bazera

@cistanche_enjoyer For me the reason is that if I do that, I won't have to wage-slave my way into 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. And be free with my own time and resources. That has like an infinite value.

For the past few years, I’ve been struggling to stay consistent with myself — with the promises I make to myself, with integrity, and with discipline. I’ve examined this many times and identified some fundamental issues that I’m working to fix. This journal will serve as public accountability while I build the foundation for the next phase of my life. I’ve just turned 30, and I now realize how little time I have and how easy it is to waste most of it. I need to take much more action than I did in my 20s. Currently, I’m struggling with addiction, I’m overweight, I do the bare minimum at my job as a software developer, I don’t exercise much, and I deal with some anxiety. I know how to fix all of it — and more. I know what to do to make my life unrecognizably better (at least to try my best), and inaction only makes me resent myself more. I know what to do. I just have to do it. This thread will help me stay accountable. I’ll be posting every Saturday with a report on the previous week. This is how it will go. Phase 1: 3 Months I’ve been overconsuming pornography and engaging in compulsive masturbation. Since I’m single and somewhat isolated, I need to control this habit. I will abstain from both to reset my dopamine reward cycle. I’ve been slacking off at work, so I need to refocus and concentrate more. I currently work in 45-minute blocks, then rest for a few minutes, repeating this 2–3 times a day. I want to increase this to at least 6 blocks. Work inconsistency has caused me to sleep very late or work late into the night. As I fix my work habits, my sleep habits should improve as well. My goal is to sleep at least 7 hours, from 12:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m currently around 105 kg and eat a lot of junk food. The plan is to build muscle and lose fat simultaneously until I reach 72–75 kg. Eat 1,800–2,000 calories with at least 160 g of protein Weight train at least 3 times per week Jog for 30 minutes at least 3 times per week Cut out junk food at least 90% of the time I work as a software developer, and the industry is changing rapidly. I need to keep up. I will invest at least 1–2 hours per day in studying, building side projects, or diving deeper into AI. Read books for at least 1 hour per day. Summary of Phase 1 No porn or masturbation No social media Limited YouTube/Reddit for recreation 6–8 daily 45-minute work blocks 1–2 hours of study 1 hour of reading Fixing sleep routine Weight loss: 1,800–2,000 calories 3x weightlifting, 3x cardio weekly Cut out junk food Phase 2: 3 Months On top of the foundation built in Phase 1: Add spiritual practices: Mindfulness meditation (breath-focused) and Kriya Yoga pranayama Add therapeutic practices such as shamanic breathwork, TRE (Trauma Release Exercises), and self-therapy journaling to work through unresolved trauma and issues from the past few years Continue weight loss and exercise — likely reaching target weight by the end of Phase 2 Continue reading and studying Allow masturbation at most once per week after the first 90 days, since more than that negatively affects my life Phases 3 and 4 I can’t say much about these yet. I imagine strengthening spiritual practices, making them more focused and prioritized, socializing more, and possibly starting to date — though dating may be too distracting at the moment, and I don't want it honestly since I've recently got out of a LTR. Phases 4+ Getting involved with psychedelics More socializing More dating experience Starting to work on additional income streams aside from my job Working on creative projects Traveling Meeting new people Exciting things — but first, the foundation. That’s the plan. I won’t plan further than this because planning is a trap for me. Planning gives me a false sense of accomplishment, but it isn’t real progress. Real accomplishment comes from daily execution — day in and day out. It’s that simple. I’ll update every Saturday. 52 updates total. Let’s see how far I go. See you next week.

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Hey, Do you ever feel the need for more variety in your sex life when you’re in a long-term relationship? I’m not talking about cheating or polyamory, but about that feeling that sex can become mechanical or boring after years with the same person. Especially if you were inexperienced and didn’t date much before, you might become curious about other types of experiences with women / men (if you are a woman). Is the solution to explore and exhaust that need before committing to a long-term relationship? Or is it to suppress it and be content with what you have? Or maybe the answer is to spice up the current relationship by introducing some novelty into your sex life. What do you think? Does it make sense to have one partner and expect them to satisfy your needs for the rest of your life?

