Loving Radiance

@Fadious Being the child is already here and available for you. It's just another mode of being. Make it a daily play. Focus on the novelty of the present. Feel into life. Notice everything and go into the natural amazement of life. Feel grateful for every moment. Feel happy to be here & to experience this. Care for your inner child, and natural happiness & amazement will arise & radiate from your heart.

Having realized that, to which place do you want to move? Expand your consciousness through spiritual practices. Moving deeper is already happening. You only let go. Let go of control and surrender to divine control in order to flow where your life force goes. It might happen that you consciously decide things. Make decisions from that place of inner knowing.

@Insane butterfly For health ofc. According to this study and this study it's cognitive decline in memory, learning, reasoning and focus.

This thread better be moved to the entertainment section

@puporing I drank at least 1 liter during my shroom trips to not get a hangover. Worked good.

If you are depressed, then you haven't seen the full picture. Aloneness is just one side of it. Consider the togetherness part of the coin.

I thought the same when I watched the first part of the video. Consider that what you assume to be illogical is already making sense. The picture is just not clear for you. It's the same as thinking that algebra is illogical when having been introduced to it just 5 minutes ago. You see the extent of it when doing it for hours and being fully in it.

That is like comparing yourself to a mouse or an elephant. Use Leo and other people as inspirations for what you want to do. Are you sure you love language? Really feel into yourself if it inspires you. You can learn any skill. Look what you did in all your teenage years and what you implicitly got good in. For example, I have good visualization skills from reading alot of fiction and I'm amazing at expressing insights through words derived from introspection. You only become a wage slave by giving up right now and by imagining that you are a poor victim unable to deal with life. This is my suggestion: Contemplate and write down what you want and what inspires you. Write which skills and meta-skills make that possible. Write out the daily steps you can do to develop and get better in these skills. Do a dopamine fast of just meditating, eating and sleeping for 3 days. Or just do the weekend. End the fast and focus on the basics: Healthy sleep, diet, exercise, consciousness-expanding habit, deliberate practice, socializing, earning money. Only allow yourself to do tasks which are these basics. Step 4 and 5 is hard because you feel the pain of your brain rewiring. Your brain will creatively come up with any possibility to get a high dopamine spike. Instead, cut the bullshit of the sugary-sweet and seductive impulses. Get still like in meditation and observe these cravings (e.g. for new information). Nothing is stopping you to live the life you want. Read that again. When you read that, what excuses come up? Tell me. Even if you are working at a factory belt, going home to turn on a mind-numbing series, eat greasy burgers and fall to sleep just to wake up living the same dream again... is that terrible? Is it horrible when your family, your friends, and even you say to yourself that you are a failure? You can correct this now. The warm sun is shining in your face and you just have to open your eyes to realize that you are loved. Notice all the possibilities to connect with people. Come on, write down what you can do right now. I'll start: Going to the cafeteria and looking for people to chat and work with. Going to the lake and going up to people I feel drawn to in order to curiously get to know them. ... It may also be that you are in a depressed-stressed loop now. If so, take a break and take a walk in the park. Listen to the leaves in the wind and the bird in the trees. Notice the vibe of people hanging out there. Take all of that in and notice that it's alright. Just yesterday my coach told me this: It's okay to slow down, to be overwhelmed with life and to feel hopeless. If your life is a highway, then there will be times where you are stuck in traffic jams. The best you can do is to enjoy every moment of it and look for any way to use it as a jumping board. In a traffic jam you could meditate, journal, listen to music, take a walk, or face the truth you are avoiding and take a good cry. Live is not always lived at 90mph. You are on your highway of life, and you compare yourself to all the other people who are on their own highway driving 90mph. No, the road before you only lets you drive at 5mph every so often, and this is a beautiful opportunity to orient yourself in limbo (Leo video, summary) to recognize & do what you want. Are you inspired by the speed of the other drivers? Then take that goal. If you want to drive 9001mph then work on your car that it can go that fast.

