bazera

@theleelajoker 😆 I don't read much around this section, maybe I should more, just to add a bit more drama to my day lol. 😂😂 It's all your ladies fault that we're stuck to the same attachment patterns. There you go, now we fit in.

The need for more epistemic repsonsibility is apparent today more then ever with the advent of AI. All of us have a chatbot in our pockets that answers literally any question. I think sooner or later people won't be able to tie a shoelace without first asking ChatGPT. Personally, this technology benefits me a lot, but when it comes to epistemology, I think it has a potential to rotten my mind, make it lazy and essentially irresponsible.

Rough week. But better then last week. What made it rough is two things: Couple relapses on the addiction Messed up sleep schedule, basically I was awake at night and asleep during the day which messed up everything As a result I ate slight surpus on calories, only exercised 1-2 times, didn't have much performance at work, just barely did the tasks. I've been stuck at Phase 1 for this long because of the similar pattern for the last couple months, maybe even years. I need to somehow take charge and responsibility over my life more and more. I can't move into higher creativity, deeper spirituality and understanding if I keep myself stuck on this level. And the feeling eats me from inside when I think of how much time I wasted and how I might waste much more. The mind is always focused on removing addictions and losing weight and all that shit that can be resolved in couple months and I'm dragging them for years, which is simply irresponsible. Couple insights from this week: Dopamine addiction and sleep irregularity are the 2 killers for me. If I fix these, all else will be 10x easier Clean and organized environment is super critical, I have to put extra effort every evening so that I wake up in an organized environment that makes it easy to follow my routines with less friction When I invest in myself day after day, it all build up after weeks and months, and it's much less likely that I relapse or derail in any way. So the main focus is on investing and building up over period of many weeks. Cravings for junk food doesn't come from hunger, it comes from aggitated and anxious mind. Cravings for addictions mostly come late at night, and during unorganized time periods. "an idle mind is the devil's workshop" as they say. The planning trap. When I fail, I go back to a drawing board and plan again, which gives me a sense of accomplishment. This is an illusion. The plan is simple, it doesn't need re-planning on every relapse. I just have to eliminate root causes or understand them deeply without changing outside routines. All worthwhile things in life require investment over many months. Nothing great has been built with inconsistency and lazyness ever. Everything we value and consume was a product of consistent effort over time. I need to put in more effort. Sometimes I'm working on autopilot and trusting my habitual patterns. No, I need to put more thought and effort to actually accomplish some things. For me to fix sleep schedule, I have to say no to naps at least for some period of time. No naps + consistent sleep schedule from 11pm-7am, that's it. If that's met 90% of the times, it won't be issue any more. I have the perfect environment, job situation, finances, infrastructure and everything that I need to accomplish what I feel I need to do in 6-12 months. There is no excuse left that's not dealth with. So it's 100% on me now. I'll be posting here daily for the whole March, it will help me keep myself accountable daily. I'll be exercising 6 times in a row (cardio or weights) and 1 day rest 2000 calories at most with 150-160g protein 20m daily meditation, and 12 pranayamas (I'll be building up to more in the weeks to come) 1.5h reading and studying daily And just staying mindfull all day of the fact that none of the things will get done if I don't keep myself more responsible and I'll be stuck at the same place for years and then I'll just die. That will be a huge waste, so, let's not waste life.

Isn't Jonathan Blow creator of Braid? I loved that game. Playing it was like consuming an art-work when I was a kid. Beautiful theme song as well.

