Snader

When my broken collarbone was operated when I was 18 I was sure in my mind that the anesthesia stuff wouldn't work on me that I could resist falling asleep if I wanted to. So I decided to do that. I was really confident I can pull that off. The doctor gave me the dosage and said ''good night'' and I in my mind I was like ''haha good try u ain't getting me that easy''. Went totally blank few seconds later. Latest memory I had when I woke up was that arrogant thought I had before I passed out

When I was something like 15 years old I had a dream where I was shot in the head and I remember it very well. Right the same second my visual sight went black. The first few seconds while I was falling down on the ground my vision was more like wavy and I was still kind of with my body, but really soon it turned more steady until it was just emptiness and I wasn't the body anymore. I was still aware exactly like I was when I was in my body so I just remember wondering: ''so this is what death feels like''. Even though I can't say what death really feels like for sure but I have a strong feeling that it's something like that. Probably just a belief I've absorbed from a wild dream that really got deep into my psyche

Okay so this is basically a trip report of my first breakthrough trip but also to clear some confusion I have now that I'm back to being a human lol. I'm skipping lots of the usual technical details and getting more to the point. Took a 2,5g dosage of shrooms last Saturday. Consumed them raw. Preparation, set and settings were all more than by the book, like always when I trip. Walk in the nature and extra meditation was added in the preparation set. I tripped home alone on my bed. So I go to this trip with a contemplation of ''What is reality and existence really?''. I was really well prepared myself for letting go of everything and anything even when my life is threatened. I had no expectations. First of all. I now know that there really is no point posting this because I know I'm writing this to myself. But because I'm still a human being and for the sake of playing this human game here, let's do it. So the come up was really euphoric. The most euphoria I'v ever felt in my life. But that's not the highlight of this trip. The highlight is the experience I started to merge into after maybe 1-1,5h after consuming the shrooms. There was lots of paradoxical shit going on I can't describe or even remember well enough, even though I can kind of feel some of that profundity even now when thinking back to the experience. But what I can descripe is that I forgot myself totally and became kind of a particle or an atom dancing in some sort of emptiness... There seemed to be like infinity amount of those particles and I was one of them. Soon those particles started to merge and they formed a strange loopy circle that kept circling. I saw that circle to be ME. That circle soon started to shoot probes. It shot all kinds of probes and I just watched it doing it (seeing it as me) until I took a perspective of one of those probes. The probe was shot I don't know where and how fast but the end of the travel for that probe was the moment I opened my eyes. Then I realized how I created my human self to be right where it was. There was lots of other stuff going on at the same time but can't really understand it enough to put it in words, but while I was having that experience I understood EVERYTHING I needed to understand. Absolutely everything made sense... There was nothing else to do but be what I was. I also realized I had shot every other probe as well. Everyone and everything that could possible be. Everything we can conceptually think of. I knew I did that for the sake of doing something because there was nothing else to do. Otherwise I would've been dancing with the atoms for eternity. During the trip I just kept laughing and yelling something like ''OF COURSE... IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS!!'' and ''WOOOOW... WOOOOW...WOOOOW'' and ''HOOOOLY FUUUCK''. When I realized that oneness it felt sooo strange because I've always kept that possibility conceptually possible and thought that I kind of get it what it means but when it hit me it was so much different but also so true. There were two funny things that happened while having this amazing realization. The first is after coming back from the first phase I was exited to go tell about this to everyone until I realized that there is no point in doing that. Others are me. Only difference between me and others is that they are currently playing like they don't know who or what they are, because I have wanted them to do that. The second thing is that I had my blindfold and earbuds right next to me, because prior the trip I decided I would like to trip with those things on at some point. After coming back from one of the phases I turned my head to see those things on my bed table and started laughing like hell, because I realized that it wouldn't have any difference whatsoever whether I used those or not. My human body was secondary. I anyway took those and