Strangeloop

Or rather a percpetion of the big picture. Also some bits and pieces about the Big picture. I see it I know it. And it's very beautiful to look at. But How do I function from this state? Because I function on different states. Maybe my mind doesn't grasp it. The words can not put the picture in the big picture. What I'm talking about is seeing the big Picture. The consciousness field that Leo has talked about a lot. I see it. It's a great sight of Reality. Comes with a sense of Peace with it. Atleast most of it does. Have you people seen it? What do you do with it? What does it mean? Is it there for enjoyment or is this how life should be looked at?

Yesterday I had a date with a pretty girl. She looked nice and was very soothing to be around here. We sat in a car and talked. I touched her hand, she touched mine. We created intimacy which was very relaxing and therepeutic. I really enjoyed it. But on the other hand when I was sitting. She kind of projected my insecurities onto me. I'm not saying she is to blame of my insecurities but that's how I perceived. And I wasn't really conscious of what we were talking about. I just saw this Brain smog which didn't help. Felt like I was not the driver of the situation but I just became the unconscious self which didn't make me satisfied with how I acted. But seriously I wasn't even conscious of how I was being with her. Even the thoughts the conversations seemed to be blurred out never to be seen again... Overall I enjoyed the experience. The intimacy part really helped with my need of affection. I just feel that I don't or rather I should say that I shouldn't even have relationships if I'm not conscious of the act of the relationship with another person. If I'm conscious it's all good, it's a blessing. But if unconscious seems like I'm not there Like I don't have the awareness to be there. But maybe that's how the universe made my field of consciousness so I have to live with this from time to time.

@WelcometoReality Trying to, but I guess someone or something is showing me various states which is cool, but the peace that comes with the blessings are really worth all the suffering beforehand.

@Nahm I'm no racist bro, I'm just sayin

My consciousness dissapeared and when it reapeared I heard a though saying, I will show you the way, because I was trying to remind myself on ehere I was going. And it leader no where good. Completely out of the way. So I somehow managed to snap back from it and fix the mistake I was making.

I would love to see what kind of videos you are making! Drop the below. And if you want to check out mine, Here's the link. https://youtube.com/channel/UCcnzbxlX8XiK9hAu9LUaTtA

@Terell Kirby Well you can choose to believe it or not. I am telling you that I witnessed it. The fact that I know it doesn't come with the realization of knowigness. From what I've heard it is God Consciousness.

In my free days out of work I don't spend time doing anything productive. I had a very lazy day. It was so lazy (if I can call it that) I spent most of the day laying in bed and not thinking nor doing anything just staring at the blank space. I became frustrated with my life situation. Especially when yet again failed in my search of a girlfriend. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be detached. I want to be the man who doesn't need to prove anything. I want to be a person of confidence and not of regret and shame. Is that possible? I do not know.

Well.... Yes. I feel like I have of some sorts of limiting beliefs. What are these limiting beliefs? Do they actually do me any good? Do beliefs do any good? How does a belief work? How do I change any limiting belief? How do I get a benefit from a belief? These questions might help me. I tried letting go, I end up either resisting to let go or feeling like I don't need anyone. Neediness and non neediness again. Tough to balance. No idea how these are balanced. Only God knows. Just writing this out and having vision sure... As soon as I had hope I did envision stuff happening. Some of them happened some of them didn't. So I don't see where this helps me. I don't know about the active life. Maybe I'm just bullshiting myself to not do anything so I would stay in my imaginery world of procrastination and "Everything is fine" attitude. So I wouldn't need to do anything myself and everything would be done for me. Still bullshitting. Still talking nonsense. Still having 0fucks about myself and others. Not a healthy lifestyle....

Why do states change? For a couple of days I've seen my state change from pure peace to something horrific. My perception changed into this static white screen where I couldn't really see what's happening. Like a smog it came onto me and I didn't know what caused that. It happens pretty frequently. Is it a delusional state? Or is there something to learn from it? after the smog I came back into the "being" state where I was in a meditation like state. Does anyone experience this?

My Mom. Well she is seeks approval a lot. Especially about her made food. But she is understanding. And I wouldn't want any other mother.

@Moksha Thank you!

It's the best thing. Most beautiful. eye contact. just mesmerizing.... I want more of this feeling. My soul heals when I look and have this beautiful connection with people. I never saw this in my life. Eye contact.... just... magical....

