Khron

Democrats are just the end punch of a white supremacist one-two punch. And their constituency contains the group white supremacy has oppressed the most overtly, vigorously. Poverty creates violent crime. The one-two punch creates a cycle. We can enter it any point of the cycle and our explanation will be just as true. I will enter the cycle at what I called the one punch. At the federal level, Republicans fund poverty through tax cuts. The second punch is Democrats not doing anything about it. So they create the poverty that creates the violent crime. They then hire police or poverty managers to manage the poverty. The police make sure impoverished people don't do the things that are inherent to the nature of the situation they were forced into. Of course the guy is right and the Democrats are just denying the truth. But the only reason that is the truth is the same indictment on the Democrats and the system itself from a different angle. The people this cycle Hurts the Most tend to vote Democrat. That literally means the system is doing the opposite of what it was supposedly built to do. All men are created equal so we'll make them fight to the death.

It's been less than a week of no fapping and I'm already hating this shit. I'm an addict. Started around 13 and viola, 40 Year Old Virgin. I've done a week before so I don't really expect the urges to hit hard until week 2. The real reason I'm already hating it is the anticipation. I know what's coming: depression. I can already feel the reasons I've not been able to stop boiling to the surface. I've always had difficulty accepting my body since growing up I thought self-esteem was externally dependent basically, until my twenties. By that time, I was already deep in depression. In that torture dungeon of my own making is where I stayed until just a couple years ago. I dread falling back down there like the Spanish Flu hopped up on shots of covid-19. That belief, failure, rejection, inadequacy, is just as fresh as the day that depressed little 13 year old put it in the fridge , only I have aged and developed a disability: a side of fries and a drink. I actually resent the very idea of sex and intimacy now. I hate that it makes me feel so needy. I hate learning to court guys, having to figure out how fake I need to be, cuz you can't say what you want to say or you'll scare them away, how not actually into him I need to act for him to be interested in me. The game of courtship seems like such an enormous waste of time to me. Mentally and physiologically, I need intimacy and I have to play games with these motherfuckers to get it. Porn is just so much less BS-y. I hate needing stuff from people. Finally, with his personal development, I found something that works for my mental health and I can do it all alone. I don't have to depend on anyone to do it for me. Then Maslow comes along with his hierarchy of needs, screaming you going to need sexual intimacy from someone else if you ever hope to achieve the highest levels of actualizacion. Yeah fuck that guy and his food pyramid. I was fine. I was improving. After over 20 years in the dungeon torturing myself with no end in sight, I have finally escaped and now you telling me I have to now trust the very people that led me down there and left me to rot with my heart. Fuck you! I hate this shit.

I would argue a nation jump-started by slavery, who's best effort to Rectify and make those people whole happened about two centuries ago and was extremely inadequate, it was stopped by homegrown terrorists to whom the government capitulated, has never not been divided. This is an opportunity to exploit the division that was already present because we refuse true and complete integration.

Just like cops, the state always goes easy on white men with guns. One reason I can see is the nation was started by white men who u used se guns to take the land. To be hard on them or hold them to the same standard as everyone else delegitimizes America's right to existence as it impeaches America's forefathers. That's what I see going on under the surface. On the surface, white men with guns know white men with guns will not hesitate to kill you and white men shooting each other is some American Civil War type shit. The only people white people are more afraid of than black people are white people because while they will shoot you , you don't want to be on the bedside of other white men with guns. Which brings me to the second reason I see the state is so easy on white men with guns. They can most easily be manipulated by the state to terrorize or protect the state from Justified or unjustified change. White men with guns are America's white blood cells , you keeping her in tight homeostasis. They do this even when it does not benefit them to because the American state is part of their identity. She can do no wrong. And white supremacist are America's friends. She uses them and right-wing fascists in general, to topple governments all over the world. George Washington was a fascist. There are images / statues of him posing with fascist symbolism. America's roots are fetishistic and white men with guns is a symbol of America's roots. Contrastly, America's earliest gun legislation was Banning black men From owning them. A black man with a gun is actually a symbol of Justice, symbolizing the end of white supremacy. Because collectively, all black men have ever fought for in this country is freedom and justice. So when white men with guns see black men with guns, their first instinct is to kill them. It's fascinating to me because it is all happening under the surface, totally undetected by the populace at Large. This historic dynamic is in America's blood. It's trauma no one wants to look at except to skim or talk around after a white man with a gun kills an innocent black man.