Book recommendation: The Neverending Story by Michael Ende Funny how his surname is "end" in German ^^

A shaman advised me to do Iboga for the reason of lasting personality change (because it doesn't only cure addiction). This protocol of where you microdose it for 6 weeks to begin the process and then have a weekend of full Iboga. On the other side, I'm skeptical towards any lasting drastic changes from psychedelics this quick, usually that would be traumatic. Besides the therapy methods you try out, I'd suggest you do shamanic breathing to access the suppressed emotions and also using emotional release tools (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLKmB51wF7NlDZgRnxUlt7BF60VQtciuH).

Date: July 3rd 2021 Set: Relaxed self-compassion and self-love since the one week or so. Setting: with my trip partner in nature on a lake Prep: I mixed the dried truffle powder equaling 16 grams of fresh Fantasia truffles in orange juice and let it sit for 25 minutes. I met with my trip partner in the courtyard at 9am. He got another mix with the same dose. We drank the mix. I felt a bit sick already. I ditched the last few crumbles from the powder expecting to go insane if the last few ones were also ingested. TLDR comes after the report. Report: Come up: On the last few hundred meters to the lake my friend recognizes that the buildings and surfaces feel skewed when we entered a small new area. I say that I feel like laying down the instant we are done preparing the blankets & snacks. When we arrive at the lake, I already feel loosening of boundaries and an onset of slight general confusion. I feel losing grip on reality and I resist the experience. I get into a mindset of waiting it out. And this is already in the beginning. Wanting to drift away from this experience, I plug my headphones in and listen to my music. It has a bit of ambient and flowing feelings. We start to chat a bit. After some time my body begins to shiver while I am letting go of the body and imagining to flow into the ground. I proclaim that I feel cold and put on the warm clothes I brought with me. The shivers continue, so I move to the beach into the sun. It's finally warm. No more shivers. I move to sit a bit on a patch of grass. Being warm again, I go back to the blankets and kneel on them. I feel losing myself. I throw myself on the blanket, laying there without orientation, just waiting and waiting. I want to refocus on love, but love is intangible, nowhere to be found although it’s known that there is something called love. After some time of just laying around I ask my friend if he likes to hear music. He says yes and I turn on SLEEP which I listened to earlier. Still laying there wanting to fade away and wanting to have this experience passing in an instant, my trip partner offers to draw tarot cards for me. I decline because I fear a misdirection of the trip. I want to leave this setting with his presence. Being back at the sunny beach I lay myself on the grass and feel being close to identity death. I hold on to me. I witness that I hold on to the grass, not wanting to lose me. Random words appear in mind, like waves washing ashore. They feed & flow into each other through rimes in a strange loopy way because they don’t rime at all when seen from an ordinary state of consciousness, with no beginning or end. Kind of like the alien language of Arrival (2016). I lose more grip on reality. I am almost not there anymore. Losing grip feels strange: Imagine reaching out for a rock. You take the rock in your hand. By taking it, you grasp it because it has grip. Imagine mentally reaching out for an image or concept of any kind like for example a rock. You hold it in your mind and grasp it. Imagine reaching out for a rock with your hand. You cannot get hold of it. It slips through the hand or it has an aura that makes it untouchable. Imagine mentally reaching out for any concept like a rock. It is just as untouchable as a slippery rock you want to pick up. My trip mate comes to check on me laying on the grass. He tells me that he had a crush on a good friend of mine a few months back. He was reminded of that because he drew The Lovers tarot card. I interpret him telling me that as inexperience in tripping. You just cannot come to me being in that state. There is a recognition that I cannot really grasp the story he’s sharing and say that we can talk about it after the trip. Again, I feel wanting to not be in his presence anymore and go back. I let myself fall on the blankets and lay myself down without taking off my shoes. My partner comes back and asks me about the shoes. I am nonresponsive now losing myself with more intensity. I still resist fading of the identity. However, there is no suffering in resisting it. It’s just an automatic response of ‘I don’t like that’. It's still ongoing with or without me holding on. Again, I try to relax into the moment and wait for the experience to end. I am disoriented. The clothes on me are messed up and there is no mental capacity to make my clothes straight or to eat any of the snacks. My friend asks about kissing bruises on my neck, if they are done by a friend I slept with. He says, “I am glad it worked out with you two.” I don’t understand that. There is the interpretation that he talks about love between me and other, but love from others doesn’t register. All I love is myself, there is no love coming from others. All projection is mine. There's a recognition of this ape body and bodily desires. Beginning to peak: The entire setting reveals itself to feel like a stage in a theater. There’s a knowing that illusion cannot harm anything. The realization is expressed through words that I can easily kill myself in that state. My friend reacts confused to that coming out of LR's mouth. There’s no difference, it’s an illusion, it’s the playing ground. Speaking in the direction of the partner (he’s now casually reading ) that I’m insane & dead (no one was saying that) and that existence makes no sense. It’s felt that the illusory brain is broken. Speaking out that spirituality and more things are bullshit – meaning nothing and being nothing because they are created. Words come out, spoken towards the friend but actually being directed to myself which is nobody in that case, “Just let go. It doesn’t make sense. Let go, let go, let go…” Being in existence. “Existence, existence, existence.” Seeing the world now without interpretation. Feeling existence. Nothing but existence. Direct, radical, total and seen as naked. My partner picks up on that confusion. He seems to have a breakdown or an early mid-life crisis. In that moment I am not there for him. It is felt that he’s an illusion being projected by me. The riming words which don’t actually rime in ordinary