put them on for the sake of fun and I just kept laughing and laughing because it felt so stupid and useless and the act of putting those things on that human body felt weird and it amused me A LOT! After having that exact same experience for some time with those things on I just laughed and threw them away lol. I realized that there is nothing that SHOULD be done as a human being. It makes absolutely zero difference what I do or who I am as a human being. Everything is perfect no matter what happens. That all from the ultimate point of view of course. I also didn't feel any need to write this experience down. It felt useless after the trip and even today to some point. Everything about keeping a journal and writing things down felt useless and stupid. Language is nothing compared to that experience. But then I thought that it might be wise because I'm still still a human being on his spiritual journey on earth even after that experience. One thing I'm a bit confused of is that I realized that there is no point for me to do psychedelics anymore, at least higher doses or stronger substances. I felt I really got the message and there is no more truth I need. I thought that if I wanted more, it would be for my ego, and because ego is an illusion, that might probably end up being a bad trip. But now that I'm down and back from the high my interest towards psychedelics has arrived again. I feel I want to go deeper to that experience, even the wisdom back then said different. I certainly did not experience all the phenomenon that I've read and heard of, so that way my rational ego mind thinks that maybe I should still go deeper with them. I don't know. I'm anyway really confident that there is MUUUUCH more because those substances already showed me something I couldn't rationally expect, but still I don't have the same curiosity towards that than I had before. I'm also not sure if I experienced ego death at all or if that's even necessary. I forgot my human body totally during the trip but I didn't go through a phase where I really gave my life away and died. But according to that experience there is no need for even that anymore. That got me thinking that now maybe it all boils down to my ego's curiosity and how much my ego wants to understand these deep phenomenon. Anyway I remember having a feeling that I if did any more or go any deeper I could lose myself totally. After that trip I've been pretty much the same but more calm and loose. Haven't been so serious. I really didn't have much urge to write this or post this but decided to do it just for the sake of doing it and for the sake of maybe getting some interesting answers, even I really don't care whether this is even noticed, because deep down I know the answers all ALL within me. I'm actually quite surprised how little I took from that experience to my being. I mean I feel kind of more at ease but after coming down from the trip I was sure my life is gonna change radically because that message was so strong. Now I'm pretty much the same human with all the same personal data than before. Well, one thing in my awareness I notice is slightly changed. Being feels more like a dream. In dreams I feel this kind of a fabric structure. Now I feel that in my awake time too to a certain point. One last thing I'm a bit confused of is that I've lost my motivation to meditate. I've been doing clean and simple meditation daily for the last 2 years (with one 2 month break caused by a romantic relationship) and now I really don't have motivation to do that anymore. The reason I started meditating in the first place -- when I still did it only here an there -- was because nobody in my circles did that and I felt that there is something valuable paradoxical good stuff that could come from that. Then soon the motivation morphed into wanting to really understand existence and life deeply and then I decided to commit to it. I think that now that I've grasped the truth I really got what I was looking for even from meditation. Now I've skipped days first time in a year and don't even feel bad about it like I did before. It's been a week now from the experience and I can't grasp the profundity of it rationally. I'm fine with not grasping it because I do understand paradoxes. but here and there I still try to grasp it anyway. Maybe to get something tangible from it to my human life. One advice I would probably give to someone who's into spirituality and is interested in psychedelics but haven't tried them yer; do the necessary psychological clearing work on yourself first! One reason I think it was possible for me to have this strong experience on such a low dose is that I've done lot's of work on myself and my life. I've cut through lots of false beliefs and released myself from being a slave to any paradigm or one perspective. I've made my life pretty clean and that has given me a chance to approach psychedelic experiences with minimum self-bias. Of course I have my own flaws and biases but I think I'm relatively conscious of them enough to let go of them when needed to. That's it. Love you all!

