Strangeloop

Just for the record the first time I posted on this thread was sober, but I didn't sleep for a bit so I was tired which is why it may caused this kind of reckless writing.

I tried it. I hear the thought of the ego, and I answer it with my voice, with more ego. After that it just spirals down of what you may call the rabbit hole which does seem to be hard to get out of. And I don't understand how these thoughts are written because I'm so present right now the only thong I see is my fingers moving on the cell phone as I'm writing this post. Crazy shit I tell you. You should be careful I warn you. Can't. Sorry. Doesn't make sense. Love sure. Hate - no.

@Thought Art To start a disscusion on this type of behaviour I'm talking about. Without judgement. I'm just feeling like I'm not here alone doing this. And it does have a lot of spiritual aspects to it. Or it could be just my own delusions I don't know for sure. Maybe you tried it? Maybe you know what I'm talking about? And if so how does that affect your/other life?

@Danioover9000 Umm sure I kinda get what you're saying. Though I want to keep this thread about youtube channels. If you're up for a discussion then sure go ahead and do that. If you get what I mean. P.s About the cat thing yeah... There should be more variety and capacity for the person to talk about.

I got to be honest, I took this test while being in a bad state so I scored 2.1 which was about 50% above average on primary and 3.2 which was 83% above average Am I a psychopath? Could be yes. But I hope it doesn't come to that.

maybe you're looking a long-term tribe. As I imagine it's hard to find a tribe and stick to it when you're not planning to stay.

Well if we don't share anything in life, how are we supposed to know each other's existance? If we all don't share if we all are indviduals with 0 shareability then what's the point of being human anyway? Sure the clouds are there when we want more than it is possible.

@Danioover9000 You don't need to. You can abstain from sharing it. I think if we choose to share each others work we will not only learn from each other but also help each other grow.

I did like 2 years ago. And my purpise turned out to be to change the vibrational state of people. Ideally to a positive ofcourse. The problem I'm running into is limiting beliefs and all of the baggage I carry around. Changing the vibrational states does revolve around beatbox and music for me. But I just don't feel bothered. Sometimes I find boring or unfullfiling, other times it is the most amazing thing in the universe. Why do these jumps happen? Why can't I have constant motivation and drive to do beatbox and pursue my passion? I came into it very ambitious and a bit arrogant with what kind of progress I'm going to make through months. The amount of work I put into it is just too small. But on the other hand I feel drained and unmotivated to do anything about it. I'm sure there is hope, that I'll pick it up again and going to keep myself going with it. Right now I'm realising that some things need time and progress isn't made overnight(unless it's a breakthrough lol).

Ironically your picture is an ape. What do I mean? I mean that we are basically animals. We compare each other's dicks with each other on whoever is the strongest. Whoever has a big dick. Some things just happen to be a different way than imagined. It's in our nature to have insecurities. We either dodge the ball by not doing anything about it or we go out and take the best way possible in our capacity to be confident.

So In this Journal I'll be writing about all of sexual experiences and thoughts about relationships and such. To start off in my childhood I was a tricky kid, me and my cousin were experimenting with each other at very young age, humping and sleeping together in the same bed whilst hugging each other. This one time we were in my grandma's apartament and there were three of us me and my two cousins. I'm male and they were female. So me and my older cousin decided to put asleep my younger cousin. We build her a fort out of furniture and bedding in there she could sleep in. And when she felt asleep we went to bed and started humping each other. After a while my grandma came into the room and saw me fall out of bed asking what we are doing. I said nothing. Now looking back at it I believe that from that point on I have this fear of intimacy like my grandma is going to catch me during a sexual act or something. Like look grandma I was a child okay? There's no need to judge me because I wasn't really doing anything wrong, I was just experimenting with girls which happended to be my cousin. So please forgive me for being wrong in your eyes, I hope you understand. This is what I would like to say to my dead grandma.

Psychedelics only do so much. It the integratipn part that's the hardest, especially when you come to realize the consequences psychedelics caused.

I had many visions, some of them fullfilled some of not. Sometimes the vision can be deceiving too, sometimes the vision fullfills itself 100%. Right now I suggest just taking your time. Not rushing anywhere. Be like an old person who doesn't rush anywhere because he wants to live every moment at it's fullest. Seems ideal but hard to live like that. Even if I said it to live like that and then contradicted myself it doesn't mean it can't be achieved. Have you tried The Life Purpose course? There are many mental exercises also lots of visualizations and techniques to help you discover what your path might be in the future.

