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@Ramu Thanks so much for the recommendation my friend, will definitely read it

@Psychonaut Same here mate, but I am close to 2 months without fapping now. Keep it up!

@Leo Gura That would be great Leo, and hope that you will do that in a near future, because this is an issue for lots of people.

I have to thanks Leo for this forum whenever I have a possibility, so here is another one Thanks Leo and each and every one of you, it has been just a week and this forum has already become a daily thing to me.

@Avi What do you think about the judgment that I make on my judgments? (towards people). Amn't I supposed to think of them as unhealthy thoughts?

@Sarah_Flagg Yes you are right, everyone is exactly where they need to be, I am exactly where I need to be too, and if I was able to get on the right path, everyone is able to do the same, it's just a matter of time. Everyone may have something that I dont't have yet, and with my ego's "logic", they can be better then me too, but I must see how stupid is the idea of comparing so much generally..@Pinocchio Then what I have to do is continue being aware, and continue working on my awareness more and more. Eventually time will show me what will be neseccary for the next step. @Neuroticon I have seen that couple of times, but again, my ego is so fucking strong, that I opened up this thread to ask for your support, because I couldn't handle it my own. @Thomas Your story is like mine, and thanks for sharing those titles, will definetely check out.

What I would suggest is that you should devote one month to gaining one positive habit. For example: In february you decide to fix your time managing problem, and use all your resources for doing that, also keep your focus only on developing time managing skills. After 30 days, you still continue that, but also begin new thing, for example going to the gym and beginning to lose some weight, after another 30 days, don't stop neither of them (time management and losing weight) and begin a new thing... And in couple of months, you will have gained couple of new habits, and you will also gain an experience in building new habits.

@AnonJohn Thanks mate, I will surely try to read sitting up in a chair, and see if that helps. @Naviy Hmm, interesting. I only sleep for like 5-6 hours. Maybe that's why I'm having that problem... @WarPants Thanks for your suggestions

@phizzuela Thanks, I'll consider all of those. I haven't done a meditation ever, so I think it's appropriate time to start meditating.

So, I have this problem that really takes a lot of my emotional energy, and distracts my attention from what I really have to be doing. I am 20 years old guy, and haven't had a girlfriend ever, I hardly even had female friends. 1 year ago, when I went to collage, my social life had changed. I've met a lot of new people, get a lot of new friends and etc. I gained communication skills, and I've found out that I am quite good in communicating with people and generally in socializing. So, what's the problem you may ask. There is this girl, which I have known for 13 years and haven't been very close most of this time. I was very shy with her and barely ever talked with her (she was my classmate btw). After entering collage, I didn't get to see her everyday as I used to in high school, but after 1 year of collage (and developing nice communication skills) I restored quite a friendly relationship with her, and I have been talking to her for like 1 year everyday, with social networks or in person. I feel really good talking to her, but the thing is, I have some kind of weird feelings with her, she is very nice to me and I am very sensitive with this (again, I haven't had a relationship with a girl EVER before). I don't really know what guys mean when they say that they "love" a girl, but the feeling I feel makes me want to talk to her every day. And the thing is, I don't want this to be this way. I know exactly what she thinks about me, and I don't want to create illusions in my head (but they keep popping up, in spite of my resisting). I don't want to feel anything towards her, because I know her answer already, if she ever finds out what's happening in my head. The worst is, that strange feeling distracts my attention from my studies and personal development. I can hardly do anything during the day when I can't talk to her. How can this be healthy? I can't even find another girl to have a relationship, because of my limiting beliefs, on which I am working on, and I will definitely fix that, but what should I do with this feeling I feel towards this girl? :\ Thanks for reading this, and if you've read this, please suggest me anything you think would be appropriate to do.

@Lorence I see the 3rd option too. Interact with other girls, and hope that unwanted feelings towards her will fade away. I just need time for building enough confidence to actually talk to girls and have intimate relationships. For me, that's not the top priority yet, because I need to fix many of my problems in order to let my confidence be high enough. And regarding to your options now, 1) I am doing that right now, as I am trying to get rid of that feelings towards her, because I know that they are pointless, and only damages me. I know that finally she will get a boyfriend and she will live a beautiful life, and the thing is, I want to help her however I can, to help her reach her full potential and make her dreams come true, but as I look at myself, I kind of want that for lots of people around me. So first thing I can do is pursue my full potential, in order to be able to help others do the same. That's the main goal., 2) That would be the worst thing for me and here is why: If I tell her how I feel towards her, I will definitely be rejected (don't ask me how I know this, I just know the person). And what will this cause? This will cause a depression and losing motivation towards anything that I do daily, including personal development. She cheers me up, we share thoughts every other day, telling each other new things and etc. So get rid of that from my life, what I will left will be no daily interactions of this kind with anyone, and that will not be good for my productivity. The problem of me is neediness. But overcoming this needs lots of time and lots of interactions with different people, which I don't have at the moment, and losing what I have won't do any good to me. That 3rd option is the best one I guess, and I will do everything I can to be able to accomplish that, even though it does need a lot of time.

