Pramit

I do desire it, but I don't have the experience to know whether its something I truly want. I am not entirely clear on what it means to have a real emotional connection, still debating with myself on that point. As long as I desire it, I'll probably work towards it, consciously or unconsciously. Then it just becomes a struggle between fear and expectation. Que sera sera. To give what I want to receive..that is a great idea. Thank you for your insight. Indeed it is. When I first created it, I was hoping I'd be more proactive. But right now, I am thankful that I still post, however infrequently. I do keep an offline journal that is bigger and more of a "Guide to living for me". Its difficult to put the more sensitive issues here (and also my offline journal is more convenient). I see that you have a journal as well, good good.

3 months have passed since my last post. The truth is , I didn't succeed in overcoming my state of disorder. The help came from outside. The lesson I learnt is that I am still not strong enough to overcome this little problem of mine. I must never underestimate my problem ever again. It was a humbling experience. I am going to give the GRE general exam soon. Along with that I have two national level exams for my subject coming up (which I will mostly likely not qualify, but I'm preparing nonetheless). Most of all, and this is the best part, I have finally regained order in my life , for now. Bit by bit, I am remembering how it felt to be me. I will also be moving to a new city come december, a change of environment is just what I need. I remember the days where I walked alone on the university grounds. Thinking back, I was mostly alone there. But, somehow it didn't feel like that at all. Not all memories have to describe something extremely memorable or descriptive. I remember the times I went all alone into the dark auditorium, listening to some music. The walks I took alone, sometimes walking long distances watching the skies. Long stretches of road, completely deserted. It was like that world was my personal garden. Sometimes getting lost and returning home very tired. The late nights I spent in the lab. There was always someone there to talk to, well, most of the time. I didn't really like being completely alone in that old building, it was too spooky. But even the memory of getting spooked is somehow nostalgic. Mm..it was not bad. If I have one small regret, may be I should have tried getting closer to people. May be I should have tried harder. I should not judge someone by their external appearences or personality, but think about what that appearence means for that person, and how their thoughts are moulded by society's reaction to that. I had some enjoyable discussions with many people, but in the end they could not fill the hole. The discussions were like playing games, we would gain some perspective of each other, but in the end the core problem remained. They were satisfying, but quickly forgotten. I think only conversations with myself really work, or someone with excellent intuition. There was one or two people like that, and I could not get close to them at all. I am just very bad at socializing, I just want to jump into something that satisfies me (A good discussion) and I am too impatient to wait for the other person I think I realized something today. People are good at answering questions, but they are really bad at understanding the question. Thus their answer reflects what they themselves want to hear, not what needs to be said at that moment.

Yes not only selfish, but also cruel. Bullying in elementary school can be really harsh. I don't understand why they put "neuroscience" or anything "Science" in there, because clearly it has nothing to do with science. Inflammed nervous system? What? Why can't spiritual "gurus" be honest instead of acting like snake oil salesmen? You don't need to preach "science" when you don't understand even the fundamentals of what science is.

I am a hikikomori too. Perhaps you should introduce her to me. She might find it easier to socialize with a fellow hikikomori!

Did you see zizek's critique of buddhism? Its not related to zen buddhism specifically but he does mention a few things that can be applied to zen buddhism as well.

just play some video games. I promise you, within a month you will have forgotten everything

Ok, time for an update. Its been long enough. Current projects : Philosophy reading (heidegger, schopenhauer, wittinstein, emil cioran), learning html, learning a new skill like drawing, finding new avenues for employment, learning logic, learning maths (advanced), re learning violin, leading a healthy lifestyle, quitting addiction. With regards to my addiction, I have fallen very low after my MSc. I have had the same anxieties I had a long time ago regarding work completion and self efficacy, and I fell under the spell of addiction to try to curb these anxieties. Now I am aware that life isn't serious, but it still sucks when you live like a zombie. I am not a hamster on whell, and this year's main project is going to deal with the most fundamental problem in my life - addiction and anxiety (yes these two go hand in hand). Take acceptable risks, exciting ones anyway, and don't be afraid to do things. In fact, seek failure not success. Success isn't guranteed and often outside our grasp, but if you fail you know you are doing something right. Even if you fail at everything, if you can just get rid of the addiction issue I would consider my life to be one of the best that has ever been lived by this consciousness. To give an example, I uploaded some videos I took on termites yesterday. I didn't want to do it at all. I was afraid that no one would appreciate it, that people would steal the videos and use it for research without crediting me, that I would be looked down upon for selfish self promotion. Most of all, I didn't want to take the effort and get no returns. The effort always scares me sometimes. But when you do it, it consumes you and you become it. At least one person found my videos very useful. And even though those videos will remain in the dustbin of youtube (Because the average human doesn't care about termite mating behaviour), I felt very happy when one person(who studies eusocial insects) found my videos useful. I don't care if you use my videos without crediting me, at least my effort benefited you. I need to do my homework, but I don't know where to even start. Its been a month or two I think, and I haven't really started. The videos I took to up the sample numbers have serious problems, and I can't use it. So what do I even do now. Should I just give up? No. I am once again fearing failure. I will do it bit by bit, for my sake, for proper documentation, to learn how to use statistics with my project. But first I gotta finish my philosophy readings! Fun times.

