Strangeloop

What's your take on angel numbers? For me it's like they are not important because all they do after you read them makes you more confused than ever before. Is it just made up bullshit from someone who had created meaning for these numbers and just sold it as something true?

Thank you for all the support!

I don't know if I wrote about this trip here, but I think it would be valuable for some people to hear my story. This first trip happened when I was in England about 3 years ago. Before I did LSd I had a lot of weed experience and some crazy ecstasy and mdma experiences. So this was totally new to me. I did my preparation, nobody was at home. I had made some sandwiches like Leo suggested and I sat on a coach and took the tab. Immiediatly I put on a movie to watch called "Thrive" (It's nice a movie changed my perspective completely) As I watched the movie the trip was coming on. I watched the whole movie and had a few laughs about it, funny movie if you watch it on LSD. The moment I stopped watching I started WATCHING. And the thing I saw Was the most fucking AMAZING THING I saw with my own Eyes. I was looking at my Arm from the palm to the elbow and My armhair started popping out like FUCKing Trees man I'm telling you, it's was the most surealistic thing I ever saw until that point. after that I cooled down a bit. so I decided to put some music on. And I found this hour playlist where hippy music was playing, it was the best connection with the word lsd. So I looked at the speakers and the way they moved, the bass... I remember it vaguely now but the way it moveeed man. I sound so stoned right now But I promise I'm sober. So the next thing I did is I decided to watch Leo's "Collective Ego" video. While I was watching Leo's face moved and warped. most of the time it turned like a goblin's head. Amd then *puff* it's back to normal. After that, it got a bit crazy. My mind was in somewhat way feeling the other person's thoughts? I'm not sure what it was but seemed like I connected to my neighbours thoughts and were talking to them through my mind. Does anyone else experienced this? Besides Leo? Especially the last part.

I don't know, maybe you're being a bit dramatic. I mean isn't it normal for a man that age to not want sex anymore? Sex is not the most important thing in life. It's nice to have sex to feel that pleasure but can't you be with the person without having sex? Find other ways to enjoy yourselves instead of demanding the sex that he can not give. Or just make some stupid harsh decision and find some young dude who will have sex with you.

@Bojan V No I don't plan to suicide, I just sometimes have suicidal thoughts when my life goes unexpected ways. @Roy The negative thoughts seem very persuasive even if it's the partial truth, a perspective/worldview. I realised that the thoughts can be the source of my suffering, but on the other hand living without thoughts can cause suffering too. To indulge the feeling of leaving this earth is probably the most horrifying thing there is. And I've seen an attempt of suicide, it was devastating to watch and don't wish anyone to experience that.

@Bojan V the moment I see hope, it slips away like sand through the fingers. sure I'm moved by your little comforting speech in written form, but I would probably just die anyway. one way or the other. I saw the light, it was beautiful but as the cycle continues darkness comes forth once again. The darker it gets the more tears will drop, the lighter it gets the more Compassion will arise. But I can not control the darkness nor the Light. Both of these come and go and neither stays longer than eternity.

I've seen the so called "Movie" you're talking about. It's incredible how can your perspective when you see this lack of control in this movie. Because in the movie everything is pre-determined and you are in no control of the script, but in Reality You ARE in Control and everything you think you do is creating the Reality you are in.

The thoughts that come up can be used. You are not the thoughts but you can use the thoughts. It's somrthing like controlling your mind. Choosing the thoughts instead of blindly acceptint every thought as it is. Though it could be just my projection and self-bias. The awareness itself is good, sure. But you can be aware of your thoughts with thoughts themselves. And not just the thoughts, your body's behaviour, it creates a story that could be used to find meaning in life. The story itself is the meaning. But if you want to totally get rid of thoughts and not think at all, good luck with that, but I tried to do it, and most the like people above said, when you try not to think you're most likely thinking.

Can you explain this Sedona method you're talking about?

