Pramit

Day 6,7,8,9,10: 5 days have passed since my last journal entry. Time sure passes quickly. Things i did - 1) Finish first week of MITx 2) Study japanese 3) Kept up my meditation habit, but i did not managed to extend it like i was hoping to Distractions - 1) Visual novels - Grisaia and steins gate0 - i completed steins gate0 and that was a total of 24 hours. Grisaia, i spent close to 3-4 hours. Starting tomorrow, i will maintain a better list of activity. When i start to do anything, i will record it. After its done, i will note down if i was successful in completing it or not. The purpose of this journal is self motivation, and a record for my activities. I still haven't finished writing a statement of interest for my msc application. .

Day 4 and day 5 : What kind of life would you like - A life full of distractions and comfort but no freedom(you wouldn't even know what freedom means), or a life of freedom but also a degree of discomfort, pain, and madness/psychological dysfunction(you might even commit suicide from the emotional trauma)? Huxley's society was the former. There is of course no need for spirituality. People only seek spirituality when they want to end their suffering or find a way to cope (or find meaning, which is basically the same). If you can simply consume drugs to take a journey to the moon, you don't need to take notice of the present. Things i did - 1) Started "Introduction to mathematical thinking" 2) Started reading molecular biology, started MITx 7.28.3x 3) Meditation (1 hour) per day Distractions - 1) Spent time with friend - 6 hours 2) Finished reading "Brave new world" by huxley. Great book, especially the last few pages. 3) Listening to Noam Chomsky on life, linguistics, psychic continuity, politics(is the tall man happy) Things i want to do - Online courses, revise notes, finish application statement Random trivia - The glucose transported in neurons (GLUT3) transports glucose 3 times faster than other glucose transporters. In tumours, glucose transporters suffer from something called "Warburg effect" where there is a overexpression of these transporters because there isn't enough oxygen available for the cell to produce enough ATP (it only produces 2 ATP in the absence of oxygen).

Day 1, 2 , 3 (or day 11,12,13): Somewhat productive days. Did a bunch of stuff(..probably..). Also had a great time, or was greatly entertained, by a visual novel called steins gate 0. MITx 7.28.3x RNA processing and translation starts tomorrow, i can't wait! I also finished reading Neil Postman's "Amusing ourselves to death". I have collected some quotes from the book that i think were most interesting for me, or provided the gist of the content(which i have attached in this post, for anyone who is out there). If you haven't read it, i greatly suggest it, since it will put you on the path of thinking about how the medium(in this case, television) fundamentally changes the discourse(political, cultural, religious, even education). This book was written in 1980's, i think the problem is much more serious now with the election of trump. I have a few more books to read on this subject, huxley's brave new world, the shallows - a book on internet distractions, thinking fast and slow. Regarding meditation..hm..i was able to maintain my usual schedule of 1 hour - 1.5 hours of meditation daily, but i could not exceed that, whether due to simply forgetting or being too distracted. I'll put this quote here, from my violin book(honeyman) which made me quite a bit sentimental : Happy happy golden youth! when one hour's study is worth hundreds in after life. Dead young student! that time is yours now! It comes but once. Make the most of it, and you will bless your unknown adviser long after the poor and brain which now shape these thoughts are at rest. Things i did - 1) Meditation - 1 hour a day 2) Practice series in mathematics(khan academy) 3) Watched a video on extracellular membrane from ibiology 4) Started fluids in physics(from khan academy) Distractions - 1) Amusing ourselves to death by Neil Postman (not exactly a distraction but..) 2) Steins gate0 - at least 4 hours (sorry! it was too good. Its been so long since i've read a good visual novel) 3) Youtube videos.. at least 2 hours (mostly educational) Things i want to do : 1) Start suzuki book for violin and see how far i get 2) Write the essay for introduction to philosophy course in coursera 3) Continue learning physics and maths. Integrate some chemistry! 4) Finish writing the statement of interest and submit my application for the masters program in cognitive neuroscience - VERY IMPORTANT 5) Restart experiment on meditation, this time i must not fail I can go on with this list, but i will stop here. Random trivia : The stronger the bond between atoms and molecules, the more energy released in the formation of that strong bond. That is why oxidation of "food" gives us energy. Food contains weak bonds, which are easier to break down and convert into stronger bonds/more stable products(which releases energy). All organisms do this in order to produce energy to do things, they are basically factories in that sense. record from book amusing ourselves to death.txt