JP has some..interesting ideas. Let's just leave it at that. Anyone seeking philosophy or anything other than knowledge of psychology from him are well advised not to.

Whatever Little I understand - 1) The truth is worthless. So don't bother. What is possible is to get a glimpse of the truth for a moment. But that isn't really a good idea, as it leads to the kind of confusion you see in this thread. It leads to more trouble than its worth. Better to just live a simple life and die. 2) "You" cannot be set free. "You" are trapped till the age of experiences cease to exist. It doesn't matter hard hard "You" try. 3) You were already free from the very beginning. Because you are existence itself. How can you not be free?

Or people doing masters in science.

Now that my MSc has come to an end, it is time to reflect. While working, I think I was happy. Or it was as close to happiness as possible. Perhaps not happiness, but satisfaction. Could my life have been more comfortable? yes. Did it have its bad parts? of course. Money problems were the worst part, and living in a small uncomfortable room with another guy was the second worst part. But I survived, and I learnt many things. Most important thing that a long term (4+ months) successful project (where you give maximum effort) teaches you is what you can actually achieve with consistent effort. Now I understand my limits and what I can create in a short span of time, and in a moderate span of time. It makes me more confident that I can create more things in the future if I work myself sufficiently. I am more clear about what I want to do in the immediately future. Which is more of the present. But things might change after staying home for a few days and experiencing luxury (relative) again. I also met a lot of people, and got relatively close to a few. I understood people who hate each other, and I saw the irrational ways people perceive each other, especially when they are wounded by them. The lie they believe once they are wounded. A good lie isn't completely false, but is based on true facts being perceived in a way that is not true. A lie based on a fact does not make it the truth (see zizek). I am also more clear on who I want to be, and who I really am. I can do things unburdered from the perception of others, and yet I still take care not to risk too much in getting this freedom, for personal injury is quite easy to get to. I am calm and measured when I talk, and I can change my tone depending on who I talk to. My personality has become more stable.

Same idea as the idea we do not exist, that the ego is only a small part of the overall scheme of things. Are we ghosts? Looking at how I operate my life, based on ideas and rituals that mean nothing, I am not the identity I constructed for myself, and yet I believe I am, living my life as such. Am I possessed by a ghost? Its an interesting idea. That evolution of complex social traits necessiates the possession by a ghost!

Why are people set in such a way as to not understand each other? In the past, I longed for someone to understand me. I was..no, am, a outcast, an introvert, a weird kid. I have had very few friends to share my thoughts with. There was always a part of me that longed for a companion that understood me. And I have tried reaching out, trying to find people with similar ideas, or those with dissimilar ideas but willing to have a conversation. But no matter what, I could not find someone who would hand me the answer. I found people who lived interesting and rich lives, yet I cannot understand them and they cannot understand me...and any momentary understanding was an illusion. It is difficult to connect without using the right words, the right body language. And if you do connect, it is an illusion produced by you in order to protect yourself in society. All of it is a game. Forums like these were no different of course. I had to convince myself that I should write this post, knowing that I rarely read any of my previous posts. I didn't want to write it in a place where more people would view it, because that is not necessary anymore. The answer to the question I posed is simple. People understand each other perfectly. Think of interacting atoms. The collision is governed by fundamental rules of the universe, or miracles. People aren't atoms, but we are not outside the universe either, the same rules apply us - because are made of atoms. People understand each other by not being able to understand each other. The things we do with each other, whether its a simple nod, or a disagreement, or a murder due to a simple misunderstand, it is all part of the elaborate game. There is no scope of misunderstanding anymore, it is simply not possible. But I guess that explanation may not be satisfying for some. Then - Are you alone? Don't worry, you will always have me. I will watch over you for eternity. I love you.

