bazera

@theleelajoker Yeah, pretty much. Somebody said this on reddit which made me a bit more hopeful: "there will be a day when you realize that she's the second thing you think about when you wake up. then soon she will be the third. and the fourth. then soon enough it will be hours, days, a week even and you realized you haven't given her one bit of thought." Yeah that's exactly what I do. But sometimes I want none of those, just my own judgement and contemplation, which I often ignore and postpone, because I guess it's scary to confront truth about the self. But without this I can make same mistakes in future relationships. That's what is twisted about this situation. Simultaniously it's really painful and benefitial at the same time. It's a huge growth oppotunity, with multiple pillars like having all this emotions and attachment on the surface to work with, planning and hatching a plan of getting better in different ways and actually executing on those bit by bit daily weekly monthly, etc. So yea, I think when I look back after 5 years, I'd be glad that this happend. But that will require some years.

For me sharing my plans and goals with people causes some dopamine hits and feels that I've actually accomplished something, and later I might not take much action towards them. I don't know if that's actually a dopamine but it comes with a satisfying feeling, it's addictive. And then when I plan to do something, I get an urge to tell somebody, which is not healthy I think. Also, it might also be a hidden motive of wanting to validate your plans and goals with others before you commit to it. Just observe why you tend to share your plans and goals, really look into what are you trying to do there, is that net positive or negative. Now I personally don't share much, I prefer to show them results if anything.

Have you guys tried any supplements that help with lucid dreaming? I think the ones that help with meditation should also affect dream clarity at some point, shoudn't it?

@theleelajoker I just did that today, literally 4 days after the breakup. It was clearly a mistake I need to wait a bit more, couple weeks at least to allow emotions to cool down. Another trap is reading old loving messages, that shit hurts. I want to start meditation as explained in Culasada's book The Mind Illuminated. That's also basically breath-watching and constant mind-redirecting. I did it on and off for the last couple years, now I really need to make it consistent to see the actual results of what it does to psyche and my experience of life in general. That will feel nice. Yeah and all of them give advice, not realising that their advice is hugely biased with their life experience and nobody is aware enough to be careful with that. Which is not bad per se but might be confusing at times.

@theleelajoker Thanks man One thing I like to do and that I'd add to that list is just sitting alone in silence (maybe in darkness as well), and reflecting on life in general, the decisions and actions made that led to this place right here. Really trying feeling and reliving old experiences, especially the hard ones. Tears and laughter are also common when I do that. It's not as flashy as breathwork or dancing but it brings some melancholic feelings as well. I haven't gone to therapist yet but I think I will and tell him / her everything that I am keeping to myself now. It's really hard for me to cry in front of somebody, but therapist would be a nice choise since it's kinda her job to allow me express anything, and that will be conforting. A good place to start. How does meditation help with that? In what particular ways?

@BlessedLion Nice. How did you start? What is your story, were you extroverted since your teenage years or introverted and had to develop those skills in a hard way like most of us. How did you overcome all the fears? I guess with just action, trial and error and experience and not giving up. I'm sure all those relationships and lovers would bring lots of drama in your life, didn't that distract you from other activities you were doing?

Got it

@Someone here I was referring to a concept from Leo's video called "Burning Through Karma - How To Exhaust Material Desires" Why do you think that? I'm also at your age and thinking about these stuff, considering different life scenarios. When it comes to having family and kids, in my mind it interferes with the possibility of doing lots of consciousness work, who knows what comes up. Maybe after having kids I regret them, or maybe if I don't exhaust my need of being with different girls, I won't be happy in any kinds of marriage. Just thinking along those lines. But at the same time, time flies.

@theleelajoker Yes, I kinda think that is true, but not sure. Do you know any other ways of experiencing and expressing that pent up emotions in a safe way? One thing that comes to mind is shamanic breathwork, because every time I did it some emotions would come up, maybe some tears as well, some laughter. But I'm not sure if I'm bullshiting in that moment or something fruitful is really happening. I guess psychedelics would be another option, but I don't have access to them at the moment (or near future)

@trenton I'm not sure what love is at the moment. I haven't experience being love as you mention, but I loved this girl, but I'm not sure what I mean by that. She told me she loved me and then chose other person. I guess what we call love there is basically a combination of attachment, satisfying needs, companionship, friendship, value alignment and may other things. I also have a small cute dog who jumps up and down licking my face every time I see her, and gets very sad every time I'm not around. To me I feel loved when that happens, even though it's "just" a dog. But maybe if she had an ego of it's own and we had conflicting biases, it won't be that simple, which is the case for two human beings. Oh man, relationships are messy, at least I figured that out.

