bazera

Yes, I see that all around me. What about materialistic desires? Or sexual desires? There are people in my country (I haven't been elsewhere) who see the God as an "alien" sitting in the heaven somewhere behind the universe or something. They try as hard as they can to obey the rules (and there are so so so many of them) while there can be something totally different that's the core of religions. They don't sit down and question who they are and why do they believe in whatever they believe in and so on... I can't speak from their perspective, but as I see in myself, it backfires me when I repress my feeling and desires. And those priests are like me I guess. Doesn't repressing their feelings and needs cause problems in their lives? I have these questions because everyone around me is trying to obey these religious rules, while nothing changes in reality. I am trying not to fell in that trap, and answers to some of those questions would probably help me.

Leo, do you enjoy watching sports? Generally, what are your thoughts on sports?

@Leo Gura What do you think are the essential habits to install? Other than meditation.

Hey, I've just became aware of the fact that sometimes I feel better than other people. I have noticed that sometimes when I look at people, internal dialogue takes place, according to which: I know more things than him/her, I meditate every day and he/she doesn't even know what meditation is and is good for. I read books about psychology and am trying to practice mindfulness, when he/she doesn't even know that such kind of thing is possible. and so on and on... I am aware how toxic that kind of thinking is. Also, I have just begun this "journey", I didn't even know what meditation was 4 months ago, but that doesn't change anything for my ego. I really want to get rid of this kind of thinking, can you share some insights or techniques or something alike? Or should I trust the idea that awareness alone is curative, and just try to be aware whenever those thoughts arise? (will be quite difficult though)

@Falk Yeah man, I understand, thanks

Thanks a lot guys for your responses! @Christian Thank you for reminding me of that video, I've watched it couple of weeks ago and I've forgotten about it. That technique will really come in handy at times when I'm aware of my unwanted thoughts and feelings, thanks @Piotr Yup, you've noticed correctly, I am blaming my self. When I am aware of the thought or the feeling that "I am better than him/her", than I think something like: "What the fuck man, how can you be ... you shouldn't feel this way ... you may destroy your relationships that way ..", and so on. Actually I've practiced meditation for the last 2 months, 4 months is the period that I've known that meditation can be useful for regular people other than monks and yes, before I've started it, I was completely unaware of my feelings and thoughts. I still am actually, but I do notice some of them on rare occasions, like this one. I've never noticed that I felt like better than someone else until I started meditation. I always did felt that way of course, but I was always identifying with it, and was feeling frustrated because I couldn't stand when I felt that somebody else was better than me. And it's like a defense mechanism as you say, it was something like: "Oh he is better than me? oh okay, than I am better than him, him, him and her, oh and him". Just like a child would behave No, feeling better than somebody else is not a painful experience, it's satisfying in a bad way I guess. It's a huge trap. The painful experience is when I feel that he/she does something better than me. I know intellectually how silly and childish is this, and that I have to compare myself only to myself, and that there are so many people out there and it is obvious that there are houndreds of people that are better then me and so on and on. But as you know, knowing is on thing and actually experiencing and "being" is another. So, in spite of knowing that, I still literally have a pain somewhere in my body when I feel that somebody is better in a field that I think I am quite good at. This is reality, and I can't deny it. The only think I can do is try to find a solution I guess Yup, I will continue my meditation, and see where will it lead me. Thanks. @Salaam Yes you are right, ultimately I want to change my automatic emotional patterns. You can't know awareness right? The only way of "knowing" is being aware. When I feel the feeling, or catch the unwanted thought, that catching and observing process is awareness to me. Thanks for your insights @Saarah Hm, I really haven't thought about that. You are right.. So awareness really is a cure for almost everything I guess I will try to be more aware when this kind of thing happens again, and continue meditation in order to help myself to be more aware. Thanks a lot.

