Eph75

Careful with the advice you all give here, the usual half nonsense advice that gets scattered around on this forum don't feel like a good idea here - likewise - @ethanb121 careful with the advice you take in here. You should probably keep up with professional councelling, I assume that you are already getting that?

Pretty obvious one would think. Your vote of course matters, it's 1/how-ever-many-millions-in-the-country towards what you want. If not getting what you want is a trigger, you're not for democracy. If you don't like the outcome, you can assume responsibility and do what you can to affect the outcome of the next election. It's not about the individual, the individual matter as a 1 of those millions but you as 1 ego a has zero value. However you can influence, family, friends, community and so on.. that is trying to change. Abstaining from voting IMO also invalidates whatever complaints one could have towards the result. Sadly, reality is that it might mean the one election of several "not good" alternatives, but voting for the lesser of the two evils is still the better personal choise. If one is closer or moving towards the outcome one is personally looking for, that's the best you can have at this very moment, and that vote matters, for you and whatever cause you are working towards. If all is shit, get into politics and work for the change you want.

The one doesn't negate the other. The emotions happening are happening inside you, it is not someone else or something else that gives you those emotions, they are happening inside you. Therefore it is only up to you to manage or master your emotions. You can choose to not get angry for example, not to get affects or when you do, not externalize that anger and instead stay with that emotion and explore it, what triggered it, what are your trigger points, why they happen and why you react, are there patterns and so on. Then let go with intention to not get triggered in the future. You are not your emotions, you don't have to let rampant uncontrollable emotions dictate how you feel and react, hence run you life. They are not you, distance yourself from those emotions and allow yourself by adding that distance to more objectively reason around that emotion. But be careful not to push emotions away, that's not the same as mastering them, understanding them, changing how you relate to them. Whatever you push away or box in is going to keep affecting you in an increasing way until the box is full and those boxes up emotions come out in erratic eruptions, very possibly in ways that are hard to derive back to the emotion that was originally rejected. So this and spirituality perfectly complement each other, they are not contradictions. In my opinion understanding and mastering your emotions is a more stable base to stand on and then in the spiritual manner not identify with what is left and will stand up to stressgul situations better without regression than say just detaching from emotions without gaining understanding. Basically two schools that play well alongside each other.

Thumb.. Have no idea where it comes from, I stumbled onto it and it called out to me so there it is, but it is intriguing perception-wise To the rest, no it's not BS, not at all. I'm a pragmatic guy and all that makes sense because it does make practical difference. Nonduality actually changes how my being in this reality. Although I don't follow anything blindly, my own beliefs are a mix of western practical psychology - which goes much hand-in-hand with a lot from eastern religions - and a eastern religion mish-mash and also a lot of own interpretations. But tying down to something singular, such as just Buddhism is to me dogmatic in itself and limits the way in which we can flow through life, morphing/changing. So I believe in... me, whatever me is in this very moment and I'm open to becoming whatever new me is the next, or maybe rather less me and more being. All that is likely to coincide with such teachings, and they already have, but it hasn't been a staked out goal but rather just happened - and - happening.

@purerogue That's not arrogant, and I agree.

@purerogue Yes, of course. Nonduality is a concept in itself, a construction of the human mind. Someone has to transcend the human mind and break the limitations of what we are limited to as humans in order to really know, and that's not within the freedom of the human form. Even with the greatest insights, awakenings, enlightenment or via psychedelics it can not be ruled out that nonduality could be a concept that exists for the sole reason to keep us preoccupied with this nonsense, yet anouther layer of disillusion, a greater trick and anyone claiming otherwise might just be mentally ill. It would not matter how profound the experiences would be. If you don't want to acknowledge nonduality, you're not wrong (with a nondual twist). It doesn't mean that it's right either. So trying to argue something from two different worlds of existence, assuming nonduality is only a concept, it absolutely pointless, but then again, everything is pointless and should not be taken too serious. That concept only disappears when you believe it strongly enough and any other possibility dissappears, and then you are either right - or caught in dogma. But regardless, you are Right. In the sense you can't argue nonduality, as it applies regardless, there not being separation and what really is can never be known.

@Consilience @Consilience great explanation. @Mafortu The answer can thus be yes, your illusion/reality can be a simulation from a duality stace. But something is running that simulation. And that simulation can be running in 1000 other instances of a simulations but at at some point the simulations end, and there is something greater, the one, oneness. From a non-duality stance it doesn't matter how the illusion/reality you are operating in is projected, it is still a projection, and if there is only the one, which there is with oneness, all those simulations are inside it/are a part of it, thus, the higher you, the one with that oneness, can never be within a simulation. That would if so meam that such a simulation has no origin and is not running on anything, and if so, can it be a simulation - no.