Sorry for the late post, and i have to reset the day count. The experiment was a failure because i did not follow through on my commitment. I failed to account for my ability to get distracted. I spent these 4-5 days playing a JRPG (rance 6). The days went by really fast, and i enjoyed myself. But now it has passed and its time to let go. The written word is far more powerful than simply a reminder: it re-creates the past in the present, and gives us, not the familiar remembered thing, but the glittering intensity of the summoned-up hallucination - Northrop Frye Things i did - 1) Meditation - only 30 minutes a day for a few days on this 6 day period Distractions - 1) Rance 6 - 40 hours at least 2) Amusing ourselves to death - 30 minutes (an interesting book, i will read this further) Things to do - 1) Series in calculus from khan academy 2) Finish writing down a statement of interest for a course in neuroscience (within 350 words) 3) Resume learning and daily activities before getting distracted. Final Thoughts : I feel like i am forgetting something. And in admitting so, i feel like it becomes even more difficult to remember it, because now my mind is consumed with the fact that i have forgotten it. Random Trivia : Today's post is inspired by this video Vlogbrothers is starting a channel called 100 days where they document healthy exercises and food plans for a period of 100 days. Check it out.

Day 7, day 8 : Moderate progress. Stuck to my promise of meditation once every 2 hours. Will report progress after 3 more days. I want to share a thought i had during one particular day : Every time you read an old article written by you, you evoke some emotional state. I propose that words are ways of encoding that emotional state. Since your cognitive state fluctuates throughout the day, sometimes a new thing that you thought of isn't really new and has been recorded here a long time ago. However, there is the possibility of misinterpretation since you may lose the original keys to decode the words. So reading something here in this journal can make you forget what you are right now, what you have thought of yourself till this moment. Because all states are equivalent. Every cognitive state is permitted, they are simply connections. After a certain point, when connection strength has changed sufficiently, you find that you cannot go back. But before that happen, you keep fluctuating between different thoughts and states since neuronal signalling is quantal in nature(i.e unpredictable, so they rely on the strength of the connections through axonal boutons). One example is during a nightmare, when you regress to the emotional state of a child, fearful and afraid to do things. Things i did : 1) Finish cellular neuroscience. Started khan academy precalculus on series. 2) Meditation, body scan. Tried some mindful walking today. 3) Practiced my violin Distractions : 1) Youtube - 4 hours at least, 2 hours every day 2) Grisaia no kajitsu - at least 4-5 hours. I have finished the route i intended to finish, so i don't need to read further for the time being. Final thoughts : I want to finish studying series from precalculus before i go to sleep. Shouldn't take too long. Random Trivia : Polyols mixed in cakes can have laxative effect. I know this from experience. Some people feel the need to poop after drinking certain hot beverages like tea or coffee.

I don't follow politics until recently where i got hooked to american politics (i am not from america). Without getting into a rant nor offering any self analysis, i just want to ask a simple question, how can the system be improved so that it fulfils its purpose? What rules should institutions have to make sure that at some point they don't start to become self serving?

Day 6, day 7 : Very bad days. I masturbated twice, or perhaps thrice, during the span of these two days. That's not good when i am trying to cut masturbation and porn. I also spent a lot of time on distractions. My progress was moderate. I meditated once every 2 hours, instead of once every 1.5 hours. I also have a new plan : I will note down my attention span as i read a scientific paper(i will use a timer, and note down the time when i get distracted). This is imperfect, but its what i have. There is no way to escape from playing this game. It is only when you find out that you are thoroughly selfish, you enquire about the self. You find out that you are the "other". Self and other are like voluntary and involuntary, they go together. - Alan Watts Things i did today and yesterday - 1) Meditation once every 2 hours, body scan(40 minutes) 2) Study cellular neuroscience Distractions - 1) Grisaia no kajitsu - unknown amount of time, but very significant 2) Masturbation(twice or thrice) - watching porn 3) Socializing with friends online, visiting online chatrooms, answering youtube comments 4) Watching youtube videos - at least 4 hours (2 hours each day) Final thoughts : I will wake up tomorrow and study. I don't have the concept of obstruction anymore for this moment. Random trivia : A new dinosaur was discovered that lost its baby teeth and developed a beak. This sheds light on how dinosaurs evolved into birds. http://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(16)31269-6

have you tried noise cancelling headphone? From your post, it seems you have tried it all and this is not a problem you can psychologically influence, so i won't give you any advice on how to think.