state of consciousness are coming to the foreground again. The visuals are faint rainbow-colored random Latin letters flowing like blood in blood vessels across the trees and air. It’s just a huge screen. My partner asks repeatedly if I am ok because of the disoriented state I seem to be in. I seem to not respond. There’s a knowing that there are question marks and sentences which feels like a child discovering what language is and there’s no making sense of it – there’s knowledge without understanding, like having an encrypted data file. Language is known and there is something called England and Germany which have different modes of speaking. There’s a knowing that the body automatically speaks those languages and that the partner understands. Other people come. Children with a dad. I project the illusion of them. They are not real. They are part of the play. Sentences are clearly heard, but make no sense. There is a feeling that it could make sense, but it doesn’t. Like hearing a foreign language but not understanding it. Like hearing sounds and not knowing what it is. Family constellations make no sense. Intangible. Remembering the family which this body is a part of, that this body is now insane and will be looked upon like a failed child that is now living in a mental institution. Looking from awareness, it feels like consoling a child that broke a stick. There is no fear or disappointment, there is just compassionate presence. There is a recognition that the projection of family and others in general is insane (even though I am insane). Timeless confusion. The meaning making structure malfunctions. It feels like trying to climb up a smooth metal wall. Slipping down every time when trying. Completely fried brain. Knowing of a body with skeleton and organs. Looking up, the tree branches & leaves seem to form an interconnected web. By looking to the headphones, they are recognized to be an infinite loop. Infinity is just casually being here. No memories, total confusion. Looking at wobbly hands. What is that. Wiped hard drive. Like an infant. What is that. An energetic field around skin is felt to extend 10-20 cm from it, like an aura surrounding the body. The energy on the skin is connected to the mental state, it's flowing. The mental state could not be there without the energetic sensation. Comedown: I am being asked to go home because my partner wants to learn for a class. I repeatedly say no. There’s an arising sense of alien students having a university life – feels like being in a theatre play and that the consciousness in the student body plays along. More children come by, I am being told to act normal – it feels like being an alien consciousness imposter in a human character who is involved in alien society and acts as if he knows what is going on. There is character play of acting like things are normal like brushing off dirt from the pants when in fact the world feels upside down. It’s acting like being the character. It is told to my partner that I still don’t compute. What is going on. Finally, my partner urges me to move as he felt disturbed by the newly arriving children. Packing all things together feels like an instant. Being told to tie my shoes. Looking back to the place we were at. It feels clean like there haven’t been blankets, snacks etc. We were never there. Looking at his watch he says it is 1:30 pm. Time doesn’t make sense. It feels like reliving the same day again and again, and time is just a creation to give the sense of many days being lived one after another. The whole trip back home feels like lasting just a second even though it is not known where we go and why. It just flows. The euphoric mood is registered. The world is recognized as heaven. The body functions on its own. Words flow out – their meaning isn’t known but they could make sense, “Nothing makes sense and that’s ok. Even that makes no sense.”, “Taking the correct the way back just happens on its own. There’s no clue what and where the place is we are heading towards.”, “To be nobody is true confidence.” Coming back home I lay on the couch and watch parts of the writing on my dream board which interestingly bounce floatingly together and apart like being held in place. It’s like leaves on a tree with certain parts of leaves moving together because they are on the same branches and at the same time moving independently to the leaves of other branches. There’s no knowledge where the phone thing is. It can be that it is still on the beach. The possibility of it being lost forever feels ok, at the same time the survival aspect feels inconvenient. Still laying on the couch I am registering emptiness inside and wait for it to be over. I find the phone and then take a semi-awake nap. Still half tripping I write my partner if we could meet up in the courtyard to integrate the experience. I feel that grounding myself is just what’s needed. The body feels empty and there’s a want to be full, no matter if filling myself makes sense or not. Looking into the mirror and seeing the pupils being still dilated. Coming to him I feel drained and devoid of any emotion. We talk and I’m sucking up information like a child listening to fairy tales. Anything that he spoke of feels good. There is a want to speak of the experience not really to make sense of or understand it but rather to express and put it out there. I see him without making up any concepts or stories. It is true listening while leaving yourself out of the equation. I recognize that speaking out what I want is then either manifested or not. I want to create the world. I request of him to get his blanket for us to just lay for some more time in the courtyard for more grounding. TLDR: Regular understanding that nothing makes sense or has meaning and that just oneself creates meaning is peanuts compared to direct recognition of complete meaninglessness. One can imagine it, but it's more radical than anything because there are no memories to put no meaning into perspective and to create meaning of meaninglessness. The recognition of radical meaninglessness is contingent on the death of the identity. All experience is only you. There is no other. Options are: a) Everything you feel is the body. There’s an external world that is experienced through the body. b) Everything you feel is the world being recognized as you. The screen of awareness is an illusion and that is recognized. Recognizing Infinity is just a matter of consciousness. All of reality is a play. No identity is true. Feeling oneself to be empty is also connected to thoughtlessness, presence and flowing into silence / infinity / timeless moment. Listening to Leo's video of "Relative vs Absolute Truth" the day after helped tremendously to put the trip in perspective.