I can talk about myself all day long. Does it mean it will have value? What is value? Does it mean I have to have money, expensive clothes, good looking body by the standarts of society? Like seriously... If I have to be valuable. Maybe I don't see myself as valuable. Then does it mean that value comes from within? Does it mean that I as a person Have to look at myself as valuable in order for others to see me as valuable? What does this "Worldview" have to do with anything on relationships, money, Career? Why does my identity has manifested? Why do I hear these "I'm _______" statements? Is it of any value? Is questioning all of this has any value at all? Post your answers down below.

The freaking paradox is when you don't want them they are attracted to you. When how the hell are we supposed to get the girl that we want? This I don't yet understand.

I was met this girl at a gas station, she works there. We had a couple chats, we she gave her number to me, we wrote back and worth. The thing I remember is me having this moment of glance at each other with our eyes, it was magical. But I think I somehow fucked it up. Because I pushed her too hard to get a date with me, I pushed her boundaries too much and too soon which means I touched her which from what I researched can and probably is seen as creepy from her point of view. So I deleted her number, I don't want to be this creep who comes out too strong and makes the girl uncomfortable in her own skin. I rather move on and not deal with her again. I decided to give up on her, because No matter how many times I insisted to have a date - she declined. Now my only option is to not look back and just leave her alone. I still have hope, but probably not for this relationship.

"The way of the Superior Man" Practical and informational

So in a previous post where I talked about pushing this girl's boundaries too much I talked that I was going to let her go and move on. But I couldn't... I went back to her and fucking did it again. why am I posting this in meditation section? Because when we talked I didnt really hear her talk. It's almost like the universe was talking to me through her. All I remember is that we talked a lot she smiled but in a fearful manner. I litterally picked her up liften her with my arms after seeing this black consciousness state where nothing exists. And when she was talking it was like the universe talking this very weird for me and I'm really confused and scared of what I can do unconsciously without really knowing the things I'm doing. It's like I'm not aware of the me. The Strangeloop of who is writing. Like I'm some kind of entity who is observing and not the person who is living this life. What can I do to stop bringing fear in this girls life how do I find abundance without being needy. Because she couldn't set the boundaries. She is too scared and I'm scared of what can happen regarding my behaviour with other people. How do I stop being the creep? how do I become a person who doesnt scare girls away but attracts them with abundance? And what is my next move with her?

Very insightful. Thank you all.

I created this rule where it said "No gossiping" And I see other people doing it, but I try as hard as I can to abstain from talking about people, but maybe I'm in the wrong here. Maybe that is not a good strategy, And maybe that's why I'm so antisocial because I only think about my own problems and not other people. But I still would rather abstain from speaking about people, even if it hurts me. Maybe not so good strategy. What are your thoughts? Should a person gossip or shall he not?

@Gianna Thanks for your support

I just see the awareness... I don't get it it's like body doesn't talk at all. And I hear all kinds of things about my body and I don't really understand am I the body or am I not the body? If I'm not the body I really just live for other people. Just being aware of what's happening around me. And then there are backlashes where I'm almost like leaving my body. Like every moment is so different. Does anyone experience this? Or am I the one who talks too much but doesn't do shit? Like wtf. Who the FUCK Am I?????!!!!!!! Sorry for the blunt question but I just really don't know. Can anyone answer it?

@Nahm Taken out of context but okay.

I never tried visualizing on command, but I certainly saw lots of images. Those images come and go they don't really stay with me. Some of them are scary, like looking into the future of your life. It is scary to see the future but also the images change and the future might change. And I'm talking about the future because I saw one image very vividly and it became true later in my life. That happend more than once in my life.

Especially when I hear something I don't want to hear, when people do not comply with my idealogy. When tiny things go wrong even if it's an easy fix. I get frustrated not only with my behaviour but my thoughts too. Like there shouldn't be certain thoughts inside my mind. An whoever is trying to control me or manipulate me I instantly lash out. Or if someone asks stupid questions, I get angry at that too sometimes. Today I got angry at the person(in my mind, not in front of him) and his business because he said that I would need to wait longer (that was 2days ago) And I've got this expectation that he would postpone once again, but he didn't. And then he called me and said that my service Is done I got calm and satisfied for a short period of time. I was way calmer after that than before that. It could be also connected to my drinking and weed smoking, because I have not smoked or drank any alchohol for a week or so and I felt pretty calm in the last days, but then I got this anger in me today at work and I don't know what to do about it.