The human drama. No matter how much perspective I have on it, I cannot understand it. In the same way that I do not understand the words I type here. It is a mainfest of desires and circumstances, both alien to the human being. To be happy, we need a story. Because happiness must be something that has to be achieved, to be created out of nothing. To create it, we have the story. A counterpart to happiness is necessary in the form of despair. Could you be happy without accepting the ideas of the world, without creating a story for yourself? Can you move the world without moving yourself? The evolution of humans required the evolution of social complexity and social constructs. That created an ability to self-value, and the ability to create a story of life. A description that goes beyond the mundane existence of beasts. Or has it really gone beyond that? I really doubt that ants know their own form. The nature of suffering is linked to the nature of desire, and the manipulation of the world to fulfill it.

I am 2 months away from completing my 4th and last semester here. Work is progressing. That is all I can say. I have worked hard this time, and I feel a sense of fulfillment in working hard for something I agree with. Or at least not depressed. My advisor is very good and praises me a lot for small things. That is the kind of advisor I want for myself - someone who is chill, very knowledgable, and praises you sometimes. Thanks to that I was able to work myself like a horse and get some things done. I hope this will continue for the rest of the semester. I don't know whether the next 2 months would be productive or would yield results, and that scares me sometimes. That is part of doing research, you don't know whether what you do will work in the way you hope. The men and women doing science every day are to be praised for their courage. I don't want to apply for a phd just yet. It is too early for me I feel, plus I don't think I can do this for 5 years with the same advisor. Working on a single problem for so long can get really boring. But I still want to do science, because I think that's the best way for me to use my time. So I might try interning to getting a research position somewhere. But I have no plans as of yet, and time is ticking.

I came to the same conclusion as well at some point, that the best approach is to cause mass extinctions. Then life is just a cancer on the universe. But the problem here is that you are rationalizing too much. It is like Thanos in the new avengers movie deciding that the only way to save life is to kill half of it. It is a lack of imagination.

I don't agree that I have to feel remorse for the suffering of others, or the suffering I inflict on others. Hear me out. I do feel remorse and I will never hurt another being knowingly. But there is no rational argument for it, even if you are a buddhist. Lets say you are going to be reborn as the person who suffererd under you. So what? I will curse myself and die? That's all it amounts to. With time the pain will pass, with death the memory will vanish. The only reason I feel remose is because of my ability to put myself in that situation and have my brain tell me "oh that's not what I want to feel". But that "want" is wrong, desire is wrong, clinging is wrong. You cannot desire to not suffer. Also, the one doing the suffering is not outside the system. If you believe that you are somehow an alien that can make others suffer, you are wrong. Everything you do is intentional. Even if the world kills you right now, its an intentional act that you do on yourself. So why feel guilt for doing something to yourself? Also, another point that Alan Watts raises is that too often we believe that "doing what we want to do" is something new. That no one else in the history of the universe thought to himself "I can do whatever I want with no consequences". I am sure there are kings that actually could and did do whatever they wanted. And where are they now? Who are they now? What happened to all their actions, their lives, their memories? All returned to dust. Only I exist now. And in another reality only you will exist.

Doesn't matter, your memories wont carry over. And suffering is necessary for life anyway , it is the only way this sytem can exist. The problem is that you are afraid of suffering. Remember that the entire reason Budda left his life of luxury is to find the solution to the problem of suffering. Any other problem of life pales in comparison.

I am feeling extremely depressed and anxious. I am having a hard time doing any productive work. Waking up in the morning is hard. I managed to do some work today nonetheless. Tomorrow I should meet with my guide and continue work. However, I doubt I have the strength to meet him in person and tell him I haven't done much work since the vacation started. Ugh. Its a terrible cycle - I do no work, I feel depressed, I forget things because I didn't work, I feel more depressed. The only way to quit is to realize where I am at right now, and to just blunt force my way through things. Talk to people even if I don't know what to say. Work even if I don't know where to start. Start little by little. That's the best I can do right now. Oh well! Whoever reads this, I wish you a very happy new year! Do the things you want to do, don't worry about public relations, keep up a minimum front so society doesn't inhibit you. For my new year I want to do two things : 1) Find out alternative sources of income 2) Curb my addiction completely I have written down small steps that can lead to it. I still want to pursue neuroscience, but I think its best if I gain some other skills as well so that I don't become desperate. To enjoy something, you must not cling to it.

