Eph75

If I fear being lit on fire, facing my fear does not mean that I should light myself on fire. Instead reason with your fear, understand it and the power it holds will subside. Having a fear can be irrational and when resoning with it, you might see that it is false. Alcoholism in the family is not an irrational fear. But it may be irrational to you. It may be rational and you need to understand or change something that you do, which might be fueling the fear. I.e. you might trigger the fear when you drink but you drink very little and very seldom. Mixed with awarness of risk, that fear is irrational and you can let it go. If you drink like a motherfucker and you have that fear, well then it is rational and you need to create change to overcome it. In both cases you face your fear. Can you overcome it? Who knows.

This. After that, start working on yourself.

@Lubomir Yes, that's where emotions come into play. Anger as an emotion is there for one reason and that's to manage outer boundaries (fight-or-flight) so that your - @Preety_India - personal "space"; self-esteem, self-worth etc isn't invaded and/or shrunk. At the same time shame is there to set your inner boundaries. Anger and shame should be respected in a healthy way in order to maintain your self-esteem. Downplaying your anger will cause others to invade your "space" and up-playing shame will cause you yourself to further shrink your own "space". We can't feel good about ourselves when this happens. Essentially, that's just what low self-esteem is, not seeing your own right to your "space" and hence you will develop a low self-worth as other peoples "space" yield a higher worth than yours. In this cause he is obviously making your smaller than you should be, playing on your self-esteem. The reason is simply that you let him do that. And you seem to have a hard time to stand up for yourself in a reasonable way. So that's probably a good place to start contemplation.

@Conscious life What kind of contemplation are you referring to? You seem to have something in particular in mind.

When down the other part of your life should be there to pick you up, not the other way around. The other should give energy, not take energy. Somtimes you can change this dynamics through hard work and communication. But to do so, both have to put in the work. Constantly. A relationship is work. How you describe it sounds more as if he makes sure to keep the existing power dynamics where you are weak and he is strong. His strong is not strength, it is weakness in disguise. You need to turn to yourself and see where you can find your strength, it is in there with you, you just need to turn to it and turn away from whatever hold he has over you. Reason with your strength independent of his influence. Is this what you want? Do you genuinely feel that you can turn this around? Use your strength and do. In the end EVERYONE should be respected. What about your self-respect? If you were a friend of yours, what advice would you give your friend? Step out of your own shoes and try observe objectivly. Love yourself and make a decision that you can love yourself for having done.

- What matters most is how well you walk through fire. Charles Bukowski, alcoholic, dysfunctional, poet, but that line has some essence to it. The fire is going to be there. Sooner or later. So what matters most is how we handle it. He didn't handle it too well though, but he wrote well.

@Aquarius A lot of red flags there IMO. Sounds like he's a lot of talk but few good qualities to follow up. Drinking issues is a red flag for sure. Having "enemies" is a huge red flag. Online, you get enemies-haters but in real life if you are as good a guy as he seems to have managed to make you believe? Big, red, waving ... flag. It don't really sound much like a coincidence that he befriended you on Facebook either, turning out to live on the same street, sounds like a digital stalker Or.. ignore flags, he might be the best guy in the world. Do what feels right, live with the consequences. A better thing to do might be asking yourself what it is with this guy that you want, trying to look past all the flattery and conforming to your needs. That stuff will more than likely dissipate as time goes by. You might find yourself with just the worse qualities left. Is there a need with you that you want him to fulfill? Making you look past/be blind to the red flags.

Of course it's just an empty word, all words are empty, they are nothing by themselves, just grunts, you fill it with meaning and it's all subjective. Without YOUR understanding of what YOU include in the word GOD there is no way to determine whether someone else's word GOD is the same. EXISTENCE, EVERYTHING, ONE, THE SHABANG or whatever word you would choose to insert here can - and in many cases will mean the exact same thing as GOD does for someone else. Trying to align others with your conceptualization is absolutely unnecessary, enforcing words is trivial, having the similar understanding is enough. Having different understandings is fine too. We're disillusioned all of us regardless of what answers we have found for ourselves, through "insights" or psychedelics or adoption of other peoples concepts. Trolling around this is not helpful. Seems like there's a lot of ego at play. It's what impact our "insights" have on the existence that we experience that matter. The rest is still just "not right".