Hey, The thing is, I am 20 years old introverted guy. I don't like to talk much, and I like being alone and doing my stuff. I spend most of my day in my room working, learning or reading. I didn't realize that this would create relationship problems with my family members. Honestly, I don't have much in common with my family members (mother, father, and sister). I don't even like to talk about my life and that kind of stuff. So, they basically don't know much about me. On top of that, they are hardcore christians, and I know I am judging them but, it seems to me that they are quite close minded too, they have emotional reactions when somebody talks about christianity the way they don't like. Meanwhile, I was like that too, a couple of years ago, but now I try to add meditation habit to my life (I have been doing it for 2 months now, every single day), also I try to practice mindfulness in everyday life and so on. But I do that "secretely". If one of them find out about my meditation habit, I will have a lot of explanation to do, because they see it as some kind of a communication form with devils or something silly like that. 2 months of meditating had a little effect on me. It is a bit easier for me to be mindful of my emotions when I communicate with others. Today our PC had a problem, but I was too busy to take a look and fix it, so I said that I would fix it later. But I got an unexpected reaction from my mother. She told me that the way I was talking to her, was upsetting her very much, because I tried to be as calm as possible, and she thought that I didn't care about the problem. After that she told me that I had changed and that something was wrong with me. Also, that I hated the family members, and didn't want to have a relationship with them. She became even more nervous when I had no emotional reaction on that (because I knew that she was being her lowest self). She was yelling at me that I didn't care about her or my father, and that I only want parents for money, and food and that kind of shit. Then I told her that I wanted to deal with this as a mature human being, and there was no point in yelling or getting nervous. I called her actions childish, because she didn't know what she was saying at that moment. So she called me rude, and now she thinks that I am some kind of cynical, rude asshole, who only needs parents for material purposes, who doesn't give a shit about his family and so on... Can you tell me how would you try to fix this kind of problem?

@Linas Yes I know what you are talking about. Family is one of my top values, and I do really care for these people. I am not trying to separate myself from them. But the fact is that they are in different subjects, and that "religion" is one of them. When their top value is religion and mine isn't, and when sometimes they talk about religion all the time, I can't join them because I am not interested in that. I know all of those terms are labels, "introverted" and so on. But I don't understand your point. I am not trying to feel "superior" among others. I have thought about that already, and I think I am not lying myself... I do what I do in order to develop myself in different ways, I don't think that the reason of that should be to feel "superior" among others. But maybe it is, I hope I'll find that out soon. She wasn't yelling me for that. She was yelling me because she was thinking that I don't care for them, which is just not true. Also she was telling me that it was upsetting her that I didn't have emotional reaction to her yelling. I could yell back, but I knew that after 1-2 hours, she would be different and easier to talk to. And by the way, nobody is right at yelling, that's not the mature way of dealing with problems. Yes, I find sharing things very pleasing with people close to me, But I find it difficult to share everything with my family members. Yes, that must not be the reason of moving away, and yes, that must not be the reason of being quite at home, but at the same time, that doesn't mean that I don't care for them, or I just need them for money or shit like that. Thanks for the response btw.

@Natasha Thanks so much, I really needed Eckhart's advice right now. The best thing to do, as he says, is to use unconscious people to develop consciousness in yourself. I am not financially independent right now, so moving out won't be an option for me, but new perspective from Eckhart will definitely help me. @charlie2dogs Yup, fixing myself is the best that I can @Blaze35 Moving out is the last option for me. The situation may not be that tragic to be thinking of moving out. That's in my future plans by the way, but not now. Thanks for the response.

Hey, See Leo's last video about meditation for beginners, as he says, meditation is the single most important self-improvement habit. Here is the video itself I am 20 years old too btw, I feel nice when I see people of my age on this forum

Hey, I have been trying to get rid of my negative habit (doesn't matter which one) for the last 4 months now, first two months went pretty well, but at the end of the second month something happened and I failed :\ Then, one week later, I failed again, my mind created many reasons, one of them was that I wasn't strong enough because I failed once, and failing the second time wasn't a big deal, then, a week later third time and so on. Then I resisted a bit longer, but I've failed again, and again, my mind created many many reasons, some of them were so silly, but not so silly to my lower self I guess :\ I realize that the biggest enemy of myself is ME and my lower self. What would you advice me? How do you stay on track?

"Actually, every thought, every senses, every feelings are you. I am NOT saying that YOU ARE FEELING THEM. I am saying THEY ARE YOU" I am a little confused here. I thought I should not identify myself with my thoughts and mind, because I am not mind and thoughts, I am the observer behind the thoughts. Can you make this a bit clear for me?

