remember

you can use a lifetime figuring out the differences between egoic- love and self-love. if you say it still feels selfish to love yourself and more spiritual to love others, you did not understand how deep self-love really goes. self-love without understanding the notion of an ego and without understanding what is meant with Self-Love seems like Love an abstract meaningless word or concept if you did not Understand what is meant. You must at least once have met a person who is practicing self love to get a hint about what self-love is. as i understand it it is more like a self compassion and i guess what leo includes is love = truth. although leo includes compassion into truth as far as my understanding goes. so as long as you put ego before these of course you won`t understand the importance of realizing that it is still egoic love and it always will be also egoic love, egoic love where ego and higher self align and the one you need to love is it as you can`t overcome that. self love means your godly self loves your ego and your it until the point where they become godly self. it all does not work without self understanding, and until you do these terms are all abstracts like skandhas or kaya. and even if you understand you might have not arived there yet as you can never stop understanding. and all of these concepts if you practice real self-love you don’t need to know them.

in the link i posted they say stomach problems can be avoided by using th dry powder. or they also recommend to make a syrup/liquid to drink. with recipe. @Serotoninluv yes i have my experience with purging and i have my experience with people who do 5-meo don`t ask me witch one was more spiritual.

@Serotoninluv no i was talking about spiritual cultural heritage. i don`t know about the purging and if the amazonas shamans would remove it. or maybe the special diet is the clue and it`s also what is part of becoming a shaman. maybe mother aya likes that joke if you approach her unprepared.

@Serotoninluv well this shaman was in general a little upset about how the holy medicine is prescribed and used - when she did it the first time she prepared for a whole year to also get the full spiritual experience. she also was upset about the fast healing promises and lack of respect about the "madre" how ayahuasca is also called. she said the practice is oftentimes irresponsible. i don`t know but i`m someone who doesn`t like to take all traditions away as i don`t see the sense in a spiritual psychedelic if you take the spiritual completely away from the psychedelic. it remains a psychedelic. or maybe it`s a fast spiritual experience. probably she knows something we don`t know.

it might still be part of the traditional cleansing process, or it is exactly that what makes the difference between a real shaman and someone who experiments on the substance - a real shaman prepares not only through special dieting but also spiritually. and that`s also probably the difference for someone who does it with or without a real shaman. i`m not sure if you understand that the spiritual and the medical cleansing might be more connected than we think. it might not at all just be about the clean experience. of course it is different if you vomit from the substance or from the psyche/soul, but maybe the substance can teach you some things about spiritual cleansing you were not aware of yet. maybe for the psyche/soul it does not make a difference, by what trigger the body gets purified. yes the woman was mainly writing about ayahuasca. maybe ginger would really work for mescaline. there are two recipes on this web site... i was curious for this one... still not completely sure if i want to be a toad milker though...but i would probably prefer that, somehow i`m not so much into the chemistry, i still like witchery more. will see if i try it. probably more for the witchery than the effect.. still. and if that works out fine, tabletop mushrooms. https://www.zamnesia.com/content/218-what-is-a-san-pedro-cactus#3

reconcile with realizing that you already did - you already left him. don`t let him go on harming you by accepting everything as it is, you can learn from it, learn to say no to people overstepping your boundaries take back your body fully, discover your femininity completely, reclaim power over your body and will - there are even ways to experiment on this trauma sexually if you have a new partner, i guess taking your power back would be best to take place with experimenting with another partner, someone where you can find back to your trust in yourself also learning to talk about what you want and want not. did you have another partner since then? also a part of self-love really could be going public with it, especially if you think he might do that to other women! although to find out about it, it would be very important to find out if his action was based on low awareness in him and maybe because you did not clearly say no or because he really overstepped that boundary with full understanding of what he was doing. i`m super aware that this does not make it less severe!!! it`s only about the question: if you would have clearly said no would he still have done it? so it`s just about the severeness of what happened. some guys are completely blind if it`s about sexual boundaries and some are super careful and then are afraid to make any move, because they don`t want to overstep any boundary, so it`s also difficult for guys sometimes, without wanting to apologizing the immense dullness of at least guessing the mood (tears are usually a sign for not wanting, or at least tears of joy usually look different from tears of pain). also to understand how it could arive at that point maybe understanding what sexual dynamic you both had before these incidents, was he sadistic from the start? i read that people who experiment a lot with boundaries and pain, that they have signs to signal when to stop, so might be that could also be a good idea for people with bad experiences. in that sense if he could do the same again and produce other victims it would really be a huge part of self love to make this public or at least finding out if his current girlfriend is ok. so in that sense maybe confronting him would be best, maybe he also feels apologetic on his own, although if not you might get more upset.

