Most people's method for awakening is like trying to catch fish with bare hands.
Horribly ineffective. And then when you tell them to use a net or stick of dynamite they demonize you for it because they have been brainwashed that unless a fish is caught with bare hands it isn't a real fish.
Human spiritual technology is still in the Dark Ages. Like trying to saw down a tree with your teeth because you saw a beaver do it that way.

I am not sure how much I can surrender to the truth. And I don't know if it this can get even more deeper.
What I just experienced was absolutely insane.
There was some minutes where I was gone and I was in bliss. But then the peak was gone and I started seriously contemplating what has happened while still on the effects of the substance.
I started having a conversation with myself as God. Seeing that I am all that exists and I am alone in my creation. This created me existencial terror and I started wondering how God bears this knowledge. I actually asked him
God started showing me that he can bear being God by not having self-referential thoughts, in other words: being in non duality...which for God is actually creating a human and a universe and forgetting itself in that.  
A funny way to look at this dream is to picture it as a way for God to forget itself and ironically being in non duality!
Lol.
Seems fundamentally suffering comes from being in duality = having self referential / thoughts that create space between you and the thought.
I asked him about the "do others exist?" question that my ego always has. And of course "do others exist?" Is a question that only make sense if I believe myself as real. So maybe I should stop making that question since I am not real.
I will probably take a longer break to the next trip because I don't know how much I can bear of this. 