I am positive I've picked up some drama from the sexual Arena but it wasn't so much that I was unable to get it but that I was unable to accept it. When I first started to Fap at 13 or so, I had only ever seen circumcised penises. I was uncircumcised and in my ignorance, I didn't know the foreskin pulled back. So for an extended amount of time, I had never seen the head of my penis and had hurtfully accepted that I was different from every other boy. On top of that, I was fat and gay. I wasn't completely a boy, didn't want to be a girl but I liked boys. I believe as a result, ever since even after I found out uncircumcised is natural I have subconsciously regarded my penis as deformed or at least wholly undesirable. I've had many opportunities to have sex and have had many sexual encounters but I avoided anything that called for me to disrobe or expose my penis to someone else. Man, I don't know what could be a deeper scar than that and I wouldn't know how to start to get to it if it were.

I was going to contemplate relating to people and I looked up the word relate to help get me started: To identify with... My mind went immediately to this reoccurring feeling of alienness I've carried with me as long as I've been depressed. I've identified 4 points of its foundation. Fatness: kids can be cruel to a kid. Gayness: straight Society can be cruel to a kid. Blackness: White Society can be cruel to a kid. And probably most devastating to me was cut / uncut status. Seeing nothing but cut dicks in porn and looking down as an impressionable youngster not knowing what the fuck that thing was. Whatever it was, it wasn't what all the other boys had. For six months, a year or more , I don't even know, I had no idea there was something under the hood. It took a somewhat random doctor's appointment to reveal to me even though I had been playing with it regularly , I had been neglecting a part of it I had no idea existed. I will spare your imaginations from painting an image, but when I saw it for the first time , I remember thinking: what the fuck is that? So I might have a little trauma surrounding my genital area. I think these four points make up a big reason I've always felt alone in every crowd. I can't relate to people because I'm an alien in human skin... or so says the program running in the background. I've definitely tried my damnedest to socialize and pick up guys and there have been many times where I was successful, but there was always that line that could never be crossed. Stripper rules: I can touch you but don't you fucking touch me. Just receive this pleasure and we can both walk away happy. God! I really didn't want to have to deal with this shit. I was just going to get rich and pay somebody to pretend to like me. It would have been grand.

I agree that money in politics goes deep. It's as American and equally as old as the Constitution itself in this country. That's why I am skeptical of the take the money away and leave them with nothing , so to speak, approach. I'm thinking more like the Indiana Jones approach LOL. Remove the artifact as you replace it with a rock so that at weight value, nothing has changed but something very substantial has. It's an idea. Thanks for the engagement.

If the problem is politicians taking money from special interests, we should make money irrelevant to politicians to neutralize the threat. The meta problem underlying greed is they're trying to fill a void that cannot be filled with money. I propose via legislation, we make it so that politicians do not need to use money for anyting. Basically, based on constituents satisfaction, everything is free for them. They can get every material thing money can buy with the currency of public approval. It would be on a graduated scale like a five-star system, just for example. As a one-star politician, you can purchase basics like a house and a car up to a certain dollar equivalent amount. Whereas a five-star politician would be able to purchase a mansion or a private jet even. And is not like you have a certain amount that depletes. Is dependent on the end cost of the thing so theoretically, they would be able to purchase a fleet of private planes. But something like multiple of a a single thing would require direct public approval whereas if they were to just get one, their standing five star status would suffice. But I'm getting off into the weeds. The only thing the other cars can offer them is money. With the power of our government, we can offer them everything money can buy plus widespread public adulation / love. The wealth in the fame of a movie star with the added bonus of constantly being shown you're doing good things for lots of people. We won't be able to fill the void, only they can do that but we can redirect what they use to fill it. Our approval becomes their currency. I'm anxious to hear any thoughts. I'm actually considering writing a book about it as I omitted a lot of details to condense. I floated this idea on Facebook to no comments and to my mother who I would rate as a stage blue with scattered orange and green showers. It totally triggered her. I can't even bring it up anymore. She was supportive of me writing a book about it though. Anyhow, cheers brothers and sisters.