mhhh let`s rewrite the song if it`s evil, i also changed one line completely to shapiro`s wishes, maybe shapiro want`s to give that to his daughter and tell her to not imagine anything: Imagine there's just heaven It's easy if you try even with hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people living for today Imagine there are countries It isn't hard to do a lot to kill or die for And so much religion, too Imagine all the people Living life in war You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one we set books and words on fire And the world will be as one Imagine all possessions I wonder if you can so much greed and hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all these people Sharing all the world You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one again we will set books on fire And the world will live as one

if the psychedelic makes you awaken, or opening the third eye, you might vomit also from self-disgust, just by realizing the massive evilness of your shadow, your life can be a happy spiritually pure, giving and healthy one - it doesn’t change that you might need to vomit from disgust. fear does not need to be anxiety, people might vomit because their eye sees more than the eye of another. or maybe because the soul body is actually able to maintain some purity, as the body rejects some things to not belonging to itself. sensibility is not always a weakness, maybe the body reaction even has something positive, realizing the body is still able to reject what makes it sick. own deeds or others deeds - for self-love in that moment there might be no difference. in ayurveda they think „ama“ is stored at the body in different places, they clean the stomach in panchakarma because of different reasons but it’s only one of five -problem might be kapha imbalance, so the throwing up might be a hint towards that. maybe the throwing up really also cleans the body and is not really something that should be avoided - even spiritual dieting might be interesting in that regard, too. i read an article of a shaman recently who was upset how substances are used nowadays, they were shamanic substances once and not to heal the patients - they were meant to make the shaman see. there was more knowledge attached the substance alone won’t teach you. spiritual dieting was one of what she mentioned.

i‘m stepping into a denn of snakes here because i am german and in germany it’s difficult to even talk about the topic without being pointed at with all arguments why germans shouldn’t take any position towards the situation. well no not really it starts the moment germans bring pro palestinian arguments. and i must say i‘m not in any way taking sides with one of both sides if i am allowed to talk about it, i want to be allowed to talk about it from both perspectives. and yes i‘m still self biased i‘m self biased because for a long time as a child i felt guilty, i‘m self biased because jewish culture feels culturally more close than muslim culture even though more muslims live in germany than jews, and still i don’t know much of both. in sense of spiritual heritage i feel very close to a lot of jews who lived in this country before some people tried to mess up the world to whom i feel no connection - i also feel connected to a lot of atheist jews as i grew up atheistic... so there is a very deep conflict regarding semitic heritage and let’s face some aspects, like what cultures are semites? are we talking about a religion or a country are we talking about a skin colour or genetic heritage, what are we really talking about. all of these are points where i don’t see a lot of healthy discussion from so many israeli citizens and also i don’t see a healthy discussion taking place between germans and israelis, although i think exactly there it could or maybe even should happen, because it touches really deep wounds - i also sometimes think it has something sad to it, because there is much denial and a lot of insecurity still to talk about the topic of what it really means to be a victim, and how difficult it is to also accept to also be an aggressor and having to justify that. i‘m not saying palestinians are not also at fault for how they do warfare. i‘m just saying beware of selfjustification, it’s a trap.