i was also alive in 2016

Day 5 : The most important principle i adhere to when writing this journal is absolute honesty. I am already playing a game called "living", and i don't want to convert this journal into another game. Let this journal be a reflection of who i really am, not who i would like to be. Of course, in perceiving myself i have already changed the details, but that is unavoidable. Today i am going to institute a new habit. For every 1 hour 30 minutes i spend, i will spend 30 minutes meditation. I will use a stopwatch which will remind me every 1.5 hours to meditate. Meditation period is 30 minutes only. This will continue for 10 days. At the end of 10 days, i will ask myself the following questions: Who would you like to be? This question was inspired by the visual novel grisaia no kajitsu. One of the characters, Michiru, is asked this question. Now, before i reveal what she said, i must confess that she pretends to be a idiot throughout the novel, and indeed she is very dim witted. For this reason, she is made fun of throughout the story by the other characters. She is the comedic relief. She knows this and still continues to act that way, preferring to be laughed at so that others don't reject her. Her reply to this question, is however, 100% honest - " I am me. I would rather be myself ". The other characters laugh at this simplistic answer. Things i did today - 1) Cellular mechanism of brain function - techniques to investigate the mouse brain including optogenetics 2) Meditation, body scan - as per usual. Distractions - 1) I felt very horny after meditation, so i masturbated. sowwy~ 2) Grisaia no kajitsu - at least 1.5 hours. Final thoughts : Feeling overly tense and excited. Having fantasies of graduate school. Then noticing that and coming back. Engaging in mock debates with myself, mock interviews. Random trivia : When i was a young kid, i dreamed of becoming the demon of laplace. Even if for a instant, i wanted to "know" the configuration of everything in the universe.

your story reminds me of the man who found a guru in a salesman at the bar. Projection is very powerful you see.

Day 4 : Meditation can be performed when you are studying. Becoming deeply engrossed in the subject, being aware of it, and coming back to your senses when your mind wanders - that is a form of meditation. Today i banned email(using an app called stayfocused) and forums for myself. My plan is to rid myself of my constant need for stimulation - the wrong kind of stimulation. I get a dopamine high every time i check emails, skype, slack messenger, forums, youtube videos, or just click on different tabs. It's like i have developed a physical compulsion. Now this is slightly relevant today since i studied the somatosensory feedback loop in mice from the whisker projections, including dopaminergic projections (vid 5.4). Why do we fall? This question has no particular significance. I just like to repeat it when i am pooping. We fall so that we can get back up. It is important to realize, that if one never fell, one never gets back up. And only by falling can you get back up. And getting back up implies that you must fall. Life is a game of hide and seek. Its simply how the game works. You can't spend all your time hiding, nor can you spend all your time seeking. What do you seek? What do you hide? These questions will reveal a meaningless truth. In conclusion, if you ever fall, know that its inevitable that you will get back up. So do not hold your breath. Things i did today : 1) Studied basic cellular neuroscience. To be continued! 2) Meditation(1 hour) and body scan(40 minutes). Distractions : 1) Grisaia no kajitsu - at least 2 hours 2) Masturbation(with porn) at least 20 minutes. 3) Youtube video - at least 1 hour. 4) A lot of time spent doing nothing. Overstimulation, depression, are major factors that contribute to this. Lifestyle minimalism could be helpful in this regard. Final thoughts : I hope i don't masturbate tomorrow. Worried that i might undo the progress i made these past few days, not just in regard to my addictions. One of these days i would get over my internet addiction and go outside the distraction economy. Random Trivia - You can shine red light onto a mouse brain, and then stimulate one of its whiskers. The stimulated whisker causes neurons to fire, which changes optical properties in that part of the brain. This can be seen when you shine the red light(to the depth of hundreds microns or so). Then you can simply use a red dye on that location to further continue the study by staining the location. Very simple technique.