The worthless truth of this world : We are all one. Our lives ended before they began. The world is void. Truth is a void. All truth is meaningless. You cannot experience truth. You cannot tell a lie. You cannot create a paradox. Your words are just words - empty vibrations in the air. Your thoughts are just synapses - electrical firings in the brain. You cannot understand it and you never will. You cannot understand your own nature through your own knowledge. And no, you cannot fucking meditate or trip yourself or "Experience" it either. That is a fucking lie, a comfortable delusion that the ego has created. Its the trap of the spiritual kind. Just because you know about the ego doesn't mean you understand it. Everything you do is worthless. All you create will be destroyed. All your meditations will be in vain. You will lose your way. And you will regain it. And you will lose it. It is the game of life - a game that is called 'you'. The game is an illusion that exists. It is the same kind of existence as everything else. Questions this game is same as questioning the nature of reality. You are an empty shell. You are not god. God is a concept, a figment of your imagination. You are you. But what is a 'you'? I don't know, and you don't either. Time is an illusion created by the brain. And what is the brain, but a very delicately sculpted piece of work by nature? Do you think the rock questions why it was created, why its atoms are arranged as it is? There is no enlightenment. There is no ultimate purpose to life. There is no maze. Everything leo said in his videos are absolute lies. Everything I am writing here are absolute lies. There is no knowledge - even if there was, you cannot gain knowledge in the same way you cannot hold air. In your question to make sure your synapses are arranged the right way, you will delude yourself to believe something. And that belief is wrong, and will always be wrong. All perspectives are wrong. The perspective that all perspectives are wrong is also wrong. There are no perspectives. Waste away your life. Spend it as a sage. Become enlightened. Become fool. Become spiritual. Become devil. Save hundreds. Slaughter hundreds. You will gain nothing, and lose nothing. You cannot move even an imaginary inch from your spot. There is no sin. There is no judgement. There is no punishment. There is no benefit. There is nothing. All desires and all suffering are the same thing- No thing. Find a moderately comfortable existence, for that is your biological imperative. But heed what I have said, for it is the truth - the most meaningless mundane simple truth of this world.

Not for all creature, since some creatures thrive on the presence of humans.

