jayfrost321

I am contemplating taking a psychedelic again. I remember I took a small dose once, it was very profound, I started a healing journey and wanted to better myself, started questioning things and felt an inspiration in my heart to really seek more out of life, I remember this path was like a highest spiritual path in my heart, I had experiences of Self Love, interconnectedness, nonduality, transformed my entire view on life, the world and death. Like my consciousness woke up. Felt like I was on a totally different life path like the divine path, where my old human life where I went to uni and lived in this house with family members, yeah that was all an illusion. All my family and friends have already lived and died. I grew so much as a person and did a lot of emotional healing. It took me on a path of going inward and connecting with my Heart, I felt courageous and inspired by love not fear, it was like everything was okay. There was nothing to worry about in life. I had times where I felt my Ego dissolve and it was so peaceful and blissful to just be in touch with pure being-ness and source. Like I connected with who I truly am. Real fulfillment. Honestly there were so many good things that I experienced from this that I can't explain or feel in my current state of consciousness, and sometimes looking back to where I am now, I think I don't deserve it or that I am unworthy because the unconditional love is so good, nothing will ever come close to substituting. I want to get back to this. I don't want a life of regrets. I don't want to just survive. I don't want to work a pointless job being turned into a zombie on the inside, just to do the same things day in day out. I don't want a life governed by fear. I don't want my environment to be more powerful than me. At all costs I need to figure out who the fuck I am and discover whats Within, because I know theres more than this. Whether I need to take a retreat and be alone or take psychedelics, I need to figure this out for myself.

Most people can't see how detrimental masturbating to porn, or even masturbation is, until they go a good while without it Then when you do it, you will see how much of yourself you lose

I'm asking for some experienced people to help me out, would be appreciated. I'm only 20 yrs old. When I do self actualization work, I essentially starve my ego of all pointless pleasure and endure discomfort to better myself (NoFap, Gym, Eat Healthy, Meditation/Inner work) there seems to be 2 paths. Chase pleasure or chase Soul. (Lower vs Higher self/consciousness) I had a small psilocybin experience a year ago where I tapped into a bigger consciousness above me that was like connected to all things. I was in pure 'beingness' and felt like I was God lol. I call it my higher self. This made me learn energy/duality and put me on the path to better myself. The past year my whole life has changed, from the people I hang around to the food I eat. It's like a probe where I have my own little wee flesh/ego and it wants nothing but to survive and feel pleasure. Then, when I get on the self actualization path, (usually 2-3 weeks into NoFap) I unplug from my lower self and enter into my higher self. It's like my soul/true self. It's like I zoom out and see the big picture. I don't feel identified with my ego mind. I feel conscious, authentic, alive, love, fulfilled, free, connected to the universe, motivated and purposeful, soul) NoFap has been a huge deal for me and my path to actualizing myself (peeling back the onion) My question is, is the following normal? Every time I reach this higher state, I end up plugging back into my ego mind and get off the path, just wanting pleasure, comfort, etc. Like I actually notice the transition from my higher self to my lower self it's kind of freaky. Like there's another whole inner world you can tap into. Is it possible to hold onto this higher state and not fall back down? Also thanks Leo for your work.

Interesting, I will watch that some time, thanks.

Brief Backstory: I'm 19. The past 6 months I have been on a personal development journey after micro-dosing magic mushrooms and having several *some painful* awakening experiences. I unplugged from my brain and entered into an elevated consciousness/self and I let this higher self take over. I started realizing things about the world. Things that were stealing my energy. I saw that 99% of humans were spiritually asleep. I started meditating, retreating, travelling, connecting to earth, etc. (I opened my third eye.) About 5 days ago I got quite drunk with a friend (once every blue moon). So drunk my third eye LITERALLY SLAMMED SHUT. I've lost connection to higher consciousness. I've plugged back into the Matrix. Reality is now external to me and not in myself. It is material and physical. Quiet. The carnal mind is all that exists to me now. From this position; it is ALL that exists and any other experience is a mental disorder/anomaly. I'm locked in the third dimension and have ego identification. Subject to suffering and survival needs. It's not exactly painful but it's a noticeable downgrade. Back to what it was like a few years ago. I'm wondering if my whole experience was just my brain being distorted from reality or if I genuinely tapped into something beyond the physical. Although the later idea cannot be comprehended from a position of Ego. That's the thing. I 'HAVE' to reason logically that it was a sort of psychotic distortion of reality. It is absolutely freaky how this world works, I'll tell you that. Ignorance is bliss. Can anybody else relate to this or understand?

An interesting thing I came to realize after deciding to work on myself. I feel like video games and simulated realities of that nature are detrimental to the mind, because it's a distraction. It's ignorance. It's bliss for those in it because they don't have to look at themselves. Not only a distraction but there is negative programming behind it. An example is Grand Theft Auto.. it's a 2-D screen simulation of the real world. You can walk, drive, eat, kill, swim just like real life. Except in 2-D you can do shocking things. It's like an escape form, where you can express the sinister primal part of the mind without real world consequences (such as ramming a bunch of pedestrians in a stolen car) and is brainwashing those to be desensitized to this behavior in the mind. So when you sanctify yourself and awaken to yourself you start to gain control over your 3-D reality by using 4-D (energy) consciously. Things like meditation, sub-conscious programming, frequencies, manifestation, self awareness, etc. 4-D is like the language in which God speaks. God is 5-D. I very much hope I don't turn into Thomas Anderson What do you think about the future of the human race, based on the Ego's design and the collective Ego (society)?

I have a few questions for those inclined to answer, would be much appreciated. At the tangible real bodily death (heart stops) of someone who has lived a materialistic life, not awakened, what happens? Eternal void? Hell? Reincarnation? Or do we all no matter what reunite with source energy/nirvana/god. I know it is possible to transcend the flesh in this life, but for those who haven't when they die and are still trapped in the Ego, I'm curious as to what happens afterwards. Also, on the side, what do you think the concept of hell and damnation means and can this be experienced after death? Just came across Actualized lately, truly is life changing information from an unbiased stand point and I value that so thanks Leo. Cheers