bazera

@Epiphany_Inspired Yes I agree, giving up socialization when you feel the need of it is silly. My problem is that I get depressed when I have the possibility of being more social and don't use it. I think when I get older and look back at myself as I currently am, one of the things that I will laugh at is my desire to be more social and all those hours that I spend thinking about the issue of myself not being enough, not being as good as I can be in social interactions, etc. But I guess this is just a phase, I have to look at this as a phase of my life, which will not be as important as it is today as time goes on. I hope so...

@Nahm And did it have a huge impact on your life?

@Shin How would your life be different now, if you started 20-minute meditation practices each day from the age of 21?

Thanks for the ideas guys. I guess when I become more aware of how I am doing those kinds of things, and also when I have more holistic understanding of the problem, by researching about those issues etc, It will cause less and less suffering over time. So, I guess I have to trust this process

Hey guys, Just wanted to hear your opinions about this topic. In my childhood and also today, I've had this problem of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. There is this weird feeling that somehow it's important what other people think of me. Intellectually I know that this is bullshit and I should not give a single fuck about what others think of me. But as you know, emotionally, it's a whole another deal. Sometimes I become aware of myself being very interested in how others perceive me. I just need to post a photo of myself on social media and all those emotions and feelings come up, waiting for other people to react on how I look, etc (you know how that goes). I know how stupid is this and when I am aware of myself doing this kind of thing, I just start laughing But all those other times, when I'm not aware how I'm doing it, it causes lots of suffering. How can I live my life without being interested in what other people think of me? How can I be more comfortable in my own skin?

@Sevi I think the main reason of my problem is some assumptions that I assumed about myself in my childhood and teenage years. Some of them are: you are physically unattractive, you won't ever have an intimate partner, you are not worthy of being loved by an opposite sex, you act weird in front of girls, you don't have a confidence to talk to a girl that you like, your opinions doesn't have any value so shut the fuck up, etc. So, basically my self-image and self-esteem are not in a very good shape. But right now, I realize when and where I did those assumptions. I also realize that all of them are bullshit and a complete fiction created by my thoughts during childhood. But now the problem is that only knowing this stuff doesn't help me. If I am honest with myself, my mind actually thinks those things that I listed above automatically without me being aware of it thinking. That creates emotions and suffering (anxiety, etc). So I just wanted to hear opinions of you guys on how to deal with this automatic, or subconscious processes that work in our minds and of which we are not even aware when it's necessary to be.

@kuwaynej No, I am just looking for the ideas how not to be as attached to other people's opinions and how to feel comfortable in my own body without needing other people to say something nice about it. Even though I intellectually and logically understand how silly is this kind of thinking, but emotionally I can't control it. I am not even aware of it happening most of the times. But it does happen in most cases, because I feel anxious, depressed, etc.

@pluto To really appreciate that, I think I have to have at least one awakening experience. Without that, I just don't understand what you are saying on an emotional level. Even if I contemplate for some time about my existence in this reality, and some insights come up, I forget that stuff when It's most necessary to be remembered. When I am in the middle of thinking how others perceive me. Thanks for your ideas though @Nahm I tried affirmations for 2 months couple of months ago, but by that time I didn't have that many social interactions, so I thought the issue was fixed. But now, I changed my lifestyle a bit and the more interactions I have with other people, the more I become aware how I suffer for no actual reason Just because I assume lots of things about reality. And the worst part of this is that I can't control it. The best thing that can happen is to become aware in the middle of doing it. But that doesn't happen in most cases. Most of the times I stay unconscious. @kuwaynej Thanks, I'll look into Self-Hypnosis. As for the mindfulness, I meditate everyday for couple of months now, but most of the times I am not aware how I cause my suffering. I remember later, when the anxiety and tension goes and I am alone with myself.

I drew a friend of mine last year, with her favourite painting in the background

Hey guys, So I was reading the Bible and this part confused me a bit. Matthew 10:34-36 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household." What do you think he meant by saying this? If we think of him as an enlightened master...

I think this is the one.

I experience that too, and because of that I've watched Leo's Meditation for Beginners video like 10 times In the video, he said that you can't control that. The only thing to control here is the habit, and doing that 20 or how many minutes you're doing. The other thing he said, is that we should count every session as a proper meditation. So, if I am sitting in my chair for 20 minutes with the intention of being more aware, and thinking about sex all the time, should I count that as a proper session? And the answer is yes (if we believe Leo ) So yeah, I've also started my meditation from July, and 95% of the sessions was just a monkey mind. But you should also think about optimizing your sessions. For example, try to meditate at times when you are most alert and awake. Also, don't eat too much before the session. If you feel sleepy, take a nap and meditate afterward, etc.

I've never had a romantic relationship but when I do, how can I differentiate those two? How can I know that I love the person and not my projection of her?

You are getting better and better man Keep it up! Thanks for those ideas.

I don't really know. That's what I'm asking. Projections may change every time. Isn't there something unchangeable in true love?

Block Facebook.com on your PC as well as on your smartphone with antivirus software or with browser extension or with something like that and use Messenger.com for chatting with your friends

I wonder when does @Leo Gura publish this interview and if he has made other ones with different people.

Where in the video did Leo say that he isn't making projections himself?

Exactly! Same here

Does this guy claim to be enlightened?

Leo's videos must be watched from the beginning to the end, or else you'll have all sorts of misinterpretations. If you decide to watch like 15 minutes of 1 hour long video (like Raily did in that video), you should not watch it at all if you ask me.

Hey, To all the programmers of actualized.org forum I am about to start my 3rd year at university, studying computer science. But I am confused right now. I kind of know that I will understand everything as time goes but I would like to hear some advice from experienced developers if there are any on this forum. I understand that programming and coding are two different things: Programmers come up with algorithms, that can be written in pseudocode, not necessary in any particular programming language. And coders are people who translate algorithms into all sorts of programming languages and working applications. That's my understanding. Now, I also think that being a programmer requires a lot more than being a coder, like coming up with abstract functions and so on. When I entered university, I didn't know much about programming, and I didn't know that there was any difference between a coder and a programmer. Now, what confuses me is the following: I am struggling with coming up with algorithms and solving programming problems. I want to develop my skills in algorithms and problem solving, because, as a future programmer, I think that I will be doing that my whole life, but right now, I am not good at it. Do you know any ways to develop my problem-solving skills? Is it enough to find websites like HackerRank and try to solve something every day for the next couple of months or something like that? Do you know any particular way that I can be better at coming up with complex algorithms? And generally, what are your thoughts about becoming a better programmer?

Hey, As I understand, We don't know how Jesus got enlightened. But I am interested, does Christianity have many enlightened fathers, who reached the state of "Jesus"? If it does, then how did they reach enlightenment? Can a man use the bible to reach the highest state of awareness? So, those Saints that we know of today, were most of them enlightened? I am interested if any of them mean the state of no self when they talk about the God.

Thanks a lot for those resources