Stretch yourself into engaging in a conversation? What's the worst that can happen? Sometimes it doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

@7thLetter let's say that meditation would be a feminine practice, just for the sake of the conversation. How would that make you feel? Would that be a problem for you to engage in? What inside you would feel bad about it? And why?

Anger, apart from being a healty emotional impulse that calls out to you to take appropriate/healthy action, e.g. set outward boundaries when those are crossed, it also is a magnificently destructive coping skill. In other words, if there is something that we are consciously or unconsciously avoiding that we can't handle that is painful we can turn to anger to protect ourselves/ego from that negative feeling. That anger shuts down the circumstances in which our ego becomes vulnerable in respect to whatever the issue is. As the underlying issue can literally be anything and everything, overcoming it takes switching inward focus, finding and addressing that underlying cause. All of your examples are leading to introspection and understanding of your inner workings and hence engaging with that underlying cause.

This. But one of the great lessons to learn in life is to find answers and changes not externally - people, circumstance, objects etc - as it only leads to justifications and blame. E.g. "people are idiots", well no, they aren't, they are and function just like everyone else once you know them and they open up to how they really function. Instead look internally, find your own inner workings and how those play in with what you are trying to achieve, as it is within you that you have the power to create change. Take such a simple thing that it is not they that trigger you when they don't reply, it is you that allow (or choose) to get triggered, based on what emotions and thoughts of yours that are related to those kind of situations. Maybe you've repeated this so many times that it has become an emotional chafing and every time you re-live such a situation it become much more than trivial to you as it is like poking a finger into that pre-exising chafing which understandable is very sensitive. We typically have several such emotional chafings, some people have a lot and we know them as the victim personalities that react strongly against seemingly everything. The answers why this is sensitive are within you, as are the means to overcome those problems. Not with others, that is just a distraction that gets you nowhere. Switch focus from other to self. Do it with self-compassion, don't judge yourself, it only makes things worse. With that said, if they are looking to what you have to offer, and they likely don't answer because they don't see what's in it for them, turn that around onto yourself and into introspection. What is it you need from them and why is that so important? What are you trying to achieve? Whatever that is, it may come out as neediness, which isn't very attractive. Online messaging makes ignoring easy. Personal confrontation makes it harder for the recieving end to reject you/address their inner conflict, but it would still be toxic if you are operating out of neediness. Understanding yourself and letting go ultimately allows you to operate from another place than need and desire, and that is when the recieving end starts seeing somthing more interesting in you. Paradoxically, at that point you can "have it" but you no longer "need it", whatever that "it" is. That's a point where people all of a sudden might want to be around you to absorb some of your radiating energy. They desire something from you. Getting there isn't easy, it takes long, hard and self-honest introspection and practice.

Excerpt from the forum guidelines.

Just because women are generally speaking the oppressed gender, doesn't automatically mean that there are no men that are oppressed in some kind of situation/way. Some cases where women have the "upper hand" have already been mentioned here. Anywho, The Red Pill is an interesting documentary related to that subject. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3686998/

First stage of meditation is reaching access concentration. When you do the breath typically gets very shallow and then parts of the body can get numb, tingle and other things. For me my fingers typically feel like they're numb and point in strange directions. The breath can get so shallow that you feel like taking a deep breath, but don't. Ther may be invoulentary "gasps" for air, don't pay attention to it. Just stay with it, don't bother too much about what happens, it will disrupt your concentration and prevent you from moving on to deeper states where even more fun stuff happens.

I have been in therapy twice, first time I had no idea that I needed it and circumstances got me there - it was an eye-opener to something that I had never seen about myself. It was only two sessions but it was the start of unraveling myself. Life changing. The second was at a phase where I had explored "all my known limitations" but I felt confused as there was "nothing left" but something wasn't right. I went on my own initiative and it made me expose myself to most rooted and to me "known unknown", blindspot and limitation. The second time around was about 5-6 sessions and on to of that 12 x 3h group sessions/training in emotional responses. Life changing. Somehow before these I thought of therapy as admitting failure and a weakness, something to be ashamed of - in truth it is a strength and power to know when it's time to get some guidence into rearranging what you know so that you get better chance to assemble the pieces of your life puzzle that you've already figured out - which adds clarity. The outcome of therapy I think fully depend on you doing the work, not then therapist, they just guide you forward and into reasoning that is a blindspot to you.