Epictetus - The Enchiridion http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0236%3Atext%3Denc%3Achapter%3D1 - some things may not be easily understandable from reading the text - in those cases you may use this link. Remember that you must not allow yourself to be carried towards the attainment of lesser things. You must quit some things, and for the present postpone the rest. Work therefore, to be able to say to every harsh appearance - "You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be." He who cannot attain his desire is disappointed, and he who incurs the object of his aversion is wretched. So you should not be aversive to things that are not in your control (but be aversive of things that are in your control). But for the present, totally suppress desire : for if you desire any of the things which are not in your own control, you must necessarily be disappointed; and of those which are and which would be laudable to desire, nothing is yet in your possession. Men are not bothered by things, but by the principles and notions associated with those things. Death, for instance, is not terrible, else it would have appeared so to Socrates. But the terror consists in our notion of death that it is terrible. An uninstructed person will lay the fault of his own bad condition upon others. Someone just starting instruction will lay the fault on himself. Someone who is perfectly instructed will place blame neither on others nor on himself. Don't be prideful with any excellence that is not your own. If a horse should be prideful and say "I am handsome", that would be okay. But if you are prideful and say "I have a handsome horse", know that you are proud of what is in fact, only the good of the horse. Only your reaction to appearance of things is your own. Thus, when you behave conformably to nature in reaction to how things appear, you will be proud with reason. Consider this scenario : you are onboard a ship, and you have landed on shore. You collect some onions and shellfish for amusement. However your thoughts and attention ought to be towards the ship, waiting for the captain to call you on board; you must then immediately leave all these things, otherwise you will be thrown into the ship bound neck and feet like a sheep. If instead of a onion or a shellfish, you are given a wife or child, that is fine. But if the captain calls, you must leave them. But if you are old, never go far from the ship. Don't demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. Sickness is a hinderance to the body, but not to your ability to choose, unless that is your choice. The hinderance is to something else other than yourself. With every accident, ask yourself what abilities you have for making proper use of it. If you see an attractive person, you will find that self-restraint is the ability you have against your desire. If you are in pain, you will find fortitude. If you hear unpleasant language, you will find patience. And thus habituated, the appearances of things will not hurry you along with them. Never say of anything, "I have lost it", but, "I have returned it." Just as travelers view a hotel. If you want to improve, reject such reasonings as these: "If I neglect my affairs, I'll have no income; if I don't correct my servant, he will be bad." For it is better to die with hunger, exempt from grief and fear, than to live in affluence with perturbation; and it is better your servant should be bad, than you unhappy. Begin therefore from little things. Is a little oil spilt? A little wine stolen? Say to yourself, "This is the price paid for apathy, for tranquillity, and nothing is to be had for nothing." No one is so important that he should have the power to disturb you. If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid with external things. Don't wish to appear knowledgeable; and even if you appear to be somebody important to others, distrust yourself. For it is difficult to both keep your faculty of choice in a state conformable to nature, and at the same time acquire external things. He is the master of every other person who is able to confer or remove whatever that person wishes to have or avoid. Whoever then would be free - let him wish nothing, let him avoid nothing which depends on others, else he must necessarily be a slave. When you see anyone weeping in grief, be careful that the appearance may not misdirect you. It is not the accident that distresses the person, because it does not distress another person. It is the judgement he makes of it. As far as words go however, don't reduce yourself to his level, and certainly do not moan with him. Remember that you are an actor in a drama, of such a kind as the author pleases to make it. If short, of a short one. If long, of a long one. If it is his pleasure that you act as a poor man, a crippled, a governor, or a private person, see that you act it naturally. For it is your buisness to act well the character assigned to you, to choose it is another's. If you have bad fortune, remember that it is to your body, or your wealth, or children, or wife, but not you. To me, all omens are lucky, if I will. It is in my control to derive advantage from it. If you see someone eminent in honors, or power, or in high esteem on any other account, take heed not to be hurried away with the appearance, and to pronounce him happy; for if the essence of good consists in things in our own control, there will be no room for envy of emulation. Don't wish to be a general, or a senator, but to be free- and the only way to do this is a contempt of things not in our own control. When anyone provokes you, be assured that it is your own opinion which provokes you. Try therefore, not to be hurried away with the appearance. For if you gain time and respite, you will more easily command yourself. Let death and exile, and all other things which appear terrible, be daily before your eyes, but chiefly death, and you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything. If you wish to attain philosophy, be prepared to be laughed at, to be sneered by the multitude, to hear them say, "He is returned to us a philosopher all at once", and "Whence this supercilious look?". Now, for your own part, don't have a supercilious look indeed; but keep steadily to those things which appear best to you as one appointed by God to this station. For remember that, if you adhere to the same point, those very persons who at first ridiculed you will afterwards admire you. But if you are conquered by them, you will incur double ridicule. "I will live in dishonour and be nobody