Some things that I've been thinking about this week: If I don't take more responsibility over my actions, patterns of behaviors, ways of showing up, daily routines, and daily habits, nothing I want out of life will be available for me. Most of the stuff I worry today will not matter at my deathbed. If I don't grasp the big picture well, I keep getting lost in minutia. The most important things in life happen on structural level. In every situation, I should be more interested in figuring out the structure and big picture, and then derive conclusions from there. Health and putting effort in a lifestyle that allows free time for contemplative practices for days and for weeks sometimes, is critical to have a possibility of a deep understanding of everything. It's hard to care about nature of stuff when you're sick all the time or when you're in survival pressure cooker 24/7

Haven't thoughts about that distinction, but as I think of it, it's always a melody for me as well, to the point that when I want to find some new things to listen to and I'm not sayisfied with results, I always add "melodic" keyword in search to try to filter non-melodic tunes. But there must be a rhythm to. I don't like when it's all over the place without some pattern when I'm listening. It's always certain balance of rhythm / melody that my ears find fascinating. Sometimes when I try to dance to a tune, it's the rythm that gets me going, but all the emotions are coming from the melodic part.

@Oppositionless Yes same for me. It's been much more fun to code like 10 years ago then it's now. The job turned into reviewing code that claude models generate and sometimes debugging manually because llm can't do it. But it is what it is, we've to somehow adjust and fit the new standard. Gotta keep that paycheck coming. My sister also wanted to learn coding but she lost all motivation and since there are no more junior developer jobs, I can't blame her. But if we don't have juniors, how are we gonna have more seniors after some years go by?

@Human Mint Doesn't it get boring eating the same thing every day? It does for me, that's why I try to have something different on the weekends.

@Tistepiste Yes for sure, same for me, I have a huge productivity boost, I hated doing boilerplace stuff, and now I'm excited to build my own projects in weeks instead of months. And it's huge when it comes to learning and understanding. It's so much easier now.

@Oppositionless So you gave up on the idea of buidling a career around web dev?

@Rishabh R Have you tried dating girls from your social circle? The people who already know you at least know your friends. That's a bit easier in my experience. Of course it's limited since there's only so many people that can know you personally and you might not be attracted to any of those. But still.

You guys can stop debating about this chair stuff, I found something in the middle: https://www.amazon.com/GZQWDC-Meditation-Support-Japanese-Floor/dp/B0DQXY8Z9R/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=UsjzE&content-id=amzn1.sym.16f51768-561f-4b35-a9af-62f28e04f149&pf_rd_p=16f51768-561f-4b35-a9af-62f28e04f149&pf_rd_r=H137RVYDYAXYA6NAHTZ1&pd_rd_wg=wZkDD&pd_rd_r=98b10d0e-1dc1-4664-ac11-e3885a99453d Now all of us can be happy. Lol

@LoneWonderer Looks pretty horrific, I'll watch it

Yup that's the one. Yeah, keeping routines are hard enough, and when you have couple dragons to slay and some obstacles to go through in order to eat clean or exercise, it becomes harder. Of course it's not impossible, but reducing the friction to lower the barrier for entry just makes life easier. As another example, when I was living with my family, it was much harder to eat clean because there was always some junky snacks at home, and I couldn't just throw them away cause others would buy them again, and it was constant friction and struggle to not eat them. Now I live alone and I fully control what I keep in my fridge, so, that's what I mean. Also, as another example, when I lived with my family it was wierd to meditate because they were fundamental christians and it was very unsusual, and I had to come up with excuses like "it's just exercise to improve focus" and stuff like that. Again, just more friction to just do daily meditation. Now I don't have that and it's so much easier without thinking on all that. A huge part of success is building a proper lifestyle slowly and methodically. It took me literally years to build some of the infrustructure that I know I needed. Just imagine trying to build all this stuff in Iraq or in some war-torn country. Not impossible, but much harder. Removing friction in that case would be to somehow escape the environment. oh yeah 😆 sometimes I am amazed how clever some of the excuses I come up with are. I try to not leave room for excuses with pre-planned action (as you do with your planning ahead) to reduce reasons for my mind to come up with new clever excuses.