perhaps it’s the mixture of butts, murder and competition about the games why women don’t take part in it so much - women take on an educational mandate more often, you also find more of them in social studies etc. this is maybe not because of the gaming industry itself, but also because the gamers are mainly male - guys who like gaming might prefer artificial buts before actually becoming attractive to women - who prefer something else. that’s how gaming industry became mainly a niche. and that’s why it’s unattractive to women, working conditions would probably not be the reason if women where attracted to the work - but it’s not about what they like to get attention for in their art. why should anyone want to get attention in work for their buts? (the women who did, made big buts acceptable in real life, female buts have always been discussed controversially - it’s really interesting though who decides on how our buts have to look like.) i guess it’s the same as with automotive desig - it’s not that automotive would not be fun, it’s just that they mostly are made to attract males, and introducing something new would be difficult, design in general has a long history trying to be more attractive to men, and men if they don’t know what women like, they oftentimes just make a pink variation of it - that’s why there are fast pink cars. it has some art factor on its own, although under a certain light it all looks...

it`s a form of meditation - we can build altars and pray or think about those who are gone, it is easier if we have a ritual tool in front of us that cleans our spiritual space or guides us with light. also sending this as a gift to the dead is a form of respect and some cultures believe it is nurishment for their souls, that`s why they have family shrines. it is a form of love meditation and also confronting the fear and horror. it is also a cleansing ritual, to purify the own emotions instead of suppressing them. believe it or not some incense also really changes the vibration of the space and cleanses the energy.

awareness is not limited to a thing mindfulness is not limeited to a thing or to nothing, even though it sounds very nice and contains partial simplified truth, awareness is the notification of everything that arises and the full dedication to the moment that arises and one step further it is the understanding of how it arises, meditation though is the attempt to be aware of the moment, bare of external arising and the listening towards its coming and going. while mindfulness awareness includes all external arising, meditation awareness is about all internal arising. therefore you can`t meditate while you are in a conversation, that would be rude . but you can have a conversation while you meditate.

@John Doe you can`t do anything to make unseen what you have seen, if you want to rationalize, be prepared that you will see more than you have seen there, not in sense of the horror you have seen but in sense of the horror you have not seen. so decide for yourself how you want to process it, but i would maybe sit down, light a candle or some incense and try to let all emotions that may want to arise arise. i would light that candle or incense for them, the ones who died and the ones who killed and the ones who watch and the ones involved. and however often you will have to do that however much your mind wants to rationalize return to what you feel inside.

in some situation anger can feel pretty good - the question is always in what situation. if anger was not there how would that topic even pop up? although i can see that ignorance does not protect from bypassing. even awareness oftentimes does not protect from bypassing. if i ignore the bypassing i make it worse. the same with the child, it is not that no consequence should be practiced if she dances on her mothers nose. hurting her sister for example must be stopped very early, but how should she understand that the older is not supposed to gently hurt her sister? some children can be really mean and even start hurting their parents physically, that`s also not ok, it`s also not ok if they play mind games. so it is important to stop them playing the mind game. but the way doing that is of course relevant. maybe the mother could imagine for one day that she would be a public worker and her child was not hers - would she still hurt that child? and then if she was a public worker would she still hurt her own child while she wouldn`t hurt the child of someone else? so is her own child less worth than the child of someone else? or what exactly is the relationship to a child? i guess if she was a public worker she would loose her job if she would hurt someone elses child, that`s the consequence. if a country is not able to protect children doesn`t mean we can`t learn to have better expectations of ourselfs. but in the long run it`s also the goal to change that about the country. if the country denies the responsibility to educate on that or intervene.

what is not the definition for innocence. especially if it is not: they don`t know what they do. because they could know what they do.

that`s victim mindset. yes, victim produces victim, but she`s a grown up who refuses to take responsibility, by not looking for the fault in herself. the consequence is not innocence. not knowing does not prevent from doing, not wanting to know and still doing is knowing and still doing. a child can`t reflect that, a grown up can, that`s the difference between her and her victim. and that`s what makes her a culprit. very hard to accept that if someone is so innocent.

