Alyosha

Once they cheat, it cannot be redeemed. I can forgive, but I cannot get caught in the same patterns again. And the trust is tempered with, so no matter how good it seems, the second something seems off, you'll most likely be paranoid. It's hard to let something like this go. But it's the smart thing to do. You can still see the beauty in the memories and her as a person, as well as how it made you grow. But nothing is beautiful about trapping yourself within those toxic cycles.

Hey man I understand your turmoil, but at the end of the day try to see it as respecting another person. Just have good intentions about not being a prick. Throw out all the other labels. At the end of the day, its happiness you want. Not war and conflict. And the conflict that arises can be dealt with properly. You can only control yourself.

Leo do you ever think about leaving American society and its politics? Because this crosses my mind often. It all seems so pointless sometimes.

"Game" and the dividing line between having good intentions and being a scummy pua is more murky than people would like to believe. Trying to get a girlfriend or a healthy relationship/interaction can be a tough process sometimes. From a guys perspective, a girl whos a real catch has many options, and it is important for a guy to be aware of when his time is being wasted or if hes being used. So it would serve him well to spread his options and not invest too heavy into one woman until the relationship shows actual signs of potential and growth. But at the same time, a guy can take it too far and just play the game exclusively for his own benefit. He may get used or led on a few too many times, and then just settle with the fact that he needs to be an asshole and not care about anything real, and only seek what suites his desires. It's a balancing act. And for me, I am learning that I just need to have the best intentions in mind i.e. not trying to manipulate or hurt someone for my own selfish reasons. I also realize that it is incredibly valuable to have a foundation in my own purpose, and things that make me happy by myself. So when things don't go exactly as I'd like with a woman, I can always fall back on things that make me happy without the need for affection and validation.

Just read a book on Stalin. Fuckin amazing how such an incompetent delusional man ran that nation and won a world war without running the whole thing into the ground. He literally went into shock when the nazis invaded and hid in his office for two weeks.

No, my avatar is the main character from The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. His name is Alyosha hence my name.

And thus I'm realizing that I must search different places to see this in person. A big part of my bias has been my own patterns. It still stings when I am reminded of my past suffering with women though. All in due time.

You seem like a very sweet person. I admire that. I admit that I am trying to get past my biases, and it is taking some work.

I apologize if my post caused any offense.

Lmao this whole thread has me crying with laughter

The worst bosses I've ever had were all women.

I dont think there is a spiritual karma that comes with eating meat. I believe in humane treatment of animals in regards to eating them and not overusing meat as a resource, but I think meat provides many nutritional benefits and I think veganism has certain nutritional shortcomings.

I support equality of genders, but I refuse to be dominated and bullied by women taking advantage of feminism. And yes I've seen that happen first hand.

I'm not 100%familiar with the term neo liberalism. Would you elaborate on that?

My theory is the symbolism behind it all. As leo said, we are becoming more concious as a society, and the symbol of trump and how grotesque he is is such an eyesore and an obvious alarm to the halt of said progress. Although what previous politicians have done is much worse, I think it's this coming of age view of our society that makes it easy to paint trump as the worse. It's almost as if the former leaders are excused because we were more asleep to it in a sense? That's just a theory though. I had a casual conversation at work and Obama was brought up. And this girl expressed how much she loves that man. And I made a little joke calling him father of the drone strike, and she had this very uncomfortable look on her face. If trump started drone strikes he'd be seen as the second coming of Hitler easily.

I'm honestly appalled at the amount of passes posters are granting to the former war criminals who ran the usa. You're all so stuck on image that you refuse to actually see the actions.

Hilary had a man killed due to her wreckless misuse of top secret information and bill has been to Epsteins pedophile island multiple times. George W committed terrible war crimes in the name of stopping weapons of mass destruction which was a cover for oil and resources. I've yet to see trump commit crimes on this level. To me, comparing trump and Clinton's/Bush's is like comparing a dirty used car salesman to corrupt wallstreet bankers. One is more despicable on the surface, but the crimes of the latter run much deeper.

