Strangeloop

Damm.... Okay, got to take those words into acount. By what you said: I need to meet girls in person and attract them that way. I'm not saying I'm non-needy person. I'm and was pretty needy for most of my life. I guess that's why I never had a long term girlfriend. And I see what you're saying, with those girls with whom I was successful I was not needy detached in a way. As soon as I start to text too much that's when I ruin my date game.

I get it man, you don't to feel bad so you search for another job to go to. And you think it might be better to go somewhere else. But on this one I'm going to take a conservative stand point and say that you need to stay where you are. you might not have the capital to change jobs every time you dislike it. Even if you do, you don't. If something happens and you need money you don't know if it's going to help you or not, maybr it will be even worse. And maybe better. who am I to judge that.

@soniiiety I have something similar, It's like something happening in the Brain. My interpretation is that some rewiring is happening in the Brain. Atleast that's how I think from my past experience. Sometimes when I contemplate a lot it caused by the thoughts. I call it "spiritual death" when the mind just trancends itself.

I would love to hear more about this topic.

@dflores321 truly absurd lol

If'm God. Then I'm all alone no matter how many people around me. Unless there are multiple Gods. Is a God a person? By my understanding God is in every person. So basically all the people and the universe combined is God. And if each person lives in a separate universe then every person is each own's universe. Which means that every person is God. Or part of God. On a human perspective. I'm alone then there are no other person in my field of view. But still that's not true because there are still people around me even if I don't see them in my field of view. So on a human perspective I'm not alone. But in God's perspective I'm alone. Unless there's multiple Gods like I said before. these duliaties of one and other makes me confused. There's a lot of paradox in the mind. What do you think? What does it mean to be alone? What happens when I'm not alone?

To be honest making distinctions is great. And there are a lot of differences between the stages that we can see and talk about. What I've also learned is a notion of "Being a Spiral Wizard" which means that every one of us can go to each stage as we please. And yet again as a collective we can not. There are bits of each stage in every one of us, society, culture and so on.

@Artsu I have one person, but she lives far away. And about being God is a philosophical issue. I'm trying to grasp my mind of all of this "you're God" statement Leo has told me. I think it would be cool to talk with Leo about this, but he's out of reach atm. Finding new friends is tough. I guess I'm just waiting for someone to show up. If telepathy would be possible: And Leo says he has done it, I think I have done it as well, it wouldn't be a problem as I could speak to anyone as I please at any given moment. When it seemed it was possible it felt real and very illiusory afterwards.

The issue is that even if I'm not alone, I'm still lonely... And when I'm not alone I want to be alone

@Artsu I said exactly that God is multiple people. And I think that I'm God and each an every person is God because I've seen it in other people and myself. The All-knowing vibe and the absurdity in the isness of God.

I got the taxi job I wanted. Now they're saying that I have to work like 24 hours, other taxi drivers worked like 18 hours 3 days in a row. Am I in the wrong here or is this something that can't happen. Like I don't want to work 18 hours 3 days in a row. I like my sleep. I know there's money involved but still this is just crazy... What do you guys think?

I can only make so little on the taxi job while working 12 hour shifts. Though it would be beneficial for adapting after rehab. Going in straight on working for 24 hour shifts is mindblowing

But Uber is the same type of job. I think I can make a deal on working 12 hour shifts, but the money is bare minimum wage

We talked fairly opened to each other and she putted this smile on her face, it looked devilish. She told me to go out of the kitchen. I think it was because she wanted to control me. Or maybe I just told myself to go there and I went out of the kitchen. It's not all wishy washy. Beliefs do come true.

@anxious_turtle I saw it and it's not pretty

@Recursoinominado I almost tripped balls myself man, shit is scary@Keyhole okay I will ter her that so she could spread her tears out@Username yes

What's your definition of a man?

So I want to be a taxi driver, I mean that. The problem is that I called these firms of taxi, with no luck. My Godfather has a taxi firm, but my Dad forbids me from even asking for the job at my Godfather's firm. So he suggested I try other firms that are not my Godfather's. I tried today and the women said there are forms to get that I'm not addicted to drugs and alchohol. But I went to rehab, finished it on tuesday came back home and mostly importantly, because I was in rehab I technically am an addict. Just now I choose to be sober, it helped that I went through the program. I also have a picture in my mind that I'm sitting the cab on the driver's seat. So I'm pretty sure I'm already a taxi driver per say, but I don't know what's the next step to actually make it happen. I will try tommorow to call another taxi firm. Is there any possibility as I as an addict can become a taxi driver. I'm pretty sure there are tons of addicts who work as taxi drivers. I want to talk to my Dad about the job. Maybe just maybe I can talk him into it, calmly. But he's very stubborn and categorical about me not getting the job. He's argument is that I will try it and I will drop it in a month, I don't believe it. I believe that I like driving and I like to talk to people or even just listening to them. So the job would be perfect to meet people, girls. Learn to chit chat and driving in general, I always wanted to drive a car as soon as I've got the license and parents seldom give their car to drive. Any tips? Thank you in advanced