There is really no damage to control. I just needed to make clear that what Connor is doing has little to do with my teachings.
The reason I reached out to him is: 1) Because I don't want him to hurt himself, and 2) Because I don't want him to give spirituality and psychedelics and Actualized.org a bad image. Yes, your video spurred me into taking these possibilities more seriously because in general I don't take people like Connor seriously unless I'm really forced to. I don't sit around watching people's spiritual videos. My attention is focused on my own work. When some posts a video mentioning me or criticizing me, I have zero interest in seeing it. My initial reaction is that it's a distraction. Any errors in my work will not be revealed to me by some YouTube reactionary, they will be found by myself. I don't need you to tell me where I'm deluded, I will find all those areas much deeper myself.
I still hold to my initial statements:
1) Connor is acting like an unhinged lunatic in the way he style his videos. Any casual observer with perceive him to be unhinged, regardless of whether this is true or not. I wanted to speak to Connor to find out if he's actually unhinged in person. My conversation with him was healthy and reasonable. I wish he came off that way in his videos so people don't get the wrong idea. But he told me he deliberately plays up the crazy for purpose of views and clicks. To me that's a waste of my time. This entire "controversy" is basically nothing but clickbait drama. Which is why I don't usually respond to such things. It's a distraction from serious spiritual work. I generally don't like it when people create controversy and drama just for attention because this seriously distracts my audience from the deep work they should be focused on doing. I am protective of my audience's attention. I don't want it directed towards dramatic stuff like Connor's Tantric sex. It's a waste of time.
2) I still hold that Connor is a Zen devil. I have an old video: Becoming A Zen Devil, where I explain many of the traps Connor is falling into.
My treatment of Connor was fine considering that I try to keep my focus on my own work and not the work of others. When a guy comes off as unhinged I don't give that person much of my attention. That's what happened. Then your video made me rethink the situation and get involved. I generally don't like getting involved in such things because it's usually not constructive or productive.
No, he is not saying the same things I am saying. Not at all. I have never engaged in clickbait with my channel. I do the opposite of clickbait and it costs me millions of views and $$$. So to compare my teachings with Connor is absurd.
Just because Connor says basic spiritual truths such as "I am God" or "Life is a dream" or "Do psychedelics" does not mean his teachings are the same as mine. Those a common spiritual truths which many spiritual teachers say. What matters is the other 95% of the teaching.
My leaving video was recorded after a massive breakthrough in consciousness facilitated by 5-MeO-DMT, which is why I left to do the 30 day retreat. I was also going through a very challenging health situation.
Firstly, there were no "antics". I just sat in a bath. That's it. That's what you call "antics".
Secondly, I thought you had an issue with my taking a bath on 5-MeO-DMT. I know some YouTube reactionary did, I guess that wasn't you but someone else. I confuse you with that someone else. My bad and my apologies.
Lol. I will watch porn whenever I damn please and I don't care about your judgments on the matter.
If you have a problem with me watching porn or jerking off, that's all you.
Addiction is your assumption. I never said anything about addiction. It was a spiritual experience, and an amazing one that you only wish you had. To become fully conscious of what sexual desire is, is a profound awakening. And to give yourself the sexual pleasure you desire is also a profoundly healing spiritual experience. Try it sometime instead of judging
Expression of sexual desire is not a pathology.
Calling Connor a Zen devil was a precise articulation of his problem. My comments were derogatory in the same way that anyone new watching some of Connor's unhinged videos would react. BTW, I withheld commenting or judging Connor for many months. People have been posting his videos here since last spring and I withheld judgment even though in the back of my mind I already saw that this guy was a troublemaker and a potential distraction. I only called him an unhinged lunatic after enough of his videos were posted here and your video linking him to me was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I toned down my language so that I could reach out to Connor and find some common ground to try to persuade him not to go down the road of Zen devilry. If he continues making unhinged clickbait videos, my initial opinions of him will stand. I want to give him some space to correct himself.
Such abilities are not delusional bullshit. But these abilities require serious spiritual practice to actualize. A psychedelic trip alone will not grant these abilities in the sober state. This is still something I'm researching and figuring out.
That particular statement was overstated, to be fair to you. And I can see why that would arouse skepticism in people like you.
Nevertheless, deep consciousness can indeed resolve and heal many problems in your life. It's not a magic cure for everything. Some problems need to be fixed at the material level. So I will concede that point to you. I exaggerated with that statement. I do have tendency to exaggerate and overstate things sometimes in order to communicate the depth and profundity of these remarkable states of super-human consciousness. Sober words don't really do these states justice.
The truth is that everything that I said about spirituality, consciousness, and psychedelics is a gross understatement. I have accessed states of consciousness which are absolutely beyond anything that could be explained or taught, or that has been accessed by traditional teachers. Doubt me if you like, but I don't care. In these states of consciousness literally every problem is resolved. The problem is how to sustain such consciousness. That's the only real problem.
I get very little out of engaging with you. It takes up time which I could invest in creating better videos.
I have a general policy not to engage with any reactionary material to my work. Now, of course, my critics will chalk that up to the fact that my positions are too weak to be defended in public debate. But the reality is that the things I teach cannot be debated at all. So I don't debate and I don't react. I don't really do interviews either. Because I want all my attention to be focused on constructive work.
My policy has always been not to engage reactionaries. I made a rare exception for your video because Connor has a large audience and I don't want them to get misled about this work, and also because I became somewhat concerned about Connor's psychological health. Your video did make me take this issue more seriously, as I initially dismissed the seriousness of the situation. Because my mind is not focused on anyone's work but my own. So some thanks to you for that. If a see some crazy YouTuber doing something, I generally have no interest in butting in. I got my own work to focus on.
This whole incident, thanks your video, has made me even more convinced that in the future I will not be responding to any reactionary YouTube content about me. And that is because nothing of value comes from it. I will not do debates and I will not defend any of my teachings. My teachings will stand completely on their own merits. My teachings are true only if you can validate them for yourself. Anything that comes out of my mouth which you cannot validate is not true. Which makes things very simple. My teachings are not an ideology of any kind and therefore they require no defending or debate. You cannot discover the truth of my teachings via a conversation, discussion, or debate. You cannot know whether miraculous healing is possible from super-human states of consciousness via discussion on YouTube. The only way to solve that is to actually do it.
I thank you for your willingness to engage in a public conversation, but I would rather focus my time and energy towards creating positive new content rather than distracting my audience with drama, gossip, and controversy.
It's not that I'm saying you're wrong, either. Even if you are right, I will let the audience make that determination for themselves while I move on with doing my constructive work. But I simply have no interest in publicly adjudicating rightness or wrongness. A much faster way to adjudicate that is through actual practice. Practice is what will cut out all the falsehood. If you are right and I am wrong, practice will show that. So I would rather just direct my audience to practice more.
I simply have zero interest in explaining myself to YouTube reactionaries. I would rather just focus on making videos that actually help people do spiritual work.
Okay, good for you. In general I have a very low opinion of YouTubers who make their careers as reactionaries. If that's not you, then great. I wish you a long and happy career as a constructive content creator rather than a troll.
Maybe at some point in the future we could have a public conservation, but right now my focus is on deepening my own practice. I'm not even much interested lately in being a YouTuber. Very soon most of my focus will be going into my own radical awakening and spiritual practice. When I do my deepest work you will not even know that I exist.