Hey, I have been thinking about this lately, and it seems that I don't know what talent is, is it just a man-made illusion, something that lazy people came up with for being in a victim position or what. Does talent actually exist? What does a person mean when he or she says something like - "I am naturally talented in math", "I am talented in drawing". Do you think that everything can be learned? For example drawing, do you think that developing excellent drawing skills only depend on practicing more and more? Is it only enough to love what you do and dedicate your time and, if necessary, money to it in order to be great in it?

@Neill Bolton Yes, I party agree with you. But there still is something mystical about this whole talent thing. For example, it was somehow easy for me to draw since childhood, then other children around me. There were couple of them, who loved drawing more than I did, but it was clear that I was better than them. What should I call that? Did I have a "talent" and they didn't?

Facebook can be used in a smart way too

Same problem here, would be glad if somebody suggested us something

Hey, I have never meditated before, and I think it's nice time for me to begin with it, because most of you say that it's possible to stop the monkey chatter that's happening in mind, so, why not. I have watched Leo's videos on meditation, and he talked about couple of ways to meditate, so I am a bit confused about which one to choose, because I have to stick with it for couple of months, before I try another one, and I want to begin with something that will be the most beneficial for me right now (oh, that perfectionism again ) So, would love to hear your advice.

Hmm, one of the main "rules" of my life is to always be outside of my comfort zone, and to always do what's emotionally hard to do. That kind of approach leads to success in most of the areas of our lives as I observed.

Hmm, I should say that all of them Well, maybe except 3-4 videos. It's really nice to listen to Leo talking about interesting things (that I don't hear anywhere else) weekly.

@KeepPounding Which vocabulary app do you use?

So, I have been thinking about this lately and want to hear your opinions, I am 20 years old guy, and I do more things then the average people in my country of my age (at least people who I know). For example, I try to read every single day and so on, nothing special. But the thing is, when I don't do something I think I should be doing, and complain about that with somebody, for example with my friend, I get a response something like this: "Many people do not do even that, so don't worry about this". The last time of that was when I hadn't read not even a single page for like a week, and complained about that with my friend (I don't know why I talk about these kind of things with my friends to begin with, but that's another topic) and she told me that people aren't reading as much as you do, so don't feel worried about it. The question is, I should not be interested in what other people are doing, because I have my own life and I don't have any right to judge other's lives. But I feel internally that those kind of phrases makes me calm an makes me think something like: "Yeah, they aren't even doing the half of what I do, so I just shouldn't worry that I skipped a week of my plan). So, what would you suggest? I know that it's not the healthy way if thinking, but how can I change it?

@Ayla Yes, probably. I see myself rather differently from time to time, my self-image depends on many things, and changes daily (not the core of it, but some parts of it). The problem here was that I don't like how I feel when somebody tells me that there are people who don't do as much as I do, and I shouldn't worry that I don't do my thing perfectly (Yes, I shouldn't worry, and I mustn't be a perfectionist, but not because others are lazy). I shouldn't care what other people do with their daily lives, and must be fully concentrated on my goals. But the lower self awakes when I am told that I am better then somebody, and I say something like: "No no, I am not better then any of those guys", but the problem is, I don't feel that way, I feel that I am somehow better because I read, because I do this, I do that... And that is what I am trying to fix because I know that it really isn't healthy

Yes it is, but you say that a daily reading habit isn't a good thing to have?

Hey, I have been thinking about this for a while now, and it seems like to me that I can't quite find the right answer. So, what are the emotions and what are the feelings? Emotions are feelings itself right? Feelings that we feel inside of our body, in different parts of our body to be exact. But we all know that what we feel is called feelings, obviously. But we do also feel emotions right? What is the difference between those two? I am a bit confused here, so I would be glad if somebody suggests some answers to the question.

Hey, There are lots of them, as I googled it, but I want to know which books do the members of this forum consider to be a good way to understand mindfulness better What do you think about this one: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14096.Wherever_You_Go_There_You_Are ? Thanks in advance.