@Judy2 Maybe they just tough it out. What's the longest that you have run? For me it was 17km, and boredom wasn't an issue because something was happening every minute, if you try to notice the condition of your body, your breathing patterns, the current challenge (maybe slights uphill on the road), that makes more engaging. But aside to that, just accepting the boring part of it as well. Just imagine someone like David Goggins, or Andy Glaze or some ultrarunner who run days, not hours, there can't be any technique that they can use, maybe they start labelling colours for some hours but I can't imagine doing that for 40 hours or more. Maybe they just tough it out and that's where their strength is.

@Judy2 What I do is, if I have a long run like 10km (or even a short one), I split that distance into multiple chunks, like I roughly know a run around this block takes me 15 minutes, okay, then comes a long road that needs 20 minutes, and then a small uphill that's a bit tough for 10 minutes, etc, till the end of a run. That keeps it engaging because instead of full one hour+ goal, I have small 5-15 minute goals in my mind that I need to accomplish. Also, if you have smartwatch, you can track your pace, and try to improve in some way on each run, that also makes it more engaging. Not sure about treadmill though, it's boring for me as well. I have a treadmill at home and I just turn on some video on YouTube plus some music to keep the run engaging.

@Oeaohoo Yeah, as most of us have.

@Oeaohoo But it is a strong force, especially if one is inexperienced in sexuality and curious at the same time. Maybe that gets less important as we age. I mean, you might not want it to be one of top priorities, but you just can't help it. I guess that's where real maturity and cognitive / spiritual development comes into play. And also most people get married rather flippantly, who the fuck thinks about all these deeply before commiting? And then their real needs and motivations come up after years and that's when people get stuck.

@Oeaohoo But how do marriages work. Divorse rates is getting high (probably) each year, but there are couples who sustain marriages right? I mean, most of our parents did. But probably there's lots of variables there, having kids, shared families and relatives, shares liabilities, attachments, etc, that bind two people together, even if they aren't fully satisfied sexually or are fantasizing on other options. I'm just wandering when you are aware of these mechanism and don't lie to yourself about your needs, what's the best way to strategize this aspect of life. My conclusion was to just explore first to some degree, maybe a lot, and see where that takes you, maybe later in life you get a genuine satisfaction even sexually with just one partner for life, and that's it. But maybe not. What do you mean exactly? Soul-level?

@Oeaohoo Do you think that's true? How is it in your experience?

@LordFall I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but when I was, that was my experience from time to time, that I got bored with it and wanted more exploraton, but at the same time I wasn't comfortable with the idea of my partner being with someone else, and as a result I also didn't act on those impulses in any way, but there was some need to have other experiences as well. In the end we broke up for different reasons. I guess one of the latest posts from Leo on sexual satisfacion also plays into this idea well, because that was my experience as well. So I guess you have to exhaust that need first and then accept whatever your partner offers after you consciously commit to him / her and that's it. Plus work on making sex life as best as possible with current partner.

@Leo Gura Regarding your women and satisfaction post: There is a background assumption that the right woman will make us feel complete, it seems that you've deconstructed that fantasy along with the sexual satisfaction thing. But what about the part of sexual intimacy with a woman that's highly emotional, intimate and super hot? That you can't exactly replicate on your own? Do you have some tips on that self-satisfaction thing? Or you just mean watching porn and just plain masturbation. I've got books on bookshelf that teaches some techniques on deepening and lenghtening orgasm, solo full-body orgasm and shit like that. Is that part of what you meant? What purpose do you see in pursuing relationships

@Miguel1 Yeah especially after some months and years when the fantasy fades away more and more and reality hits. If that's the case, what purpose do you see in pursuing relationships? It might be an illustion but watching movies is also an illusion but we still do it right, we deceive ourselves and literal pixels on the screen creates dramatic experience and emotions in us, and we play along. But at the same time we know it's not really that important. Relationships seem more important because they are more tied with many aspects of survival.

