Strangeloop

Made me do this desperate laugh which almost caused me to cry from lack of hope...

@Nahm I felt nothing then I was reading it. It's just words which have no meaning to me. It's been hard to ask myself am I gay or not. I've been even detached from myself as I speak to my body in second person as I'm speaking to you. And it answers. I have said to myself, be what you want to be. I also practiced affirmations like "I'm gay and I accept it" I even mentioned my mom about gay thoughts I've been having and I really thought I would say it when I was really sure. I guess I'll be really sure when I actually have sex with a man. And yes I have contradicting beliefs that being gay is sinful and dirty, I also affirmate that I'm straight, I'm very straight, also denying the the fact by saying I'm not gay. All of these just add up to the seperation in my life. All of this duality between me is fighting between two sides and it never ends until I find a consensus. I'm just afraid, I keep on reminding myself of the gayness in me through my thoughts. I even started putting my middle finger inside my butthole and felt pleasure doing it. Now anxiety rises I feel terrible for doing it. I've been blaming myself that I'm a homo attaching labels. What's weird about it is that I sometimes tend to cough and almost start to vomit when I think about being gay. It's very paradoxical, I do one thing and my body reacts another way. Or maybe it's just a delusion. Anyways I know that I'll have to it's almost like an obligation to be gay, it has to be this way so I could really learn. It's like a punishment for being a bad boy. I don't weird thoughts weird interactions and a lot of sights which I have no explanation to.

@Nahm I guess I've feel a sense of control in my life by resisting it

@tom rAy Agreed

Success is just a bunch of failures, so keep trying

@Matt8800 if it's a sirit guide then I'm lucky to have this voice with me

Ever since the last trip on LSD I've been hearing human voices even then I'm sober. These voices tell me interesting things, I think something she answers and yes that voice is a women's voice she speaks to me I speak to her. I call her the Universe. It's really weird how she tells me these things and how I can talk to it. That actually drives me to do meditation so I could speak to the voice instead of other people. Any else has similar experience?

I don't know where to post this so here it is. I've seen some crazy eye movements in people and in myself like one eye is on the edge of a eye and the orher is normal. Or just crazy spining dance shows that look weird, it seems to come and go, i feel like it's happening to me aswell because my perception changes quite frequently. does anyone have insight about this?

I guess I didn't formulate the question I wanted, what I really was looking for is an explanation on why these voices come to my mind. Are they really other people's or is it just my mind playing tricks on me. And if it's just a game it's a hell of a game if my mind can change voice tones and loudness of these voices, cuz they seem real to me. This one time I was lying on my coach and I heard screaming, really loud voices of a group of people saying "You Can't Hear Us". It got to me so deeply that I started talking to these voices and looking where it will take me.

@seeking_brillianceWell what can I reply, it happend, you heard it. So deal with it. Or just ignore it. Or just let it be. Or talk to it. There're a lot of options

Okay this topic turned into to a seed factory where everybody is talking about how to get high and trip your balls off to reach enlightment

Schizophrenia was diagnosed to me like a year earlier after my trips then I went to the "stupid house" (where dumb people go to) I forgot the name in english but you get it. So it might be that, but schizophrenia in itself is interesting cuz you get these mystical things around you and it also can be a weakness

So I don't know if I want kids, I'm confused with my sexuality I talked about it in the other post. Now what I've been thinking If I never had kids I would have them, let me explain. Now my children would be people who are following me, people who are enganged in what I do. So how does make them my children I don't know it kinda makes sense to me... what about you?

I don't know my psychologist asked me the same thing. To be honest I'm still a virgin and I want my first time to be woth a girl and if something happens with girls like impotency then I will move to guys

So I thought of a movie for my life, at the end of2019 I win a million euros then I find this girl from sweden I already know. Be with her for 3 years then drop her and become gay (thoughts of being gay are following me for awhile now) then be gay work my life purpose, then marry a transexual end of story for now. why did this come up in the first place why this "movie" of all of them?

This gave me a smile lol and thanks I will think about it or will just let it happen by itself

So I'm planning to create a community where beatboxers can gather to my platform and share thoughts around beatbox, music and such. Now it's just a theory, a thought a dream per say, but it could actually come to life if I really end up doing it. The idea is to build a website with videos in it with tutorials on beatboxing, but also there would be a "spiritual" or ideological videos that would have content with mindsets that are required on becoming a beatboxer. Knowledge that would I get from other beatboxers and from my own experience. Note that I've only beatboxed for 2years now and have little to no contact to other beatboxers(which I really want). This puts me in the start of my journey as a beatboxer. Questions I would like to answer: How to become a world-class beatboxer? How to Create a community which people would enjoy staying at? What are the requirements of becoming a leader of the beatbox community? Can I do it or is it just a fantasy? P.s as I'm writing the questions I realised that a similar community already exists, they spread the word around beatboxing but they don't have a forum. Other beatboxing communities exist aswell, they're my rivals now. *Puff* be gone the thought

Hi, so I love to Beatbox and I would like to start a cult around it. It would be a long term project. Creating a website similar to Leo's but a bit different with videos on it and most importantly a forum(since I haven't seen a forum for beatboxing) Any tips?

Just have a time of your life, one big giant time where everythings is a reapeated loop and we're experiencing it ignoring the fact that it's a giant loop