bazera

@Natasha Tori Maru Yeah that's the key, the intention should be there. If there is no intention for that and there is no growth mindset in each partner, it quickly turns into an ego shitshow. This is so rare around me. At the moment I'm devoted to internalize those qualities in me and actually execute on some of those because it's one thing to think of yourself as someone with a growth mindset, and another thing to consistently do difficult shit that actually grows you. That sounds obvious but I learned it a hard way. Me and my last girlfriend had that mindset in theory, but when it came to an actual real-life, when things got difficult, we couldn't handle those difficulties because so many emotional frustations were snowballed without consciously addressing them, and broke up. Basically, I didn’t fully love myself, so I wasn’t able to love her either. And I realized that after relationship was over, not before. So yeah, since then I know for a fact that when I look for those qualities in another person, first I have to make sure that I'm living up to them. And that leaves me with a lot of emotional / consciousness work that I can do for myself while single. Not for the future relationships or anything, but just for deepening my own understanding of myself and healing. Then from that place relating to another can be done in a healthier, more loving way. Yeah, and that only comes with healthy and mature / developed ego, self-esteem, self-worth, self-efficacy, etc. And the trick is, you can't fake it 😆 I tried faking it but, in an intimate relationship you are what you are, you can't hide for too long. Trying hiding it will only make unhealthy attachment tendencies worse. Just biting the bullet and facing all the personal shit and somehow healing / overcoming them is the way to go. I wish all the single people were doing it, dating market would be so much healthier lol. That's what's a bit scary to me, when I see all the people around oblivious to their running scripts, that makes we wander what parts of my script am I being zomebied to. What am I not seeing. Relationship was one way of finding out, but I'm trying to figure out some other ways too. Well, all this consciousness + emotional + etc work is all about that.

@Natasha Tori Maru As I observe in my experience, those are basically all the qualities that you develop after you are okay with yourself, so to speak. That can be a lot of work for some people, but less work for others. As you said, it's mostly based on upbringing and emotional regulation ability, which are developed from childhood into adulthood. What I like about relationships is that before them you are blind to the attachment patterns that you have, maybe even thinking of yourself as securely attached, and then all of a sudden you are in the middle of a relationship acting all over the place, expressing those deeply buried unconscious tendencies. It's a great mirror for self-reflection. This is huge, even outside of a relationship. That's why after my relationship ended, I realized that before I commit to a relationship with somebody else, the only relationship that I needed to figure out and make work was with myself, and matching my own words, promises, and behavior turns out to be critical for my own development, which probably translates into healthier and more securely attached relationships in the future. Do you think one can start a relationship as a secure partner and then morph into anxious or avoidant over time depending on the partner? Or does secure attachment mean that you are stable all the way through? Also, I've heard that non-securely attached people get bored around secure ones because there isn't enough drama for their ego to be entertained. What was your experience in that regard?

@Natasha Tori Maru Can you elaborate some more on this point? What made him securely attached in your experience? In what specific way did he show up as securely attached partner? I'm trying to figure out what secure attachment means and how it shows up in practice.

@Leo Gura Isn't it easier to sit with your back straight when you are crossed legged? It's as if when I sit in a chair without back support, my back slouches more and I get more sleepy.

@Infinite Tsukuyomi What do you mean by this? What issues do you come across most often that make people undateable for you?

@Tboy You could always terminate your retreat and get back to home, couldn't you? If it becomes unbearable. Do you usually get trauma surfacing when you meditate for long hours? Also, what exactly do you do during your "satisfaction" meditation? What's the technique?

Yea or reptilians, anything would do at this point 😂

@Infinite Tsukuyomi Just curious, why do you do this? What are the results you're getting from it, or at least what are the expectations of results you think you should be getting? I've done it couple times but gained not much from it.