@Natasha Tori Maru That works great for me as well. It also strenghtens the intention of execution, like if I clean my meditation space or working area couple hours before or before I get to sleep, the next day I'm more likely to execute on my plan because I already invested some time with that cleanup, so, it's a bit easier 😂 What I'd add is, one often overlooked things is building an infrastructure for different projects that we're working on. Couple examples from my life: - When I wanted to get up early in the morning, I'd sometimes put my phone with alarm in different room, and it worked, but sometimes I forgot to do it or sleep with my phone while watching something, and I brought an alarm clock on amazon which I have in a different room from where I sleep, and it just sits there, every day I have to wake up and physically get up and move my body to turn it off. - I was too lazy to clean up dishes in the past, sometimes I would leave them ovenight which created a mess physically and also mentally, and because of that I was ordering food more and more. Then I invested in dishwasher and since then it has been much easier to keep the kitchen orginized and as a result, cook healthier and follow a proper diet. Also, shit like buying a sharp knives and comfortable utensils and stuff like that, to reduce friction in your mind when it comes to healthy eating. - I'm trying to lose weight, and I was being lazy in winter to go out and put in daily steps and cardio, sometimes I kept missing gym. Then I brough a home portable treadmill and couple dumbbells and I just do all the exercise at home, again, reduced friction. There are many other examples, but you get the point. You have to be creative. It's all about removing or at least reducing friction to whatever you try to do. note: I'm not saying that you need to buy all this shit to keep your routines, just figure out whatever frictions you have in your case, and get creative on reducing them. Oh and don't forget that you can fall in the trap of endless optimization of environment, infrustructure, routines, etc. At the end of the day it comes down to just repetition. Leo has an old video on this, I think it's called Building Infrustructure for Success, check it out @Elton

This reminded me of this clip, lol

@Elton Yeah man it's pretty doable. I'm also in the same boat, trying to integrate some of the habits, here's what I've found: Prioritize sleep and resting, as much as you can, at least 7 hours and try to sleep on consistent times every day. That will make doing your routines easier, because it's a routine, right? So it should be easily repeatable, so if you one day wake up at 7am and second day at 2pm, it won't go well. Reduce or entirely remove dopamine-depliting habits (porn, doom-scrolling, etc). That will mess everything up. You probably already did that, but just a reminder. Next one is basic time management, as @Natasha Tori Maru adviced, one way is chained tasks, you can try to do that. Also, in general be more mindful of how many minutes do you waste every day. I did one experiment for a week, when I woke up I turned on stopwatch and I was pausing it when I wasn't wasting my time (work, practices, exercise, self-care routines, intentional rest periods, cooking, etc) and in the end I had a number of hours I purely wasted on scrolling, watching shit on yt, gossiping, etc. it was like 4-5 hours, I was shocked. I just worked on reducing that to 1-2 hours mostly, or sometimes less then that. Just figure out and experiment with some ways on making most of your hours spent on a valuable things for you. This is not a correct mindset. Don't expect others to validate the plans, just do it enough times that you see if it works or not. If not, adjust accordingly and try again and again until something sticks. Good luck.

@Mondsee https://www.youtube.com/@KriyaYogaOnline Do you know this guy? He has like 25+ years of Kriya Yoga experience, and I remember in one video (can't find it now) he mentions that he practices just sitting on his chair because it's more comfortable (as I remember him saying). I'll try to find the exact video. So what's the problem with that?

@Leo Gura Hey, I don't understand one thing, maybe you could clarify. You've mentioned elsewhere and also in the latest podcast that you're constantly aware of God, that when you're walking down the street you have that awareness with you. So my question is, why are you doing Kriya Yoga at this point? Isn't the whole point of Yoga to get to a place where you get consciousness of God? You want to deepen your current experience? Or you still think there are some facets that Yoga will reveal that you might have missed. What's your motivation for doing Pranayamas.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yes I also did that, but in subtle ways. Approval seeking played a big role in anxious attachment style, because I was hyper aware every time there was a threat (or things I percieved as threats) of not being approved in some way in a relatioship. It was super exhausting honestly. For me it came down to self-esteem and confidence issues. And those came from fears of losing validation and love from an intimate partner. What can be solution for that? For me it's handling self-esteem and confidence issues, making fears conscious and facing and being okay with all of them (somehow), but ultimately it seems an existential identity issue, so I'm not sure how deep and fully can it be fixed without addressing the existencial part. But well, we have to walk before we fly so, doing whatever I can. Goal is not perfection, just slow improvement over time. Ralston suggested satisfying yourself whatever love needs you have, without external source, as an ultimate solution. But I don't know how to do that yet. Is that even possible?