Who told you to worry?
Be good, if you want. Be bad if you want. Either way is Good.
If you are looking for reasons to be good, you haven't understood goodness.

Leo posted this on his blog:
 
In this video, Freke and Wilber talk about the mystery of "What the hell all of this is" and how questioning your own existence is fundamental to having any insight into the nature of reality.
 
It seems to me that what Leo is either unaware of, or simply does not care about, is the fact that the sense of mystery, the sense of utter not knowing and realization of ignorance, is fundamental to aquiring any greater state of consciousness by natural means. The reason for this is because this sense of mystery is what guides your attention. Leo in the past talked about how you need superhuman concentration abilities to attain enlightenment through natural means.
This is not really true. All you need is focused attention. Not superhuman, focused attention over a long period of time. The foundation for that focus, for that guiding of attention, will be the sense of mystery you feel when you truly look at reality and are bewildered by it's existence. The sense of mystery is basically your primary tool to attain realization. Curiousity is the foundation of this work, there is nothing that beats it.
 
Every time Leo tells you what reality is, what Consciousness is, what God and Love is. Every time he does so and you believe him, your sense of mystery gets dimmer and dimmer. Your ability to look at reality in utter awe and bewilderment, and therefore focus on the most subtle of things within your experience, is impaired. And of course, once Leo has impaired that ability, he will go on and tell you to take psychedelics. He will tell you that you need those psychedelics unless you are special. Of course he would tell you that because he himself has destroyed his own curiousity. He has destroyed his own sense of mystery, and so the only tool left for him to explore the nature of reality are psychedelics.
 
Leo will tell you to not believe him, to not believe his concepts and ideas. To go look for it yourself. This is to me utterly irresponsible. You cannot expect a student who uses you as a teacher to not believe what you tell him. Even if the student tried not to, their mind would create a belief. And that belief, that certainty, will be detrimental to their path to realization. This is simply what will happen, whether intended or not.
 
 
When you have your fancy ideas about what reality is and what it is not, and more importantly, if you look for the answers within the realm of thought and ideas, you will not be able to guide your attention on the aspects of reality which require you to. In this work a question is a thousand times more valuable than an answer, because the answer locks your attention within thought, while the question has the chance to make you glimpse beyond thought and ideas, to look around in your own experience until you may stumble upon something you never stumbled upon before.
 
Attention is absolutely foundational. And to guide attention, a sense of mystery is absolutely foundational. This work cannot be done in a robotic way. Every time you sit down and do this work it has to come from that place of mystery. When your are truly bewildered, your mind will allow you to see beyond your current understanding.
When you are bewildered by the fact that a sensation of touch exists, when you are truly mystified by that, that is when your might is ready to look and see.
 
 
Everything that dims your sense of mystery will be detrimental. Even if you take psychedelics, if your mind constantly gives answers to itself about what it is seeing, then that is what your mind will be focused on. It's attention will be consumed with ideas and thoughts instead of that which is right infront of it.
"What the hell is this?", is all you need. No answers, no explanations. Only genuine curiousity, genuine recognition of mystery. From that place, this work will be effortless, joyful.
That genuine curiousity and sense of mystery is what needs to fuel your attention, it is what needs to fuel the seeing, the looking. When you take your psychedelic, you do not need to nurture your sense of mystery. You do not need to nurture you attention. You will be shown, but you will lack the tools to discover on your own. Unless you preserve your curiousity, unless every day you look at the existence in wonder and mystery. At that point, once your sense of mystery is dead, if you want to achieve ego death your only hope will be to bombard your mind with psychedelics until hopefully your ego dissolves in a way that doesn't turn your into a sleepless zombie.
 
I cannot say it will apply to everyone, but I would encourage people to watch out for this.

WTF!?

They are not legal for recreational use, only in therapy clinics.
But still a huge victory!
Time to start a commune in Oregon, boys and girls. Osho 2.0 but with more drugs

Be careful not o remove them all at once:
"What about silver fillings? Many people have been exposed to mercury through metal amalgam dental fillings. Having them removed isn’t as easy a fix as it sounds. The extraction process can re-expose someone to the mercury the fillings contain, because removal emits mercury vapor that can easily enter the bloodstream. That’s why I recommend only having one silver filling removed per dentist’s visit, and that’s only if the silver filling is starting to fall apart or loosen or if there’s a problem with the tooth."
Excerpt from Cleanse to Heal book by Anthony Williams.

