer the world. Feel your body again. Feel what the thought activates in your body. Feel that you are ok no matter the outcome. It's not forcing it but looking for a perspective or state of being that has both outcomes be ok. However, I expect that just visualizing it will retraumatize you because mentally you are still in the hospital with your struggling father. How do you feel about the visualization when you only read about it? Processing this trauma seems to me like an area where you are going to have the most growth from and feel the most liberated. And it's not about the check-up itself, it's just the location. Associate hospitals with feeling good. I think there are NLP methods for that. I also want to mention that processing is better done with a trauma & PTSD-informed psych.

Yeah, letting go of these images is like letting go of thoughts. Seems like it's never ending. However, with all things practiced on a consistent basis this too will get easier and fluid. It takes a lot of rewirering for these ingrained habits. When you drop a thought do you rest as awareness? For myself there is just nothing till another thought arises. Now imagine dropping an image which is attached to sensation. Let go of the image and rest as awareness. Just notice. Feel sensation without adding anything to it. It is a continuous process to arrive at the raw sensation. It takes time to rewire. Diligence & patience. Focus on sensation and come back to it whenever any image is laid onto it. This was recognized on a vipassana retreat: All these stories coming up and dreams of highly distracting matters (especially having orgies & seeing demon faces lol) are the same as putting any layer on sensation. For a long time it was like awareness was a metal line that went to every body part. It was imagined that a chain lays itself on the parts where awareness currently is to notice sensation. It was assumed that this was awareness and it was normal. Then with more experience about appearing stories and imaginations of all kind this was realized and seen. There was no struggle as you describe it in your op, just a knowing that it's still not what's actual. There was a focus on sensation and letting go of anything else attached to it.

@AdroseAkise Read the thread:

Right now I do affirmations for abundance and my experienced quality of daily life has risen since 2 weeks. Maybe it works for you too. Let's see. This mindset is good. Do you remember the video Life Unfolds In Chapters & Phases? Experimenting with everything is the best thing to do when you are starting.