To me it makes no sense in being male meaning being the "provider" by default. If the woman makes more money or has strong capital it makes only sense that she takes a higher amount of the costs. Pampering her is a different matter and should be done because you want to, not because some cultural rules says it should be that way and you are looked down upon if not complying. Again, this is from my world perspective, in other places, with other people it is different. That does not mean that I don't do that, but as soon as demands start happening then screw that. We're moving towards a future where genders and gender roles will matter less, some will have a dick, some will have a vag, some side-effects from that fact is obvious, but we're all just human beings in the end and the rest is individual working agreements. Today there is too much focus on the genders. We need no focus on neither gender. Holding on to the notion that the man is the provider and should essentially lay down in a puddle of water and mud so that hid lady can walk over him feels very old school thinking. To me, it is a bit funny that women want shared rights and opportunities but when it comesnto these kind of things, then things should stay olf school. Demanding the best from both worlds but not the not favorable sides. Sorry for the somewhat OT rant

Save money - yes, shared savings. We have separate savings as well. In the end, it is just a formality to allow more freedom and less conflict.

What is consciousness and where does it reside? It can't be observed, it can't be located. So you turn to insights and/or conceptualizing to find an answer that you are willing to accept. You can take part of others' concepts or make up your own. At the end of the day it's your illusion to do whatever you want with. If you get an experience of understanding, then you're enlightened, if you absorb others' concepts you are disillusioned or a mere blind follower.

In the earlier days my wife went to school and have worked way less than me, I have worked full time all of my adult life, so naturally I've had a much higher income than she have had. So at some point, just to avoid the complications with sharing costs all the time we simple went with me paying the same percentage of the reoccurring expenses as the percentage of the total household income we had. On top of that we've had some additional responsibilities such as she shopping groceries and I fuel the car + take pretty much any other expense that comes along such as eating out etc. Other planned expenses that are "shared" fall into the above model as well. It's worked out great, we've never had any economical arguments or disagreements ever since, we just know what to do and it is what it is. Another reason why we've kept this up is that I've had a lot of esoteric and expensive interests and I see so many other couples fight over money and expenses, resulting that either party is prevented from doing or buying what they like just because the other party doesn't agree as the money are "ours". Our concept 100% removes all that toxicity, I get whatever I want, I don't have to justify it to anyone and my wife does not hold the power to "approve" what I want to do, economically speaking (or practically for that matter). I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Works perfect.

At the end of the day, the reality you live is what it is. Gaining understanding of it changes the dynamics between "you", your identity, your wants and needs. This understanding affects your "whys" and allows you to strive for things for the "better" reasons, let's just say "for the hell of it" or "because you can" rather than because you have to in order to achieve happiness. With said understanding you can find the happiness you are looking for right where you are, it is right here and right now. It is just a matter of learning to see in a new way. Once you do that your desires, want and needs have changed. They do no longer own you but that does not mean you cannot own them. The world is your playground and you can do whatever you want. If you still want to fill your illusion of existence with something particular, you can. It is not likely to be a materialistic drive or hunger for power, those things start seeming alien to you. That does not mean you have to feel "meaningless" and go live and meditate in a cave or something lile that. It is interesting to see how many people are scared to "let go", fear of losing something kicks in. But what if all you loose is your limitations? They will not be missed.

Although, self-actualization will inevitavly spiral you upwards and eventually move you further away from the display type of alpha existence riddled with insecurities - which you display here and recognize being an asset in the world you experience - into a truer alpha existence where love and compassion shine with absolute security. It is inevitable. As you indicate yourself, living in a third world country means a society at a lower spiral dynamics stage which will eventually cause some friction between you and your surroundings. You can still be a social cameloeont from that respect but it will not be healthy unless you get rid of the cognative dissonace that you have started to feel through fully accepting your consciousness evolution that is at play.

@GromHellScream I'd place my bet on doing some work to help quieting down your mind is going to be very helpful. If it's doing its thing, it's doing its thing also when you sleep - unless deep sleep - and also if you wake up in the night, it tend to be busy, and when you wake up you're back in the game, if you were ever out of it. Getting away from having a mind that is doing stuff with the past and/or the future and instead is most of the time present in "now" without being too analytical will instill a calm in your waking hours and it's not hard to see that a calm mind is going to get better sleep quality as well as less need for the same amount of sleep. Reversed, a busy mind can require huge amounts of sleep without being rested, in fact, too much low quality sleep in itself will have an amplified negative effect on the waking hours. Then you risk being caught in a negative loop. If you don't already meditate, that is helpful. Also being mindful what it is that you keep your mind busy with, so that you don't get carried away with through processes that you don't purposefully engage yourself with. Thoughts have a great tendency to take you along for a ride without you having any intention to engage.