@StaraX I realize that the reason my mind comes with thoughts like that is due to inexperience. If I had experience with lots of women, I'd probably not idealize her as I might be doing now to some degree (she had her own obvious flaws, but still). The key for me now it to gain more experience, that's the next best thing I can do in this case. First of all, iron out all the flaws that messed up this relationship from my side (will take couple months at least), contemplate the experience of the last 4 years A LOT, and hatch a new plan of socialization and all the stuff Leo talks about in that 3 part series. It's scary to be honest, but in couple years when I look but, I will be very grateful I'm sure.

There is also this constant regret and "what ifs". What if I did this, what if I did that, etc. Everything would go great. But I didn't, and it didn't. The only thing hopeful is the possibility of improving myself. That's the source of a real motivation. I guess handling this emotions, not becoming desperate and miserable and staying hopeful is part of that process.

@Someone here When I became an uncle, I had an exact opposite feeling, like I didn't want that hustle of having a kid and orienting my whole life and priorities towards that one thing. Not sure why, but I think the main reason is that I have some things to do first, some karma to burn, and I think family / kids lifestyle won't suit me. Don't you have some feelings of that "karma" that you need to burn before commiting like that or you already burned through enough that it was enough. And before when you didn't want kids, how did you envision your life? like what did you image you'd do instead of having kids and family? Btw, how old are you?

What are your motivations of having kids? Have you even considered not having them?

@trenton I saw your other posts in other threads about God Realization and spirituality. Doesn't that help? I mean, you seem to have some spiritual and existencial understanding of reality, how does that change an experience of breakup if it does? I mean, doesn't that help shift a perspective from self-centered to a bit more objective, thus making coping with suffering easier? or maybe that's just my fantasies about spirituality speaking.

@theleelajoker yea, thanks man. Exactly, my dad passed away last year and I wasn't able to cry, I am not sure why because I loved him very much. But now I went to his grave and cried my eyes out, and that felt really good, it felt like I emptied a year or pented up emotions in 30 minutes. Even if she did, I would refuce to get back to her because I can't trust her no more. And for me trust is very important in a monogamous relationship. Yeah of course she has her set of problems, I had mine. I try not to blame either of us because that was the point of maturity that we were on at that time. Maybe if I met her older, I'd be more mature to not do stupid shit that I did. But it was what it was. Thanks for the advice

@TheGod I can't unfortunately, and lots of places that we hung out are still around, so I have to deal with the memories all the time. Yup, I already started / resumed. That's hard to hear, but it is what it is. Thanks

@vinc3nc Yeah but there are some objective traits that you appreciate in another human being (especially as partner) then others, right? But I guess the point made is that those traits can be found in other people as well, and thinking that only this one was a perfect case for it is silly. No, I don't want to be framing any of my actions as "revenge". She replacing me is a type of evolving that she does. Sorry, but these quotes just reinforce the biases of just one side. This is a quote I really liked that helped me emotionally:

@Leo Gura Hey Leo, can you check your PM? I sent you a message regarding a technical help with a forum username. Sorry for off-topic, I just have no other way to reach you. Thanks!

https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Ken-Wilber-Introductory-Reader/dp/1570623791

@Leo Gura In what way?

@Leo Gura Have you felt effects so far? like actually feeling energy rising up and down along the spine. How many pranayamas are you doing?

@Leo Gura Was that before psychedelics or after? I haven't done any psychedelics nor experienced mystical states in any sober way and I plan to work on my dream consciousness, making myself more and more aware inside of dreams. So you're saying that can be used as a legit way of experiencing God?

@Leo Gura Isn't having a no sense of self required to be aware of God? Is it possible to still have a sense of ego self and simultaneously be aware of God? So you being aware that your default state is God doesn't require loss of your sense of being "Leo". Is that correct?

@Leo Gura I guess I better get to work then. Thanks for the answers. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44321378-lsd-and-the-mind-of-the-universe This is a great book I've read just about that, I found it after watching the interview you posted a long time ago of an academic guy who did like 70+ high dose LSD trips over 20 years or something. He documents each of those trips and it's clearly visible how he goes through the layers of first his persona, then the collective stuff and then higher and higher, and the suffering he goes through. It's a great book for everyone interested with these questions.