@Natasha Tori Maru Yup, that's the goal. Oh yeah, it's the surest way, if only one manages to stay somewhat aware during suffering. Or reflect extensively after the fact. 🔥🫶

@Natasha Tori Maru Yeah that's the key, the intention should be there. If there is no intention for that and there is no growth mindset in each partner, it quickly turns into an ego shitshow. This is so rare around me. At the moment I'm devoted to internalize those qualities in me and actually execute on some of those because it's one thing to think of yourself as someone with a growth mindset, and another thing to consistently do difficult shit that actually grows you. That sounds obvious but I learned it a hard way. Me and my last girlfriend had that mindset in theory, but when it came to an actual real-life, when things got difficult, we couldn't handle those difficulties because so many emotional frustations were snowballed without consciously addressing them, and broke up. Basically, I didn’t fully love myself, so I wasn’t able to love her either. And I realized that after relationship was over, not before. So yeah, since then I know for a fact that when I look for those qualities in another person, first I have to make sure that I'm living up to them. And that leaves me with a lot of emotional / consciousness work that I can do for myself while single. Not for the future relationships or anything, but just for deepening my own understanding of myself and healing. Then from that place relating to another can be done in a healthier, more loving way. Yeah, and that only comes with healthy and mature / developed ego, self-esteem, self-worth, self-efficacy, etc. And the trick is, you can't fake it 😆 I tried faking it but, in an intimate relationship you are what you are, you can't hide for too long. Trying hiding it will only make unhealthy attachment tendencies worse. Just biting the bullet and facing all the personal shit and somehow healing / overcoming them is the way to go. I wish all the single people were doing it, dating market would be so much healthier lol. That's what's a bit scary to me, when I see all the people around oblivious to their running scripts, that makes we wander what parts of my script am I being zomebied to. What am I not seeing. Relationship was one way of finding out, but I'm trying to figure out some other ways too. Well, all this consciousness + emotional + etc work is all about that.

@Natasha Tori Maru As I observe in my experience, those are basically all the qualities that you develop after you are okay with yourself, so to speak. That can be a lot of work for some people, but less work for others. As you said, it's mostly based on upbringing and emotional regulation ability, which are developed from childhood into adulthood. What I like about relationships is that before them you are blind to the attachment patterns that you have, maybe even thinking of yourself as securely attached, and then all of a sudden you are in the middle of a relationship acting all over the place, expressing those deeply buried unconscious tendencies. It's a great mirror for self-reflection. This is huge, even outside of a relationship. That's why after my relationship ended, I realized that before I commit to a relationship with somebody else, the only relationship that I needed to figure out and make work was with myself, and matching my own words, promises, and behavior turns out to be critical for my own development, which probably translates into healthier and more securely attached relationships in the future. Do you think one can start a relationship as a secure partner and then morph into anxious or avoidant over time depending on the partner? Or does secure attachment mean that you are stable all the way through? Also, I've heard that non-securely attached people get bored around secure ones because there isn't enough drama for their ego to be entertained. What was your experience in that regard?

@Natasha Tori Maru Can you elaborate some more on this point? What made him securely attached in your experience? In what specific way did he show up as securely attached partner? I'm trying to figure out what secure attachment means and how it shows up in practice.

@Leo Gura Isn't it easier to sit with your back straight when you are crossed legged? It's as if when I sit in a chair without back support, my back slouches more and I get more sleepy.