Do you feel that you get quality sleep? Do you have consistency in sleep cycles so that you don't have to constantly readjust yourself, including weekends. Weight -of course - but also different foods have huge impact on sleep quality. Would you say that you have a peaceful mind - or - is your mind busy with thoughts, problem solving, worries and so on? There are so many factors at play when it comes to high quality sleep.

You've already identified the first component you need to work on, that you are a "master procrastinator". The road towards self-actualization is not harder than identifying your most basic need that is not met in your world and build understanding of that and get rid of or be able to come to terms with it through true acceptance, which essentially means it lets go of its hold on you. Maybe google a bit about maslows pyramid of basic needs. And doing that by starting working on the procrastination. Be aware that you start reasoning yourself away from taking charge. That mean, when you read this, google maslows pyramid. You could also setup a plan to say spend 20 mintues per day to contemplate what you can put into practice the next day. That in itself is practice. Start small, ignore the big dreams to start with, they can be demotivators in the start since they seem so far away and unreachable. The first thing that needs to change within you is being comfortable enough with changing yourself so that you can allow that to happen. Again, small things, such as changing up the order of your morning routine, take a different route/detour to school or work every day and so on. With time the threshold for more significant change will successivly decrease. So start with something to kill the procrastination, set up at timer when you should do the work and when the timer goes off, don't think. Make a deal with yourself not to think at that point, just do it. By the way, 5 AM is the perfect time of day, no distractions, people are asleep, nothing else to do ignore what people say if it feels right for you.

Something I've been pondering is why there is such a tendency to abstract and metaphor around questions that are asking for as simple answers as possible. An example is a question like "how is reality imagination" and we see answers like "reality = distinction = imagination" which require you to already have gained that understanding in order to wrap your head around it. What the person asking the question is really looking for is an as comprehensive as possible explanation as to how this connects. Which could be something like what we experience is done so via the ego and how we perceive reality is though that filter, which means that reality is subjective and not the non-dual reality that "is". Or whatever else the explanation is. By adding abstracting and metaphors to the answer, instead of adding clarity there is more confusion and mysticism added, which is not helpful to anyone. Often such abstractions and metaphors adds a sense/degree of distortion which can be deduced to somewhat clearer abstractions. One could then ask why this is so, I have some theories, there are more, if you disagree feel free to add your views. I'm not claiming to have any particular insights, I simply do my best to gain whatever insight and understanding that I can, meditate and see where it all takes me. The person answering the question isn't really enlightened at all but has some understanding of the concepts and wants to give an impression of being "enlightened", as if it were a buzz-word. The person answering the question has had some insight (enlightenment) and ... ... wants to make it clear to everyone. ...is oblivious to the abstraction and metaphors added are not helpful to person asking the question. ...is not really keen on helping others that have not already had the insight in question. ...wants to uphold a smaller group of "insightful" individuals with a sense of being "elite" and knowingly use abstraction and metaphors as smokescreens in order to prevent expansion of that group - possibly due to being less special as a result. ...has spent so much time that he does not want to help others cut corners, much like the Unix type of person tend to throw a RTFM in the face when of the person asking the question. All this as opposed to simply applying a SD perspective to step out of his turquoise, yellow or whatever stage of the spiral that who might be in and as helpfully as possible answer the question from the person asking the question's apparent stage of conscious development. The latter would be the one way most aligned with being helpful towards humanity. In the cases of the "2" set of theories, it's a bit problematic due to ego presence. Or.. 3. The person answering the question has had some insight (enlightenment) but wants the person asking the question, through hard work, build up the wisdom and insight on their own in order to make the insight as powerful as possible - and - not risking straight off accepting conceptualization as insight.