Andy Cutler's detox protocol book.
You must buy the book and follow it rigorously.
If you detox improperly you could end up killing yourself, like the guy above.

But it's not like one awakening contradicts the next. Each awakening simply expands the depth of understanding of Truth/God/Love/Oneness/Infinity. So your question is moot. What I am talking about is not like believing in something which could turn out to be false later on.
I don't just know it. I AM it. I AM INFINITE LOVE types these words.
God knows itself by being itself. It is essence of consciousness that it can be perfectly self-aware. I have had infinite self-awareness.
Again, you create a duality. The two are One.
Exactly! Because surrender would kill you. Which is the last thing you (the ego) wants.
What controls God, is God!
The whole trick here is that you (ego) refuses to let God/Love control you. You are a devil, which means you think you are in control and that without this control you would die.
You are resisting surrender of all control to God out of deep fear.
Imagine for a moment that you would not have to make another decision in your life again, because you just completely trusted that God would take care of you. That's what total surrender/awakening is like. You completely surrender all attempts to manipulate reality to make it suit you. It's total selflessness. You are so selfless that if God tells you to jump of the roof and die, you would just do it without any resistance. You would have no will of your own.
THAT is what utterly terrifies the ego. You are to scared to trust God's intelligence. In your selfish arrogance you think you are smarter than God! That's your devilry in a nutshell. You refuse to bow down before God out of fear. And God perfectly understands this. God will not force you to bow. God will wait for a million lifetimes until you wise up and decide to bow out of your love for Truth. Because the Truth is, YOU ARE GOD! So how can God force himself to realize himself when he has chosen to stay asleep?
You see the problem here? If you were human, God could force to awaken. But you are not a human, YOU ARE GOD! If you are God, and you have chosen to be asleep, not even God himself can save you because you are him but don't realize it!!!
Imagine if, one day, God forgot that he was God. How would God ever fix that, especially if he refused to accept that he was ever God?
That is EXACTLY your situation.

Yeah... that's fear. You've got a lot of fear to surrender before you are able to realize the Love of that alien super-intelligence. You're not going to get stuck in hell forever. That's just one of your deepest fears, so of course it hits you hard.
The reason it feels forced is because YOU forced! LOL. That's what 5-MeO-DMT is! When you sit down to smoke bufo what you are basically saying is: "Force God upon me." And so it is. Then the question is are you able to handle what you asked for? Are you able to chew what you bit off? Which is why moderate dosing is crucial. You can certainly traumatize yourself with God by taking  a large dose because by putting a chemical in your system you are brute-forcing awakening at the material level. And the material level tends to be ruthless. Gravity is not going to have compassion for you if you jump out of an airplane. Gravity will feel unloving in such a situation. But that's because you were crazy enough to jump out of an airplane. It's your job in this situation to ensure you have a parachute and know how to deploy it.
Definitely try plugging it. Much gentler and smoother.
Lower your dose. Don't be macho. This is not about who can do more. It's about finding the perfect dose for your current station in life.
You will also get used to 5-MeO-DMT the more you do it. The first few times it just feels so alien, otherworldly, and confusing.
Go slowly. Be patient. Play the long game. Take time to integrate. Trip only when you feel like you're ready for another dose of Truth. Sometimes I have to take months between trips. Don't be trying to copy me by doing some 30 days challenge bullshit. That's way too much. You should not be taking that as the standard example of how to trip. I was doing very hardcore stuff there because I wanted to test the limits.

Intro – This was by far the biggest mindfuck on a psychedelic I’ve ever encountered… Like a serious fucking mindfuck. Which is crazy because they’ve all been a trip. But this one felt so fucking personal and so deep that I’m really at a loss for understanding it. A lot of integration will be needed for this one. Even this report is merely scratching the surface of what happened.