Yes. True confidence is without a self. To be nobody is true confidence. AND it also has value to be confident & secure in oneself.

@OBEler Search for "Augmentierte Psychotherapie" in Germany. They do ketamine. I can say from personal experience that Kambo (non-psychedelic frog poison) helps too with an overly intellectual mind. It shows you to let go.

@Lincisman Make tackling your mind habits the highest priority. Studying etc. can come after fixing your psychology. Dopamine detox. Look it up. Do it till you feel that the craving is controllable. Establish a meditation habit. Make letting go of thoughts etc. your focus. Cut every distraction to minimum. Cut the information that aren't essential to your daily survival. Look up digital minimalism (https://www.sloww.co/stage-1/). Make it a tiny habit to stay with yourself in your discomfort and get still with the internal feeling of emptiness whenever you want to go distract yourself. Go and meditate whenever you notice your mind is searching for stuff to distract. Use the cue of "I want a dopamine spike" which you previously used to feed it with new information. Use it as a jumping stone to deprogram your mind by getting still with the reactive energy. That will effectively reroute the habit from reactive to proactive. Watch out. It will be hard. Clear back-white rules and a face-to-face accountability partner help. Set these clear rules & boundaries and don't trust any thoughts. Especially discard those thoughts that have a seductive sugary-sweet voice.