Hey, I’ve just recently turned 30, and I’ve never wanted children in my life. Especially as I get older, I’m becoming more certain that it’s not something I need or want. I feel that I still have a lot to do in the areas of spirituality and survival mastery, and having a family—especially children—would be a major distraction from that. I also intuitively feel that I would regret it later in life. The external pressure to start a family and have kids (as a kind of default life path) is also becoming increasingly annoying as I age. What do you think? Do you yourself want or have a family or children? What do you consider a proper reason for having them, aside from pure survival? I do see it as a significant growth opportunity, but at the same time, a major distraction from consciousness work—which, if someone wants to pursue seriously, should probably make them think twice about having kids. I’m especially interested in hearing opinions from women in this community, since culturally the pressure to have children tends to be stronger for women.

@JJfromSwitzerland Yes I'm sure it will. But again, at what cost. As I observe, that question of having kids or not comes down to personality type as well, maybe some people are more suited parenthood then others. @Lyubov What if I have them, and then realize it was a big mistake and I don't want them any more. Will that still be Love?

@LordFall Yea, the thing is, I've never wanted any of that, like some of those things haven't even crossed my mind at least for the last 10 years, I genuinely don't give a shit about having a legacy as children, not sure why but it's what it is. I don't think it's about that, it not about spiritual pursuits only, it's about all the things that I could do instead of putting all that time and resources into family / kids. Those things can vary based of many things but life is full of possibilities. I don't know yet what will be worth more than having children to be honest, but I intuit that's more of a subjective matter, maybe working on my creative projects can have more worth than having children, again that doesn't mean you can't work creatively while being a father, but as I said, I imagine having kids limiting me in lots of ways. None of this means that I won't change my mind in the future, but as of now, I prefer more free lifestyle. Having children has never been in my vision of my dream life for some reason.

@Elliott Why have them at all?

@Leo Gura How do you know that? Have you been that conscious? If yes, then are you saying this? => you can realize that every planet is manifested from Infinity, but you can't actually do it because ego is not in control when you are that conscious, and ego just can't override that desire. If not, how do you know?

@gettoefl Can you elaborate more what you mean by that? Children are just another manifestation of your survival agenda, isn't it? But a very strong one, which requires all your effort, time, resources, energy, etc, that you can focus on different things that you are passionate about. I'm sure it will give you great meaning in life, plus if you do it right you'll grow in the process. But if you are in the business of seeing through illusions of meaning, not sure if having kids is suitable, at least till you finish that project of yours to some degree.

@Lyubov Yes I think so. I don't. Maybe it's also depended on personality type, lifestyle preference, and maybe some people just don't like children in general, who knows. For example, one of my friends who is my age has 2 children and is super happy, he always wanted to have children, since when he himself was a child. I think his upbringing made him want it, or it was brainwashing, but who knows, maybe it was deeper than that. It's not that simple, I don't feel myself being in heaven, it's not in my experience. And if I don't do something about it, it won't ever be. I don't either, it just comes down to priorities. If you want something, then challanges need to be faced and distractions avoided to achieve that thing. My point was that some things that I still want out of life, to achieve those I need to be focused on them sometimes exclusively, and having children and family would be distraction because of that. If family and children is something you want, of course maybe even spirituality becomes distraction for you. So sure, distraction and challenges are relative to what you want out of life at the current moment (can also change in the future).

@Miguel1 What do you think needs to happen for you to reconsider that and have kids after those 3-5+ years? When I think of myself, I can't imagine anything happening that will make me want to have children. As I age, I lose interest in reproduction more and more.

@Basman Did that force you to grow in ways you wouldn't be able to if you had proper emotional upbringing? Or did that make you more distant, avoidant and vulnerable from others people and relationships for example.

@LifeEnjoyer Yeah, years ago, as I remember Leo was talking from more of a metaphysical standpoint there. I was asking from more practical standpoint.

@Lyubov In what way? Just the fact that you made a living breathing thing that can be shaped in multiple ways? And that it's all your responsibility mostly and it takes growth and development on your part to succeed in that, yeah I get it. But still, if you have some unanswered questions and unfinished things in your growth journey that you want to handle, having a kid will make that process harder.

@Elliott Exactly, not a lot of people around me willing to be working on stuff like that, or even aware that those can be worked on. Thanks 🙏🏻