Done it a few times, many hours put througout the days. The way I'm working now is more balanced than before. Previous jobs I had to work almost non-stop. This time I'm still working long hours but the work isn't as constant. Meaning that I have time like this to sit in a forum or watch my favourite youtubers. But the time spent in work does gives me less time at work where I could shoot videos or work on my business. So there's a trade-off there. Working 10+hours does a toll on your body, but it gives you more money per hour if your work is hourly paid. But if you're looking to work more on your life purpose or whatever side business you have other than your main job(which can be your life purpose) is really up to you.

I found this as a problem too, I was on both sides, where I didn't have any friends but actualized a lot like daily meditation, exercise, fasting, work. But no girlfriend. And now I have a girlfriend but my "actualizing" went down. I still do it, but on a slower pace. I think there needs to be a balance. Don't get caught too much in the dating life, while also making sure you are actualizing your life. But then again if you haven't dated for your whole life your actualization can actually be the dating life in of itself. Depends on what you are looking/missing from life.

Currently I'm working as a Taxi driver. But what's next? I'm thinking of a Truck driving job. But still I don't know if it's a fiecable idea. I'm living with my parents, the covid has impacted the amount of money I make... I'm trying to get up the ladder, build a business or something. But I'm stuck in an identity I created for myself. It makes me sad... Like I'm someone I'm not. Like I'm fullfilling someone else's dream. I feel like a copy cat. My Godfather has his own taxi firm. I don't work there. My Grandad was a truck driver. Now I'm working in a taxi and thinking of doing the truck driving job. what am I? Can you help me? Can you give me a clare career path to choose? Can I accept me following my families career paths? I'm either the dumbest person or the smartest alive. Thinking that I can keep this family lineage imprented in me, chasing acknowledgement from my family. Not knowing what the future entails... Nothing matters anymore, future, past, present, it's all the same. Hell I didn't even think of being a truck driver myself, my Great Grandmother suggested it. Though it's a different story with a taxi job. The weird that happened is that I told myself one day while I was a taxi's passenger seat: "I'M A TAXI DRIVER" And here I am after 2 years of saying that, sitting in the taxi, driving people from point A to point B.

@MotivatedByMusic177 Well I suggest doing some research. Searching the internet for possible choices. The thing is that once you found your so called purpose, there will be a time where you will want to quit, it will feel hopeless, like there's no point in doing what you are doing. The best thing to do is to stay present and have those emotions run through, letting go of them bit by bit. Your motivation and productivity will come back. You will know what to do and how to do it. Just be patient with it. If you have your basic needs met as of now, there is no rush.

I noticed that whenever I start chatting I most of the time I start to gain momentum and start talking more and more. I had experiences where I just chat like a chatter box without even listening and caring about the other party. And sometimes I'm so quiet that people even say "why are you so quiet?" But the momentum is still there, the more I socialize the better feel I get of people and how my emotions work. So it's needless to say that I'm actually improving. Which brings me to the next point, I start saying something without knowing (atleast it feels that way) what I'm going to say, but I say it anyway to see what kind of words I will say. It's like a lotterry or gambling with cards, or just plain out poker. Strategizing and picking words and sentences which would benefit the other party or/and myself the most amount.

I've had an experience where I stared at a mirror too. After staring for a longer period of time my face started to blur and a new set of eyes came on top of my old eyes. Which looked like someone else's eyes. Like someone from another side of the world was also staring at the mirror and having my set of eyes on top of his or her's. Now I'm on the search for that person who saw those eyes in the mirror. Maybe it's the Love of my Life. ??

So I beatbox and I spend 60 euros a month for a coach for beatbox. And basically I don't even apply for calls, which is my fault because I have to set the time on a calander which the coach has. I just have to man up and go to the call. And every time I do I don't feel like it's making me progress any further I just listen to him talk mindlessly showing me techniques of beatbox and I just don't seem to care anymore. I just don't practice my beatbox. Hell I even created my own facebook group where I should be teaching other people to beatbox, but I don't even beatbox myself and makes me a corrupt shitface which doesn't have discipline and will to practice the craft to get better at it. I'm being hard on myself I know. And Leo talks about letting go... So I want to let go, all of it, but the other part doesn't want this. I don't know... Can you give me advice?