I've found value from every one of Leo's video I've watched, so I recommend just going through his videos by which title seems most interesting and important to you. Make notes of those ones that resonate with you the most and re-watch those from time to time. Leo's ratings is a good way to approach those books on the book list. Pretty much all of his high-rated books I've read have given me huge insights and changed my life for better in one way or another. If you resonate with Leo's teaching style, you will most likely resonate with books he recommends the most.

It's great to change your environment from time to time and open yourself for new culture etc... But I would bet that for 99% of people on this forum moving to another country would not fix any of their dating problems. From what I've read here I can say that people's dating problems stem from inside, not outside. If you are truly motivated and living in a 1st world country you can find your hot chicks for sure. If you plan to do a serious full time pickup period, then it might be a smart choice to move to get that maximum volume.

I know ice cream is not good for me, but I still eat it. Zero denial

Tame your mind and gain control over your thinking rather than just dump it. It's hell of a tool when used properly and pain in the ass when not

What's wrong with thinking, if it's for your development?

Did you take Leo's life purpose course? It helps you to come up with your authentic higher self values. Raising your consciousness and acting out of those values you minimize the risk of ending up with a toxic life purpose while still keeping the thing authentic to you.

One simple formula I've worked on to be active while minimizing mind is maximizing flow state.

For some individuals I think shrooms can work clearer. According to trip reports I've read most experience it a bit less clean anyway. If I personally compare it to LSD it's really different. LSD experience feels so much cleaner and subtle giving me capacity to observe and experience while shrooms affect me so differently not only mentally and spiritually but also physically. Damn, shrooms suck up all my energy so I can barely stand on my feet while tripping.

@pole553 @Leo Gura Spare my sacred thread from your stupid debate!

@Leo Gura Yes, I'm confused, that's why I don't make any final conclusions about anything at this point. I'm just sharing feelings and talking about my perspective then and now, which I know will change again soon. It will always change. This was only a stepping stone further. I also know I don't know shit about psychedelics and haven't deeply realized those deepest spiritual concepts, so I need to be humble and careful not to fall into a trap of clinging to some narrow aspect of Truth. I might have had some sort of enlightenment or awakening experience but I'm certainly not enlightened. It's of course right now hard to question the perspective or the ''message'' I got, because it was the most profound experience I've ever had. I do my best not to take a map as the territory. My attitude really has some serious aspects that need to be worked on, if I want to develop further. After the trip I kind of wished or expected that the experience would fuel my egolife to bring more trust, confidence, compassion and love into my everyday life that I try to live as consciously as possible. I clearly try to have more than my state of development approves, and that's certainly myopic and naive. Thanks for your words. Your message helped me to look at this from a different angle. I will definitely take your perspective into account, carefully.

So, now it's time I could use some help from responsible psychonauts and people who really understand psychedelics as a part of personal development. I've kinda always been respected in my friend circles as being a guy my friends can count on and always come ask for help or advice. I have lots of Orange friends who I have managed to inspire to dig into some personal development and even some spirituality through my own example. One really good friend of mine have been interested in psychedelics for over a year now and we have both agreed that he's not ready for that yet. Yesterday he came to me saying he's pretty sure he's ready, and I agreed. He is stable and happy. He has everything he cares about in life in place and I can really see that in his face. So, now I've started planning his first trip. Because he is a really good friend of mine that I really care about and this stuff is something I will probably be doing more in the future, I want to start doing this right from the start. Psychedelics will do the work as they are meant to, but as much as I can affect the process, my agenda is to make him have an eye opening experience, to make him see the potential of those substances as a way to teach one about life and oneself. I would like to open his mind for more personal development. Some relevant facts of him: - He is 23 years old - He's smart, loving and relatively open-minded - He's bit of a restless party soul. 100% extroverted. He has kinda hedonistic approach to life... tends to seek immediate pleasure a lot and doesn't really care or even sometimes understand how it affects him negatively. He's relatively responsible, even though he sometimes turns a blind eye out of stubbornness - He has smoked weed quite a lot and tried some coke at a party once or twice, but never psychedelics - He is stage Orange living in a materialist paradigm, but is carefully stepping into some Green territory - He doesn't consciously do personal development, but he has developed quite nicely on some domains of life. He has absolutely zero understanding towards spirituality, non-duality or epistemology. We have mutual Green friends which he rarely criticizes, but doesn't give much value to stuff they say or value and sometime makes fun of them - He trusts me and my lead completely. Could put his life into my hands I don't want to leave too much wiggle room for him while he's tripping, as I can imagine him as an example reaching for his phone to check messages when he feels anxious or put on some music as a distraction, but I also don't want to push him too much to fuck up the trip and give him wrong picture of those beautiful substances. He's type of a guy who can after one bad trip say that psychedelics are not for him. He isn't ready to handle much confusion that threatens his ego. Here are some preliminary plans I've come up with: - Dosage could be something like 1,5g of dried shrooms (Red Boy strain), from a batch I've tested already. Gonna brew the shrooms and make a nice tasty tea out of them. That way I know nausea is unlikely - Gonna do it in his place to make the environment familiar and safe for him - Gonna make sure his whole weekend is clear for the experience (Friday preparation, Saturday tripping, Sunday integration) - Gonna stock the fridge full of healthy and fresh food - Gonna make sure his place is clean - Gonna make sure we don't get interrupted by phones or doorbells or anything else - Trying to make him turn inside more than outside - I try to avoid playing music even I know he would love it. I feel it would take him away from the personal development perspective I've told him I want him to approach psychedelics with (I told him he can have fun with them some another time, but not on the first trip. He seemed okay with that). Gonna have a playlist of his favorite songs just in case things go south - Have a car on standby and a hospital close if things go REALLY SOUTH for some freakin' weird reason - Gonna be there with him all the time with my loving and caring presence. Gonna gently calm him if/when necessary. If you guys have any calming phrases you've found handy, please share them with me That's pretty much my first thoughts and plans. What do you think? What would you maybe do otherwise or add? Any adjustment of details? Any points on making the trip profound but not too deep? All tips and advice are more than welcome and really appreciated. This is really important to me and I'm rally excited of this. I have other friends too that I think in the near future would benefit from psychedelics a great deal through my guidance.

