wesyasz

So I made a decision to have a coffee this morning, otherwise I couldn't deal with challenges of this day. I was going to the city centre by bus thinking how most people need this hit in the morning to keep going. I took my phone out of my pocket, switched on Famous social media app and first thing that has showed up was image with writing on it "WHERE IS MY COFFEE?!".

My main concern is lowering my consciousness by CBD.

I am not looking for raising. I have extremelly stressful period of life and I want to calm down my nervous system because I shake internally and I am in panic mode but need to think straight to not loose ground completely. I am just wondering if CBD is actually a good or bad move.

So, yesterday I did mushrooms for the first time. 5g of them. That was the most beautiful and most horrific thing that ever happened to me. I have felt a rush of love and energy through my body to my third eye. But then I have felt like something has been entering my body through there. Different spirits. I've been pushed to the wall unable to move. Until it have got there and I have been transcendent to a different dimension where I could see the world with different eyes. I did felt possessed. My hands felt devilish. And then it started getting deeper. I don't even remember that much now, but I forgot who I was, I forgot my name, I forgot this reality. I was crying, I was laughing, I was screaming, I felt being Om. I felt weightless, I have watched my body dissolving into everything. I became god. I couldn't believe how is that possible I have ever believed that there was such a thing as death. I was HOME. I realized I have always been longing it, so is every being which I am. I understood what it means to be prisoner to this body. I understood everything. I couldn't believe how is this possible I have ever forgot that. I have understood that every single thing in my life has been pointing to that. Been preparing me for this. And then I have experienced my nearly own death. I have had a choice of falling asleep for infinity. And everyone who pointed me towards this direction been there with me, but in the same time I understood what it means to be there on your own. For eternity. I was dancer dancing it's dance alone forever. I was singer longing home forever. It never was me. It never was her. It never happened. I have had a choice to "die" and become "asleep" for eternity, but it felt so lonesome, even though this feeling was divine. I understood that dying is a choice of forgetting idea of this lifetime and moving to another one. But there was so much sadness of letting this go and attachment to this that I have decided to stay, even though I felt I could become anyone I want. In the same time I've realized that who I am is exactly who I want to imagine me to be. Then I felt I have to recreate this reality. But I've been locked in eternity of suffering. I have been in this very room I am right now, but I couldn't do anything. Time has stopped. I have been locked in one minute for a hundreds of years. Alone. With no escape. I knew that this reality is made out of love and all there is is love. So I have been trying to look for mantras, but my mind was non-existent. All I could make myself say was "I love you". I slowly made it through back to here. First thing I have noticed was my breath. My attachment to this life was my wife who I was unable to let go memory of. Even though I knew it will free me. Funny thing is our paths are just splitting. I am still collecting myself. I know I am all of you. And I love you all. But in the same time, I feel the most lonely person on this planet. Is this what awakening is? I wish I could unsee it...

Thailand has really clean and good accommodation and a lot to choose from for $10. Do not book in advance though, prices for places online are much higher than if you look once you are there. Just stay away from tourist spots.

So I am going to India. I do not know why to be completely honest. But feel guided there. Want to go to Satsangs. Today though I did have some doubts arising in me. I am just watching "Scream of the ants". I have watched it couple of times before in my life, but felt I am going to understand this movie better this time. I have just switched it on and the first scene goes like that: - So, what brings you to India, what's your interest? - We are looking for some special man...? - Special man? We are all special in India. What kind of special man you are looking for? - This man is called complete man, or... perfect man - I'm a complete man, don't you think so? - Of course... I believe... - What does he do, who is the special man? - He does some kind of miracles... with people lives... - You know, most foreigners who come to India... are stupid. Because... you come chasing all the wrong things. What is a miracle according to you? - What is a miracle acording to you? - I don't believe in miracles, I believe in reality. Everything like that is a miracle. This heat is miracle, life is a miracle. What is a miracle according to you? - What is a miracle acording to you? - Oh, I can give you a long list. You are a miracle. You are very beautiful. - That kind of miracle... - You are a miracle. Your smile is a miracle. So beautiful. Your husband fighting with you in a non-violent country is a miracle. Tourist come to India is a miracle. What do you think? - Yes, but this guy does something special with people lives... our meditation teacher advice us to meet him. We came to India for that, my husband and I.