anywhere" - For if dishonor is an evil, you can no more be involved in any evil by means of another, than be engaged in anything base. Is it any buissness of yours, then, to get power, or to be admitted to an entertainment? How then, is this a dishonour? And how is it true that you wil be nobody anywhere, when you ought to be somebody in those things only which are in your own control, in which you may be of the greatest consequences? "But my friends will be unassisted." - What do you mean unassisted? They will not have money from you, nor will you make them Roman citizens. Who told you, then, that these are among the things in our own control, and not the affair of others. And who can give to another the things which he has not himself? "Well, but get them, then, that we too may have a share." - If I can get them with the preservation of my own honor and fidelity and greatness of mind, show me the way and I will get them; but if you require me to lose my own proper good that you may gain what is not good, consider how inequitable and foolish you are. Besides, which would you rather have, a sum of money, or a friend of fidelity and honour? Rather assist me, then, to gain this character than require me to do those things by which I may lose it. "What place then, will I hold in the state?" - Whatever position you can hold with the preservation of your fidelity and honour. What use can you be to your country when you are become faithless and void of shame. Is anyone preferred before you at an entertainment, or in a compliment, or in being admitted to a consultation? If these things are good, be glad that he has gotten them. And if they are evil, be glad that you have not gotten them. And remember that you cannot acquire them without using the same means, and never expect to be thought worthy of an equal share of them without paying the price. Don't imagine that he has gained any advantage over you. For as he has the lettuce, so you have the fifty cents which you did not give. So, in the present case, you have not been invited to such a person's entertainment, for you have not paid him the price for which a supper is sold. It is sold for praise, it is sold for attendance. Give him then the value, if it is for your advantage. Have you nothing then, instead of the supper? Yes, indeed, you have : the not praising him, whom you don't like to praise; the not bearing with his behaviour at coming in. The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from one another. For example, when our neighbours boy breaks a cup, we are presently ready to say "These things will happen". Be assured then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup is broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. As a mark is not set up for the sake of missing the aim, so neither does the nature of evil exist in the world. If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on his way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens to verbally attack you? In every affair consider what precedes and follows, and then undertake it. Otherwise, you will begin with spirit; but not having thought of the consequences, when some of the appear you will shamefully desist. "I would conquer at the olympic games!" But consider what precedes and follows, and then, if it is to your advantage, engage in the affair. You must conform to rules, submit to a diet, refrain from dainties, exercise your body, whether you choose it or not, at a stated hour, in heat or cold; you must drink no cold, nor sometimes even wine. Then, in the combat, you may be thrown into a ditch, dislocate your arm, turn your ankle, swallow dust, be whipped, and after all, lose the victory. When you have evaluated all this, and inclinations still hold, then go to war. Otherwise, take notice, you will behave like children who sometimes play like wrestlers, sometimes gladiators, sometimes blow a trumpet, and sometimes act a tragedy when they have seen and admired these shows. Thus you too will be at one time a wrestler, at another a gladiator, now a philosopher, then an orator, but with your whole soul nothing at all. Thus some, when they have seen a philosopher and heard a man speaking like Euphrates, have a mind to be philosophers too. Consider first what the matter is, and what your own nature is able to bear. If you would be a wrestler, consider your shoulders, your back, your thighs; for different persons are made for different things. Do you think you can act as you do, and be a philosopher? That you can eat and drink, and be angry and discontented as you are now? You must watch, you must labour, you must get the better of certain appetites, must quit your acquaintance, be despised by your servant, be laughed at by those you meet; come off worse than others in everything, in magistracies, in honors, in courts of judicature. When you have considered all these things, approach if you please, if by parting with them, you have a mind to purchase apathy, freedom, and tranquillity. You must be one man, either good or bad. You must apply yourself to things within or without you; that is either be a philosopher, or one of the vulgar. For if you suppose any of the things not in our own control to be either good or evil, when you are disappointed of what you wish, or incur what you would avoid, you must necessarily find fault with and blame the authors. Immediately prescribe some character and form of conduct to yourself, which you may keep both alone and in company. Be for the most part silent, or speak merely what is necessary, and in few words. We may, however, enter, though sparingly, into discourse sometimes when occasion calls for it, but not on any of the common subjects, of gladiators, or horse races, or athletic champions or feasts, the vulgar topics of conversation; but principally not of men, so as either to blame, or praise, or make comparisons. If you are able, then, by your own conversation bring over that of your company to proper subjects; but, if you happen to be taken among strangers, be silent. Don't allow your laughter to be much, nor on many occasions, nor profuse. Avoid swearing, if possible, altogether; if not, as far as you are able. Avoid public and vulgar entertainments: but, if ever an occasion calls you to them, keep your attention upon the stretch, that you may not imperceptibly slide into vulgar manners. For be assured, if a person be ever so sound himself, yet, if his companion be infected, he who converses with him will be infected likewise. Provide things relating to the body no further than mere use; as