What are you apoligizing for?

This was while I was working. I'm a taxi driver. I picked up this guy who I drove around a few times before. Before this time he was ver confused in his surroundings and was jumping from thought to thought without being certain of where he wants to go. When he climbed in he told me a story of that one of his friend needs his help that there is an emergency and we need to go save her. He also told me how he bringed a screwdriver with him to be prepared for what's coming. And he showed me it. When we got to the place and this wasn't local drive we went to a different city where it costed more. So we pick her up, (before she gets in he tells me to keep my mouth shut about the story he told me.) we drive back, and we started talking about the money being paid(we talked about it on the way, but he always distracted me with something else) we got to the place and climbed out, and I said "Okay it's time to pay up" and he promised me to give the money tomorrow, because he doesn't have any at the moment and there was a bunch of excsuses as well which I don't remember. So the money didn't get paid and I drove him around for free that time. And the funny thing is I confronted him next time I met him, he wanted to do the same thing again and I just said no, I'm not going to drive you. He react in a weird way but his friend was very upset and angry so he said to me to fuck off. Now everytime I see the guy I remember how he scammed me and that that man shouldn't be trusted.

I get it. I've been through this... One time I woke up from my sleep and started laughing while my body was lifting itself up(not levitating) and then my mom came into the room and asked me why am I laughing. I denied the fact while looking straight into her eyes. After that I've seen many demons going in and out of my body. Or it is just my evil ego self who doesn't know how to deal with all the bad shit in this world. Laughing like a maniac, having thoughts of agression and just plain evil is something I'm trying to cope with to this day. Maybe you should stop meditating for a while, it might bring less or those demons while you focus on the material development in the 3D world.

Especially about my problems. And Even in relationships, I never realized how hard it is to talk. I just want to stay quiet all my life. Because Then I talk. Stuff happens and consequences happen. And I don't want to take the responsibility of those consequences...

@hamedsf Will do my man, will do!

I made videos in England, where I was very into it, I went into this role of being a youtuber and a teacher of beatbox without really knowing how much I don't know about the field. So I was thinking that I was this perfect role model for the viewers, after a year I watched my videos and seen just plain agony and suffering projecting from my videos, also a lot of cringe moments... I deleted the channel after that. Though after I deleted it, as I was dissatisfied with the relation of how I perceiced myself and how I actually looked in the videos, I thought to myself, "Maybe I should start over" and I did. Though it's been almost six months and get almost none views no subscribers no likes on my videos which is tough. It doesn't come easy this youtube thing. But it is an outlet, it is a good way to express myself and to share my ideas, maybe entertain, help out someone who will be watching these videos in the future, if ofcourse I decide to keep it on youtube and if not - what the hell, I tried my best.

I feel the same way. It seems nice when we have quick results, but it is not as good as working for it for 10+years. Think about it. If every person could learn a skill in 10minutes, how much value the skill would have? Not so much... Even if there are people in the same field learning the same exact skill - most of them fall off the track and don't have the courage and vision to keep going. They give up. And if you keep going at it, keep practising you will be ahead of those people. Ofcourse the ego loves to think that it is better than other people, but a healthy bragging and loving your ego from time to time wouldn't hurt would it? If you gave so much praise that the ego thinks it's the most/the best/the greatest than sure it can have some drawbacks if you don't see yourself clearly. Look at Connor Mcgregor He's a world class fighter and he thinks he is the best, he is the greatest. The trick here is that he has something to show for it. He has won many battles and achieved a lot in his career. It would be a shame if someone with superman strength came and flicked him with one finger. It wouldn't be interesting. The struggles the fighters face and the mistakes, the punches the kicks, every move keeps the viewers on the edge. That's why we can't achieve everything in a second. We are on a journey and we are here to live for eternity in our rollercoasters of feelings,achievements, failures and life itself.

@Loving Radiance Yes I want to change. I want to talk more freely so I could be more capable of meeting new people and finding connections in life. It would be beneficial in business and with relationships in general. Maybe I should try Omegle or something.

@Loving Radiance I feel incampable, inadequate. Like I'm somehow less of a person if I don't talk.

@Logan Can't invest that at the moment

@Roy Well at first sure feels good, but then I face judgement of other people which can be viewed as an effect of my honesty. Or one thing I noticed is that I tend to judge myself on what I've said or how I've said it. Thanks for encouraging words @Waken @Thought Art .