I am not sure that I've fully expressed what I wanted to say with the title but, anyways.. I have a friend, with whom I had a little conversation the other day. We were talking about the importance of reading books (mostly self-help and positive psychology books), and he was telling me that he was afraid. He said that in the past he has read something, that he didn't know before about himself, and knowing that caused him a trouble in some situations. He described himself as two persons, and said that in some cases, his "evil" self would use the knowledge from the books in a bad way, and he would harm himself. So in short, what he was telling me, was that it is bad for him to read too much, or think too much, because what he finds out about himself, turns out to be damaging in some cases. I was a bit confused, because he wasn't able to give an example of that thing he has read, and he got angry when I asked him to give an example. The other thing is, he says that he knows too much, and that the knowledge is dangerous for him, so he has decided to stop reading about those topics and learning about himself (because again, he things that it's somehow dangerous, and his "evil" self will use the knowledge as some kind of a "weapon"). The other thing is that, we are quite young, both of us are 20 years old, and he has barely read 3-4 books, and he is telling me that he doesn't want other people's theories, and he can find out everything on his own and that he knows too much, I mean, wtf, It's so hard to talk to such kind of people. So, what would you tell him, if you were me?

@murray prince Thanks, I hope that too. @Pinocchio Yup, I won't. I am not going to interfere in his life in any way. He should live his life as he wants, he may learn anything from his experience, or from books or from whatever he wants, but It's not really nice of him to tell me that I am on a wrong path and I am doing some kind of a fairy-tale things that this guy is talking about in his videos (Leo). But why should his opinion be important to me? There is no reason for that, so I will let him be as he wants, because I do have a lot of work to do for myself, I don't really have time to think about others too (yet), when they don't even want to listen to me. And yes, he was talking about ego, and he is afraid of his lower self (educated lower self )

@Pinocchio Yes, I couldn't agree more, but again, I was asking him to communicate something that he said he has READ. How could he read something that can not be captured in symbols? We can only read symbols, can't we? I agree with everything you say, and I am not trying to advice my friend or anything like that. The fact is that he was not just talking about reading, he was talking about thinking too, and generally, what we call "self-help" here, cause he finds that distracting and damaging in some cases, because again, he thinks that it is dangerous when you know something about yourself. Anyways, thanks a lot for the reply.

@Pinocchio This thread was also intended for me to understand if I was doing something wrong, and your post somehow made me understand that, thanks. I am behaving in a very wrong way too, but tell me honestly, what would you say to a person, that hasn't even read 3-4 books on a subject, and is arguing with you that he knows what he is talking about. Maybe he does know right? But when I ask him what does he know, I mean, specifically, to share a bit of his knowledge to me, he says that he doesn't remember I was really intrigued, because he was so convincingly telling me that he knew he had read something in the past that he found it dangerous, and decided to not read anymore after that, but he can't even recall or say what that "thing" was. I mean, what is the proper reaction to this, in your opinion? I opened this thread just to know how other people would think about this, because I didn't like the feeling I was feeling. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am better then he in some way, just I want to know what is the best way to approach him, to talk to him. I didn't even know there was such kind of thing as "self-help" 3-4 months ago, so naturally I lack a self-development a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't have my opinion about what I am discussing with my friends, and when I heard the friend I am talking about, I really got confused, because talking about how books can be beneficial for a person wasn't enough :\

@Mooders Yup, he likes being in his comfort zone but he doesn't know what is waiting for him outside of it. And doesn't want to know, because he has cut himself from the sources from where he can actually feel what is possible. Even when I showed him Leo's videos, he said that he already knew that "theory" and methods that he was telling him, that's exactly the approach that will cause a lot damage to him, without even realizing it. And he was being quite ironic to me, when he was looking at me watching Leo talking about lots of things, so, this ironic approach won't be useful for him in his future and even in his present time I guess.

@Pinocchio Yes I agree, we must all learn to be independent thinkers, but we are so overwhelmed by today's social life that it's kind of not easy. We are surrounded by dogmas and beliefs which we believe but aren't sure why and etc. The problem I think is that he thinks he knows something, and that's the danger. He just lost the change of knowing more, and getting to know with a different perspectives of the matter. He just says that he knows something with reading 1 book and that's all. He doesn't want to explore and discover so much things that needs to be discovered, because he just says that he KNOWS! I think that's a huge problem, isn't it?

@JeffR1 Thanks for the reply and yeah, I won't let him hurt himself in any way I will try at least. @Leo Gura Haha lool That's kind of what I said Leo, I was being sarcastic and that made him very very angry, because deep down he believes that the information what he just googled and found, or read in 3 books is enough to say that he somehow knows the subject well enough, to advice others. And he believes that he discovered lots of things that he founds dangerous, and that's why he prefers to not read anymore. @Shubham That's what I am telling him. @Tom Beast He definitely isn't Yes, that's why there are trusted people like Leo, to tell you which books you should and shouldn't read.