@puporing In my experience, another health effect is bodily storing of trauma. In my mind I don't have trauma from that because I didn't register it while tripping on a high dose. However, whenever I reread and go back to these moments I begin to feel somehow shaken & sad even though in the past I didn't see it like that. My body has a physical response, and dissociation keeps my awareness away from knowing more about that feeling. But I think that is very specific. It's the only other-than-mental side effect I could think of.

Thing is that Norway has the geography for it. What is the most important factor for you to come to that?

Yes, consider that there will be a lot for you to integrate. I suggest that you trip again when you feel grounded again. For me it was once a month. Sometimes after 3 months. Can't speak on the tolerance thingy of 1-2 weeks. Be sure that you trip again when you have no after effects. For myself these were slight moments of deconstruction of concepts and categories. They felt less tangible. I described that before: Whenever you feel having short moments of "I cannot make sense of that" then do a full stop. Ground yourself. More flexible thinking and better outside the box thinking can come from regular tripping. Only be cautious when you feel not rooted in daily life. First try out what frequency works for you long-term. Don't decide ahead when you want to trip. Always consider that you can skip any trip when you don't feel like it, even shortly before. On the other hand you can also distinguish between avoidance of truth and authentic overload on your system. I don't quite understand this. Do you ask for side effects depending on how frequent a person decides to trip? In that case reality will of course destabilize the more frequently a person trips. It also depends on how much one can stomach: someone without spiritual development cannot take much.

@PepperBlossoms Thanks!

Hey there. Core wounds are used to keep the identity safe. They are e.g.,“I am not wanted”, “I am not good enough”, “I don’t belong”. These beliefs are reinforced by self-sabotage & self-deception. There are unconscious ways of upholding the core wounds: Select: confirming people, situations, own state of being for homeostasis of belief Provoke: poking not-belief-fitting situations or people to react, to make them align to your belief Distort: warping own reality when 1 & 2 didn’t work to make it fit to self-image, especially when reality doesn’t confirm core belief Now to my situation: I have the core wound or fundamental belief of "I'm not good enough". Thing is that it gets activated when I reach out to situations, people and things which feel good to me, but I think I don't deserve. A current example is me wanting to meet a date who I find so breathtaking that this core wound is triggered. I feel resistance just thinking about planning and writing to meet up. I notice that when I follow this old pattern of avoidance, I will end up validating my core wound. I feel by not writing at all I would be provoking the same old situation to show up. A friend of mine wrote about these wounds that they just get smaller with time the more experience one gets and doesn't react to the belief. In that sense it's like the pain body by Eckhart Tolle. I like to step out of the autopilot mode. Can you offer help?

@bmcnicho Take it from the master

Do you still feel affected by it? Then better do emotional release https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLKmB51wF7NlDZgRnxUlt7BF60VQtciuH

Mostly after the fact when you reflect. I sometimes get a new perspective and look through that lens at my past. Having deep introspection ability and being radically honest towards yourself is also good. You have to care more about being truthful towards yourself (especially if it hurts your ego) rather than living in the comfort of your illusion. Uncomfortable truths about yourself hurt and then grow you when you accept them.

Just use the parties for being social and making friends.

@Tudo About what Benton said, The first effects I notice for myself that I feel slightly disorientated because my thoughts are more fluid and non-linear (like when I'm close to sleep). Edit: Oh wait! You already did it! Congrats!

Gullible isn't even in dictionaries according to the opening quote of the Leo's scam video (hint: the opening quote is a scam itself haha) That's sad to hear, I can understand him.