Loving Radiance

Hey there! The war seems to be in Ukraine so far. There is no chance that Germany will get surprise attacked. Russia got to go through Poland and that will take a long time. So no worries. (I don't even think Putin wants other countries to be involved and go to the offense with them) IF anything serious would happen, you'd have enough time to play moving somewhere else or no time at all because we are all bombed. But I don't think all getting bombed is happening anytime soon.

@Sloww Wonderful to hear! And welcome to the forum It felt satisfying to see your development in the posts and how you subtly communicated your journey through the stages without naming them. Did you start with your work because of Leo's life purpose course? I ask because as far as I can see in your articles you have also worked with your values and impact statement.

*Reporting Leo comments as spam*

Contemplation with a journal will generate more insights than you can integrate. Watch out for the trap of getting frustrated because you can't integrate what you realized. Begin with the topics Leo offered in the video to start training your introspection muscle. Then go more into the direction of identity, perception and choice. When you contemplate rather than thinking about things, meditate on a question. Focus on your awareness. Focus on the tranquil water. Something will arise from the depths of your awareness and give form to a sentence. You feel the form and know immediately what thoughts describe that. You know the validity of these thoughts by looking at your direct experience. Do that and you will download stuff you never knew. Watch out for the trap of believing to be brilliant because you are generating these insights. No, you are only a transistor for the insights. Rather than getting frustrated because of cutting it dead in one moment and being lost again, better just stay in the present and focus on what you do. You do to come to the breath every time when you are noticing a thought. Only that. There are no judgemental thoughts of past meditation needed. Funny enough, letting go of these judgemental thoughts will skyrocket your practice. It's like a self-steering ship. The difference between expanded and contracted times in meditation is there for you to know what you don't want. Expansion and contraction are, like unity and division, always oscillating. That's a feature of limitation. Just stay at it. Only when you look back at notes of how your meditation went from months ago, then you'll be able to see the improved quality of your practice. How are you bringing your meditation into every day life? Do you notice that you can better choose the reality you want to experience? You'll see the extent of these questions when you are in an expanded state of consciousness, like in shamanic breathing or on psychedelics. The questions then hit more home and you see the impact of them more clearly. It's like dropping a stone into water while sober and only noticing that it's gone. Then you can also do the same on psychedelics and see the extent of it. The ripple effects of the stone are quite literally the ripples and waves of the water. In an expanded state you'll see the ripple effect of these questions more clearly because you have access to more holistic perception. Use expanded states like a telescope: You want to spot a planet and use a telescope for it. After looking through it, you can take a step back and find the planet with your eyes because you know where to look. You know where to focus on in meditation & self-inquiry. That's also the case for contemplation. Notice that you get frustrated when you believe the thought "I am not improving". It is entirely optional to get an emotion because of a thought. When you notice that you don't feel good & suffer because of the thought, then just cut it dead like in meditation. The fact is that "I am improving" is more so the case because you came here to ask In general, expand your requisite variety. Get more different experiences of spiritual practices. And don't only limit yourself to shamanic breathing or psychedelics. Explore and notice what works for you. Perhaps yoga is your bliss, who knows. All the best.

@Leo Gura In my perception there's a trend of long time users leaving the forum since 1 year. Do you plan to ease the masculine bias here? It's not about you personally. It's their image of you that they complain about. That's like complaining about the unicorn they imagine. That is the masculine bias on the forum here. I understand you. It's tough. Forestluv and Emerald already pointed out the imbalance on here. If it is better for your mental wellbeing, there are many forums which are more balanced and where one's expression is encouraged no matter how many posts you might have. You can also use this opportunity to take a break and search elsewhere for a place of learning, helping, discussing and interacting with people. You can use this opportunity to talk to people on spirituality & self-development discord channels or Zoom meetings. It is an opportunity to feel better by exploring other options and possibly finding better ones for you. That's gold ?? It's rather an expression of what is going on for her right now. Any absolutes only describe the present experience. It's like your partner says to you, "You never love me". Actually, it means, "I don't feel loved by you right now." It might also have accumulated since a some time.

So, if you don't have anything to hide, I then can have access to all your private messages?

@Kksd74628 Thanks for the response. All the best to you ?