What I write about below describes a very visionary trip. I have 0 clue of the ontological validity of what I write about. I can’t claim that any of this is “true” or “false.” Honestly such distinctions don’t even make sense to me after this one. All I can write about is what I experienced, and I suspect only until physical death will this trip truly be understood. It may sound new agy and not really in line with strict non-dual theory, but whatever.
Phases of the Trip:
Surrendering to God
Becoming an Infant and God
Light and Love 
Meeting the Soul
Clairvoyance
Set – I’ve taken quite a bit of time away from tripping compared to my normal schedule, so leading into this trip my mind felt very grounded to baseline reality. I was particularly various of how to activate the Super Saiyan form not as a state but as a stage of my personal development. Out of all of my trips, that one felt incomplete, like I had tapped into some higher form of myself, but hadn’t gone quite all the way. This was my biggest intention – what is the Super Saiyan, and what was I really here to do with this life? What is my soul here to do?

Setting – My room, LoFi and Psych Rock music, eyeshades for some of the trip.
Surrendering to God
So as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m a type 1 diabetic. Long story short I have to make sure my blood sugar is stable, so I don’t go hypoglycemic and have a seizure. 
I’m sitting there listening to fairly aggressive music with my eye shades and slowly starting to feel the perceptions of my body and mind melt. It felt like they were merging with the entirety of my experience, as though the boundary of body/mind and the other senses were one. This process started accelerating and I realized I should check my blood sugar before I went any deeper. However, when I lifted the eye shades it’s like the trip exponentially intensified. I was now in a totally different realm. I realized I had no fucking clue how to check my blood sugar, my mind kept slipping away at deeper and deeper levels. I was losing the ability to know where I was or who I was as a human. Somehow, I knew that I needed to check my sugar, but I was so disoriented that even the idea of diabetes felt hazy and distant.
A primal fear and panic kept coming all while my mind continued to slip away; imagine what a stage beige being on the SD scale would feel overtaken by fear. I then was struck with a very powerful gut instinct that surrender and faith was what I needed, faith that the intelligence running this show wouldn’t let me die, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Perhaps foolish on my end to be in this situation at all, Im not sure. If I experiment with doses like this again I think Ill need a trip sitter for health reasons. Nevertheless I accepted the possibility of my death in that moment but also acknowledged this faith that I would preserver. It felt like the only way to transform this fear was to accept my situation fully, which was by extension accepting the faith that this was not the end. My body instinctively started going into bilateral symmetry with an anaji mudra moving from my 3rd eye and back to my down to my heart.
Becoming an Infant and God
My mind is melting at this point to degrees I never thought possible. I reached some sort of mental crescendo where nearly all knowledge of reality was gone and all possibility of knowledge was gone. My identity was like an echo, only staying anchored in reality by this intention to understand what my soul was here to do. I kept repeating those words, “What is my soul here to do?” like a mantra as this chaos of total not knowing unfolded. The words became unrecognizable except for the energy those words carried, that I was trying to go to the source. I recall losing touch with all language, but there was an instinctive understanding of what this meant, yet the specific words where no longer understood.
My 3rd eye, throat, and heart chakra then blasted open, my body started moving into all sorts of bilateral symmetrical positions on the floor, and space-time flipped, it was like I time traveled back to my birth, entering into infant consciousness. There was one field that felt like was being spawn out of my spine, nothing made sense, I felt totally lost and alone yet a sense of “I am” persisted and the obsessive intention to find my soul. I didn;t even know what this intention meant anymore other than it was the only part of reality I had left.
As I was this infant, I simultaneously felt the presence of God. God watching over this child, this child being distinct yet identified with God itself. I was in total God mode at this point, yet still in the duality of God and child. It was like duality and non duality were yin and yang, yet one. I felt loved by God, completely vulnerable and at the mercy of my own will, to my self. It was so twisted and I’m still trying to process this paradox. I remember wanting a parent or some sort of guide to help. I felt totally lost, totally in touch with the infinite and it was all I could do to keep my sanity as I looked at the present divinity, emptiness, and total lack of any form of knowing other than God itself. God felt like an infant with total understanding and wisdom through a mechanism of a complete lack of knowledge as we humans refer to it as. 