So from your sense making, women are taking something that inherently belongs to men?

Knowing where you are dogmatic means you know where you are deliberatly unwilling to find out what you are missing, perspectives that you know probably will change you own perspective - not switch perspective but shift into a new, own perspective. That new perspective will allow you to have as stong action will/action logic as with your old perspective. The actions will only be different, more informed and hence more powerful. That is self-actualization developmental growth, new greater understanding and new stronger ways to interact with the world in which you operate.

"It" is black & white only if "we" are black & white. It is one thing to be dogmatic by choice, but it is a real strength to know our dogmas. Question is, if we know we are being dogmatic, can we stay dogmatic?

And maybe that's the thing, it coming out as a smirk rather than a full blown grin while playing it fully. Have you caught yourself getting passionate in a conversation as you speak, you speak faster, louder, with more emotion. Then catch yourself in that moment and go "oops, wow got a bit carried away/passionate there"? While being passionate (high) feels great, reasoning isn't at the top of its game. I even think I recall some older videos of Leo's where he gets passionate and he catches himself in the moment.

@Nivsch I don't say it must but entertain that thought. Or the other way around, by reducing the lows, the highs don't show in the same form as before. By the way, childen are typically fluctuating with more spontaneity than we grown ups do. We're repressed in a way that children haven't "learned" yet. Repressed emotions come out with power.. With passion. Some people are fluctuating very rapidly between crazy highs and horrifying lows, some for no apparent reason. We would call them mentally instable and they are very unpredictable in their behavior, it is like a lottery which version you get and if you got the high version, you don't get surprised if tears of joy all of a sudden are tears of misery or furious rage. Being very reactive to emotional signals. That's an extreme of course. And this is wild speculation, as this is about Leo and not anyone else. When becoming less reactive to your emotions... that can be the percieved effect.

What if being very passionate comes with high highs and low lows and when reaching equanimity those sine wave like fluctuations gets levelled out in such a way that happy might not manifest as "looking super joyful" but you are in fact much more at peace - a truer form of happiness? Where Leos state of mind is - who knows.

It doesn't have to be black or white, one stance where you can take action is to notice that the debate itself is toxic and seeing that there are toxicity/downsides to both sides of that coin. Assuming the "gray" in the color scheme could be e.g. to step in and help moderate the conversation in such a way that it allows for a more nuanced and healthy debate. No need to pick sides, if two sides fight/compete then it implies that one side will win, while it is better off reaching a collaboration that produces something new, somthing better, maybe parts of the old, the good stuff, but maybe needing to let go of something for the greater good. Where there is a winning side there are also losers. That goes for the feminist debate, it goes for the immigration debate as well as for the gender binary/non-binary debate and so on. We're slowly moving towars a future where we will greatly benefit from adopting, not a male, not a female nor something inbetween those, but a mere human perspective where - in this case gender is only some functional traits, women bear children, men have (generally) more muscle mass. A woman that does not want to have children and maybe have great muscle mass at the same time as holding qualities that fulfill the requirements of a given task is as much suited for that task as any other human being. The empathic, slender man that embraces his feminine side may prefer to embrace what would be seen traditionally female. All with no judgement. Pausing and exploring what makes up our current stance, regardless of side we have consciously or unconsciously chosen - or being somewhere inbetween for whatever reasons - could help us to pick up on where we have our own dogma. It is only within ourselves we can change the world, by seeing and being who we can in order to influence the world in a positive way.

I have a hard time to say what books have influenced me the most, I read (listen) quite a lot and a lot of books that I consume overlap or deal with the same underlying psychology (most of it ~the same in the end) but from different prespectives, theoretically or pragmatically (being written by someone who went through a crisis in a particular way). This turned out semi OT, but I might as well see it through. With that said, I look at books as blocks of LEGO, the individual blocks may not look like much, it is hard to point out your favorote blocl, it is not often that the piece that look the coolest is the one that helps you combine and produce amazing structures and so on. Also, the sum is greater than the books you've read. Reading is like an art, a function; outcome = func(current_flow, current_inspiration, book_content) and in a good flow state a not that an amazing book can flick your strings and produce chords that in the end create something beautiful. That means, for me, it is more important to feel/know when the best time is to read what, like being the conductor of a symphonic orchestra, leading yourself into greatness