So I watched the recordings of my previous streams and I looked at myself on how I act and how I talk.. It just bashed me right in the head. I act and talk like a total gay person, gotta to love that, right? But seriously I feel disturbed by myself.

I'm going to contempmate these right on the spot, correct me if I'm wrong. 1. Taking full responsibility for your life. This means that every thought every action you take is yours, there isn't anyone else who has been at fault for your actions. You are responsible for your body self. 2. Accepting the imperfect you and loving yourself This means that every mistake you make is there for a reason, it's a lesson it's there for you to see on what you can improve, if you see your self as perfect then you won't be able to grow because you will deny every mistake, justifying it and blaming others or the environment for your own mistake.(similar to first point) Loving yourself means having faith in yourself, even encouraging yourself in your mind or on paper. Telling yourseld positive things, giving advice to yourself (I do it now), and making sure that there is a lot of acceptance of the present moment. 3. Having integrity Integrity means to say and to do exactly what you said. If you don't do what you said you would do then you are lying to yourself and others. 4. Having a vision and taking the steps towards it. This point is very important. From the vision you find meaning and purpose, first find this vision or several, you can do anything. The vision is there to motivate you, sometimes it can scare you and it might bring some worry and anxiety. Be like a river go with the flow, simply follow your intuition, if you don't know what it is, find out about it. Take small steps, the vision won't happen overnight, it takes time, there is a lot to do before you even get to your vision. 5. Be intentional with your action I don't know about this one, I read this book though, I don't remember what it said about this point. Most of my action is unintentional. Without meaning, I guess because going too much with the flow hurts as well. 6. Assertiveness and questioning. On questioning you should watch Leo's video on "The power of questions". Assertiveness is when you say something and you are sure that it's true, though that's false assertiveness. What is real assertiveness? Being confident in your thoughts, accepting if you're wrong, apologising for it. Not too apologetic. Knowing when to stop and where to start.

I just do the mundane, and go with the flow, something new comes up eventually as long as you take action on those things that come up. Feeling apathy is normal. I felt it for almost a year with various feelings coming up once in a while. Just make sure to have the courage to speak out your feelings in words like this is this feeling and this is that feeling. It'll make you conscious of various feelings that arise.

That's where the dark stuff happens, you can create some dark reality with your thoughts and it won't be pretty. The other side is that can create the most blissful and most enjoyable experience of your whole entire life. To say the least, you have to have both dark and light, but not at the same time. Dark at one fragment of time, light at the other and grey are somewhere in between.

To make it clear, I have a male body, with a penis and balls. But for some reason, sometimes I hear a female's voice inside my head or wherever thoughts come from. So it means I'm a woman right or wrong? I'm a woman because I'm everything right? I keep telling myself that I'm everything. Though sometimes I don't see myself as everything, sometimes I see myself as nothing which is part of everything. Then I split into two, this one part wants to see the differences of male and female and the other wants to see the similarities between the two. So should I apply every belief like I'm women and I'm a man or should I apply only those beliefs that apply to my ego(the physical body)? Or maybe my understanding of ego is wrong. Dunno.

I don't know what I want sometimes, then I do I want a family of somekind, I want to create, though I got these ideas from others. So what do I want authentically? A wife? Children? This want time I was speaking to God and I said to him maybe you can stop my homosexual tendencies, because I can't stop myself from it. Or whatever else, I don't know another part of me says I don't need anything ; I don't want anything(sometimes even living seems pointless) so I just surrender to his will and whatever enfolds it's gonna be there.

Why am I so calm with a thought of being gay? It seems that the more I look at men the more gay I become. But still since I'm a virgin I want to try straight sex first, but the moment I see girls sitting on a bench(it happened today) I get this feeling of intense fear and I walk away from girls. It's most likely because of my past rejections and feeling of guilt and shame because of acting sexually with girls. Shame and guilt comes from the experience with my cousin in early childhood, when my grandma got me playing with my cousin's butt I was afraid and shocked, so I most likely gave myself a promise to not do it ever again. Or maybe not who knows.