I've had realization how important looking into other people eyes is for me. Then I stare into my own eyes in the mirror. Which leads me to watch "I origins". And the movie gives me important message. Also, I was recently thinking about "The OA" which I have watched couple of years ago, more about moves they've been practicing in it. SUCH an accident that main character from "The OA" also play in "I origins" I supposedly accidentally find myself watching. Everything leads into something.

I thought that the moment you lose yourself and get into flow is the moment you truly live.

So I am creating this topic to drop the ideas about finding out if other people actually do exist or is it just projection of mind. The thing is - I do have many glimpses about the fact that this reality is not what I thought for my whole life. Many of my thoughts materialized right in front of me in different forms or shapes. Many of them include what other people do or say. Obviously that cannot be proved scientifically, but my internal intuition is strong enough now to verify things for itself without need of validation by other people and I trust it. Still - I can have my realization moments, where I can see things, especially from perspective when I think about it, they seem so obviously "unreal". But in the moment of actual interaction it feels so, so real, that I just simply cannot dismiss it! Very simple things, like giving a hug to someone you really like and feeling this beautiful energy. I can question it all the time, but after that moment the only thing I can ask myself - how something I have just felt could be unreal? My life has turned upside down and someone I'd trust with my life has failed terribly. That was trigger for investigation. How is this real? How is this possible? Is it actually real? Is this person actually real? Because in my intuition that I trust, things that are happening now including this person are actually not possible. Or rather I should say, I wouldn't thought it was possible. And I can think analytically at this very moment and I mostly can in the evenings or at night, but then overnight my state of mind which I often take for granted is usually gone and I wake up in the morning suffering thorough the day. Usually I need to brake a bit, cry over and then I can elevate my state of mind a bit to the point I can think more straight about things. Cacao helps in this occasion today, so I am probably writing too much. This is obviously pretty radical topic, because if others are not real there is no point in creating this topic, neither if others are real, because how could they prove that they actually exist? The only way would be to ask myself and find the answer within. But maybe this reality works even out of what I can think of? Maybe answer to inquiry can come in form of other person even though that person does not really exist? Are people actually real or unreal when they do or say something what I have been exactly thinking of? My point is - any ideas about "checking" if a person is actually real? Some sort of interaction play? Because when I am interacting with other people they seem so extremely real to me that I do not even have an inner desire to think otherwise than they are actually a real beings.

From where I am now, I'd say yes. And as real, "same entity as me" I would define a physical body which has emotions, feelings and thinks for itself.

I have been just trying to improve my health by just drinking water for 5 days. I thought it's gonna help me with anxiety, but it don't feel it made a big difference so far. Maybe digestion/food is not the root of it, or maybe it wasn't enough. Will try dry fasting next time. I did it before but it was totally different circumstances in my life back then. I actually did cycle-touring around Shikoku. It's beautiful. Seen a lot of people walking around, but I wasn't into spirituality back then. What a shame :). You should definitely go! You made me feel wanting to go there now too!

Thank you for this answer! I am on the state that I even take notes of all this weird staff happening in front of me and it's like I "know" that this reality is not what I have thought it is, but in the same like my mind cannot accept it and don't take it. Pulling back to what it knows for so many years, desperately trying to catch something to be back in the "old". Or like it cannot attain enough consciousness to "Know" (capital K) that reality is not what I thought it was. May be the fact that it doesn't know how to behave in this "new" so dismiss it.

That is how I started to think about my almost-ex wife recently. But I wonder if this doesn't put me myself in a state od devilry.

Thank you for your input! I am on the edge of believing rather than attraction and manifesting to actually creating.

That is interesting, because in my previous post I did wanted to mention Japanese nation, because if I am not wrong they are one of the longest living nation at the moment, but I actually think there is so much more about their diet than only fermented foods. I did spent several weeks in Japan, their food is amazing . Not only in a taste side, but just makes you feel really good. I actually did brake my 5 days water fast couple of days ago with Japanese food (miso, rice, tofu).