@Kksd74628 I like to share with you a thought which came up when reading this thread, and I'm curious how it is for you. I project this dynamic on your interaction in this thread, and perhaps it's true for you too: Just today I let go of helping a former friend of mine. I hold her close to my heart. I wanted to support and guide her in recognizing the self-destructive stories she believes. It came from good intentions. I thought I wanted to help her to alleviate her suffering, but it was about me putting my agenda and will on her. It was me putting my desire on her for her to change. And she doesn't want to change. In fact, she views any attempt of me to "help her" as an attack because I put my agenda on her. My unwanted help is like me slapping her. Do you notice that in this thread? To clarify what I mean: What you write with good intentions (your first post in this thread) can be interpreted as pushing advice on someone. When one has a particular lens, one can see every good intention as condescending, manipulative etc. That is okay. We all do that every time when we read, interpret and understand any writing. The thing is that when viewing your post through this lens it then changes its form. The good intention comes with an energy of "I want you to change to feel better myself" which wears the clothes of "I am here to help you to feel better". Here is a quote which can be seen as "I want you to change": ^ In this context these questions are not coming from curiousity but from judgement. I don't like the name askholes for it and yet, these are not questions to get unknown information. ... I don't think that you are a bad person. Only the way you wrote makes it seem so. Here are some assumptions: Of course, assumptions are the only way to form a picture of someone. And still, the quote above has a charging energy to it which is accusatory. I made the parts bold which are assumptions and carry the accusatory energy. Any writing like this can easily be interpreted as coming from a perpetrator who wants to make the addressee a victim. Especially the "you" has a lot of perpetrator energy in it. In non-violent communication the "you" is replaced by "I". "I think", "I assume", "From what I read it seems to me..." etc. It takes the charge out and makes it more impersonal. It's then not the person itself which gets criticized, but it's the specific actions of the person. When speaking from personal experience "I", it then is much more connecting. Speaking from "I" is sharing one's inner world and making oneself vulnerable. When the inner world is projected out onto someone (with "you") it then has a quality of putting the person into a box. It is putting the person into one's own inner world, and that can feel like abuse to the person. It's more vulnerable, connecting and caring when writing, "Hey, just wanted to check in because I am worried about you and I see that you might be not living up to your potential. My worry comes from reading all the stuff you write, which I think is negatively impacting you and is unhealthy." This is not how I think and advise how you should write. It is just to make the vulnerability point more clear. ^ This shows your good intention. And yet, it can be also perceived as a mask to hide behind in order to veil attack or abuse. I am curious for your answer and how you see the dynamic @Kksd74628. I too like to see how much stuff I project on you (e.g. the story with my former friend) and what you recognize as true for you.

I ask because I cannot differentiate between awakening experiences and derealization-depersonalization disorder (where the world and self are directly felt as not real) or the awakening experiences and psychotic phases.

Thanks for the pointers

I found this article http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2015/09/are-our-mystical-experiences.html This is what clears a lot up for me and also confirms my experiences:

@gettoefl You are right about the root cause.

Anger doesn't respond to rationality. It just wants to be seen and felt.

Hey Preety, Emotional Release Tools are good for that: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLKmB51wF7NlDZgRnxUlt7BF60VQtciuH Be sure to use them in a place where you cannot be interrupted. Do them till the energy subsides. Give yourself time after that to integrate and be gentle with yourself.

Notice the general feel of this: beauty, elegance, connection of feeling level, spiritual view of the world, bleeding/period, birthing, rich soil, music & arts, deciding & being in the moment, containment, flow, devotion, ease, gentle, emotional dimension, attunement, receptivity, intuition, subtle About what you see in other women: Embody the feel of the characteristics that you want to be.