Light and Love 
As Im in this stage of the trip, I started experiencing reality as light and love. No matter what form perception took on there was only this blinding light of love. Eyes closed? Light and love. Eyes wide open? Light and love. Body all twisted up? Light and love. No matter what form perception took on, it was all the same substance, this light and love. I saw so fucking clearly how no matter what form reality took on, there was nothing but love. Even murder and rape, at this level of consciousness there was no possibility for evil, evil was seen as a simple mind game constructed for the sake of survival. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that evil was not even possible at this state because there was only one thing. I just let myself sink further and further into this love with the only the intention to find the source of what I was here to do. 
Meeting the Soul
As this light and love is shining through and as the very substrate of reality, a vision of an immense being appears. This colossal, infinite being of light appears and is looking at me, but still tethered to this Love, as though a hand of God (one of an infinite number), both God and this Being looking down at me. This being of light felt ancient and primordial, like it had been through an insurmountable amount of... I’m not sure. It seemed to be infinitely wise and loving. As I’m making contact with this thing, an intuitive understanding took over that I was making contact with my soul. I was staring at the identity structure that transcends this lifetime. Mind you, all of this happening within a multidimensional context of identity meaning there was distinction between this triad of ego self, soul, and God yet all were one. I saw that my diabetes was intentional. I saw that there was more to God than merely living in full blown non duality. That there was an immense ineffable intelligence orchestrating everything. That it was all spontaneous, free, yet directed. I was not merely here to be enlightened, but to spread this knowledge to humanity. 
As this vision was filling my being, this soul started pouring into my third eye, down my throat and into my heart. Even today as I write this my throat and chest are sore as if the surrounding musculature has been stretched too far; it hurts to talk and breath air into my chest. As this Being’s light is penetrating my body I was given this memory of being born, choosing this lifetime, choosing these circumstances yet it felt like I was returning to a pact id set with myself, like I knew this LSD trip was going to happen, and was merely waiting to receive this information from myself. It was like my third eye started downloading information from this soul being. I was then sent back to the beginning of my life, of my birth and experienced my life up to this moment at a supra time scale. In a nano second my entire life up to this point made complete and utter sense, everything was perfect. The light continued to pour inside of my body and I experienced a clairvoyance of where I was meant to go and what I was meant to do and how the past was irreducibly linked to this present experience and future.
Clairvoyance
We’ll see how much this plays out over time. But what happened next is that I literally started having visions at lightening fast speeds and solving a string of complex problems in my life. Financial issues, career issues, creative issues, relationship issues, like... everything. Literally with every passing second I was generating not only the right brain oriented visions of purpose and direction with multiple domains, but also the left brain oriented details of the pragmatic steps of what action needed to be taken. This information felt like it was being energetically seared/downloaded into the third eye, down the spine into the lower chakras, and throughout energy channels of the body’s musculature. It was both physically painful but healing. 
I spent the remainder of the trip problem solving at deeper levels as the LSD effects slowly disappeared.
Take away –
It feels like I’m done with my psychedelic work for a bit. This trip put so much of my life into context that it feels like there’s little left to explore with psychedelics for the time being. I have the steps I know I need to take, and all that’s left is to take the steps. To head the call of my intuition and go on the hero’s journey. The vision I had of myself was massive, easily a 15-20 year endeavor… and so really I just have to trust in myself. I have no doubt I’ll do psychedelics again, but damn I just feel… Exhausted from this one. It was so much material, and so fucking deep.
Another thing I’d like to mention for those pursuing psychedelic work: Do the manual practices! Without a shadow of a doubt, my meditation practice is partially responsible for how deeply I was able to go. I’ve also been doing daily hatha yoga which I theorize helps with processing the excess energy of a psychedelic, and allow various emotional releases. If you are interested in the practice of cosmological exploration, the manual practices are a must.
 