My intuition tells me hilary would have done more shady shit than trump's wreckless ass. As Leo stated, trump is a fake dictator and a coward whose ego is too fragile to commit true war crimes. I feel a bit safer in that regard. It just seems like the trump hate is rooted mostly in his image. But hey, I'm not the most knowledgeable on politics.

I made a point to vote against trump in the 2016 election, but in hindsight everything against trump was based on things he said while everything against hilary was based on her actions, aka corrupt maneuvering of top secret information which got a man killed. Trump is a monkey who deserves to be impeached, but from my point of view he really seems to lack the venom and long term corruption that former empire families in the usa have had (the bushes, the clintons). hes so simple minded that all of his moves are on display, while former presidents have been more clever in disguising their true selves.

The meat industry really messes with the environment. All this other stuff people are saying is just nonsense.

I'd be happy to answer these questions in depth. 1. I have actively tried to be healthier and stay away from drugs, and often times this is the case. As I've managed to stay away from it for months at a time. The real reason it still gets to me at times is the peer pressure. It's not necessarily active peer pressure. I just come into situations that tempt me because in the moment I want to be apart of the fun. I am very close with my brother, and this is how him and his friends choose to party when they're in town. Especially around holidays. Although I'm aware of how it will make me feel bad, I convince myself in the moment that its worth it, and that I'll be able to contain myself better than I have before, which often proves futile. Gay thoughts and urges leave me feeling uneasy because they are usually triggered through cocaine. In my every day sober life, I feel like a straight man. I have rarely had these urges in a sober state. I have never felt attraction towards my friends or had any real romantic feelings towards men. All my gay feelings have been purely sexual and mostly under the influence of drugs. The feelings I feel for women are much greater than men that it isnt even worth comparing. Essentially, I feel ashamed of my gay urges because they feel more as a drug fueled fetish rather than an authentic part of myself worth exploring. I dont feel like I'm hiding or withholding a part of myself in every day life like a person who is legit gay or bi would be doing if they refused to come out. And the issue with confidence ties into this too. Over the past few years, I have gone through a rough patch with women in my dating life. The past few attempts I've made at dating have not gone my way. And it lead to me really questioning my confidence and with dating and attracting women. I have actively taken time away from dating as a result. I've also had physical issues in this regard. I have been dealing with chronic digestive issues that have made it difficult to have a normal eating routine. I've had fits of vomiting and an inability to keep food down on and off for years. I've lost a lot of weight as a result. I have finally found the proper resources to help me get past this and I am feeling much better. But it's a long grind to get to a healthy weight. And right now, I cant imagine physically being with a woman at my current weight. I think if a woman wanted to have sex at this moment, I'd deny her as I wouldn't feel attractive enough. I'd feel too self conscious about my skinny frame being shown and being that vulnerable. I've also had a past of erectile dysfunction. Partially caused by my penis being calloused from masturbation and partially from performance anxiety. I've had trouble orgasming and keeping it up in the past due to these issues and it has played a role in me avoiding sex with women. So I think these confidence issues I've experienced and am currently working have caused me to avoid my normal urges. And when I'm influenced by drugs, I seek sexual pleasure through homo erotic urges/playing the role of the bottom because I want to feel something in that moment. I only have interest in giving pleasure to men if I chose to hook up with one, as I my past with ed makes me afraid of trying to receive. It all feels so complex and I'm not sure where to go from here other than to obstain from masturbation for awhile and continue to work on myself physically and emotionally. And of course avoid drugs.

I am slowly working on weening my meat intake. Partially for health purposes, and partially for environmental purposes. As far as how much, thats up to the individual.

I really enjoy writing. I wanted to start a blog as a way to express myself, and maybe use it as a source of income if I'm fortunate enough. Does anyone know of the best and most efficient way to start one? I used to have tumblr in the early 2010's, but it seems as if that site has not been the same.

@FabulousKitchen thanks for the input. Are you saying that you didn't like free social media vs paid domains? Why did that take more work? Is it easier to get your work out there if it is on a paid platform?