That is a very good question. I need time for it. But in order to others, real means that they are same entities like me. Unreal, that they are projections - more less. How come they do/say things which appear in my mind right before it happens? Or even in a long run, what my intuition (belief?) is telling my they are going to do. Also, this is a statement. I'm rather looking for ideas to experience/find out for myself.

I don't know what sunomuno is, but I love the name so I will google that in a minute ;). From my observation it is also nations who consume a lot of fermented food are long living nations. In Poland in times where they have been eating a lot of this, people were leaving pretty long, dying about 80 years old (if not killed during many wars which is even more impressive considering how much emotional stress people been through).

Well, I am not actually sure if that wouldn't be otherwise. I am going to use a quote (roughly, I do not remember it that well) from "I origins" movie which suit what you have said very well: If I will drop my phone and for hundred times it will hit the ground, but for one and only one time when I drop it, it will just stay levitating in the air, isn't it worth investigating?

I love all fermented food. It's part of culture in my country (Poland), especially sauerkraut. I really feel it is good for my body. Even had some sour cucumbers today! But I personally believe only in these "naturally" fermented foods using only salt or just fermenting on it's own, no pickles for which you use sugar and vinegar. They are all beautifully tasty too all over the world - sauerkraut, cucumbers, kimchi, miso, kefir, nato, to name a few.

That breathing thing is really interesting, I'd like to try it. Is it really worth trying doing it online or it would be rather wise to wait until I find opportunity to do it with somebody who knows what they are doing? I already feel quite a bit of discomfort and resistance when doing deep breathing with "I am not the body / I am not even the mind" kriya meditation practice from youtube ;). Then is this awwwwwwwww for 7 times which I do loudly and it makes me really in peace like all this tension go released.

I was in Glasgow and I was thinking to go to CBD shop to buy CBD chocolate as last time I've had it I really liked mellow calmed mind it gave me, also I was just after few days fasting so it's easy to understand why thought of chocolate made me in for buying it. But the shop was in the opposite direction to where I have parked my car so I just gave up. On the way to the parking I've stopped for a salad in middle east restaurant and it was ok, but I just thought how tasteless are cheapest vegetables in UK, widely used in restaurants, especially considering tomatoes and it made me miss Spanish beautiful tomatoes of different varieties full of flavor which I've been constantly eating during 6 months in this country previous year. I went to Edinburgh and I was driving through the city when I have seen this restaurant called "the 33". I am seeing 33's everywhere recently - 33.33, 333 on licence plates etc. So I felt it tells me to stop there. So I have parked. What should I look for, I asked myself. Let's just have a walk along the street. 50m ahead, across the street, there was a CBD shop. And on the way there a small shop selling absolutely beautiful tomatoes in different shapes and colors, which I have bought along with big bunch of basil, which I couldn't find in the supermarket the night before. The lady selling me these tomatoes even commented how beautiful tomatoes I have chosen!

You can do everything to your body, water fasts for several days, meditate to eternity, but you need to change your lifestyle to suit your needs to truly live your life! Then you forget there was something to heal. Like - what would you do in your life if money wasn't an issue? What you really love doing? Then just start living this way. If you don't know what it is - try to find it.

There is something mysterious about waking about at about 3am. Do not underestimate this.

Very, very likely reiki. I've been through this. So was my wife and my sister in law. Also things like waking up at 3.30... To be completely honest, I am not sure if this is good or a bad thing, but from my observation reiki can really get truth out of you. Maybe it just makes you focusing on something that is bothering you in your life and that gives you hard time to fall asleep. I have bought orgonite pendant to save my sleep and to my surprise it actually worked. Maybe worked to well, I have trouble waking up in the morning now and no chance alarm clock can get me up. Again, not sure if this is good or bad thing. From one hand I really like getting up early, from other hand I haven't been sleeping until so late in the morning since my childhood which supposedly seems to be a good thing.

Hey, Is anyone watching satsangs? What's your opinion about them? How do you feel watching them? I am personally planning to go to India overvthe winter and also attend to Satsangs in February. If anyone would like to join / meet ;).