I agree. Today, I am positive most will recoil at the idea at first, it's counterintuitive. On its face, it looks like the opposite of what you want to do so I'm not sure of the best way to sell the idea yet, but either we fund them through our taxes or they keep giving our money to the wealthy. I think the direct approach like wolfpac as Leo mentioned is easier to sell to people, but I am skeptical because of its directness. The opposition knows it's an attack right away. But yeah, the recoil would be real until the results start coming in.

Good points. I did originally think prohibiting money for them would also be part of it, I did not think of the supreme court judgment and super Pacs. But, I think it would still work without that prohibition because that stuff still has to be disclosed. The fact that they accept any money for campaign or whatever May naturally become a dark spot on their trustworthiness because the government already gives you everything. Why are you accepting outside money? Or why is the Super PAC running ads for you? That in itself May become ammunition for an attack ad. Meaning, they can still do it but it's a blemish. I do not see this as something that is an instead switch over but rather it's implemented with freshman politicians because the older folk are stuck in their ways. We start with the new people and just let time run its course.

Public Funding.

I've been meditating for 6 to 10 months. I honestly don't know when I started. I did not make a note because I thought it would create too much pressure or give ammo to my ego when I fell off the practice after a ridiculously short amount of time. Anyway, I've come to enjoy it. I was on the toilet thinking about it and I began to ask myself why I like this shit. I'm not doing anything! And it struck me, I like it because it allows me to be free. No judgment, no expectation, no obligations , I can just be. I compared that to the rest of my waking hours and I started bawling. Why can't I just leave myself the fuck alone. Why do I insist on torturing myself? It's insanity. I'm literally my own personal terrorist. Just sharing.

@Meetjoeblack I believe I get your meaning. I come from a Christian background as well and many of the Christians I've come in contact with are about breaking headboards in that their Christianity pivots around their ability to memorize and regurgitate scripture. It was a very convincing show that definitely impeded any Bond we may have developed. And likewise, present was also much infidelity to the religion. I don't believe I am worried about being good at sex as much as whether it would impede my personal development if I didn't pursue it. The act itself divorced of whether it creates a new life.

I'm a 39 year-old disabled gay fat boy that has done sexual acts but had never had sex. I understand it probably has spiritual value in a relationship but stand-alone. Are there any insights to be had from it? Does it change you in some way? It gets to me at times, being a Old Virgin but as of late I've not even thought about it much. I figure it will happen when it happens if it happens. I realize ultimately I am the reason I've never had sex but I question whether not having it is really such a bad thing. Is it just another experience or does it bring something fundamentally different to your personhood?

Fluctuates from don't care to I feel like an alien. It's an annoyance.

I've had a meditation practice for about six months. In which time I've moved up from 10 minutes to 40 minutes everyday with maybe a five to 10% failure rate as in I miss days. I tried meditation for a short time before this relatively solid practice block. I noticed most of the thoughts that pop up now are administrative just like when I started months ago... Are you doing it right? You're not doing it right. It's supposed to be like this. All these thoughts are flying past and you are observing past thoughts instead of current thoughts. Now, you're not even observing , you're trying to stop thoughts completely. It gets to the point where I feel like my entire meditation session is just me trying to meditate. Is full of course correcting and oh you forgot about this because it's supposed to feel like that I think and on and on. Even when I try the do nothing method, I keep asking myself hey, am I doing this right? Am I doing nothing correctly LOL. How do I know if I'm doing it right? How is it any different from any other time I let my mind run free? So, my question is is all of this supposed to happen or am I bringing my own neuroses into the process?

@Raptorsin7 thanks for your engagement.