So I came to the fare spot waited a bit and this man came. And he acted calm but talked in what seemed in a very respectful manner. And the words he said most of them that clicked to me were words that associated with my life. But mostly I didn't react to them. What I tried to do is to get the address where he was going, so he called his friend and said to meet him. We drove around for a short time stopped. but the conversation was still on going and I can't barely remember the details even tho it happend like 15min ago lol. It didnt make logical sense either what he told me. So I don't even know what to think or how to think anymore

Okay so let's discuss this further. For example If I come up to a girl and start spitting out all this "knowledge" about non-duality and spirituality. Most likely she wouldn't understand but then again if I make it sound appealing then it's a win. And also tone of voice makes a huge difference, even if I say something disturbing but in a sexy voice, would that be appealing to them? I think girls use rationality as well. It's not like they're not capable of rationality. Or if I say something illogical, e.g. I'm a train and a chair because I'm consciousness. What kind of answer would I get? Would be interesting to find out.

I don't know from my point of view, even two people can form a cult. It's starts with one doesn't it? I see it everywhere, the way I behave the way I manipulate people, hell even today I saw how much I influenced one person by just talking to him a month ago, meeting him today and seeing him talking about what I suggested to him. He was desperate for more information, he wanted to know more of what I know so I gave it to him. It's like now I'm his teacher, and I'm not even older than him. So cults I find an interesting topic even if it's sounds like a bad word because people associated it with harmful behaviour. Just how humans follow a person, I can see it myself on how I follow Leo. Or any other person. I wait for them to post videos, to listen to them like a student and I take every word of what they say as truth because I'm so fascinated by how these people came to my life at certain times when I most needed them. But see following them and doing their practices, not thinking for oneself and only trusting the person who you are listening to can be dangerous. That's how all the deaths happen. Even Leo himself said to not take any of his words as belief, but it's so META that I still do it. Even if I try to leave. I still comeback. And I get immersed in the Reality of that community/cult even more to the point where it becomes my life. It's lile a tunnel vision where you only see the Reality you made up but not the Reality that is outside of your Reality (if that makes sense).

Thanks for the replies. It brought me back to a memory of a tv show called "survivor" where this one dude pretty much bullshited his way to success, he manipulated, lied, did everything and anything to sell his bullshit and won the whole game. So from that point of view if I'm not caring about the people I'm bullshitting I could bullshit them to death, unless they are more adept at bullshit. Though I could bullshit to people I care about too. But that makes me what? a bad person? But why would I bullshit to the people I care about? I've done it in the past and the cpnsequences of that are pretty drastic. So my answer to my question would be: Yes I can bullshit my way to success especially if that "success"means Defending my beliefs, manipulating something towards my selfish gain. Or just plain out lying to get that attention and "status" I so much crave.

Like seriously, If I came to you and said my religion is the truest of all the Truths. Follow Strangeloop and you will be the next level human with superpowers. Like that is bullshit isn't? If I did that, how many people would believe me? Is it even worth it? If karma exists then I would get some baaaad karma points for deceiving people. Is it even legal to bullshit? Like what is bullshit and what is not bullshit? Any thoughts? experiences on this topic?

@EnlightenmentBlog How do people communicate? How can I communicate without making logical sense? Are words even there to communicate or are we chimps spitting out sounds which don't make much sense?

@flowboy That's an eye-opening poem. And yeah The way beatbox comes out of my mouth is really mistycal. I just done a few moments earlier, and I didn't think about doing it, I didn't made a decision to do it, I just did it, I beatboxed and it was natural, calming, peaceful inside, meditative even. Forgot everything I was struggling about. Just beatboxed and went with the flow. Thank you ??

What have you done so far?

It's so dark with you guys.