Hey there,
this is a shameful tripreport of mine, quite funny and interesting to read probably so I want to share it... Actually I'm not a newbie concerning psychedilcs, I did various partially quite strong substances in not small doses, half of the time alone contemplating about reality. So I took 2 blotters in the evening and waited for more than an hour, and usually I start to feel something around half an hour, but this time nothing happened. It was already late and I was a little bit impatient, so I took another two blotters because I did 3 blotters alone some time ago and everything was fine then. Quite soon after that it kicked in with its full potential, and I became extremely conscious that everything is imaginary, including death and whatever else.
I had an extreme laughing flash and I don't know why but I felt the urge to jump out of my window (I already did it several times before (1st floor), maybe there was an unconscious fear that someone in the house would hear me and be scared of it). So I jumped out of it, not realizing I was naked (I realized that the next day when I found the underwear in my room). It was around half past 1 in the night and it rained, but I felt free and unbound as never before. At first I jumped around the garden, to the disadvantage of the plants, wallowing in the dirt and laughing and screaming, running around and feeling like ten times faster than usual. Everything felt godly, devine and perfect. So I ran down the streets, screaming and laughing and not losing a single thought about what others may think of me or whatever. I just remember shredded thoughts and scenes, but of course it happened: The police came and got out of the car, asking me who I am.
I remember telling them I am god, what else could I be?! So they ask me where I come from. I'm coming from nowhere and I'm going nowhere, where should god go, I asked them back. The rest I almost don't remember. So they put on handcuffs and took me to the police department, constantly repeating that I'm full of drugs. I remember telling the female cop several times how absolutely stunning beautiful she is, and trying to tell them that everything is god and they are infinitely loved and I love them and wish them the best and whatever. So then I was at the police department but I don't remember much, just got some pictures in my mind, always cops that are laughing and beeing happy. I only remember constantly speaking about love and that everything that's happening happens out of love and that they are fullfilling a purpose, feeling completely merged with the cops that spoke to me. I remember how funny I found that society is imagining all these laws and rules, that everyone is constantly feeling under pressure to do right and striving to come to a resolution where everything makes sense, and I was completely seeing through the game knowing the only thing necessary is love, and the resolution of everything is here and now. Everyone is living the life others want them to live, the cops trying to be the good guys and wanting to guard the law, and I just give a shit and just am, spreading love and making them laugh, telling them how beautiful they are and they do a good job and whatever. Then I remember not beeing able to move and feeling some pain, beeing in a very fast car. I guess it was the ambulance. I don't know why but I felt like beeing tortured with very advanced technology, and at first I felt fear but then I surrendered to the situation and it was ok. Then I woke up in a hospital with three nurses around me, speaking polish. At first I thought I am in some torture room with high technology, then I thought I am in psychiatry. Apperently I pissed in the bed by mistake, and I teared off all the wires on me, the blood catheter, which made the nurses very worried about, because an alarm started and the blood flowed out of my arm. I ensured them everything is fine but actually I still didn't know where I am, I had lost my glasses and I could barely articulate myself. They gave me a white bathrobe and I told them I wanna leave. They said the can't force me to stay here but the public transportation is still inactive. So I walked out of the hospital, still not knowing whether I'm in the same reality I was used to, realizing after some time I'm in the same city I live so I was walking home whithin three hours. People made a big bend around me, I was looking like someone escaping from psychiatry, with my white bathrobe and slippers. I still don't know what I did and what exactly I told the police, I still feel very ashamed and every look I get from my neighbours feels like they know exactly what was happening.
The moral of the story is:
I never thought I could ever be that confused and out of control just by taking lsd. Wait long enough before you add more! Even though I often drank alcohol and often puked because of the amount, I never lost control, violated the law or beeing rude to others. I thought myself to be an experienced tripper, and all the stories about people jumping out of the window or running down the streets naked on drugs I thought were much to overrated, I always blamed mixed consumption, lack of experience or the stupidity of people. Another thing: Don't try to convince cops or usual people that you or/and they are god, especially when beeing under drugs, it just reinforces their prejudices. And: Spread love, feel free and just be, it's the only meaningful thing you can do