Web dev industry is changing so rapidly, we don't actually write code manually any more, we just do it with AI 90% of the time, but the thing is, it's crucial to know the fundamentals and actually understand what AI is doing to differenciate slop from useful code. Also, you take charge whenever it doesn't do things correctly. But that skill of actually knowing stuff came from years of experience for me that I got from doing this full time professionaly. I'm not sure where juniors gonna get that experience if no companies hire juniors anymore (junior jobs are almost nonexistent atm). We're moving into a new abstraction where big picture thinking, architecture design, AI agent orchestration, proficency at fundamentals, and leadership qualities are becoming more and more valuable.

@Ryan M I turned 30 this month and I also struggle with this, especially when I think back and realize how quickly it went from 20 to 30, I'm assuming it won't be any different from 30-40 in that regard. I also made some pure health choices that led me to be a bit overweight and in a bad shape at 30, which I'm trying to correct now but it's challenging with all the bad habits developed over the years, but it has to be done. But in many ways I think 30-40 will be far more exciting and enjoyable then 20s, because I have all the lessons of some fucked up decisions that I made over 20s now that I can use to dramatically improve certain aspects. I just wish when I'm 40 I look back at my current self and be proud that he really considered all the lessons from failures and really put theory into practice. I think the most important thing is to prioritize your health and well-being that will create a foundation for all the other stuff (creativity, career, relationships, spirituality, etc) that you will be doing. Without that foundation, nothing works and everything is extra-struggling. At least for me.

@LoneWonderer Because of some spiritual / moral reasons or you just don't like it? For me it's the easiest source of protein.

@Michal__ I've listened to Daniel Ingram talking about some crazy experiences that he and some of his friends had with Fire Kasina. What is your experience with that practice?

@LoneWonderer Hopefully these docs come out during our lifetime. I don't wanna die without seeing these gray creatures 😂

@LoneWonderer No meat?

Maybe doing something niche and special can be done in most fields. For example, exercise is huge industry right? What type of exercise do you like? I'd imagine there are some many sub-niches in exercise. Maybe it's an issue of not-being creative enough. And to be so creative in some field that you come up with something original, requires a lot of experience in it. You can't just innovate a field that's just a hobby of yours. Also, it doesn't have to be inovating, just a creative solution for some set of problems that people have in your niche.

@Ramasta9 Nice, whatever works for you. Do you exercise though? Weighlift or maybe some cardio? Do you abstain from meat because of this? Like meat physically gets in the way of clarity and consciousness? In what way exactly? Have you developed any?

@Joseph Maynor Nice. I've been doing frontend professionaly for the last 8 years. But everything changes so rapidly due to AI.

This "deconstruction" sounds like a good excuse to not take initiative and responsibility over dealing one's fears regarding dating, sex and attraction.

@Joseph Maynor What kind?

Unfortunately I don't have much time for hobbies but I'd like to learn playing piano. I was also drawing earlier in my life, which was kind of a hobby, but not consistently enough. I read daily, try to exercise weekly and stuff like that, I try to learn some new cooking recepies from time to time. Also dabbling in spiritual practices, but I don't consider these hobbies per se. I also dabbled in long distance running last year, was working up to running half-marathon, almost did it. Will try again this year. Wish I had more time exploring some new hobbies. Or at least better time management skills 😛

@Majed This will fuck you up for sure.

@Oppositionless Was 5meo your first exposure to psychedelics? Have you tried LSD or mushrooms before that? So my question is did 5meo do that motivation thing exclusively or it's just a psychedelic thing in general.

@Oppositionless I'm in the same position, have been doing meditation and kriya very sporadicaly and unfocused and getting nowhere because of that. I was thinking that trying some psychedelics would excite me to focus on them harder. Why do you think trips led to a desire to practice more focused? You saw the potential?

@Oppositionless So you didn't do practices, and started doing them after 5-meo trips? Is that correct? Or you're saying that those trips supercharged your practices?

@LambdaDelta Why did you watch gore in the first place? What's the appeal? Don't you get disgusted / disturbed by it?