Strangeloop

Then I get asked the question "why?" I just answer "that's why" Without giving the actual answer to the person. I can't come up with an answer because I can't come up for a reason to come up for an answer. I myself am a taxi driver and as a taxi driver I ask the question why to my clients. Most of them don't answer. Maybe I kill their egos by asking that or something I don't know, but those who answered they just answered "I don't know".

Why we want a reason then? What's the reason of asking the questipn"why?" The reason is to get the reason. Then what is the reason used for? To rationalize? If that's the case then we could say the reason we ask for a reason is to have a reason for a reason.

Here's my experience with moving out of ky Parents. First thing I did is I went working abroad to earn money. Then I invested the money I saved to buy a Pc(which It thought was valuable at the time and it did serve me pretty good, I have till this day). Then I lived with a couple that invited me. Lived with them for 6 months while I was studying. Then decided to drop out because I thought studying wasn't worth it. And then moved abroad again to England this time, and now not to earn money but to live there. So lived there for a year and a half. Did drugs, at one moment had a very strict schedule that gave me a sense of accomplishment, did some stupid things as well. But in the most part as I was renting I didn't manage to save up anything. So I almost were on the brink of debt. So not too good to rent my friend if you're not smart with your money. What happened is that I fucked it up not getting in details but had to head back to my home country because my mom came to england and picked me up back home. So now I'm back at my parents house. I don't know man, maybe this story taught you something.

In the last year I had this thought come up "I'm gay and I accept it" out of the blue. And ever since I had these times when it's hard to think and I have all kinda of feelings overrun my psyche. In these time I think about being gay, I cry sometimes. Or I just have a giant feeling of Fear. What do I mean by saying I'm making myself gay? Well first of all I talk to myself like I would be talking to another person face to face. I say you have to be gay, be gay and such it's better to be gay. I say that you're going to suck a dick, you gonna be fucked in the ass all these kind of things. And then I just laugh like a mad man. It's crazy, I already had been putting my finger in my asshole so it's just a proof that I'm gay. I also have this program installed in my mind which is saying three things 1. I'm straight 2. I'm very straight 3. I'm not gay so it's very contractiding and hypocritical. I keep saying affirmations with these 3 things. No matter how hard I try my shadow still catches me and I can't help it. He's pushing me to be gay and I don't want it. Please help. I'm lost in my sexuality. All I can do is wait for the inevitable until I put a dick in my mouth... I fucking hate this... it's driving me nuts, I'm such a hypocrite and I can't help myself. Everytime I try to think my thoughts go to another place where it makes no sense. I could ask God for help as I'm a "hardcore christian" which propably is just another thing to deprogram. Everything is according to plan I guess. I even watched gay porn and had a boner while doing it, masturbated but didn't finish to it. Here's another proof I'm gay. I look at other men and see their feminine side, even visual looks like lips face and body kinda attracts me towards them. I really need to change perspective about being gay. All of these thoughts about being God and everything. If I'm God that means I'm everyone around me - including gay people, transexual people etc. It makes me gay and transexual these thoughts. It is either an ideology or I just really want some dick. I can't find the distinction between joke and serious talk. Please help me...

Well sort of, depends on how you define success. For those who don't know I didn't manage to put my penis into vagina for a while, but today I rocked it and was able to penetrate deeply and it was way better than any of my solo masturbation. So for those who still masturbate and think that that's enough, I highly recomend trying vaginal sex, way better than watching porn and using your hand to cum

@Bando Lol ??? @Chew211 My sexuality is very complex and nuanced so it's not defined by one category

@JonasVE12 Well I will have some inner battles to battle... we Will see how my life turns out. @Preety_India Thanks haha ?

Well, from my experience telling someone about your goals can be a great way to make yourself accountable. Once you tell the goal to the other person, if it's realistic enough, you can go ahead and achieve it, but with those goals that are kind of vague and doesn't have a real ground in the material world I would withhold it from telling to other people. Once you tell the people you're kind of obligated to achieve those goals, which can be a good thing. But if you just talk about the goals and don't go and achieve or atleast try to achieve you can be seen as someone who just talks for the sake of talking rather than someone who is congruent with the words you say.

@Hello from Russia Will see tomorrow

This is a continued story about my sex experiences. This the same girl slept at my house. We played around she got horny I got horny. We make out, we go to bed, we take our clothes off and we start to play with each other. Last time my dick didn't work per say. It worked but not as good as I expected. This time was better. I got pretty hard. So as we play around I finger her but in one moment after a while she stopped me because it started to hurt. It's probably because she wasn't wet enough because comparing on how she was wet after I did Oral to her she was way more wet after oral. But still this time I managed to put it in the vagina, but again not for long. It was a struggle to put it in, with her help we managed to do it and it slipped away very quickly. So technically I lost my virginity. Yay! ??? LOL I expected something more but this is it Buuut again. I didn't cum. But still enjoyed myself. So it's okay... I don't know what else to say so that's it for now.