meat, drink, clothing, house, family. But strike off and reject everything relating to show and delicacy. But don't therefore be troublesome and full of reproofs to those who use these liberties, nor frequently boast that you yourself don't. If anyone tells you that such a person speaks ill of you, don't make excuses about what is said of you, but answer: "He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.". It is not necessary for you to appear often at public spectacles; but if there is a proper occasion for you to be there, don't appear more solicitous for anyone than for yourself; that is, wish things to be only just as they are, and him only to conquer who is conqueror, for thus you will meet with no hindrance. But abstain entirely from declamations and derision and violent emotions. And when you come away, don't discourse a great deal on what has passed and what does not contribute to your own amendment. For it would appear by such discourse that you were immoderately struck with the show. Go not[of your own accord] to the rehearsals of any authors, nor appear at them readily. But, If you do appear, keep your gravity and sedateness, and at the same time avoid being morose. When you are going to confer with anyone, and particularly of those in a superior station, represent to yourself how Socrates or Zeno would behave in such a case, and you will not be at a loss to make a proper use of whatever may occur. When you are going to any of the people in power, represent to yourself that you will not find him at home, that you will not be admitted, that the doors will not be open to you, that he will not take notice of you. If, with all this, it is your duty to go, bear what happens, and never say [to yourself] "It is not worth so much". For this is vulgar and like a man dazed with external things. In parties of conversations, avoid a frequent and excessive mentions of your own actions and danger. For, however agreeable it may be to yourself to mention the risks you have run, it is not equally agreeable to other to hear your adventures. Avoid likewise, an endeavor to excite laughter. For this is a slippery point which may throw you into vulgar manners, and besides, may be apt to lessen you in the esteem of your acquaintance. Approaches to indecent discourse are likewise dangerous. Whenever, therefore, anything of this sort happens, if there be a proper opportunity, rebuke him who makes advances that way; or, at least, by silence and blushing and a forbidding look, show yourself to be displeased by such talk. If you are struck by the appearance of any promised pleasure, guard yourself against being hurried away by it; but let the affair wait your leisure, and procure yourself some delay. Then bring to your mind both points of time: that in which you will enjoy the pleasure, and that in which you will repent and reproach yourself after you have enjoyed it; and set before you, in opposition to these, how you will be glad and applaud yourself if you abstain. And even though it should appear to you a seasonable gratification, take heed that its enticing and agreeable and attractive force may not subdue you; but set in opposition to this how much better it is to be conscious of having gained so great a victory. When you do anything from a clear judgement that it ought to be done, never shun the being seen to do it, even though the world should make a wrong supposition about it; for, if you don't act right, shun the action itself; but if you do, why are you afraid of those who censure you wrongly? If you have assumed any character above your strength, you have both made an ill figure in that and quitted one which you might have supported. When walking, you are careful not to step on a nail or turn your foot; so likewise be careful not to hurt the ruling faculty of your mind. And, if we were to guard against this in every action, we should undertake the action with the greater safety. The body is to everyone the measure of the possessions proper for it, just as the foot is of the shoe. If therefore, you stop at this, you will keep the measure; but if you move beyond it, you must necessarily be carried forward, as down a cliff; as in the case of a shoe, if you go beyond its fitness to the foot, it comes first to be gilded, then purple, and then studded with jewels. For to that which once exceeds a due measure, there is no bound. Women from 14 years old are flattered with the title of "mistresses" by the men. Therefore, perceiving that they are regarded only as qualified to give the men pleasure, they begin to adorn themselves, and in that to place ill their hopes. We should, therefore, fix our attention on making them sensible that they are valued for the appearance of decent, modest and discreet behaviour. It is a mark of want of genius to spend much time in things relating to the body, as to be long in our exercises, in eating and drinking, and in the discharge of other animal functions. These should be done incidentally and slightly, and our whole attention be engaged in the care of the understand. When any person harms you, or speaks badly of you, remember that he acts or speaks from a supposition of its being his duty. Now it is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you, but what appears right to himself. Therefore, if he judges from a wrong appearance, he is the person hurt, since he too is the person deceived. For if anyone should suppose a true proposition to be false, the proposition is not hurt, but he who is deceived about it. Setting out then, from these principles, you will meekly bear a person who reviles you, for you will say upon every occasion, "It seemed so to him". Everything has two handles, the one by which it may be carried, the other by which it cannot. If your brother acts unjustly, don't lay hold on the action by the handle of his injustice, for by that it cannot be carried; but by the opposite, that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you, and thus you will lay hold on it, as it is to be carried. These reasonings are unconnected: "I am richer than you, therefore I am better"; "I am more eloquent than you, therefore I am better". The connection is rather this: "I am richer than you, therefore my property is greater than yours;" I am more eloquent than you, therefore my style is better than yours". But you after all, are neither property nor style. Does anyone bathe in a mighty little time? Don't say that he does it ill, but in a mighty little time. Does anyone drink a great quantity of wine? Don't say that he does ill, but that he drinks a great quantity. For, unless