@Michael569 I will do some more research and self-experimentation and keep meta-viewing my life and maybe I'll find something I've dismissed so far. Meanwhile, I will definitely add some super healthy medicinal mushrooms into my diet I'm more interested in fixing the core issue rather than just suppressing the symptoms. Thank you for the tips and good points!

Hello, my fellow actualizers! This post is about looking for tips and advises on removing heavy metals from one's system. LITTLE BACKGROUND OF MY CONDITION I've been suffering from some weird skin symptoms for about 6 moths now. I would describe the symptoms as pinch, burning, itch and tingle that arise when my heart rate rises and I start sweating. I have ways to deal with this so I can live normal life, but sometimes the symptoms hit really spontaneously and surprisingly hard and they also tend to keep me awake some nights, so this is really an issue I would rather not have. I've seen few different doctors, talked to people and tried every single -- even really far fetched -- change in my life that I think could in any way be behind this. I've had my blood tested many times on several tests with nothing to show for. I've tried pretty much every antihistamine they sell in pharmacies, in case it's an allergic reaction. I've done lots of self-experimentation, but haven't been able to find any triggers. I'm also really calm and centered at this time, so I know that stress is not triggering it either. I'm in overall really healthy person with really healthy diet and life style with no other diseases, allergies or anything. I had the same symptoms 5 years ago lasting about 5 moths until they miraculously disappeared like a fart in the wind. I haven't been able to come up with a link between then and now, UNTIL YESTERDAY! I realized that in both cases I had taken a vaccine few moth prior to the start of the symptoms. Those two vaccines are the only ones I have taken in about 12 years, so this link seems tangible, considered that there is a high chance those vaccines have had heavy metals in them and knowing that heavy metals are a common source of autoimmune diseases. TO THE POINT So, now I'm interested in cleaning my body from heavy metals. I'm looking for advises on how to do it properly and most effectively. I have googled around and found different information on heavy metals, but haven't really found any protocols with strict methods and procedures, only some single plants and other natural products that are recommended to be consumed consistently to remove heavy metals from different areas of the body. This heavy metal detox thing seems to still be in the more like a ''new age'' category even in such a welfare state I live in, so there is not much tangible information on the surface. So if you have experience or have more knowledge on heavy metal detox, I'm REALLY gladly hearing from them. Every product suggestion or any strategy on how to get that shit out of you is warmly welcome. I'm really flexible and open to try any promising and solid methods. I'm also not strict with money when it comes to my health. Also, if you happened to want to know more about my condition for ANY reason, feel free to ask me anything. Thanks for reading!

That's what all the doctors assume too, but I really feel I've mapped out every possible thing that could cause allergic reactions. Idk it first felt like I'm allergic to my own sweat, but I've started to notice it's more like blood circulatory thing. Doctors disagree with that claim, they still think it's most likely a skin thing. The doctors I've had have seemed a bit ignorant though. How I manage with this is that I do physical exercise almost daily. Because let's say when I start running, at about 3-5 minute mark I start having the reaction and it lasts for about 5 minutes -- It's really rough, but the physical strain takes my attention away from the pain. After that reaction caused by hard physical strain, I become kinda resistant to that reaction to happen again for the rest of the day. If I don't do that ''overload'' process daily, the symptoms annoy me throughout the day mildly from time to time every time I get even a bit heated or start laughing or whatever that could raise my heart rate. And if I happened to do something ''more physical'' without having done the overload process day before, the overload reaction might occur. It kinda feels like the blood has difficulties flowing through capillaries or other small conducting parts of the circulation and it causes the pain, until the blood is forced through by increased blood pressure. I could be wrong though. I have pictures of the skin under the overload reaction. I can PM you those in case you're interested. Nope, none. They haven't really been helpful. At first with bigger doses it felt like they helped a bit, but now even with really high doses they don't seem to have any effect. So can't really say with certainty, but I don't think they really do anything.