I agree that the idea of being the fault in yourself is true. We all can have a social media, the other thing is, if we are addicted on it or not. I, myself, am hugely addicted on it :\ I have my Facebook account deactivated for like a month now and, sometimes my hands are literally shaking from the need of scrolling Facebook. That is no fault of Mark Zuckerberg, the core reason is in me, and in my addictive nature. That is what I should work on, If that even takes full elimination of social media from my life. But the fact is, there are couple of nice things that you can get from social media like Facebook. I have attended couple of events, about which I wouldn't know without Facebook. I have made couple of great friends with it, and I was communicating my friends via fb. Friends, which I am not able to meet daily, but have something to say everyday. But the negative side was so huge, that I had to sacrifice the positive side, because it's negativeness was killing my energy, and I was wasting a lot of my time in scrolling. So, the best solution for me would be having a Facebook account just for communicating with my friends.

That's exactly what I do

Greetings from Tbilisi, Georgia (a small country in europe, not state of USA ) It's so nice to hear different thoughts about different things that are important to me, from all across the globe Thanks for the forum Leo

This is such a hard thing for me too. It's been 8 days since I deactivated my Facebook account, and I finally feel free literally, I was scrolling it all day long and it was such a time wasting thing.. The thing about socializing though, I keep in touch with friends, whom I talked with on Facebook, without having a Facebook account. You may not be able to meet your every friend every day, or every week or even every months, but there are so many things you can use to keep in touch with them, if that's the problem. You must look at Facebook as a tool for keeping in touch with your friends, that you are not able to meet everyday. Just that.. Gossiping, looking at who liked what, who shared what and worrying that you don't have many likes on profile picture, I think that is far beyond the thinking of a rational mind, and is childish and foolish thing to do. But meeting people with same interests, getting news about upcoming interesting events, and so on.. that makes a Facebook a useful thing, but if it becomes an addiction, and if it creates psychological issues in you (like in me), and if it wastes your precious time, you must eliminate it, regardless of it's positive sides, but if you feel alone after that, remember that there are a lot of ways of communicating with your friends

Hmm, this is a quite touchy thing to talk about for me, but nevermind The thing is, I am trying to break the porn addiction and masturbation habbit for the last 4-5 years, but I failed and failed and failed.. I couldn't even stop myself from masturbation for 2 weeks, and watching porn and masturbation was like a daily thing for me, so, what did it cause? It got me depressed, so I was feeling so bad after every fapping, that I wasn't able to socialize, or do my daily things, I was just thinking about it all the time, how weak I was and so on. I had bad grades, bad relationships with friends or family members, nothing to say about intimate relationships (I haven't had any). I didn't care if masturbation cause any physical ilness, or if watching porn was the best thing in the world, I didn't care because my psychological state was miserable, I was just everyday fight with my higher and lower self, literally I have tried so many fucking things to get that addiction off of me, but the habit was well build in me over the years. So, why did I told you all of that, because I managed (don't ask me how, it's a different topic) and haven't masturbated for 3 months now, and I am not going to fall in the same pit again. I haven't watched porn for 3 months too, and I am not going to, because the state I was for the last couple of years because of watching porn and jerking off, was so bad, that I don't want to even remember it. And the best part is, there is a huge change in me during these 3 months, I've started exercising, relationships are much better, I've started working on new projects and so much more.. So I don't know, maybe you will say that masturbation once a week is not a bad thing to do, or even once a month, but to me, if I do it even once, I think that I will have to go the same road to breaking this habit once more, and I don't really want that. Do you agree with me or not? And tell me please, if you think that I am wrong with anything.

You are just 15 years old, and you realize what video games or even scrolling Facebook with your smartphone every morning does to you, awesome man Pretty awesome.. I wish I realized that when I was your age, even though I am not that old yet (20 years), but those 5 years would be a life changing to me. I would be living with a completely different life now, if I thought about the ideas you are talking about in your post. So keep it up, and don't change your orientation

Thanks for your opinion mate, and yes, I am forcing myself from time to time to accomplish some things that I want to accomplish. That is what I have to do in order to change my working discipline from the shitty level to a good level. If I won't do that, my mind will come with a lot of excuses (It does that every day though ,I can't help it yet, and often times I fall in it's traps..) that will prevent me from doing the work that needs to be done. I have to just force myself to develop to the point where forcing won't be necessary. And when I don't do something from the daily list, I feel kind of guilty, and I add the item that I haven't accomplished into the next day's list, that way I see clearly, after like 1 week or so, If my list is 1 kilometre in length (:D), that means that I have to work on something in order to do my daily goals more efficiently. And yeah, if 2 months gave me this kind of improvement (not that huge, but it's something, I hadn't even thought that journaling would be helpful, I didn't even know that journaling was the thing and people were doing it on a daily basis, 2 months ago) another 2 months will be greater, and in couple of months or in couple of years, when I look back, I hope to feel a bit proud of myself, and will be proud of having my everyday life written in a notebook, and seeing my mistakes very vividly.