you perfectly understand the principle from which anyone acts, how should you know if he acts ill? Thus you will not run the hazard of assenting to any appearances, but such as you fully comprehend. Never call yourself a philosopher, nor talk a great deal among the unlearned about theorems, but act conformably to them. Thus, at an entertainment, don't talk about persons ought to eat, but eat as you ought. For remember that in this manner Socrates also universally avoided all ostentation. And when persons came to him and desired to be recommended by him to philosophers, he took and recommended them, so well did he bear being overlooked. So that if ever any talk should happen among the unlearned concerning philosophic theorems, be you for the most part, silent. For there is great danger in immediately throwing out what you have not digested. And, if anyone tells you that you know nothing, and you are not nettled at it, then you may be sure that you have begun your business. For sheep don't throw up the grass to show the shephards how much they have eaten; but, inwardly digesting their food, they outwardly produce wool and milk. Thus, therefore, do you likewise not show theorems to the unlearned, but the actions produced by them after they have been digested. When you have brought yourself to supply the necessities of your body at a small price, don't pique yourself upon it, nor, if you drink water, be saying upon every occasion, "I drink water"(context: wine is better than water). But first consider how much more sparing and patient of hardship the poor are than we. But if at any time, you would inure yourself by exercise to labour, and bearing hard trials, do it for your own sake, and not for the world; don't grasp statues, but, when you are violently thirsty, take a little cold water in your mouth, and spurt it out and tell nobody. The condition and characteristic of a vulgar person, is, that he never expects either benefit or hurt from himself, but from externals. The condition and characteristic of a philosopher is, that he expects all hurt and benefit from himself. The marks of a proficient are, that he censures no one, praises no one, blames no one, accuses no one, says nothing concerning himself as being anybody, or knowing anything; when he is, in any instance, hindered or restrained, he accuses himself; and if he is praised, he secretly laughs at the person who praises him; and, if he is censured, he makes no defence. But he goes about with the caution of sick or injured people, dreading to move anything that is set right, before it is perfectly fixed. He suppresses all desire in himself; he transfers his aversion to those things only which thwart the proper use of our own faculty of choice; the exertion of his active powers towards anything is very gentle; if he appears stupid or ignorant, he does not care, and, in a word, he watches himself as an enemy, and one in ambush. When anyone shows himself overly confident in ability to understand and interpret the works of Chrysippus, say to yourself, "Unless Chrysippus had written obscurely, this person would have no subject for his vanity." I desire to understand nature. And so I ask, who interprets nature? And finding that Crysippus (or any philosopher) does, I seek his interpretation. So far, there is nothing to value myself upon. What remains is to make use of his instructions. This alone is the valuable thing. But if I admire nothing, but merely the interpretation, what do I become but a grammarian instead of a philosopher. Therefore, when anyone asks me to read Crysippus to him, I rather blush when I cannot show my actions agreeable to his discourse. Whatever moral rules you have deliberately proposed to yourself, abide by them as they were laws, and as if you would be guilty of impiety if you violated any of them. Don't regard what anyone says of you, for this, after all, is no concern of yours. How long, then, will you put off thinking yourself worthy of the highest improvements and follow the distinctions of reasons? You have received the philosophical theorems, with which you ought to be familiar, and you have been familiar with them. What other master, then, do you wait for, to throw upon the delay of reforming yourself? You are no longer a boy, but a grown man. If, therefore, you will be negligent and slothful, and always add procrastination to procrastination, purpose to purpose, and fix day after day in which you will attend to yourself, you will insensibly continue without proficiency, and, living and dying, persevere in being one of the vulgar. This instant then, think yourself worthy of living as a man grown up, and a proficient. Let whatever appears to be the best, be to you an inviolable law. And if any instance of pain or pleasure, or glory or disgrace, is set before you, remember that now is the combat, now the Olympiad comes on, nor can it be put off. By once being defeated and giving way, proficiency is lost, or by the contrary preserved. Thus Socrates became perfect, improving himself by everything, attending to nothing but reason. And though you are not yet a Socrates, you ought, however, to live as one desirous of becoming a Socrates. The first and most necessary topic in philosophy is that of the use of moral theorems, such as "We ought not to lie", the second is that of demonstrations, such as "What is the origin of our obligation not to lie", the third gives strength and articulation to the other two, such as "What is the origin of this as a demonstration?" For what is a demonstration? What is consequence? What contradiction? What truth? What falsehood? The third topic, then, is necessary on the account of the second, and the second on the account of the first. But the most necessary, and that whereon we ought to rest, is the first. But we act just on the contrary. For we spend all our time on the third topic, and employ all our diligence about that, and entirely neglect the first. Therefore, at the same time that we lie, we are immediately prepared to show how it is demonstrated that lying is not right. Upon all occasions we ought to have these maxims ready at hand: "Conduct me, Jobe, and you, O Destiny, Wherever your decrees have fixed my station." Cleanthes "I follow cheerfully; and, did I not, Wicked and wretched, I must follow still. Whoever yields properly to Fate, is deemed wise among men, and knows the laws of heaven." Euripides, Fragment 965. "O Crito, if it thus pleases the gods, thus let it be. Anytus and Melitus may kill me indeed, but hurt me they cannot." Plato's Crito and Apology ----end------