I can only speak from my perspective and for me I have lost nothing except the negative stuff, the constantly negative spiral chattering chimp, the self-resentment, the feeling of being less than others by putting myself down at the same time as idolizing everyone else to exacerbate how worthless I felt. I don't miss that I don't even know that guy anymore, it feels so distant and strange, as if that wasn't me. Underneath all that, you are still you in terms of your values etc. Getting rid of all that distraction you will allow yourself to shine by being the man that you were supposed to be, that you are pushing down and away. It's all positive and from there you can grow further without restriction. In my case I worked on gaining understanding where it all began, which was back in my childhood, in fact as far as I can remember. I've not had any trauma what-so-ever in my childhood, it just happened but I understand why I turned out the way I did and I've seen what contributed to this in my mother and in my grandmother, they both were very driven in what they did, it kind of just spills over. We've talked about this and that has helped a lot. It's important to never find causes that you can blame but instead if/when you'd go down this route it's only for the purpose of gaining understanding without blame. Blame is a dark pit in itself. I've never felt that change was scary, I've wanted to change. That's mostly because I found myself in a place that didn't work for me so I wanted to move away. At the time when this all happened I had already gotten fairly far in my personal development, it was the remaining surpressed thing that my ego was hiding from me, along with some pride that stopped me from talking neccessary steps. It was holding me back like a bungee cord at full tension so when it released I propelled forward. I'm not sure I want to give any recommendation as it is your life and your choices to make For me it was reasoning, understanding emotions, challenging my anxieties and not giving up was a big part of it. Also a very big part of it was that I exposed myself to everyone I knew, letting them know how I felt about myself, disarming it all in a way. By being vulnerable you take away the negative energy from yourself and fuel up with love, not only from yourself but also through understanding of others. Also I didn't feel that I had to uphold my facade anymore. But that's just me. I hope you get some clarity. Stay strong. Oh, one final thing. At the time I felt like I had failed somehow, failed as a human being, because I went to a psychiatrist to talk. It took someone else to tell me that it really was a strength to get to the point I was and to do something about it. A big strength. It can be a small thing like that, that changes how we view ourselves, from one moment "weak" to the next moment feeling "strong".

Yes, they are. https://player.fm/series/actualizedorg-1277491 Although, lagging a bit with getting the latest eps.

Hear, hear.

Ok, then yes, but it's not a development tool as much as a perferred mindset. If you choose between three; positive, negative and "care not", it's not hard to see that "positive thinking" paired with whatever else work you do is probable to have good outcomes. Besides, by exercising positive thinking you make finding positive aspects your default, even in what at first glance might seem negative. We are prone to default to negative thinking and wallow in negative thinking. A lot of people are purely negative and seem to enjoy being in that mental state. It's easy to find 10 negative things in another person but it's harder to find 10 positive ones. The more positive mindset you have, the easier it is to find those positive things. At some point becomes hard not to see the positive angles and you seemingly find positivity everywhere, also in the small things that you earlier on neglected to see. Effortless joy.

Your function in society is yours to own and you can interact with methods by choice to achieve that function, different methods with different people. Assuming that one method, your method, will work with others is not the way to go. So it then comes down to what it is that you want to achieve and how "false" it makes you feel while doing so. What if you combine a healthy state with a seemingly unhealthy goal/what you are trying to achieve, then the methods can be unhealthy and not the right path; there might be something else wrong with that scenario, maybe the interactions you choose to have, maybe the women are the wrong kind of women to invest yourself into, and so on. Or - just maybe - you are just concerned about what others think and have a need to fit in. I'm sure there are scenarios where you "must fit in", but if so then you need to turn to those methods, allowing yourself to be something of a social cameleon in order to fulfill whatever greater good you see at the end of that road.

Do you see a danger in attributing these changes that you have gone through, even if temporarily, too much to the psychedelics? You've been a backseat rider and your ego has been in the drivers seat, now the psychedelics have shown you the way and at some point you have to force yourself into the driver's seat. It sounds like you are still too comfortably seated in the backseat while being able to enjoy the experience of being the driver. A feeling that fades away with the afterglow of the psychedelics wearing away. I've done a very similar journey as you have ahead of you. In hindsight the by no doubt most difficult part in this was to realize that my major issue was my self-esteem and as a side-effect a very low self-worth. At the point where this was brought to my attention I had already been working on self-actualization for quite time time, but this fact had been well hidden from me yet affected everything. Nurture the insight you have had by staying with this and seeing it though by making sure that you maintain this newfound selfrespect. It will be hard work, self-actualization is not easy or comes for free without effort or degrees of distress. It will take a lot of time to integrate the insight into your daily life. But it can happen fast if you allow it to. I managed to completely overcome my condition over course of 6 months and left were just some ripple effects that reduced in amplitude over the following 6 months. Question is, if you let the psychedelics do the job and you feel like you're OK, what happens when in the future when you find yourself in a distressful situation? It is easy to regress without proper integration. Chances are there are other things you need to address on the way, such as poor relationships to shame and anger, which serve purpose to uphold inward and outward boundaries which protect your self-worth.

I fail to see how this is negative, to me it sounds positive. Still, you seem to care quite a bit what they think of you when in fact it has zero importance. The fact that you see and understand something that they don't and how you relate to that fact is all that matters. If you have a problem with this, in these kind of ways, then it's a sign that you have more work ahead of you in this area.