@silene I think growing up, most of the positive reinforcement I received was through academic achievement so I developed a need to be right. I'm not real sure how to deal with that but I can see how it could clash with meditation, a world of ambiguity, in my experience. I believe there is some mind comparisons going on. I have the impression regarding meditation, a silent mind is the correct answer. Good notes

Be disabled. Even though I know it was out of my control, I still feel constant guilt for it.

I've been depressed since my tweens. I watch the videos & I do the work. It's painful as hell is I probably don't need to tell you. Thing is, I want this to work for me so bad. I want to stop feeling like a defective human being. But isn't this need the very reason it won't work for me? If true, how do I get around that?

@Anna1 I figured Letting Go would be the answer. But isn't that the same as forget about it? I didn't even know it existed a day ago. I'm not sure what the difference is. I probably do need therapy , which pisses me off even more. Suck it up , right.

@Leo Gura I think I hate him. The kid me. I said I loved him because he was determined to survive earlier but I'm pretty sure I hate him. I hate him for his weakness. His weakness took decades of my life away from me. I am still in pain for what he did to me. I live in a state of constant self judgement because that little shit was too scared of fucking everything to speak up for himself. That Revelation hurt more than anything yet so I guess I'm on the right track.

Through the work & interacting on this forum, it's been revealed to me that I can't accept love or believe I can be loved and that nothing I do is ever good enough because I don't derive value from my being. Could this really be right? It doesn't make sense to me. You create value. How could I be valuable doing nothing? Why would I be valuable doing nothing? It's ridiculous. This has to be self-deception. My ego is tricking me into being lazy.

Thank you all for your words, they gave me much to think about. As I I am writing this reply I am reflecting on the state I was in when I started this thread versus now. I believe I was in ego backlash. I had been working on uncovering childhood vows and realizing how as a kid I was systematically dismantling myself resulting in a decades-long deep depression infuriated me. I was in think I still am a bit so mad at myself for basically shutting myself out of my own youth. I have to remind myself that I did the best I knew how so as to protect myself. I cry like a baby LOL, but in the end I love that kid for being so determined to survive even if it was in a million little pieces. But in this ego backlash I was so remorseful for the past and overwhelmed by the work I need to do for the future, I didn't know which way to go. After months of work, I didn't even know if I was moving at all. Your replies help me to see indirectly and directly, that I have made progress. I Cry still because the work is painful but my depressive emotions don't stick like they did before I started this work. I noticed my mind is more focused on what I need to do to improve rather than dwelling on what I believe I missed. I'm still very fragmented though. I think I love the kid and love myself because love is work but I don't like myself nor do I believe I can be loved by others. I find it so weird and contradicting. It also makes me fearful. There's a part of me that doesn't want to love life . There's the old saying, Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. For me, the jury is still out on that one. Thanks all.

I have been depressed since my early teens. I started to see light at the end of the tunnel around age 34, then I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and I fell right back down. I am 38 now. MS derailed all the progress I thought I was making and led me to actualize.org. This work has led me to the realization that to save myself as a kid, I was destroying my future happiness. I am working on uncovering my childhood vows and I am seeing how I was reinforcing my self-destruction time after time after time and it has made me so very very angry. The realization that I wasted a large chunk of my youth and 2 decades of my adulthood depressed over crap that never actually mattered infuriates me. I wish I had succeeded in my teen suicide attempts. I think part of what makes me angry is the fact that there is no one I can legitimately direct it at. I want to be angry at myself, but I didn't know any better. I want to be angry at my bullies, but I know they were just my mirror images who found a different way to cope. They didn't know any better either. I want to be angry at an adult, my mother even. "Why didn't anyone tell me I was destroying myself?" But they weren't inside my head, watching me systematically shut down all things within me that I needed to develop in order to become a relatively well-adjusted adult. So I just sit with this ball of fury In my chest, wishing I would have not been so inept at offing myself. This work is constantly reminding me of how badly I screwed myself and it's given me the ability to see some my self degradation on autopilot. It's so omnipresent, so controlling, so damaging, so demoralizing and I did it to myself. That's infuriating and this is just the beginning, i'm sure. I just don't know what to do about this anger.