Day 3: Today was super productive. Just kidding. I never have super productive days Here is an alan watts quote for you : In the real world, things don't exist. Instead, we describe things in reality in our mind. The difference between myself and the universe is only an idea. Meditation is the way we come to feel the inseparability. This requires an ability to stop compulsively thinking. We must forgo our love for symbols and words by learning how to stop thinking all the damn time. Things i did today : 1) Study calculus through khan academy. 2) Meditation 1 hour, body scan 40 minutes. As per usual. Distractions : 1) Read Grisaia no kajitsu..3 hours at least 2) Spent at least 1 hour on youtube. Watching chomsky, numberphile, derek, objectivity(they had their 100th video today) 3) Browsing online forums, replying to learner posts on coursera. At least 1 hour. Final thoughts : I need to wrap things up quickly..its late. To-do : See yesterday's todo. Add to that a silly problem i encountered with differentiation(calculus). Random Trivia : Human biases -

you can't. Really, all you can do through self enquiry is shift your perspective. its a word in the english dictionary I once saw a child point to things and say "What's this?". The adults answer to her the name of the item. But, you see, she kept asking. "What's this?"

just download his entire audio archive. Don't have to watch it from youtube.

Day 2: Today was not very productive. If i had to match this up to my patterns, this would be a period of regression. When i am feeling some sort of pent up urges to do stuff. One solution, pramit suggests, is to meditate on the intricate complexity of reality(and its subsequent beauty), and let your thoughts consume themselves in this understanding of reality. There was no internet the entire day, and i felt depression. Internet addiction is a losing fight for me. Perhaps one day i will no longer be attached to this. Why do we feel anxious? Of course, i am not going to describe anxiety in the mechanistic sense. You can find those pathways in a book(try the free online neuroscience book). I like Alan Watts description of anxiety. Anxiety is a feedback mechanism gone wrong. Every stimuli you will perceive leaves a feedback on the brain, which then selectively amplifies it. Its like shouting in a cave, the echo continues long after you have spoken and is a misrepresentation. Of course we will go into a different rabbit hole when we speak of representing reality, lets leave that as a subject for another day. But why do we REALLY feel anxious? Oh Pramit! When will you learn to give up? The answer is: Because..death. Things i did today: 1) Studied biochemistry - bacterial energetics(nitrate metabolism), citric acid cycle. 2) Studied a bit of neuroscience. Got into a heated debate(with myself) in the middle of studying on the nature of reality, wasted a lot of time(but it was fun?). 3) 1 hour meditation, 39 minute body scan. As per usual. Distractions i indulged in: 1) Grisaia no kajitsu - At least 2 hours. 2) Masturbation. 10-20 minutes. Slept afterwards..(the small font size is indicative of feeling embarrassed for the sake of feeling embarrassed) Final thoughts: Need to stop writing this journal and study. To do for tomorrow : Continue studying basic neuroscience, meditate when i feel very bored or distracted(excitement can be found in reality). I need to read up on Dr.Groh's map-meter conversion, i feel like its particularly interesting and i might be able to understand it now. Random trivia : Did you know that RBC's have a lifespan that roughly corresponds to the average lifespan of glucose 6 phosphate dehydrogenase? Its very interesting that the lifetime of a cell corresponds to the average lifetime of a enzyme! This shows just how important getting rid of free radical is, especially in RBC's where those free radicals can oxidize the iron(Fe2+ to Fe3+) in haemoglobin. And here's the thing.. mature RBC's don't have a nucleus. So they can't make new enzymes.

my latest meditation insight : i am..a rock?

calculating yourself out of liberation. The mind of god is so amusing to read

amazing documentary of how people seeking to simplify the world and how their lie have shaped the world :

Me too. I am working towards becoming a neuroscientist. Do you want to collaborate?

i simply dont check my phone

No, they occur when the body does not receive enough proteins that it can convert to amino acids which are the building blocks of new proteins.