On depression and suicidal thoughts, and the tools to process them which lead to empowerment In summer I already wrote in On depressive periods and current state how depression is the loop of believing thoughts & emotional states to be true and thus going deeper in self-referential thoughts which again result in a more depressive emotional reaction. Thoughts are usually about oneself not being good, authentic, productive, loving, full with energy and life, inspired, intelligent, in control, at ease, helping society, self-caring, a good friend, lover, mate, coworker, boss, child or parent and so on. Depressive thoughts hurt, and when they are believed they hurt more by causing more depressive states and behaviors. It is being in victim state to one’s thoughts and emotions because “they are happening to me”. Distraction in that state is a pain killer which makes the pain stronger after the distraction is turned off. Also, distraction can be used for getting a dopamine spike, so that’s also a way breaking the loop can be more difficult. It’s because distraction can become a toxic habit. Suicidal thoughts arise from feeling without life, inspiration, meaning and spiritual connectedness & richness. They could bring it on an existential level with shadow work on death (which is a great tool for expansion), but suicidal thoughts are coming from an avoidance of life. Ironic how it’s avoiding life which expresses itself in the energy of feeling without life. Suicidal thoughts are a clear pointer that this feeling state doesn’t resonate. Powerlessness and victim state don’t allow that recognition because one is too deep in the story to recognize one plays the character in the script. Victim state is being identified with the story. The core of not feeling good is authentic. All falsehood around that (beliefs, identity, thoughts) is constructed and derives its legitimacy from this knowing of not feeling good. And again, this knowing is twisted in the story so that any touching of the core makes one believe the story because one assumes them to be true. From New Year’s till end of February I was in a more depressive state. It was during that time that I got to therapy (depression wasn’t the initiator to go there, it was being instable from seeing everything as unreal). Of course, getting a prescription and taking antidepressants can make one feel better to make transformation happen. I didn’t want to take them because I knew the real transformation lies in behavior change, emotional mastery and having a social network of communal support. Right now I am feeling good and in my power. Interestingly, when I wrote about depressive periods in the summer I thought to be done. I see right now how I am still not done although I like to believe there is a clear line between depression and no depression. I see how it is a process. I recognize what I can do to increase my consciousness and awareness of emotions and thoughts: It’s deepening my sense of presence which is the ground for life to bloom. A closer connection to source renders reality more clearly and informs me with a richer and more tangible sense of power to create reality. There is something I read from Bruce Lyon yesterday: He says power is not external but the divine source within. And love is the willingness to reach for that power and to express it. When depression veils source and covers up love, it is then hardly possible to live from it. The fog of depression lets memory sail away even when there was a strong connection to power in the past. Meditation increases presence. Meditation is returning to the breath or point of concentration no matter what thoughts come up and what emotions develop as reactions to these thoughts. Thoughts like not being able to meditate or being bad at it cause frustration, anger, rage, sadness, powerlessness, envy, jealousy and so on. When emotions are felt & let go and when thoughts are recognized as such & dispelled there comes clarity. It then becomes laughable that thoughts are ever believed to be true. The knowing of presence empowers one to choose what already resonates and is true. This includes seeing through beliefs about identity i.e., what one believes to be. Memory goes away in depression. It might feel like becoming dumb because simple things like having written something or taking pills just aren’t clear. Things from yesterday feel like a distant dream and thus it feels like living the same day because there is no clear and tangible past. Journaling helps in healing the thinking ability. I already wrote it in the summer that contemplative journaling combined with emotional journaling help. And I forgot it because I didn’t read it because of feeling powerless and thus the mind being full with fog or because of being distracted. Journaling is self-therapy. Reflection heals the mind because it is used for anything else than being concerned with self-referential stories and emotions. Lack of energy is there when one is caught up in the depression loop. Looking at the loop with journaling helps getting a healthy distance whereas before one couldn’t see the forest for the trees. A healthy distance is a balance of yin and yang. The loop is felt and yet the distance doesn’t let one be drained of energy. How could I slip back? Well, it’s about not meditating and journaling. With them there is awareness, understanding and compassion for one’s habits. It looks like this for me: When distraction is a habit and there is no healthy distance to recognize oneself, it then is automatic to get frustrated about the fact that distraction doesn’t make the pain away. It is felt that one still hurts. A thought about distraction being of no use is believed. Frustration arises. Frustration is avoided by going into distraction. Pent up frustration leads to anger and hate and so on. There is a general shrinking of feeling capability because the so called negative emotions are avoided to be felt. The smaller capability leads to being less connected to oneself and this is then continued in the loop. And yet, I also see that this is a beautiful story.

@undeather Oh wow that's long. Thanks for the answer.

@undeather How long does it take the brain to set back to normal after taking SSRI for a few weeks? What about natural antidepressants like St. John's Wort (Johanneskraut)? I ask because antidepressants with serotonergic psychedelics cause serotonin syndrome.

Notice that it's a minority of users that lead you to feel infuriated. If you are open for a suggestion, I myself make generous use of the ignore function here when I notice people being not openminded. It keeps me sane and I can choose when to let in comments which are for example emotionally charged. With time you can sense which users are open and which one's are not. Don't bother much with those who are not open. Engaging with them is not helping them and it takes your time & energy.

@aurum Couldn't agree more.

This for orange opening up to green. It's about what mainstream orange culture misses when teaching purpose and it leads to purpose viewed from green.

@Rasheed There was a user here who shared a document about vision improvement. He posted in a thread where aurum also commented about natural vision improvement. I still didn't try it out but I'm gonna share the doc nonetheless (you can ignore my markings): No BS Guide To Vision Improvement.pdf

@Richy G A warm welcome to the forum from me Any environment where you are safe and not disturbed is good. Turn off all communication to the outside world and focus on yourself. You can set an intention or write topics you want to contemplate and deconstruct. During the trip let go of that intention and go with the flow of what comes up for you. If you want you can listen to the guided exercise videos of Leo for realizing God and Infinity. Play good music and satsangs of teachers. Look for what they say in your perception. What you seek is already here. Make a commitment to never close yourself off to psychedelics. This comes in handy if you have a bad experience and then swear to never do it again. If you have trouble integrating, take your time. Psychedelics rewire the brain over time and you become more open. Be sure you feel centered and your whole body says yes to trip. Always take your time with integration e.g. contemplation. It can be of use to you to imbody your experience and insights through body-based practices & exercises.