Here's an idea. A market for thoughts. People "buy" thoughts and people "sell" thoughts. If one thought is valuable people will use it often because They bought it and they think that it is valuable. Isn't it just how self help works? All those quotes, ideas... We buy into them and we sell them to other people expecting them to adopt those ideas so we would spread the thoughts. How many thoughts are worth? What if we put a money count on a thought? For example the thought "Present moment" would sell pretty good with spiritual people. But the thought "money" wouldn't. ofcourse these are assumptions but you get the idea. If the thought "Strangeloop" sold for 1 million dollars, would people buy it? What do you guys think?

@bejapuskas It's really hard to open up to her. I don't really know, if I'm just like, "hey you know why my dick doesn't work? Because I'm gay." I don't know how she would react.

@Osaid Does every thought materializes?

@vindicated erudite A sober first time yes.

So I sleptover at this girl's house. If you read my previous post it's the same girl. I went a bit farther tonight, we bot got naked, but I got nervous and my when I tried to put a condom on my dick just shrunk. I tried it again with the girl's help to put it on, I got it on. Now the next step was to put my dick inside vagina. And that's when I really got anxious, I tried again and again and it didn't work. I couldn't put it in. As soon as I got my dick to a fairly erect state I tried to put it in and as I tried it shrunk back to almost nothing. So I gave up and now we're eating sandwiches. Thoughts?

I had the same problem. It gets better after more times you have sex.

@Mason Riggle Does that mean I answered yours too?

Hmm... Maybe because I have a limited way of thinking and the only way to expand the limitation is to buy your thoughts.

I will just have to contemplate on what is being gay and what is being straight and am I one of them or neither of those.

@datamonster It would be like gambling. Place your bets and you get what you get. @Mason Riggle Well yeah, because books are just thoughts written on paper. Now the question is? Why do people even buy thoughts when they can have their own?

@JosephKnecht You mean like, I have to apply beliefs? Or what? Like if someone says "You are me" How the hell are you going to apply that? Sorry if it seems like I'm attacking you.

Leo has said that I shouldn't be only watching his videos. I should go and find different kinds of teachers, each teacher for a different domain of life. And I say that I kinda do that, but at the same I don't. And most of my teachers are like spiritual gurus. Which gives me a sense of practicality, but I don't use that sense, I just operate from my intuition(whatever comes to mind at the moment I do it.(and it doesn't have to be literally from the mind, it just happens naturally)). So whenever I try to learn a new thing, a new skill, or even when I try to better the skills I already have - I hit a wall. I think to myself, nooo... this is not worth doing, do something easy. Do something else, do nothing and so on. I get this sense that only limiting myself to watching only Leo's videos and a couple others, but most of my knowledge comes from Leo. I discriminate other knowledgeable sources that could solve my problems. Things like sitting down and meditating, thinking on my own is a struggle. I can't find the will to think of the solutions or even to look them up on the internet. And then I do find the will I just make an excuse not to do the exercise or the thing that would save me a bunch of burden. I could get another job, I could find another video to watch. But does that make me more rich in terms of money and knowledge? Do I get power from that? Do I get sex, fame, people to hangout with? No... all I get is some videos about things I don't even understand and that makes no sense to me. I try to mimick the same style to shoot videos to be a guru and then I fail,(I started my own facebook group and a youtube channel to gain a following and maybe get a living out of it someday.) because I don't have enough experience and because I hate myself for being a failure. All this selfishness to get this to get that... It makes me angry, but I want it so bad because I feel like it's going to help my situation. I don't want to do any of this contemplation sh**. I don't want to be the guy that everyone resents because he tries to control everyone and everything. But at the same time I want to control everybody, Like the whole universe should be at my fingertips. That's how I feel. I feel power-hungry. And the teachers... How can I be the teacher if I don't have the experience nor the respect like the elders do. Who is going to follow me when I'm just some lazy bastars who lays in bed all day and doesn't take action for his own life?!?! I don't know man... This kind of things I think about. Maybe I'm not the God I once thought I was. It's because I'm stuck in this body, the human body. The childish monkey who does whatever it takes to rationalize his defeats to never try again...

I can try@At awe The hurry is caused by my impatience and the want to get everything all at once. And yes It does get frustrating. I just want great results so badly that I get dissapointed then I don't get them.

@Peter Miklis I mean that I managed to put my dick in the vagina and my dick went out of the vagina very quickly. Literally, no metaphors or anything. @Dlavjr You're right. Because there was little stimulation to my dick.

And now she wants more sex, but I don't want any. I guess I'm asexual ~\_▪_▪_/~