It's not that it's fluid, it's just that you're not aware of it deeply enough yet.
It takes years of self-observation work to start to become aware of one's own personality. This is counter-intuitive because you probably expect that since the personality is yours that you should have full awareness of it. But of course that can't be the case without a lot of self-reflection.
You don't know what your face looks like precisely because you're too close to it.

Meditation still has enormous value because you cannot be hopped up on psychedelics all the time. Psychedelics should be done rarely. Like 1-5% of your life. The other 95%+ of the time you will be sober and you'll want to boost your sober state with manual techniques like meditation or yoga.
Regardless, you need to develop the ability to just sit and do nothing for 60 minutes straight, and to concentrate your mind for 60 mins straight. These are crucial skills to develop for anyone doing self-actualization.

I can confirm that it is certainly impossible.
You ain't gonna reach a salvia or DPT state even after 40 years of meditation.
Psychedelics states are so intense, powerful, and diverse that you will never access all of them without pumping your brain full of new chemicals.
Through meditation perhaps you can access 1% of the full range of psychedelic states.
This doesn't make meditation bad. It's still an important practice. But don't fool yourself into thinking you'll access a DMT, DPT, or saliva breakthrough via meditation. You will not. Also, don't confuse ego-death, samadhi, and awakening with the full range of possible states of consciousness. The range of states that consciousness can take is astounding in its diversity and intensity.

Just because you can access a certain high state of consciousness thru meditation or yoga does not mean that you can access the full range of states that consciousness is capable of. You will miss 99% of possible states that way, and as a result your understanding of consciousness will be limited.
There is no substitute for states. States are all there is. There are states which you cannot even imagine and which cannot be described in language or even stored in human memory once you've been there.

It doesn't work without crazy concentration which alters your state of consciousness.
The key is the crazy concentration, not the question. Without concentration the question is worthless.

Again, be cautious. I am not responsible for your health or death.
But the nice thing with 5-MeO-DMT is that you can plug a tiny amount of it and just feel minor effects and slowly ramp up from there. So you should be able to gently inch your way up very carefully and feel if there is any blood pressure problems or heart problems. You can even measure your blood pressure while you're on it.
5-MeO-DMT makes my body feel good. It actually temporarily frees me of all my health problems. You just have to learn to surrender to it and then it feels amazing. The come-up only lasts from 5 mins to 15 mins. After the 15 min mark you will be tripping hard but the bodily stuff is behind you. Of course this assumes you surrender to it. If you resist it, oh boy... that might be hell. I'm too scared to dare resisting 5-MeO-DMT. Once that thing is in you, you better surrender immediately.
I can foresee some serious heart issues if your dose goes 30mg+. That's when your consciousness will become so infinite that your heart will melt and explode out your chess in Love. There will be kundalini activation and all sorts of crazy shit can happen. But I never go that far. I keep my dose to 25mg max. Which is still crazy strong for me.

Especially for beginners.
Vaping technique is not easy to get down at first. It's easy to melt the 5-MeO, not fully vaporize, then add a second dose, and then vaporize a double dose unwittingly and get way too strong a hit.
Good vaporization technique requires practice. Vaporing the full dose isn't guaranteed. So it's harder to know how much dose you actually got. And it's easier to overdose. And if you overdose vapor, you're gonna be blindsided within 30 seconds. Plugging is more gentle, forgiving, and precise.
Also don't forget, smoke/vapor is not good for your lungs. You are harming the lungs doing that.
The only reason to vape a chemical is if it isn't active rectally, like N,N-DMT or salvia.

I dissolve freebase in a few drops of vinegar and a few drops of light coconut milk. The coconut milk is to reduce any chance of burn or damage of the butt tissue. Works great.
Don't use heavy coconut milk as it is too oily and clings too much to surfaces.

With such an attitude, in practice, you won't reach permanent nonduality.
Of course you could get lucky. But I wouldn't count on that.
If you want LSD levels of consciousness sober, you're gonna have to devote your life to it.
One of the reasons I trick you guys into trying psychedelics is so that you realize what is possible if you get serious about this work. Without the LSD you would have never taken the work seriously enough to see what is possible. Now you know what's possible but you are still too lazy to actualize it.
Maybe one day that will change. Or not. Up to you.

@bonesurfer You're in luck because chiro is a pretty Green field, so you should be able to find a Greener company without retraining.
In general, if you want Green+, avoid applying to giant companies. You want a smaller, more personal operation. I would never work for a giant company in any field. It's a meat-grinder and I want no part of it.

Hard to say. It is both epic and yet not much changes since everything remains what it was. You still have to take a shit the next day as long as you're surviving.

I can be if I train my mind on it.
But most of the time I operate as if others are real. It's not useful to metaphysically question people all the time. It's an illusion that I play within. Sort of like when you play a video game, you're not constantly question that it's all just a game. You buy into the illusion and act as if it is real, at least for a while.
Yeah, hang in there.
It can in certain ways. Mostly I notice less fear about needing to please others. So I act more authentically and I feel less of a need to play social games. I think awakening makes one more direct and authentic with people.
I've noticed that I care less and less what people think about me, which frees me up to act however I would naturally act if I was alone. Yes, less shyness, less fear, less distance with strangers. More compassion for their personal suffering.