Strangeloop

@KaRzual Responsibility for my thoughts and actions, commitment to people and work.

Why where's structure in any way if we live in this imaginery world where we imagine that we're seperate people but in Reality there are only one "I". For example Some Leader who has a following, why he's so special to lead people? Or am I just thinking from a pyramid paradigm (which means that someone on the top controls the people on the bottom of the pyramid.) But the pyramid collapses if we're all one, because the only one left is God or the Highest "I".

What I think is most important is as much accountability as possible, especially with reach your goals. That's why there are so many communities that have a common goal, they are accountabile for each other. Now here's a problem, two goals can conflict with one another, meaning one's goal is in the way of other's goal, that's how rivalrly is created. Both can want to win, but the other has to lose(in a certain context.) For example: Two people have a goal of creating a life together. Now these two people will have to be accountabile for one another, this means they will have to work towards the goal to live together, how they do it? they could do things together, they could talk about common interests, they could live together, but most importantly they have to be accountable for each other. If one person says they going to do x then the other person should help the one person to do the x. Where does accountability play in here? with this example. What's missing in the self-help community is actual moderation of the wanted achievable goal.

Like how? why? what? I don't even know what to ask no more. I just say these creepy things to girls. And after I'm called out I make justifications on the topic. Is it bad? Can I get a girlfriend by being creepy? I don't think so. when how can I stop being creepy and how should I talk to show my sexual interest in women without being creepy?

They way she questions... the way she talks... You know why it irritates me? Because I acted the same exact way before... I don't know how to deal with it. Just one word out of her mouth and *puf* I'm angry Thoughts?

@Emerald I wrote to her something like "I got to check you out first by touaching and sniffing" then she wrote creepy, and she never wrote back. And yes I do have a belief that women are objects of sex. Which does projects my behaviour onto them.

So I met this girl, she was my client from a cab fare. We met and I instantly noticed that she's into me. So I talked to her, joked around. After I drove her, her apparently another friend (I'm not sure how she relates to her) her niece we echanged numbers. After that she called me, asked me to buy her niece a hotdog. So I did. She paid it as a fare. Once I took the hotdog to her, we hugged around, touched each other, Talked. Then we chatted a bit on text, it was nice. Then she called for a hotdog again because I made a mistake and ordered the wrong one. So we talked again, hugged and at the end I kissed her on a cheek. She hugged me after the kiss. So I consider that a win. I stepped out of my comfort zone, but somehow it felt natural and easy in the moment. So the next move would be meeting her tomorrow which I'm planning to do. Just need to call her and meet up. What do you think about this?

1. To buy my first personal car. 2. Do pick up/dating on a frequent basis(go out with a girl atleast 3 times a month.) 3. To get 100 subscribers on Youtube. 4. To reach 500 group members on fb group. 5. Reach 1 year mark as being a taxi driver

Yeah yeah, the last time I went for a real kiss straight away the girl said we're moving too fast with intimacy, So I tried something different today and it didn't work, so I will do better next time, because I got to man, I just got to. There's no other way I'm going out of this world without having someone in my life. I just have to find someone, and the more I need someone the more I reject them, or I just make a stupid mistake and regret it for the rest of my life because I'm a worthless piece of shit. And this is not true. I know I'm capable of doing something good with my life. I know that I can get a girlfriend or even a wife that will love me and accept me as I am. But if you guys gonna talk like this, it's your funeral.

@Byun Sean Well I'm working long hours in a taxi, so whenever I get my day off I feel tired. And my schedule is not very balanced. I eat not on the same time of the day. I feel kinda calm with a hint of anxiousness. Sometimes I feel very angry, irritated. My thoughts are mostly negative but I find some positives ones here and there. And the last question is closest to the Truth. Yes I'm trying to escape Reality by sleeping. What am I escaping is probably mostly connected to how I feel and think.

I'm not me. So I do not exist. So there is no be to be me. Being myself is just trying to be something that I'm not. For example if I completely bullshited myself into being this one person, let's say.... A millionare. Now I believe I'm a millionare. but there is doubt that says I'm not a millionare. That's because I don't have a million euros in my bank account. Unless I redifine being a millionare some other way. If I change the meaning of being a millionare I can become it. for example. Let's say being a millionare is defined not by having a million euros in my bank account, but by having a wife and 3 kids. And then again I don't have those. But then again I'm God and God is everything so if I'm it then I'm also a person who has a wife and 3 kids. Does it make sense?

@nitramadas But see when it comes to self-deception and delusion. Is that part of infinity too? Am I decieving myself by thinking that I'm other people, that I'm God? It sounds true in some context but in other is different.

Well I had glimpses of being God. Atleast that's how I describe seeing other people talk with me like they know me from before. I don't know man. it just isn't true. Even if I'm parroting... then how the hell do I know anything? I've been parroting others my whole life.

Me trying to find myself almost every time leads to finding other people. If it's not true, how can I hear reflections of my mind in other people? Even if I denied all of myself, the body the mind, it wouldn't be healthy. Just because I'm trying not to be myself doesn't mean that I can not be myself. I could run this circle round and round but it would only get me back where I started.

@JosephKnecht That's me alright ?

@Roy I agree. It's not about approaching every single girl on the planet, it's about approaching those girls that need you at the right time and place.

Well most people are already doing that@Gesundheit They alreasy know it, consciously or subconsciously. This guy Connor is just sharing his thoughts. Even if it's sounds quacky and arrogant but if you listen to him it doesn't.

I think you feel resentment towards women because they somehow offended/hurt you. It would take courage to actually forgive them and talk to them as a human being because we men are no different from women. We are all human. Even if their ego shows up and they start to say some things that irritate you that doesn't mean you don't do the same. Forgive, let go and go all in the new relationships.

I want to get into business more deeply, I want to know how to make good content and how to market that so people would see it and actually enjoy it rather than clicking away as soon as I start to talk. Do you know any courses for business and maybe some forums or facebook groups that explain the in's and out's of business?

So I was reading this article just now, and in the midst of it I read a question. "If you were to choose one target audience to serve which would that be?" And the thought of gay people came up. After that I felt deep suffering in my body and the thoughts became angry. For example: Fucking gay people? Seriously? Those fucktards? something like that. And it was really painful and I calmed myself down with a thought of being straight rather than gay. But I still feel irritated from that and I don't know what any of this means to me. Like why gay people? from all the people in the world? And why the thought of serving gay people evoked so much suffering?

I hate gay people because I conditioned myself to hate them, Buuuuut I'm starting to see the problem with that.

I give a shit. Shadow work no idea what that is like. Self compassion, I think I managed to do it once, it felt nice. Forgivessness is a huge one.

@louhad This isn't helping, I just get hypnotized by the video and never really think for myself.

@Raphael Thanks, this is what I've been looking for

He's doing youtube for 5 years and he's got that many subscribers? God damm this puts some perspective. I need to think more about this whole being a youtuber thing