Little back pain is really common and usually not to be worried about. It's usually caused by some basic habits, such as some certain sports, lots of sitting/bad sitting posture or in your case maybe too soft bed mattress or bad sleeping posture. Try bringing attention to those simple factors and if the pain remains or becomes worse, it wouldn't be bad idea to go see an orthopedist.

Wow that's actually really tempting.

Totally subjective.

@Michael569 Thanks for your curiosity. All vitamins and minerals are all check. Also my thyroid is working normally. My gut works fine and I don't feel stressed. I've been contemplating the stress factor, whether I'm conscious of it or not, but I thought it would probably show also in some other factors of my life if I were stressed, but it doesn't. They say it resembles chronic urticaria as this behaves much like it, but they are still uncertain because the visual symptoms on my skin doesn't quite match with the ordinary urticaria symptoms. They have done some basic local observing on my skin. The skin still looks normal and healthy when the reaction is not active. They have mostly just run blood tests to test things such as: Complete blood count, renal function, anemia, bleeding disorders, leukocytes (for infections), different diagnostics of chronic diseases, thyroid hormones, hemoglobin, blood sugar, red blood cell count, cell size and distribution, platelets, liver enzymes, kidney (with creatine count and GFR), diagnostics of bile duct and liver diseases and white blood cell groups such as eosinophils, neutrophils, lymphocytes and monocytes. They all look normal. Now I got a prescription for cortisone, which I think I'll check out. Next they think they will do some allergy tests, which I'm pretty sure would come out negative anyway. For a chronic and wildly behaving urticaria a common treatment is also UVB- and SUP-light therapy, which I really wouldn't want to do. Yeah... honestly, I doubt it is, because I've been living with relatively low heavy metal exposure for few years now without any notable symptoms and I'm also not even sure yet if those vaccines I took have contained heavy metals. Could be a needle in a haystack but that's pretty much the only link I've got, so can't let that stone unturned.

Thanks. Gonna look into that.

@Valwyndir I agree with you that there are people on this forum who point to non-duality without truly understanding it. When you observe some users you can quite easily see how they lack the understanding. I see that because I see the same pattern in myself. I erase more text than I post, because I'm about to talk something I don't walk. Something I haven't REALLY learned through my own direct experience. Ego is sneaky and is trying to run the show all the time. Anyway, I'm skeptical. How do you make people who are deceived aware of their deception through language? ''This post is designed to shatter any paradigm of "enlightenment" or "God" that you have.'' That's quite an ambitious goal in my opinion. I think that kind of raw and harsh ''intellectual lecturing'' just makes it worse and move people further away from actually experiencing it themselves.

I've personally seen hedonism to be really dysfunctional and flawed in terms of experiencing life as rich as possible. Not only you miss a lot by not getting in touch with the ''higher pleasures'', but you also set yourself up for a cycle of unhealthy and self-sabotaging habits. That of course affects the collective too. One very good friend of mine is a pleasure seeking machine. Right now he is really happy and satisfied with his life. He doesn't even understand that hedonism is a thing, he just sees that it's the way how life should be lived. I've carefully over time tried to explain him my way of living, but he is not conscious enough to get it. It's kinda funny that any endeavor that includes discipline or discomfort is not comprehensible to him. I've observed him and others enough to see how that kind of living backfires. With my friend I've seen hedonism leading to destruction of his relationships, finances, health and other aspects of his life, such as his psychology and emotions. He is really ignorant and resentful for things that cause him pain or discomfort. The scariest thing here is that he's not aware that those problems stem from that. He frames it as ''that's just how life is... we just have to deal with it.'' I've tried to open his eyes carefully so many times with many different methods without any judgments, with no results. Now I've decided to lay back and let his life unravel as nature wants it to. Maybe some huge disaster, loss or painful experience will one day lead him to realization of the problems in the way he lives, or maybe not. Unfortunately it's not just a personal problem. There is so much toxicity in today's Western Orange societies that lead young people to seek immediate pleasure all the time from all the places. And then when the thirst of material achievement is added, we see all the egoistic and selfish behavior all over. But hey, that's development and that's how people learn and get over it. It's just sad that some people won't learn no matter what happens and so they end up living a pitiful life.

@Leo Gura It's great to have you back! Do you mind sharing the HM detox protocol you went through to cure the brain fog issue you had?