@Mikael89 perfect so what are you then doing if you know all of that? what is the synthesis of still wanting? what is the action plan? i mean you are stuck with this two years now... you must have developed some kind of plan...at least in essence. the op at least takes action in trying to find a way without focusing on the fast results too much. don`t tell me you still are sitting in that car in the middle of the desert waiting for a road runner to come by. mep mep

why are dry fasts more effective than water fast? it seems like the water would flush out a lot of toxins from the body... would be interesting what is the bio-physiological background. of course i guess in the most cases you would have to loose substance along with the toxins - because probably the toxins are substance too so alone loosing substance might detox the body already, but where it`s interesting is what happens on cellular level and then further the transportation and what happens on organ level. so just pouring in water, flushing out, i can see how this might be a thought trap.

if you search for emptyness you will find emptyness if you search for destruction you will find destruction if you search to give what is not yours to give or take what is not yours to take all of these will create void - love is there despite all of that. but some people want more. there is not only something called the pathless path and the gateless gate but also something called the bottomless pit.

no it is not normal - you can tell her it might be accepted in some places, but in a lot of places on the world it is not accepted. if i would encounter a woman openly scolding and gently hitting her child i would give her a really gentile look or tell her gently screaming that i think it`s not ok, because the majority in my country thinks it is low and weak to treat a child like that who is helpless and would probably support me if the woman would leash out against me. depending on what future she wants for her child...she could realize that the majority in all rich countries in the world where successful people live condemn harsh attitude towards children. not that it never happened or happens in history or now but because they realized it is uneducated and unrefined cruelty. she also could think the other way round, how does she want to be treated when she is an old woman? making her aware that it could be that every harsh word she utters now will fall back onto her. is your sister religious? maybe you could argument in that direction, too. the thing about books is there are a looot of good books which go into the topic of good parenting, scolding is not part of one. there is not one successful book about how to scold your child. you could also tell her that. unfortunately i don`t have any book recommendation. strongly recommending the rice experiment again for general awareness. everytime she wants to hurt her daughter she should hate the rice in the hate glass. if she will be not shocked and change i don`t know!

nice - of course the new country alone will make you already feel more like a stranger. the first social interactions might be about the everyday life problems, that`s normal, because that`s where most people are coiled up in. depending on who you are talking to there might be a situation where this gets more interesting. i mean survival on a different level - survival itself can be huge topic there are a loooooot of books written about survival and there is a reason why. survival can still be fascinating and especially in another country, the perspective on survival might be a complete different than in the country you grew up in. (from where did you move to where?) loneliness can be beautiful especially when you are in another country, it is a given that a part of you already is lonely due to the strange, because your sense of home is alone in someone elses home - the new home you will slowly integrate into you. what is beautiful about it? can you connect to people so they show you what they like about home? can you connect to that home from your home? can you invite the strange in to yours? enriching cultural and personal interaction starts by accepting loneliness - wandering a street in a strange country alone is exiting! discovering is exciting, yes you will discover it alone! and then at one point you won`t even notice how you made the change, you won`t feel alone anymore because you are part of them aswell. fragrance your time with loneliness but not with abandonment! don`t abandon your loneliness, inhabit it!

my life purpose has always been consciousness. there is not just one purpose in my life and i could not pack it into one project alone. i also would not want that. at the moment i`m in a sense waiting until purpose takes me to another shore - it has always been like that so i am not an agressive seeker, although i try to work on some basic karma at the moment. maybe i`m still waiting for the sea to settle a little bit. an odyssey is not a cruise. sorry @Zigzag Idiot we are using your diary... it`s a little rude. (int-ruding)

so what about your insane accusation of buba? i did not accuse you by the way i just said that there are some really really interesting similarities. so sad he removed the penis doll. what about the mifi bunny? sometimes of course things seem different than they really are and sometimes things are exactly how they seem. not knowing is a really really difficult thing especially if you know some things. sometimes it might be better to stay curious what`s really going on.

@Key Elements ah now i understand what you mean - for me there was no forcing or not forcing, i was just sent back with an unknown purpose. some things in life are too synchronistic to be coincidences.

so you mean you had a near death experience? or an out of body experience? i would really love to hear! i had a near death experience once, the day after, i shaved my hair. there are reasons for everything.